Hellboy is Harambemus Prime!?

 Wait a minute... the Bumblebee sequel will have Maximals? As in Beast Wars Maximals!? What the Hell is going on here!? And Ron Perlman will voice Optimus Primal!? Shame that they didn't get Garry Chalk for that role...

But seriously, we're getting Beast Wars? I don't know what to say because I expected this worse to happen in Earth prehistory not in modern era. Also how are we going to deal with the Maximals being human sized with the Autobots being big? The good news were Beast Wars fans is that this might lead to more Beast Wars toys being available. Well there is a second bit of good news: Michael Bay is not involved in this.

I wonder how the Trukk not munkky will take this. It would have been cool if we could have gotten many of the voice actors from the cartoon to voice the characters once again. At least Ron Perlman us Optimus primal will not start like the Netflix version of Optimus Pwimal. Appawently the guy who played Zeus in Altewed Beast plays Pwimal hewe.

MMPR Ultimates: I'm skipping this one

 The figures don't look bad but I simply can't bite the bullet. I'm still debating whether or not I'll start Silverhawks (and I'm leaning more towards skipping them too) and with Power Rangers breathing down Silverhawks's necks it's a bit too much and too close together...

If I left it at that, I would have a decent argument. But the problem is that these fogires are BETTER AND WORSE than the cjeaper Hasbro alternative. 

I already own all six Mighty Morphin Rangers from Hasbro and I have also both green ranger versions and the White Ranger. Not to mention Lord Zedd Rita and Goldar. These Super7 versions look OK, but not $55 OK. 

Sure we get lots of hands, extra heads and lots of accessories, but the MOTUC articulation is detrimental for Power Rangers. These figures need double hinged elbows and knees. Also, Yellow is a 2-in-one figure. That means you need to spend $110 on her in order to have both Trini and Aisha. I suppose that Jason, Kimberly, and Zack will be the same with Rocky, Adam, and Katherine. Not to mention that Jason and Zack should be getting power Shields and Alternate arms like Tommy, since both have used the Dragonzord armor. But the biggest dick move in history is adding an army builder on a five figure wave... $55 Putty Patrollers that you'll need 12 of them as a minimum. (6 Rita Putties and 6 Zedd Putties) That's $660 on Putties.

I wish Super 7 good luck on this endeavor but sadly these guys aren't for me.

Toyguru should stop spreading doom and gloom regarding MOTU.

 Before I start, I need to make a point. Yes, I have shared posts where I'm very critical of Mattel and used colorful language to point out their problematic and pernicious aspects. No, I have never been an employee if Mattel, nor have done any freelance work for them. This is very important, because it makes my opinions less biased than those from a former brand manager. His stint at Mattel is a double edged sword. While some people see his views as better, because of insider knowledge, othwrs see his views as the mad ravings of a disgruntled ex-employee. When he posts a video rambling about the possibility of Mattel losing rights to MOTU in the next 2 years, he's creating chaos. When he speculates that Mattel will cancel origins this year because of Masterverse, he's spreading discord. Because of his past position, his opinions hace a bit more weight and far larger audience than a blogger with 20 readers (one of them being Toyguru himself... ohai Scott!)

He's been out of the game for roughly half a decade. Things HAVE CHANGED since he was a player. Right now his speculation and theories are being harmful to the brand he claims to love. Hell, this is the 5th or 6th rewrite of this topic... which I've toned down for the sake of "being less negative" the first draft was called "@#$% you Toyguru", the third was called "Toyguru is MOTU Poison"... which are a bit more shocking for the sake of clicks, but more dishonest. While normally, I ramble in an exaggerated manner, now it's not the time. 

Right now we're on an era where misinformation rules. We got sites like wegotthiscovered that makenshit up and spread it for views. It seems that Toyguru is copying this approach and is inadvertently creating the same environment that HE claimed killed Mattycollector. If a blog that reaches 20 people, one of them being Toyguru himself, killed Mattycollector; imagine the damage a YouTube channel from a former Mattel Brand Manager reaching thousands of people COULD DO. 

IF he truly cared about MOTU, he would delete all the negative videos from his channel and use his position in the community to spread the love for the brand... but what do I know? I'm just an asshole with a blog.

Top 20 Figures that I hope we can get "Classicized" in Masterverse

 With pictures and reviews of Masterverse Revelation wave 1, I got bacl to thinking about Classics. Sure they have less articulation than Masterverse, but I have Zero Masterverse and 100+ Classics.

I won't pad out the list with the missing New Adventures characters. But I want those as well.

Melaktha

It's a MOTU Themed list, of course my favorite Archeologist is going to be in it. (I should finish that custom I have in the back burner...)

Lt. Andra

I'm refering to the CLASSIC version of Andra, where she's a ginger, not the Revelation Ginger Erasure variant.

Sortech

I know he's a weird choice, but "the father of Eternian Tech" is not that odd, since I've mentioned him a few times. Combining MOTUC and the Revelation lankier bodies, a weird creation COULD Happen.

Songster

You know I have been campaigning for him for quite some time.

Mendor

Despite being a host for King Hsss in the DC Comic, having an official medic is a nice addition to the lineup.

Illumina

I wanted her before she killed Neitlich's avatar. That is an added bonus.

Kothos

The mighty wizard who forced Evil Lyn to work with Teela. Main villain from the iconic filmation episode the witch and the warrior...

Zalesian Princess Evil Lyn:

Or, a true 200X Evil Lyn who isn't wearing Teela's Clothes.

Captain Teela:

Basically Teela in Royal Guard Uniform. It's weird that Duncan has to wear a modified Palace Guard uniform while Teela runs in a white swimsuit.

