Hideo Kojima can suck on my balls: a Death Stranding rant *language*

I played Death Stranding. As of the writing of this rant I beat the game. I mention this because the Kojima Cult (who only played a couple of MGS games) think he's a god and can do no wrong. I've been there with Snatcher, Policenauts, Metal Gear (with fan translations of the MSX ROMs), Boktai, Castlevania Lords of Shadow, etc... so yeah, over 20 years of experience with "a Hideo Kojima game"... This isn't my first rodeo with Hideo's pretentiousness.

The difference between those past games and Death Stranding is that DESPITE LIMITATIONS, the previois games were FUN, ENTERTAINING, AND ENJOYABLE... the things that make a game, well... a game!
The 8th definition of the word is dedicated to videogames... and it includes the word FUN, which can only be used with the term Death Stranding when the words "is not" are between "Stranding" and "fun".

The graphics are pretty to look at but that's the standard in a hideo Kojima game. We get to see way too much of Norman Reedus and his funky fetus... and pretty much everyone else in the class has 90% of the time shown as a hologram... or chirogram as they call them in the game.
Conan O'Brien, Guillermo del Toro, Dorito Pope, Jordan Vogt-Roberts, etc. Are pretty much all holograms in the game and it feels more like Hideo is patting himself on the back for meeting and working with them. It almost feels like Hideo is all: "ROOK AT ME I AM HANGING WITH CEREBRITIES!"
I know, That's racist! and all that, but I'm mocking Hideo's pretentiousness...

The story so far is pretty much a Hideo Kojima story. Zero subtlety, Predictable, full of Kojima's quirks, and with a Shyamalan twist so telegraphed that even Ray Charles could've seen it coming.
Seriously you get the usual Kojima bullshit here:
 pop culture references, contrived plot, criticism of American jingoism, government conspiracy, philosophical questions about Humanity, self, community, massive information dump near the end of the game, you know those things he has done better in past games.

The cult calls this story mind-blowing... it's not bad but it's not Hideo's best. The only way this game is mind-blowing is on how mind-numbingly boring it is... this story blows her mind if you haven't played some of Kojima's classics.
This so-called depth that this game supposedly has is as shallow as a kiddie pool. Pretty much every character is named after what they do or their significance to the game. Let's take Sam Porter Bridges or Sam strand as an example:
The guy who stalked to reconnect America is basically Named Sam Porter Bridges...
Porter: the guy who carries luggage
Bridges:  structures used to connect one point to another across an obstacle.
Sam, the luggage carrier that connects people across obstacles... So, so deep... now let's give him a fear of being touched by others because OH SO FUCKING DEEP!!
Steand is basically a bit oof rope. If you connect it with another rope you tie a knot... Subtlety has been raped to death with Hideo's 3 inches of DOOM!!  Thank goodness is the high point of the game.

 Gameplay is the weakest point of death stranding. it literally is go from point A to point B to deliver a package then return back to point A in order to go from point A to point C: lather, rinse, and repeat. I see you go through the story mode you get ways to improve your travels but they are not necessarily fun.  Eventually you get vehicles but there are rocks everywhere and even the tiniest Pebble can make your vehicle shake a lot and your cargo gets damaged. And there's dealing with terrorists and mules, who basically want to steal your cargo and your defense options are very limited.  Then you have the BTs...  basically basically dead people that want to toss you into a tar pit. You beat them by going menstruating female at them and soaking them in your blood...  or pee when you want to feel spicy!
Sure, you get vehicles later on, but there's rocks everywhere and a tiny pebble can make your vehicle jiggle more than the breasts of a Dead or Alive contestant.
They'll make you either loose packages or get them way too damaged.

Trekking from point A to point B can be pretty annoying and frustrating.  as you gather more cargo you will lose your balance a lot and the game turns into a torture that reaches QWOP levels of annoyance.  There is no enjoyment. The only reason I'm actually playing the game is just to see the ending.  The game feels more like a chore than a game. In fact there is not much other than delivery missions.

But: YoU aRe ToO dUmB tO UnDeRsTaNd DeAtH sTrAnDiNg! StIcK tO cAlL oF dUtY!!
Is the moronic replies from the cult when one criticizes the GAMEPLAY as DS's biggest problem.
Almost everything about death stranding is very simplistic. Even the plot is a simplistic as it Gets once you remove all the bloated oral diarrhea and Kojima pretentiousness.
Human perseverance good! Together we are stronger than alone! The bonds we make help us overcome obstacles. Stand tall, face your fears and push forward... That is the Human way!

 The so-called master piece story is basically a compilation of Hideo's greatest hits. Meaning of the gameplay elements feel like watered-down versions of metal gear solid 5 gameplay. A Rehash of the Liquid Ocelot fight and story ideas touched upon better in previous games.

As much as we can despise Konami,  they were a necessary evil.
 death stranding is to Hideo Kojima what the Phantom of Menace is to George Lucas...  and speaking of George Lucas, Kojima has the same problem that Lucas had in the prequel era: they were both surrounded by yes-men that were afraid to say NO to them.

I don't like Death Stranding and it's not that "I can't understand it"... it simply isn't this "mind-blowing masterpiece" that people claim it is. So, if Hideo thinks that I should play Call of Doody because I didn't like his Amazon Prime simulator, he can suck on my balls.