Barbie Movie... With Amy Schumer!?

Betcha that the tumbltards are moist about this... I'm seriously thinking:

but not in a good way...
Seriously? Amy Schumer? as BARBIE!?


OK, let's look at Barbie...

Notice something?
Now let's look at Amy Schumer...
Now do you see what I see?

Her physique matches Barbie's just like my fluffy ass matches He-Man's super ripped physique.

And her non-Barbie physique is what the movie will be about?

It's official, Mattel is allergic to making money if they're going to let Amy Schumer drag Barbie's name into the mud. Need I remind you that kids mocked the Fat Barbie doll?

The 35-year-old actress' character will be expelled from Barbieland for failing to live up to the perfection expected of its residents and will set off on a journey of self-discovery.
According to the Hollywood Reporter, the live-action movie will be a "contemporary spin on beauty, feminism, and identity".

Do I need to point out ALL THE THINGS WRONG IN THIS STATEMENT?
So, does this mean Barbie will be the villain, while Amy's character is the hero? Also, SONY, didn't you learn anything after Ghostfloppers? Also, Amy Schumer? Isn't she famous like for making jokes about how slutty she is? Like THAT IS WHO MATTEL WOULD LIKE TO HAVE AS THE FACE OF BARBIE? Seriously it's as ridiculous as Nintendo asking for Ron Jeremy to play Mario in a kids' movie. Not to mention that she's politically controversial... Something, something, she'd leave the USA if America elected the Racist Tribble living atop Donald Trump's head.

Also, Force-feeding Third Wave Feminism into movies is something the public does not want... Why does this reek of Amy Pascal... the idiot who killed Ghostbusters with that dick nozzle Paul Feig?

The movie does not have a director yet but Walter F. Parkes, Laurie MacDonald, and Amy Pascal will produce the film from a script written by Hilary Winston.

I KNEW IT!! Look, Legally Blonde is a Better Barbie Movie than this proposal, Down Periscope was a better "Battleship" movie THAN BATTLESHIP itself. Making this movie would hurt Mattel a lot... and possibly cause other Mattel Property movies to be shelved... and there is ONE IN PARTICULAR that I want to see... Treat the property with respect and the movie will be fondly remembered. Take a dump on the property and we get things like Dragon Ball: Evolution. (Just to mention one that it's not Feig's Bridesmaids with ghosts)