Bounty Hunter Tri-Klops

First Mini Comic Appearance of Tri-Klops. It was a bit of a dick move to propose it for Origins when he was very desired in Classics.

Chimera

Marzo had a lackey in Filmation... he's pretty lonely in MOTUC. Let us fix that.

Slime pit Mutant

Army builder for Skeletor and the closest thing to an undead creature in MOTU... Scareglow is a ghost.

King Miro

He completes the Royal Family. While I have a Miro head made by Ibentmymanthing,  we need Miro.

Castle Grayskull armored suit

If Oranges got one, we need one for Classics AND they can rerelease the Spirit of Castle Grayskull as well.

Garn

This Gladiator from the mini-comics or Filmation would go well with He-Man and Lodar (depending on the version made)

Skeleteen

We have Dare and we need his "Skeletor"...

Otherwise, I wouldn't ask for him.

Netflix She-Ra 

Yes, I hate the show, but MOTUC covers ALL ERAS and that includes that shitshow...

Netflix Catra

For the sake of balance, nothing more.

Netflix He-Man 

I'm talking about the CGI version with He-Man looking like a Double Dragon Reject.

Netflix Skeletor

Again, CGI series, blah blah blah balance.

I know this list is similar to past lists, but I added the new Netflix versions for the sake of truly being all encompassing.

I wouldn't say no to a Classicized Revelation cast, but He-Man and Skeletor are too similar to their vanilla MOTUC counterparts...

Skeletor would be MOTUC Skeletor with a slightly repainted loincloth and Keldor cape.

Revelation He-Man would be a He-Man repaint with new harness and left forearm.

The point of me repeating these is because "SOMEONE at Mattel reads my blog" and since they value my input so much that "I was able to bring down Mattycollector" then my list can help them get some MOTUC stuff done in Masterverse. 

Odds and ends June 27, 2021: Spider-Man, Ghost of Tsushima and stuff.

 Seems that Ghost of Tsushima is getting an expansion. Ghost of Ikishima is the alleged name of the expansion. The setting is Ikishima, an Island Northeast of Tsushima. Apparently, the game doesn't require you to own Ghost of Tsushima to play it, but you should totally get Ghost of Tsushima if you haven't. 

So far there is very little info regarding the game... other than it might be a bit on the shorter end of the spectrum. As long as the gameplay is solid and expands on the things from Tsushima, it might be a decent intermission for the Ghost of... Series.  Personally, I hope that Sakai Jin is not involved at all. New Island, new Ghost as things should be.

Did you know that I Like Ben Reilly? I've mentioned it a few times, but it's true... Nownit seems Marvel wants my money beacause they're making Spider-Man Beyond... Spike, No!

For a moment there I thought you were gonna put the Eric Matthews Batman intro.

Basically, Ben Reilly is back in an actual Spider-Man suit... not as Scarlet Spider, but as Spider-Man. I don't know if Peter is out of the picture or what's going on, but Ben Reilly as Spider-Man can be a good thing... Hell, I'd like to see Peter, Ben, and Kaine kicking ass together as a Spider-trio... but we must wait and see what's going on.

NECA dropped this video

It's a teaser for the Goliath Figure and if you watch the video, there is a teaser for the next figure in the line... Demona. 

To be honest, with the only FYE in Puerto Rico closing, now it'll be a lot harder for me to get NECA stuff...

McFarlane NEEDS to get rid of his Bat-obsession.

 So far ALL 2-PACKS have had a Batman theme

ARKHAM games Batman vs Joker

Red Hood vs Nightwing

Flash vs Red Death (a Flash-Batman hybrid)

Hal Jordan vs Dawnbreaker (a GL Batman)

Superman vs Devastator (Doomsday Batman)

While Nightwing and Red Hood aren't Batman, they are members of the Bat Family.

Now here's how these Two Packs would've been more appealing to people who aren't reading Dark Knights Metal, or don't want repeats of non-baf Batman variants just to get the other characters. Problem is that most of these packs are just redos with a different head. So, we need to make them more appealing:

Arkham 2 pack and the Red Hood vs Nightwing pack don't need changes. I'M Looking at the other three:

Flash vs Reverse Flash:

This one is ridiculously obvious. A Flash vs. Gorilla Grodd to pack could work but it doesn't have the same Flair matching Flash versus Reverse Flash because Grodd is not Flash's "mirror image".

Green Lantern vs. Sinestro:

Again it's an obvious choice and since both characters haven't had previous releases, this makes the 2-Pack twice as enticing.

Superman vs Doomsday:

Why use the Batman themed imitation when you can use original? 

This doesn't change the fact that the two packs are still enticing and they are free of flying vermin... if Todd still wants to do something with Batman we can go for a very classic 2 back that is simply repaint and maybe some alternate sculpted parts:

Knightfall: Batman vs Bane

Bane requires new lower legs, forearms, hands, and head. Of course he'd be repainted in classic colors. Batman would be a repaint of the vanilla Batman. Add a special base to recreate the Breaking the Bat pose.

Or, how about a special "Batcave 2-pack"

Batman (with interchangeable heads) and Alfred.

While Alfred would require new tooling some of it could be reused for other characters like Riddler, and other suit wearing folk. 

The base would be a semi-flat "Batcomputer" and a "bat-chair" for Batman to sit on and have his cape drape over the back. The idea is to have McFarlane delivering the toughest part for a Batcave Diorama, the Batcomputer. Making a cave backdrop is easy. Mayne add some accessories for Alfred like a teapot and cup and a shotgun.

Or if a Batman needes to be released fighting a Green Lantern, then Guy Gardner is your, uh, guy...

