May 26, 2022

TMNT the dumb variants: the rant or is it the other other rant

At $55+ is KINDA hard to justify most of the "dumb variants" that the line has. Which is problematic since this line is MOSTLY variants.
I've even made up themed variants in the vein of a Playmates sub-line.
My issue is that many of these variants are wasted slots. Why would you get Spock Donatello and Mummy Raph, if the rest of the Trek and Universal monsters aren't guaranteed... Hell, let's use an existing variant: Metalhead Michelangelo... why get him if there is no Metalhead Leo, Metalhead Don, and Metalhead Raph?

Seriously? Farmer Turtles? Why!? I know that refreshing a few key characters is nice, but turtles, April, Splinter, Shredder, Rocksteady, and Bebop were the only figures getting variants. Where was the "Ronin Usagi"? A "Mirage Leatherhead"?  "Unmasked Casey Jones"? 
Or Job Interview Casey Jones... Why we never got this but Pancho Villa Mikey was a thing?
It took Playmates 30-ish years to make a Mirage Shredder for the vintage line.

But back to the main topic: the existing, dumb variants: Which would make me shell out some moolah?

A part of me would like the Sumo Turtles, but having all 4. I would plus them up with an extra bald head (the Sumo hairdo is weird on bald reptiles) extra hands are obvious, including a flat palm hand) Each Turtle would have the "Sumo version" of their weapons. The only reason I want them is to make them into the Adult versions of the TMNT... the AMNT. Long after Splinter and Shredder died, the AMNT slowed down with their Ninja/hero stuff and became acclimated to a "peaceful life". 
Their pizza and beer diet and their mutagenic nature caused their plastron to mutate. The coming of Shredder's daughter, Karai forced the Turtles back to the Ninja lifestyle.
(Here Business suit Casey would've worked as an older, more Mature Casey Jones who still does Vigilante stuff, but works an 8-5 office job.  Also, the April II figure would be a great Older April.  I can't believe I just made a reasonable excuse to validate the dumb Sumo Variants.

SuperMutants:
The ones from the infamous anime. I'm torn on these. The only one I can say I really want is the "Normal" Shredder... from the line. The dragon "Devil Shredder" form is not something I want. Speaking of things I don't want, the SuperMutants April is high on that list... sure her face is pretty, but she's flat.
 
April is supposed to have a decent rack... yes, I'm aware how creepy it sounds talking about cartoon breast sizes. But flat April looks kinda weird...
But I like her hat... dammit, now I'm torn on flat April... If she was made, I'd turn her into a new character...

 But going back to the SuperMutants. The redesigns are garbage. The turtles look like Wolverine. Rocksteady looks like a cross between Cell, a monster from La Blue Girl, and Rocksteady. Bebop looks like a gremlin that made love to 2012 Bebop... but these are a smidge better than the Jim Lee TMNT. Fuck the Jim Lee TMNT next to the farmer and trolls. 


I won't say no to Vacationing Foot Soldiers. Literally the same as normal Foot Soldiers with awappable heads (glasses and no glasses) and new cloth Hawaiian shirt. Maybe add some tongs and food as a nod to the cameo and justify the $55 pricetag for mostly a reissue of an army builder.

Like the SuperMutants wave, I'm only interested in the Metal Shredder.
While an animation error, the longer hair on Metal mutants OVA Aprol could be a nice extra for flat April. The Generic Ninja from the Metal Mutants OVA would be cool as well... yes, I'm aware that I'm drifting from the vintage toy dumb variants to variants and new characters from the Japanese OVAs... mostly because the OVAs were made to sell these toys. Honestly, I don't feel the Metal Turtles, because they feel like... Saint Seiya

The Muta Force Turtles are dumb in a good way, but they seem to be grossly out of scale. IF Super7 were to make them *in scale* with the rest of the line, each would be close to $200 due to the mech body being roughly Mon*Star sized AND requiring a $55 Turtle as a pilot. 

The Cyber Samurai Turtles are the bad kind of dumb. Basically the Turtles wearing a Japanese "Iron Man" exo suit that looks like TMNT characters had sex with a Megazord and somehow inherited Majinga Zetto's Rocket Punch!

I know what you're thinking: why haven't I touched music turtles, mutant military, sports turtles and other, turtles wearing human clothes variants... because they're Turtles wearing human clothes variants. Some are OK, others, not so much. My issue is that aside the first disguise wave, I only like random figures from the other waves and wouldn't want the entire wave... (if the figures were the original ultimates price of $35) I could ignore some duds, but at $55+ I have to be extra picky. 

Talking figures that won't talk are pointless. They're vanilla turtles with an oversized sewer backpack instead of a shell. Their accessories and heads are cool, but not $55 cool.

Something Similar can be said of the Storqge Shell Turtles. Their problem being modern artigulation and engineering could ruin the Storage shell Feature. The heads are cool though. Accessories are meh though. 

Like the storage shells, the head droppers are a meh variant. Unlike the storage shells, the heads here are meh as well. In order to replicate the Head "hiding" effect, a new basic body with removable necks are needed. Personally, I wouldn't want Super7 to waste resources here since the engineering wouldn't allow for a proper recreation of the feature.

The Wacky Action figures well, aside Splinter and Shredder, the other variants are too similar to the Vanilla releases. Right now at this moment, rekeasing figures too similar to the vanilla releases (Aside the army building Foot Soldier) would be a mistake. I want most of the Wacky Action figures, but right now they would be a bad idea. 

Maybe releasing an "upgrade pack" for each turtle with 3 heads, couple of hands, and the zany accessories from various vatiants could be an alternative. 

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