Movie review double feature Jumanji 2 and Wolverine's Circus of Musically gifted mutants

Welcome to the Jungle, We got one Jo Bro, we also have Nacho Libre facing off The Rock... Something something Amy Pond and Kevin Hart being Kevin Hart... This movie is to Jumanji What Creed is to Rocky. It's a sequel, but feels like a reboot. I was expecting a turd, to be honest... A children's movie with The Rock and Jack Black? Had flashbacks of The Game Plan, The Tooth Fairy and Nacho Libre... School of Rock was decent enough to get a pass. Nacho needed a bit of an oomph to actually pass.

So, how do we begin to review Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (we had to pay GnR a ton of cash to use the title and song)

Let's go back to the 90s where a kid playing Twisted Metal received the game. He ignores it and it transformation into an Atari game with 32-bit Sprite graphics... And that's where the movie lost me. I can accept a videogames swallowing people (Captain N the Game Master has groomed me well) but an Atari having Sega Saturn graphics... Nuh uh! Flash forward to 2016-17 where 4 average kids filling out the group of teens that need to learn a lesson about themselves and about friendship cliches... The jock, the nerd, the princess and the basket case...No Bender this time.
So Breakfast Club 2.0 is swallowed by the game and the Nerd becomes The Rock, the Jock becomes Kevin Hart, the Princess becomes Jack Black, and the Basket Case becomes Amy Pond channelling Lara Croft.
They get through the usual Jumanji antics, but now Videogame themed and they find the missing fifth player who is now a Jonas Brother.
We get two tributes to Robin Williams. One is a blink and you miss it picture of Williams, the other is another hint cementing the fact that this is a sequel.
At the end rah rah friendship and all that, but it's a rehash of the first movie... WHICH IS TO BE EXPECTED, SINCE JUMANJI'S PLOT FORCES SIMILAR CIRCUMSTANCES FOR THE PLAYERS TO REACT TO. Expecting something different to Jumanji is as ridiculous as expecting riveting drama from backdoor virgins number 8. (Not sure if that's a real porn title)
I mean this is the "third" Jumanji movie... If we count Zathura as a "sequel" to Jumanji.

So, the movie retreads a familiar territory. Some of the humor is what saves the movie... Especially Jack Black playing a Teenage girl trapped inside Black's body. On a close second I'd say The Rock playing a nerd trapped inside The Great One's body. On a slightly distant third, I'd place Kevin Hart playing annoying obnoxious black guy. Sadly, Karen Gillian is just eye candy... Sexy Pond Eye Candy.

The Greatest Showman is a Musical...
A Musical with Zac Efron and Zendaya... By 20th Century Fox... Now a Disney Company... We also have Hugh Jackman in another Musical... Hmmm maybe if we offer him to make a Wolverine: the Musical he would return? Did I mention I'm not a fan of musicals? Zac Efron Made me grow tired of Musicals... Thanks to his High School antics.

So, Musical hatred aside, it's basically P.T. Barnum Begins. Sadly, they only touch the Circus and Jenny Kind aspects, not going into the debunker of mediums, or his Political career.

One thing that bugged me a lot about the movie.

Listen to that awesome song... Now did you catch it? They managed to sneak in that cancerous song that once again put Puerto Rico on the spotlight...
I get what they were trying to do by mixing modern sounds with old timey settings, but WHY DID THEY USED THAT ANNOYING SONG?

looks like I'll have to wait until March 13!? to see The Disaster Artist...

In any case both movies were enjoyable, but I'd probably choose The Greatest Showman over Jumanji because it's slightly different and fresher than retreading Jumanji One more time.