Hell, a Red Robin vs Robin 2 pack would be interesting. You get a variation of Damian (thinking hood up outfit) vs Red Robin. You complete the Bat Family and have a 2-PACK to balance the Red Hood vs Nightwing pack. 

I'm mentioning Bat-stuff because that's  what makes Todd's pee-pee hard.

They can easily make Superman 2 packs:

You have Superman, Supergirl, Steel, Suoerboy, Eradicator, Cyborg Superman, Luthor, Zod, Brainiac, Lois Lane, and Jimmy Olsen, Doomsday, Mr. Mxyzptkl, Parasite... etc. The point is to stop with the Batman

1990 movie Oroku Saki vs Hamato Yoshi 2pack will be a Walmart exclusive.

 While the movie stuff has been MOSTLY Walmart exclusive, I kinda hope that we can get the option to order them from NECA because Walmart can be a bit iffy with their exclusive items. To this day, I never saw the pinball set. I got the Shredder through eBay.

This set looks pretty cool...

You can have both Yoshi and Saki wearing their full uniforms or have them go shirtless! They didn't HAVE TO DO THIS, but I'm glad they did...

And yes, the fear of NECA QC is creeping around the back of my head. Supposedly, near August is the release date for these.

It came from the Toy Chest: In Brightest Day, in Blackest Night...

 No evil shall Escape my sight. Let those who worship evil's might, beware my power Green Lantern's light!! I'm talking about the one who is not a pedophile not a graphic artist nor a joke... but one of the many Green Lanterns that have guarded sector 2814... I'm talking about John Stewart... to get the Halpedo I need to get a Green Lantern Batman. I don't want to, but I'll have to... goddammit, Todd!

So, John Stewart: an Architect/USMC veteran who became a Lantern. Most casual fans know him from the Justice League Animated series. John's background in architecture and the USMC has given him enough mental fortitude and enough understanding in practical design that he's one of the two best Green Lanterns at using constructs. The other is, of course, Kyle Rayner. Normally, I go for the Halpedo, but I also happen to like John as a Lantern... also I didn't have to get a Batman to get John.

Batman: I see you brought A Lantern... John was a good choice, though I would've preferred Gardner...
Flash: So you would knock him with one punch? Wait, does that make you a One Punch Batman?
Nightwing: I understood that reference!
Batgirl: Nice move there, Barry! Bringing a third member to even uo the score. Now no one can break any ties and nothing will get done!
Arrow: Nice to have you back, Dig!
GL: For the last time, I'm NOT DIGGLE!!

Articulation 

John has a decent range of articulation. He can pull off many cool poses and as a flying character it makes me wish he had a flight stand.

4.5

Paint and sculpt:

Since this is a comic book figure, the sculptors at McFarlane are ablento capture a decent likeness of John... He reminds me of someone and it's  not David Ramsey.

Paintwise, it does a decent job. The blacks have different shades. The greens have a couole of shades and aren't muted like a CW Archer.

5.0

Flash: Anyone who likes to eat pussy is part of Team Arrow!
GL: The most recent pussy I ate tasted like fried chicken...
Flash: Wait, that sounds a bit stereotypical with you being, well, black! OH! YOU MEANT HAWKGIRL! My N... brother from another mother and father!
Arrow: If I ate the Canary Sisters, can I use the fried chicken reference?
Nightwing: The second to last one I ate tasted like Coriander...
Batgirl: Was that furing our break up?
Nightwing: Yes... 
Batgirl: Um, I kinda ate Tamaranean Coriander when we broke up...
Nightwing: So, Threesome?
Batman: CAN YOU GUYS ACTUALLY STOP IT WITH THE CUNNILINGUS THING!? IT'S GETTING OLD!! I DON'T EAT PUSSY!! DON'T LIKE IT! NEVER TRIED IT!!
Arrow: Don't knock it till you try it!
Batman: do you like being shot by a Desert Eagle point blank in the face!? Don't knock it till you try it, Oliver Queef!
GL: So this is what the League does when Kal-El and Diana of Themyscira aren't home? Looks like the Guardians of Oa are calling...

Accessories 

The usual stand and card that I rarely mention.

Lantern constructs:

Ammo Backpack

Chest Armor

Gattling gun

The Gatling gun is a bit weird says Green Lantern constructs cannot kill living beings. It looks cool and it's something that John would do but they are missing the most important Green Lantern accessory:

The Power Battery.

4.0

Imagine if McFarlane made Metal Gear Solid figures... with modern articulation!

Overall

John gets a 4.5 as his final score. He's a really well-made figure that would have benefited from a flying stand and the power battery. Other than that I actually have no complaints with the figure. I'm having as much fun as I did with Batman and this is a welcome change from McFarlane's early 2000 toys.

MOTU Revelation: another rant...

 I wasn't planning on making a MOTU rant, but after having a LONG conversation with my Cousin's* husband, the convo was able to shake me to my core.

*= Same cousin who collected She-Ra back when we were kids and I had to sneak around to play Proper She-Ra with her dolls.

As "the He-Man guy" in the Family he came to me with questions regarding MOTU Revelation and the rumors. So, I tried to the best of my abilities to explain what was going on with the rumors and that they should be taken with a grain of salt. That he should wait until the series shows up on July 23rd and hope for the best. Yes, I did explain my over the top reaction towards Andra's race change. But since he's a casual he was like who? We kept going and near the end of that topic, he made me a question:

What would happen to MOTU if Revelation fails?

That was the question that shook me to my core.

