Short answer: It's not personal issues with the former writer of the current MOTU Canon, but issues with the writing itself.
Long answer: I've constantly stated that my main issue is the attempt to tell a huge story in such a small sized medium. The vintage Mini Comics Worked because they told a self-contained tale that showcased the character's abilities and a bit of their personality.
The index card sized Bio Box does not allow the writer to tell a huge story. You can't ask George R.R. Martin to tell the entirety of the Song of Ice and Fire on 42 Index Cards. Seven Novels of 300+ pages each are needed for him to tell that story.
The Bios should be about the Character who they are and what do they do. There is no space there to tell a small adventure story showcasing their abilities and personality.
Let's take our favorite ABSOLUTELY HETEROSEXUAL archer who is totally NOT GAY as an example.
Real Name:
Taking out the first sentence about Hordak helps fix the bio. Laziest fix ever. but let's try a bit harder.
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| That 'stache |
Real Name: Beau Flynn (Beau because it's French for handsome and it also sounds like BOW. Flynn as a nod to Errol Flynn, the actor who played the most Iconic Version of Robin Hood)
Right out of the bat I fixed the Kyle Reccula mistake. That allows him to be called BOW without having to go for the "nickname" overexplanation. Though the name BEAU means Handsome, Boyfriend and sounds like Bow. Seeing that Glimmer's name is Glimmer, Angella is Angella, Adora is Adora, Bow being Beau makes sense. It sounds similar enough and no need for justifying the name, unlike Frosta or Castaspella, whose codenames seem too odd to be real names.
It kinda seems that Kyle was picked at random. Then again, Neitlich had a super mega tight deadline (insert perverted joke here) to do all the bios. I could make a joke about Neitlich mistyping Reticle as Reccula to imply that Bow is the Rebellion's sniper, but I'm taking the high road (for once).
Let's try to redo the rest of the bio.
When Bright Moon fell to the Horde Invasion, Bow took it upon himself to protect Princess Glimmer from The Evil Horde invaders with his extraordinary archery skills. As the young Princess began to form The Great Rebellion, Bow became more involved with the Princess' cause. Using his myriad of specialized arrows to aid the helpless, Bow became one of the Horde's most wanted. Once he met Adora, he was smitten by her and vowed to protect her. The Magical Crystal heart embedded in his chest developed a connection to the Warrior She-Ra and it warns Bow whenever she or Adora is in danger.
It more or less says the same thing that Neitlich tried to state. I simply made it more about Bow. He's not a simple nobleman, but Glimmer's self-proclaimed bodyguard. He's also a founding member of the Rebellion and there is some progress in his character arc by stating that as the rebellion was forming, he was getting more involved. Which means that at first he might have not been so adamant to help the rebellion. I paint him as a hero that uses his arrows for justice and that the Horde sees him as a threat. The falling in love with Adora thing is there. The Heart beating for She-Ra is there. While I don't blatantly state the issue of him being unaware of Adora being She-Ra, it IS subtly implied with his Crystal Heart making a connection to She-Ra. It MAY know that both Adora and She-Ra are the same person, which makes sense for it to warn Bow whenever each of them is in danger, but Bow's feelings for Adora may cloud his judgement about Adora and She-Ra being the same person.
Incredibly enough this is one of the BETTER Bios by Neitlich... Let me see if I can find one that bothers to tell his tale instead of focusing on the Character... No, not Perfuma. That focuses solely on her, which is GOOD, but it CAN be interpreted in a very dark rapey way... Which is bad.
OK Goat man!
Real name: Klacky
A member of the G'hoat men from the Northern Mountains, Klacky's species is one of the only intelligent humanoid upright races that falls subjective to the hypnotic powers of the Beast Men. And like most of his species, Klacky was captured by the rulers of the Vine Jungle and simply called "Goat Man" by his beastly masters. Eventually he found himself in the services of Raqquill Rqazz and was forced to serve
Again: Real name? WTF? Apparently Klacky is Slovak for Gorgeous... What the Huh? Well, maybe he is gorgeous for his people.
The problem with his bio is that half of it is trying to fit in how a character from He-Man's era ends up in Dare's era. While the writer kinda makes it a personal story about Klacky's misadventure through his whole life, it's like HE WAS WOUNDED went to the future where He-Man is an old man and somehow Beastman found him and made him his bitch once again... How did Old Man Beastman
found Klacky? The point is that Half of the bio is trying to set up a convoluted story and half of that is barely dedicated to the character.
A member of the G'hoat men from the Northern Mountains, Klacky's species is one of the only intelligent humanoid upright races that falls subjective to the hypnotic powers of the Beast Men. It gives us a small background on the G'hoat men. They are effected by Beastman's animal control.
And like most of his species, Klacky was captured by the rulers of the Vine Jungle and simply called "Goat Man" by his beastly masters. It talks about Klacky, but it's still about the G'hoat men in general.
Eventually he found himself in the services of Raqquill Rqazz and was forced to serve in the Second Ultimate Battleground. So far we have: This is Goatman, his species can be forced into slavery by Beastman's species... Beastman made him his bitch.
