Put on some glasses say something witty while We don't get fooled again plays in the background.

If you haven't gotten the (not so) subtle clues I have... *puts on sunglasses* a beef with Horatio Caine...
♪Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!♫


Ahhh! Horatio Caine... What I should start with? The Glasses? The one Liners? The Shatner-esque delivery?
Ok how about this: Horatio is a shatnerized and seagalized version of Gil Grissom.
Anyone remember Gil Grissom? The guy from CSI... The ORIGINAL CSI... the one in Las Vegas? Still nothing? Played by William Petersen... Ugh! I give up.


Yes Horatio is a more over the top version of Gil Grissom. Instead of the quirky nerdy appeal that Grissom had, Horatio has a more action oriented appeal and a couple of gimmicks.
Gimmicks? Yes Gimmicks:
Hands on hips stance, Glasses, Shatner-esque... overly dramatic pause with hints of overacting. ♪Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahh!!!♫
Those are David Caruso's gimmicks to keep Horatio "Interesting".

Also Horatio is a one liner hogger. In the Original CSI the other cast members (besides Grissom) had their chance with one liners... Especially Greg.

I mean Horatio is a former homicide detective, arson specialist, former bomb squad officer... Can we say Seagal much? He's actually not that relevant to the show. Honestly I just watch the first minute of CSI Miami and I'm already sick of the guy. (Though I love making Horatio impressions mostly because they're stupid.) I don't mind the rest of the cast though. It's HORATIO CAINE the one who grinds my gears.

I hate Season six's finale... It made me believe that Horatio was dead... I remember watching the promo and my mom was like: "Holy crap! They killed Horatio" Then I lied down on the floor like Horatio and said: "I'm not dead... I'm using an old Indian trick to see if there are horses nearby!!"

Unfortunately for me Horatio was alive and kicking. Meanwhile Th Original CSI is without Grissom... They have Morpheus in it, but... Morpheus is no Grissom... Last thing I saw with Laurence Fishburne in it was TMNT... (You thought I was going to say the Matrix since I mentioned Morpheus a few times didn't cha'?)He was the narrator and he started talking about the TMNT and it appears that he was high or something because he ended up telling us the story of some monsters and ancient Aztec generals and the movie went downhill from there...

and that is why I don't go to a day spa with an octopus. What? I was trying to see if changing the theme rapidly would make this rant more interesting...
Laurence Fishburne can do it... Oh well! Looks like... *takes off sunglasses* My time... has run out!