We all know there is a LOT riding on Revelation... But what if it fails? The first thing I thought of was the doom and gloom about it being the final MOTU iteration in my lifetime... but at the same time, MOTU bounced back from the 1987 movie... with New Adventures, despite not being "as popular as the original" was able to last 2 seasons and 4 waves of toys. Then we had a small period of radio silence that 200X ended and after Mattel blunders killed 200X it was 4 years until MOTUC brought He-Man back with a vengeance... and it was MOTUC that brought He-Man back into comics and after Mattel made a certain narcissistic liar* quit, they had a small hiatus until Oranges and now Masterverse and Revelation. 

*=That's the guy who calls himself Toyguru and an avid reader of this blog.

Which brings me back to the whole "Revelation failing" thing. Mattel, despite blundering their way with MOTU as a whole, can easily bounce back... 

If the New He-Man for kids is successful there's no need for Classic He-Man.

Mattel has an Ace in the hole with the CGI He-Man series. While yes, they want Revelation to do good, because our Nostalgia consuming means more money in their pockets, we're dying out. The younger OG fans are close to 40 years old. The Barbarian Sword and Sorcery Elements are, sadly not as popular as they were back then. The key for He-Man's success is connecting to children. After Big Jim died out, Mattel still tried to bring back the brand with Max Steel who literally became Big Jim's son. Not to mention that Mattel was so invested in Max Steel that even a Live Action movie was made... and Max Steel wasn't as popular as 80s He-Man. 

So, Revelation failing is not the real issue. The real issue is if BOTH Revelation AND the CGI series with a steampunk pseudo anime retro future fantasy vibe version fail. 

*IF* Revelation fails it's not the end of the world. Our Nostalgia bucks don't require a present day cartoon, so Mattel can throw us a bone every now and then. I HOPE that Revelation doesn't fail and that the series for kids still works as a decent MOTU despite the genre/stylistic changes. If new CGI He-Man fails, then that will be the beginning of the end for He-Man.

It came from the Toy Chest: Batman won't eat her...

 

Because of Happy Meals... I mean DC wants to sell toys and they believe that Batman doing cunnilingus would lower the sales of toys. Roughly a year after The Move, I got a bunch of DC Collectibles figures. Remember the badly articulated Supes, Bats, and Aquaman? Well I have bought a Catwoman as well based on the Arkham games. After the disappointment she was left in her box for garden until the whole Batman doesn't do cunnilingus debacle. I remembered her existence so I dug her up and was lucky to find her so here's the review:

Selina Kyle is a cat burglar and Thorn on Gotham's side. Sometimes she's an ally sometimes an enemy of Batman. No their lovers and Batman doesn't go down on her.

Catwoman: I gave you a happy ending, now where's mine?
Batman: I would do anything for love, but I won't do that...
Catwoman: Why not?
Batman: Heroes don't stimulate their partners' genitalia orally. Can you picture Superman doing that? You can't because Superman does not eat pussy!
Superman: I just heard my name, is there something wrong here?
Catwoman: Your friend here won't eat my pussy...
Superman: Well, this looks like a job for Superman!
Batman: Wait! YOU!? EAT PUSSY!?
Superman: AND ASS!! 

Articulation 

Selina Kyle has decent articulation on paper. The execution leaves a lot to be desired. Her legs do whatever the hell they want. You tried to put her in a sitting position and she moves the other leg to standing position. Her arms have a bit of limited range which is bad because she has a whip and she needs a great arm articulation to properly display her with the whip.

3.0

Catwoman: Oh... no... I have been... detained by... the world's smartest detective! He could take... advantage... of the situation...
 Batman: Selina, what are you doing?
Batgirl: Isn't it obvious? Kitty wants to be bathed and wants you to lick her clean!
Nightwing: FINISH HER! FINISH HER!
Batman: I'm  not going to kill her! One rule and all that...
Nightwing: EAT HER OUT! EAT HER OUT!
Batgirl: LICK HER CLEAN! LICK HER CLEAN!
Catwoman: Goddammit Bruce! Don't  make me call him.
Batman: Screw you guys! I'M GOING HOME!

Paint and sculpt 

I cannot complain here. DC collectibles usually does a great job in this department. She does look like the ingame representation of Catwoman and most of the paint is applied flawlessly no huge visible on her.

5.0

Batman: So, Selina, had some Super fun with Clark?
Catwoman: It would've been better if it had been you...
Batman: I don't do THAT!! ALFRED! TELL HER THAT CUNNILINGUS IS WRONG!
Alfred (VO): I'm  sorry, Master Bruce, I cannot do that, because it's one of the best things in life! You are so much like Master Thomas in that matter. But at least Master Thomas paid me to do what he couldn't...

Accessories 

4 extra hands

2 whips

I can't complain about the accessories because they are reasonable for a figure under $15 at the time.

5.0

Overall 

Catwoman gets a 4.33 as her final score. They are seeking Elation issue really hurt her a bit and she might be a bit too short to be displayed with the McFarlane DC Universe... bard of the Todd finally decides to make a Catwoman she lacked us a decent placeholder figure.

Most wanted GI Joe characters for the Classified line

 I've been slowly getting some GI Joe Classified figures... currently have Scarlett, Roadblock, Cobra Commander, Pimp Daddy Profit Director Destro, Zartan, Baron Bludd... waiting for BBTS to get Duke added to my Pile of Loot. And they're growing on me. Kinda want to get another Bootleg Figma Solid Snake to Frankenstein a Solid, uh Solid Snake to display with the Joes... but here's a list of GI Joe Classified figures that I'd like to see:

Remember to use yojoe.com as a visual reference guide. Because it's the same visual reference guide that I'm using.

~Serpentor

The genetically engineered Supreme Cobra Leader is a must have. Especially with his v1 form... personally, I'd make a new version by combining elements of v1 with v4.

