Depression and important dates

I have been dealing with depression for roughly 25 years. It exacerbated when my Mom passed away. I did spend some time dealing with it using professional help to the point wherr I still have depression, but I can function normally. This isn't a "cry for help" nor a "pity me for my depression" thing. This is me venting and coping with my depression, after watching Neon Genesis Evangelion so close to my birthday,  a date that now brings sadness, since the first person who wished me a Happy Birthday cannot do it anymore.

Birthdays, Holidays, they ring hollow to those wbo are numbed by depression. Right now, my Birthday feels more like a reminder that I'm closer to meet the Reaper than I was last year... I'm excited due to some cool sruff that is coming up after my Birthday. Noelle Stevenson's pop cultural appropriations of She-Ra is not one of those. But there is this ambivalence in my heart. There is the pain and sorrow of longing fir what I cannot have but at the same time there is a joy of living and hopes of what the futire may bring... But bith of these feelings are being drowned by a massive sheet of numbing indifference that is almost scary.

Any date that reminds me of a loss is another armor piercing stab that strikes the heart. But at the same time:

What, I hadn't made a MOTU, FF, KH, MGS reference and it was driving me mad!?

The thing is, that I had slipped on the mask, without noticing and being struck with pain, cracked open the mask and made me realize what was going on.
I can only find my strength at my weakest. Sounds cliched, I know. All I know is that I will stand up every time I fall. I will push through using my pain, my fear, my sorrow, my fury, my joy, until I reach the end... there I'll move my PS2 clock one week ahead and boom! Another MGS reference!

All jokes aside, this is a long ride with ups and downs, more downs than ups, but it's important to remember that help is available. There is no shame in acknowledging that you can't do it alone. If you feel like you've reached your breaking point, talk to a professional...
You ARE WORTH IT. You ARE NEEDED. You ARE IMPORTANT. You ARE VALUABLE.