Here he was severely wounded by Buzz-Off and left at the foot of Central Tower. Forced to serve in battle to get wounded without ANY significant accomplishments?
Crawling inside, Klacky fell into a time portal and was transported into the future, arriving on Eternia when King He-Man ruled the land and his son Dare wielded the Power Sword. This one sentence is the real culprit of the setting up the SoH part, which diminishes already what little we have with him.
Forced to serve an aging Beast Man in this new time, Goat Man is forever following whatever evil orders he is given. Once again he was Beastman's bitch.
Did we learn anything other than he only serves against his will?
But this is an example of what I was talking about. The Bios lose space to tell us about the Character and instead is wasted on a Story that can't be told properly in that medium. I KINDA see what Neitlich wanted to do with the story but the way it was told it left a lot of massive gaps that "Keep reading the bios" WILL NEVER ANSWER. (Why was Adam running around with a techno vest AND the Techno Sword to get the halves of the Power sword to use the power of Grayskull he already can use with the techno sword. Or how about who was wearing Spector's clothes to take Skelebaby to the future so he can become Skelechild, Skeletween, Skeleteen, and maybe Skeleadult... just to name two things.) Not understanding the medium you are writing to and trying to force a seven novel story into 42 index cards is a sign of bad writing.
But what about Bios not talking about the character in it?
Real Name: Uqquz’ Zekul-Mshqx
Realizing his pupil Keldor™ had no intention of releasing him from Despondos™, Hordak® merged him with an extra-dimensional being called Demo-Man™. While this saved Keldor’s life, it also drove him temporarily insane and convinced him to open a portal to Despondos™ and lead what he thought were “his people” to Eternia®. Hordak® intended to use this ruse as a means to escape once the portal was opened, but the new merged being “Skeletor®” was quickly defeated by Oo-larr™, the jungle He-Man®, and Hordak® remained trapped. Soon after, with the help of Evil-Lyn®, Skeletor® gained control of the powerful spirit inside of him, increasing his abilities ten-fold. He was now the true Overlord of Evil™ and one of the most dangerous men on Eternia®!
Demo-Man is an afterthought IN HIS OWN BIO... Not to mention his name being a bunch of random letters and apostrophes... seriously, try to pronounce: Uqquz’ Zekul-Mshqx. Everything else is Alcala Skeletor head Bio.
Now to bring this back to the New Writer(s) who are NOT Val Staples. (And I mean it as in: Val did not write the expanded MOTUC lore, and not as a joke that Val is writing them and pretending he is not.) They are still using the Neitlichisms that did MORE DAMAGE to the lore than good. Which means that the new writers are committing the same mistakes from the past.
The focus on:
-Shoving as many characters as possible into a small writing space
-Convoluting the Storyline even further to force in "Reissues". The ultimates only needed the Upper half of the bios that told you who they were and what they do. "The Classics Story Continues" is where everything goes down the crapper BECAUSE the undoing of Neitlichverse events is treated almost as bad as Marvel undid the Spider-Marriage. There are 2 Duncans AND Clamp Champ running about (guess now I know why he retired, since Duncan returned to his prime and is teamed up with Robo-Duncan or how I shall call him now Drum-Can) Dare is unneeded since He-Man and presumably She-Ra are back in their prime.
HOPEFULLY the NORMAL CLASSICS BIOS, which I sorely missed in 2016 (for mockery purposes and praise when the rare GOOD Bio showed up. If you wonder why I mention Mockery first read the upcoming quote carefully. It's from the Mosquitor Bio) will only focus on the character and not try to weave a tale that makes no sense.
Mosquitor moves in on his prey then stings them hard and sucks them dry.
Like say: Lodar having an encounter with the NOW REDUNDANT DARE since Slave City was an early adventure of He-Man.
What we truly needed was a timeline with the key moments and players involved. If new figures were made after the Timeline 1.0 was made, then a small annotation with key events where said character fought and a rough placement in the timeline... Like say:
-Great Unrest
Add the important battles here.
-Keldor's Betrayal after the defeat of Marzo
-Mystic Wall is erected and the Pax Randorica begins
small scale events during Pax Randorica
-Birth of the Twins and Kidnapping of Adora.
small scale events until the fall of the wall.
-Fall of the Wall
-Adam Becomes He-Man
series of small adventures like Diamond Ray of Disappearance Slave City, etc.
-Adam travels to Etheria and She-Ra is born.
That would allow you to fill in some blanks with upcoming characters, customs, etc. and make you THE Master of the Universe of Masters of the Universe.
I understand that when Neitlich came up with the MOTUC Canon he was throwing everything including the kitchen sink and hoping it all would stick in. He had a really tight deadline to do all this and that's why a lot of the bios feel rushed and awkward. This is mostly in part because he tried to tell a story that was ill suited for the medium. Had he gone instead with a who the character is, what can he or she do, who are his or her allies, the KISS approach. (Keep it simple, stupid) But He chose poorly. Nothing we can do about that. HOPEFULLY the new writer(s) will embrace simplicity to tell the EVEN NEWER Adventures of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.
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