~Shipwreck

My favorite Joe. My dream version would be an upscale v13 with a removable life best based on V10.

~Baroness

Basically a single carded tribute to V2 of the Baroness. Since we already have a baroness figure we could really use that set of molds to make the v2 repaint. 

~Tomax and Xamot

I mention both characters as one since they are literally the same figure but with a few pieces reversed. I'll suggest V6 as the main base since it's an updated version of V1.

~Sgt. Slaughter 

I'm not sure off the current legal status of Sergeant Slaughter. Valaverse is making one for their Action Force line. Supposedly, those figures are "Marvel Legends compatible" in scale and style... Slaughter seems to be older here than how he was in his GI Joe era. So, a GI Joe Era Slaughter would be nice. Here I have no issues on which version they make. I can akways paint the USA tanktop black if needed.

~Mindbender

The Chief Cobra Scientist is a necessity, especially if Serpentor is around. A modernized version of v1 would be optimal.

~Spirit Ironknife

I know he's controversial because "stereotypes", but he's a fan favorite character. An updated version of the first Spirit would be my preference, but since that look could be considered as "a borderline racist caricature", then a figure based on Spirit Ironknife v6 in Spirit v1 colors would be a reasonable compromise.

~Quick Kick

A combination of both V2 and V3 would make a fire much better Quick Kick, than sticking to just one figure.

~Wild Bill

A combo of v2 and v12 would be optimal. But I'm leaning more towards an updated v2.

~Blowtorch 

Basically an updated version of v1, but adding a very special accessory

~Bazooka

An updated version of v1 would be nice.

~Golobulus

Why not?

It came from the Toy Chest: Really, her dad didn't know!?

 

I'm talking about Commissioner Gordon and his daughter, Barbara, being Batgirl. Yes I'm aware that recently they retconned this and now he has always known. I call bullshit on that.

Nowadays it feels like Barbara isn't even trying to hide that she's Batgirl. Which brings us to this toy:

Domino Mask with pointy "batman ears" and her hair flowing everywhere. Which leaves her DNA all over town. 

Articulation 

Babs has a decent range of articulation. Acrobatic poses are mostly doable. Her cape doesn't hinder the articulation that much.

4.0

Paint and sculpt:

Well I'm not fond of this look for Batgirl, mostly because her face is barely covered, the sculpt captures this version perfectly. The paint job is pretty good I can't seem to find any sloppiness on her... unless I zoom in on some yellow areas.

4.5

Accessories 

Grappling gun with the grappling hook being fired

Batarang

I kind of wish she had gotten a second head with a more classic cowl. I blame the stupid build a Batmobile for her lacking accessories.

3.5

Overall

Batgirl gets a 4.0 as her final score. I think she would have scored a bit higher if she had gotten some extra accessories and had a slightly better articulation.

It uh, came FROM the, uh Toy CHEST, Toy Chest, uh *random Goldblum noises*

 It's supposed to be Jeff, uh GoldBLUM from uh, JurASSic Park, uh Park! But to my luck the figure looks more like Legendary Salsa singer Hector Lavoe than it does Goldblum. Personal story, Jeff Goldblum and his character Ian Malcolm where the start of my adventures in cynicism. 

Ian Malcolm was the voice of Reason in Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park. He died in the book and thanks to Jeff Goldblum's popularity, Malcolm pulled off a Jesus and came back from the dead for the second book. Sadly, both the book AND accompanying movie weren't as good as the first...

I find it a bit small, but
it works for the joke...
Yes, I preemptively bought the gag shit
in case I ever got the Malcolm figure.

I'm going to say this a Jurassic Park series completely faithful to the book would be a great thing to have! But unto the figure.

Articulation 

Malcolm has OK-ish articulation on paper.

The execution leaves a lot to be desired. When you can't recreate the iconic Jeff Goldblum pose with a figure that clearly has the articulation to pull it off, you have failed as a toymaker, Mattel.

Single joint elbows, diaphragm ball joint with little range, double jointed knees that required the NECA rituals to get them moving, ankles with shit range...

3.0

Paint and sculpt 

The paint work is minimal but at least it's not sloppy. The sculpt is questionable like I mentioned before the figure doesn't look like Goldblum instead it looks more like Hector Lavoe. There are some angles where Goldblum's stubt double kinda shines through.

3.0

Accessories

I have V1 of Ian Malcolm... V2 has an added accessory, a communication device. (Don't have any pics of it, but it kinda looks like a cross between a walkie-talkie and Zack Morris's phone. What V1 has:

2 extra hands

Yellow stand, because "Amber" collection.

Flare

Glass of water with Hamon... (It means Ripples in Japanese. Not everything is a JoJo reference, you know?)

We could've used a second head without the glasses.

4.0

Overall

Malcolm gets a chaotic 3.33 as his final score... the score has infinite fractals as it keeps degenerating in a permanent .3333 repetition... Chaos Theory, bitches! The problems are the execution of the articulation and that the figure doesn't look like the character that it's supposed to be representing. But now that I have Malcolm and coming my way are Sattler and Hammond; I'm a bit too deep into this rabbit hole... and I'll try to get Nedry and Arnold... ah dammit! I need a bootleg Mafex Michael Jordan for the Nedry review...

Single Save File Bullshit...

 The recent news of a sequel to Breath of the Wild and a director's cut to Death Stranding kind of made me want to play those games again,(by those, I mean BotW, and MGSV, because fuck Death Stranding) but I don't want to delete my save file with the beaten game... well, tough luck! These games only have one save file and that's bullshit. Wanna play a new game? Well, say goodbye to the tens of hours wasted on your previous play-through... so you beat the game 99.5%? Tough shit, ma boyo! You started a new game and all that progress went down the toilet!

