Part Of me is bummed by the delay. At the same time it gave me time to reflect.
Holy shit! The trailer looks awesome! It's mostly cutscenes with zero gameplay, but I like the world... wait... May 26... May 26 wait! Wasn't that when Ray Liotta died? Yup!
Fuck damn! That's either cruel, or genius!
I'm at a crossroads right now. Been dealing with depression, being tougher to manage. Getting a new therapist has been a bitch. I have been losing faith and many therapists suggest fonding religion. Even my old man, who I rarely speak to, is telling me to seek religion. I tried it, didn't work. I wish it did, so I tried again, different denomination, bared my heart nothing. Tried medication, side effects were too big to ignore. The idea of antidepressants is to not be depressed which lead to joining Waller's squad. NOTE: I Don't believe in the permanent solution to a temporary problem. It has nothing to do with afterlives that I am not convinced are real. Like it would be cool if I could see my Mom again, but she's gone. I'm dealing with that pain.
I mask the pain y rambling about games and toys, sometimes movies and books too! But Every day that passes, I'm one step closer to my game over... There are no continues, my friend.
I've run away from the idea of being a father and accepted that my accursed bloodline ends with me. Once I'm gone, my genes will no longer pollute this world. I feel like I'd love my offspring, but I would hate them far more than I'd love them. I KNOW that I would never be good enough of a father for them.
I'm broken beyond repair. If I hate myself, how could I love? I'm a nearly empty husk full of pain, sorrow, fear, fury... hoping for the end with little space for joy..
He's doing the Metal Gear Solid 3 Bosses Reference... He did an MGS1 reference too! This is Defcon 3 heading to 2!
I have to rely on my own mind creating pseudo Jiminies to keep myself from falling into despair. I hide behind toys and games in order to temporarily ward off my self loathing.
Thing is: with real world situations: games taking longer to be made, the current world politics and their adverse effects on the toy industry, George RR Martin taking his sweet slow ass time... it feels like I'm being weaned from anything that would help me cope with whatever the hell is my life substitute. Days go slow and fast at the same time. Each day feels like an eternity, but time is flying ridiculously fast. I was in my 20s when this blog started. Now I'm in my 40s.
GTA 6 is just the latest attempt at trying to recapture that sense of awe and wonder that GTA Vice City gave me back in college. My listening to all these station that plays 80s and 90s music; my collecting of toy lines Based on 80s and 90s properties; My buying of anthologies of 80s, 90s and early 2000s videogames; .My compulsion for watching old movies. All of this is me chasing a ghost. My lost innocence that I will never have, because I'm jaded by reality.
Religion isn't working for me, but isn't Nostalgia MY RELIGION from a certain point of view? Instead of dealing with my daddy issues, I hide behind fictional parents who can solve anything in 23 minutes... Brady, Micelli, Drummond, Winslow, Banks, Matthews, Warnimont, Tanner (the one with the Melmacian), Sinclair, Tanner (the one with Gladstone and Katsopolis) even Huxtable... even non parents like Belvedere or Feeny... Bob Barker, Mr. Wizard, and Bob Ross
Spending so much time behind TV has made me realize something... my own social anxiety that makes me try to be wacky and use awful attempts at self deprecating humor is just the failure of my latchkey childhood, where I chose fiction over reality. Like a more pathetic and less intrusive version of
The Cable Guy.
GTA6 is nothing more than a red herring in order for me to avoid pressing the actual issues... I hide from most social interactions. The thing is that I used to enjoy some of these social interactions. Now I avoid them like the plague and use my health and my job as excuses. I don't understand the logic behind it. But I know that it's depression that's causing me to act abnormally and avoid people. My social anxiety has gotten worse. It scares me, but I keep finding solace in toys and games. So I have a year to get the SSD Expansion for my PS5 and Ghost of Yotei might be what keeps me around until GTA6.
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