Flinging Pop Corn at the Chu Joes...

Yes! I'm doing a movie review! (I know I owe a few Twi-views but I need to deal with the Joes now...) Tackling GI Joe Retaliation. WARNING!! there will be Spoi-Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalers!!
(Bad pun, I know but I had to put in a Serpentor Reference.

Movie starts with a small recap of the last movie. We get a quickie mission to let you know the new Joes. (Cause Scarlett, Ripcord, Heavy Duty, and Breaker are MIA) Flint is the team's Loose cannon. The Rock and Channing Tatum have a better chemistry than Marlon Wayans and Channing Tatum... I can't believe I'm saying this, but their Chemistry (Duke and Roadblock) makes Channing Tatum's Duke likable... and it makes me forget at times that I'm watching a movie with the Male Megan Fox. But that Mouse kid... I've seen him somewhere...


Duke sucks at videogames... and SURPRISE BEST PONY CAMEO!!

Channing Tatum being assaulted with a Pinkie Pie...

I had to get that out of the way. BTW, the kid attacking Mr. Tatum here looks a lot like Skai Jackson from Jessie...

So, there's some sort of mission to retrieve some nukes. President Zartan... yes, Zartan is still the POTUS and the US uses the GI Joes to retrieve the nukes...

Subplot about President Zartan interrogating the REAL POTUS about the whereabouts of Cobra Commander and The Ninth Doc Destro.

Wait a minute! Zartan was already in power when that happened!? What's going on!?

Back on the Trap set up by President Zartan... Duke is killed put in a coma... OK he's dead for reals... I did scream NOOOOOO! He's on a @#$%ing Coma!! Now, the Joes are framed for a crime they didn't commit!

Mr. Overrated Joe is arrested and sent into a jail in Germany... but...

A Wild Storm Shadow appears! Who ends up captured...
Huh!? What's this!? Fireflies!? Wait... Cobra's favorite Saboteur: Firefly uses Robotic Fireflies!? For real!? Storm Shadow has a Cardiac Arrest...

So Firefly's fireflies are nanobombs... Cute! His entrance on the other hand? BAD ASS!!
Storm Shadow, Firefly and Darth Vader escape as The Overrated one watches in silence. Oh yeah, The Destro was left behind... We get Cobra Commander revealed and he looks like Cobra Commander should look!

We get our first glimpse at Jinx and the Blindmaster. Also we get a Miley Cyrus reference... First Ponies, Duke dies, then a Miley Reference... Did I write this movie?
So the Rock is setting up a new Joe HQ... to avenge Duke or something. Nerdy Jaye discovers that the President is a fake and we're set up to meet THE Joe Himself... Joseph Colton
We get a case of raining Ninja... in anticipation of Snake Eyes vs Storm Shadow 2 followed by the Rappelling ninja scene from the trailer...

Back to the Rockblock. They try to get proof on the Fake President and attempt to assassinate him if necessary. They fail on the assassination, but now they know it's Zartan. We get some Firefly action and we return to Mr. Overrated where he's on Storm Shadow's Ninja Trial...

In the Arashikage Justice System the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups. The Ninja who investigate crime and the Ninja who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.

doink! doink!

So, Storm Shadow puts 1 and 1 together and Discovers that Zartan killed the Hardmaster... Now he helps the Joes, cause Revenge on Imhotep... Holy crap! I just realized that The Rock and Arnold Volsloo are in this movie...

I think I just Haku Machente'd my brains!

So, the Joes reunite with their living Comrades and Storm Shadow who warns them about the summit... His exact words are

One thing that's bugging me about this movie... No one has said it at all...

Where's the YO JOE!!! in here!? That's their Battle cry! Noooo! Instead we get the Hoo-ah! Which is OK for the real world armed forces, not GI Joe!

So the Joes go for the final showdown (until the Sequel) Flint and Snake Eyes do the quiet Infiltration thing, Joe and Jaye doe some nice driving and shooting. The Rock, blows Hiss tanks and Storm Shadow gets Ninja Justice.
The Rock saves the day... Which should be obvious because the Joes are supposed to win and The Rock is playing the main character.

I purposely left out the details of the plot.

Now where do I start to review this? It felt MORE Like a GI Joe movie than the Rise of Cobra. It had a couple of plotholes and leaping gaps in logic. So if Cobra Commander was imprisoned all along, why is he the leader and how did he come up with a plan, execute it WHILE he was in that Underground cell? The plot while crazy, it made a bit more sense than the Nanomite plot from the previous movie. Something felt off... but not in a good way. I can blame the flaws of the story on the writers. for a self proclaimed Joe fan it had some more Joe-esque stuff than the first movie, but I cannot forgive the lack of Yo Joe!

The Movie is OK (Way better than Transformers Revenge of the Fallen... I will not see that movie ever again, not even if you pay me!!) but did not blow me away. I must admit that the Ninja Scenes were beautiful, but I'm having my doubts on Chu as a director to tackle MOTU...