And no, downloading your 100MB+ save to a data storage outside of the console is NOT a solution. When I wanted to play a new game of MGSV I had to get the game on PS4... with BotW I got a Switch... seriously, this bullshit has to stop.  We should always have more than 1 manual save slot, period... 

I'm not asking for 20 save slots here. I'm asking for at least the most basic 3 save slots. That way I can come back what am I haven't played in years, dick around for a bit while I get my bearings and not ruin the main save file where I kicked so much ass in 2014. Modern games with a single save file are a load of bullshit. I shouldn't have to be pouring additional drives to the console to move saves around or remove SD card from the console; pop them in the PC in order to copy save files.

It Came from the toy chest: You laugh at my boner!? I'll show you how many boners The Joker can make

 

So, Todd McFarlane's DC Multiverse line has a villain available... as expected, it's THE Batman Villain. Joker has many origin stories, so I won't fall into that trap. Here's the basics: Clown, Criminal, essentially an Anti-Batman but with an unhealthy obsession with Batman.

Articulation 

Joker is kinda poseable. He can pull off most poses The Joker would, but his outfit limits some of the articulation. Kinda reminds me of a lanky Green Arrow but in Purple...

4.0

Paint and sculpt:

It's a McFarlane toy... aside the headsculpts, there is no way they fail here. It's a NU52 version... therefore weird teeth and face paint... but it's the Joker...

4.5

Batgirl: Wasn't it enough for you to get arrested last Week, Joker?
Joker: You wouldn't understand, Girl!!
Batgirl: Sexism, Joker? Really? This is the part that you pull your long revolver to compensate for your micropenis.
Joker: MY PENIS IS NOT SMALL! IT'S JUST ON THE LOWER END OF AVERAGE!
Batgirl: It's not fair that people laugh at your boner... especially sonce it's only 2 inches fully erect...
Nightwing:BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I DUNNO IF THERE'S JOKER TOXIN IN THE AIR BUT BWAHAHAHA! BUT NO WONDER HARLEY QUINN IS WITH POISON IVY... AT LEAST SHE KNOW HOW TO GO DOWN ON A WOMAN!!
Batman:....
Joker: Zip it Boy Blunder! Going down on women is icky!
Batman: You know it!

Accessories 

Death in the Family Crowbar

Batman 1989 Ridiculously long Revolver...

It's the Joker, how can you have so few accessories when he has tons of ridiculous weapons!?

2.0

Insert going down during her period joke here.
But seriously, why is DC afraid of Batman going down?

Overall

The Joker gets a pathetic 3.5 as his final score. I blame the lack of accessories for his lower score. I can't conceive that McFarland skip on giving him more accessories. At least an extra hand with the Joy Buzzer, his cane, or his mallet would've been a nice extra. Hell even Mattel figured out how to make a Joker with interchangeable flowers to have his Acid Flower... 

DC is being stupid for not letting Batman eat pussy... Now Todd, give us a Catwoman so I can make jokes about his inability to go down...

So, Super7 is going to make Xena

 So far is for the ReAction line. Xena and Gabrielle are the figures that are coming this September.

While this isn't certain, but the chances of us getting a 7 in Xena Warrior Princess line seem pretty good. If Super 7 got access to make 3 and 3/4 inch figures there is a possibility that they also got access to make 7 inch figures. Think about a 7in Xena Warrior Princess line... having He-Man,Conan,Ninja Turtles, Thundercats Silverhawks, and now Xena being all compatible sounds insane... and while it's pretty cool getting a Xena Warrior Princess toys, imagine if we could get Hercules as well...

I mentioned Hercules as well to pad out the line since both series overlapped characters.

Theoretical ultimates waves for Hercules and Xena:

Wave 1:

Xena (Xena WP version)

Gabrielle (XWP earlier seasons)

Joxer the Mighty

Ares

Wave 2:

Xena (Hercules TLJ version)

Hercules

Callisto

Zeus (with disembodied Hera eyes)

Wave 3:

Gabrielle (final season look)

Iolous

Salmoneus

Autolycus

Wave 4:

Xena (Samurai look)

Aphrodite

Caesar

Deianeira

These are the ones I can think of from the top of my head. The whole Hera eyes is a joke based on the rumors of Meg Foster not letting her likeness to be used for toys. The peacock eyes predate Foster's appearance as Hera. Sonce characters like Ares, Zeus, Aphrodite, Joxer, Autolycus, and Salmoneus appeared on both Hercules and Xena, it was easy to bring Hercules and Iolous to the line up. Adding Deianeira rounded things up to four waves. (And a 1990s Tawny Kitaen inmortalized in plastic sounds awesome... and this sounds very tacky and creepy since Kitaen died about a nonth ago...)

Final Fantasy VII Remake gets new ending on PS5

 And that's a load of bullshit. Once again, they're shortchanging the PS4 fans... especially those who literally bought a PS4 for this and Shenmue 3... and Street Fighter V... and all 3 ganes ended up being disappointing. Now in order to get the true real Final Fantasy 7 remake experience you need a PS5...

The ending is not something awful... you might say it's good and very true to FFVII's soul, even of the events are completely different to the True FFVII. Now the party is walking down to Kalm and hitch a ride with Chocobo Bill. The beauty is on the character interactions... we also get some Zack is alive bullshittery. My issue is hiding the "true ending" behind a port. Then there's the ending itself... the PS4 version ends up in a high note with the Party facing the open world. Now that high note ending is killed with this addition that points out the problems with this journey and ends up with the part walking unceremoniously towards Kalm as it begins to rain. This low note is what the beginning of FFVIIR part 2 should've been. Guess we'll now start with Colud's Flashback...

Nintendo wants my money:

 The sequel to Breath of the Wild is an obvious given...

but no... they didn't stop there.

Nintendo has an ace in the hole:

A brand new 2D Metroid game... Metroid Dread, aka Metroid 5...

Yes there are 5 Metroid games:

Metroid (or Zero Mission)

Return of Samus (or Samus Returns)

Super Metroid

Metroid Fusion

Now Metroid Dread makes 5... speaking of, here's a wild idea Nintendo: A Metroid collection with OG Metroid, OG Metroid II, Super Metroid, Zero Mission, and Samus Returns.

But wait, there's more...

How about a Victorian era Phoenix Wright tag teaming with a Sherlock Holmes ersatz?

Good thing we're not in no nut November...

Also, there's an enhanced version of Doki Doki Literature Club coming for the switch.

Wait, a new Metroid, a New Zelda, where is the new Mario game announcement? Please be Mario Maker 3...

Now if Startropics got some love...

GI Joe Classified made me realize something

 How cool it would be if we got a six inch line based on an Anti-Nuclear Warfare Tactical Espionage game...

Yeah, Bitches, I'm talking about Hasbro Tackling Metal Gear Solid. Sadly, the Metal Gears would have to be undersized and done through Haslab and they'd be expensive AF. 

Metal Gear Rex is 42.7 ft tall, 49.2 ft long and 37.7 ft wide. Converting it into 1/12 scale, MGRex is 3.56 feet tall, 4.1 ft long and 3.14 ft wide

Metal Gear Ray is 70.5 feet tall, 52.5 feet long, and 104 feet wide. Converting this to 1/12 scale makes Ray almost 5.88 ft tall, 4.75 ft long, and 8.67 ft wide.

These are highly unlikely to happen at true 1/12 scale. BUT forget the giant mecha for a moment... let's talk characters:

Snake, Grey Fox, Raiden, Meryl, Solidus, Ocelot, etc. Could you imagine having Grey Fox fighting Snake Eyes while Raiden fights Storm Shadow. Serpentor and Snake duking it out, while Liquid is fighting Duke. Vulcan Raven vs Roadblock... Having Cobra troopers being duped by the Cardboard Box trick... other than the god awful (in hindsight) McFarlane figures, no one in the west has tackled Metal Gear. Various companies in Japan have made attempts but multiples of scales and none of the figures are compatible with each other makes it hard to collect. Then there's also bootlegs to complicate things. But it would be interesting to see what Hasbro could do with MGS...

If you have your own gaming studio making your own game, how the hell can you release a Director's Cut!?

 The Zack Snyder of Videogames seems to be copying the Hideo Kojima of movies now. Since Mr. "You can't criticize me because my daughter killed herself" released his Director's cut of Justice League, Kojima is now releasing a Director's Cut of Death Stranding:

And since Kojima doesn't have access to the Pretentious Hallelujah, what did he do? Use the Cardboard Box crutch... a three-minute video reminding us that Kojima made far much better games back when he work for Konami. 

I'm honestly wondering why is there even a director's cut for Death Stranding? The game was made by Kojima Productions company made by hideo Kojima... the guy who directed Death Stranding. See where I'm going with this?

What did Hideo Kojima forced Hideo Kojima to leave in the cutting floor of the videogame that Hideo Kojima made for the studio that Hideo Kojima owns? This is not a case of mean old Konami interfering with Hideo Kojima. I don't mind if it was called Death Stranding DX, or Death Stranding +,  Death Stranding Chiral Edition, or Death Stranding Persistence to tell us that it's not a simple port, but a version with added features to enhance the Death Stranding experience. To call it a "Director's Cut" is insulting our intelligence, since the Director is also the head of the studio. In any case, anything left on the cutting room floor was a deliberate choice by the director.

Well, you know what? Fuck Zack Snyder, Fuck Death Stranding and Fuck Hideo Kojima! Shin Kikoho!!!

Another List of Marvel Legends

 I know that this topic is a bit of a crutch that I use whenever I'm "out of ideas" or I'm in between It Came from the toy chest reviews. To be honest, this one has been stweing for a few days. Specifically after Green repaint of Super Skrull Wave She-Hulk landed in my Pile of Loot.

This She-Hulk is a Jennifer Walters that Hulked out and is not wearing her traditional She-Hulk uniform... or her F4 outfit. So this list was born out of the desire to have a Jennifer Walters wearing the same outfit as She-Hulk...

So, I was thinking, what figure is wearing a similar outfit as Jenn? The answer was Mary Jane... So a reuse of the MJ body with a new head would give us Jennifer Walters.

Put her in a 2 pack with her cousin Bruce have some partially hulking out hands and heads for them and Boom! 

So, after this Two Pack let's see what figures that are NOT 90s Kaine, who I REALLY REALLY REHEHEHEALLY WANT can make this list....

The list already started and the first three slots were Jennifer Walters, Bruce Banner, and Kaine, fyi.

Toad

He's the main ToyBiz figure who hasn't been upgraded by Hasbro.

Classic Dr. Strange 

Hasbro has made Modern versions of him, but not his classic look.

Doombot 2 pack:

Technically speaking it's a Doombot and a Servo Guard 2 pack. The Doombot is basically Dr. DOOM with a new second head. The Servo Guard would have minimal new parts.

Bombastic Bagman

 He's literally a new head on the Pizza Spidey body. Feet are submariner's.

Mandarin

We NEED TO FIX THIS TOYBIZ MISTAKE ASAP!!

Tarantula

This figure was a mess when Hasbro first made him... we kinda need to get him fixed...

Shriek

We're slowly building a Maximum Carnage team, so let's add one of the missing 2.

Hammerhead

We need a true Hammerhead that is not Chameleon in disguise.

Trapster

The much better version of Paste Pot Pete would be a welcome addition

War Machine of Earth 30847

Yes, it's the repainted Modular Armor Iron Man... it's no secret that I have a soft spot for the Capcom fighting games and that I will try to sneak a reference to them every time I can. War Machine is no exception.

The Spot

This one is ridiculously easy to make and to my knowledge requires zero new parts.

Blacklash

Since the name Whiplash might have some legal issues, using the second name for the character is a valid option.

Doc Samson

Correcting past mistakes is part of this list and the previous release of Doc Samson NEEDS Correcting ASAP

Banshee

Correcting past mistakes, yadda yadda.

Alistaire Smythe

90s Ultimate Spider-Slayer form with wheelchair. Soft spot for 80s and 90s stuff still there, so this is the version I want and not the modern grey armored look.

Avalanche 

Rounds up the Brotherhood (aside the much needed Blob redo)

Wizard

The Fantastic Four have other villains that aren't Doctor DOOM... or the Skrulls.

Power Pack 4-pack

I just want them, OK... also, Katie would require a new body that could be reused for Valeria Richards and Gabby.

It came from the Toy Chest: Let's get sweaty while we groove!

 Why did I buy this Richard Simmons doll? I mean Clothed Action Figure... said the guy who has Hannah Montana dolls... and Twilight! I didn't forget those. So, Richard Simmons. What can I say? As a kid, I remembered him as the dude that got grannies sweaty... as an adult, it's pretty much the same. I wasn't one to watch his workout routines but what little I saw all I remember is the shorts the perm and the positive energy that he radiates when he got all those grannies all sweaty. If you're picturing sweaty grandmothers, my bad... honestly I would have preferred that this was a real figure and not what it is because it's compatible with nothing... aside the NECA Clothed Figures. Like say The Golden Girls which would have been perfect for this review but I was never able to find them and right now I'm not spending $120 for a joke picture in a toy review.

Articulation 

Mr. Simmons has a decent range of articulation. He has a ball joint at the torso and the arms are double jointed at the elbows and the articulation is similar to old-school Marvel Legends. Sadly the legs are a bit more limited with single knee articulation. They kinda remind me of Masters of the Universe classics. You could get away with this kind of articulation for Bob Ross but not with Richard Simmons. His whole shtick is exercises and if he can be that articulated then it's kind of pointless

4.0

Sweating with the Toitles!

Paint and sculpt

I hate that he has actual clothing made of fabric. While this is more convenient for NECA as they can reuse the body on random characters and thenall they have to do is make the clothes and head. The head sculpt is a stylized version of Richard Simmons. While the sculpt is a bit stylized it goes for a reasonable amount of realism to match the body. Unlike Super 7's Conan you can look at his face and immediately recognize Simmons.

4.5

Accessories 

Extra head.

That's it. For the life of me, I can't figure out anything else to give him. By amount pf accessories alone, he should be a 1.0, but the problem is that it wouldn't be fair.

4.0

Overall:

I don't like clothes figures because they are borderline dolls. I also collect dolls so it's not an issue about those being a key it's just that they break off the compatibility with everything else. Scale aside, it looks weird having Batman with a plastic cape and then Richard Simmons is wearing clothes made out of actual fabric. His final score is 4.17 if he was 7 inches and had sculpted clothing, he would've fared a lot better.

Toy odds and ends: MOTUC VS masterverse, Super7, and other stuff...

 Before I start, here's A "He-Man with pants" pic from the Conan figure:

The point of this picture is to showcase the compatibility elements between MOTUC and most of the Super7 Ultimates. See how cool this is, that you can mix and match between lines? 

Masterverse IS NOT MOTUC COMPATIBLE!! 

Saw this pic on Facebook and it seems that Masterverse are LARGER THAN MOTUC! I knew Battle Cat was bigger, but I didn't expect He-Man to be bigger... apparently, the head pegs are Origins compatible... this means that MOTUC might work with some slight dremeling... So, scale and Part Swapping have compatibility issues. 

But not all is lost: 

It seems that Harnesses CAN be swapped between Masterverse and MOTUC. Full armors may be a different story. This last pic might have given me some hope for Masterverse.

In my getting Conan and dealing with other stuff, this juicy bit of info fell through the cracks:

July will be when Thundercats wave 3 ships from China. That means that by August, Cheetara, Ssslythe, Jaga, and Captain Saltine American should begin to ship to customers. I didn't get Captain White guy.

Wave 2 should ship from China in August, so by September I'll be getting Mumm-Ra the everliving and Tygra. I didn't order the others.

Now if we could get an update on TMNT Wave 3, that would be tubular!

Apparently, the Eternian Palace Guard for Oranges is also available on Entertainment Earth. It was sold out on BBTS. If you want then get them asap before they sell out.

"Meurs, Monstre, tu n'appartiens pas à ce monde!" Doesn't have the same ring to it... Castlevania sequel set in France...

 Based on Rondo of Blood and Symphony of the Night. It involves Richter Belmont and Maria Renard during the French Revolution. Buuut wait a minute... if we're going with Rondo of Blood, will they have Maria being a tween? Then a time skip 4 years later so we can see Alucard back in SotN? Holy crap! Why do I feel that Rondo of Blood will be the first season so the finale has THE EPIC SHOWDOWN

Then move everything up with Symphony of the Night abridged... (no not that kind of abridged.)I mean shortened up to last 2-3 seasons.

I'm excited about this. Shame that we're either skipping Simon, or we're fucking up the timeline...