Samson: or how the Bible understood He-Man better than SONY.

I went there. Sony's inability to "get" He-Man is showing badly... So badly that this Biblical movie felt more MOTU-ESQUE than I expected.

Normally, I don't do Biblical movies... Last one I watched was a pirated copy of the Passion of the Christ. It was for a class and the movie had left the theaters and it hadn't been released on DVD... That professor wanted us to fail, or to become Luffy... You were expecting a Pond Chicken reference?

So, Samson... Last time I read about Samson was somewhere between 87-89 the period where I was being weaned from MOTU. In part to the religious morons who claimed that He-Man was Satan's handiwork. So, I was presented with a Bible for kids. Samson was like the biggest badass for me as a kid, since he was like the Poor Man's He-Man. And this is the part where certain people of faith have an issue with this description. I'm trying to channel what Kid me thought back then. Had I been as knowledgeable of English back then, I would've had a lot of immature giggling fits with the whole

And Samson said, With the jawbone of an ass, heaps upon heaps, with the jaw of an ass have I slain a thousand men.

He said "ass". Again, channelling Kid me here.  Now back to the movie.
Samson is played by a dude who looks like a Jacob Black... Or Sharkboy if you follow the House of Rants... Oh no, Mr. Lautner, we will remember the Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl FOREVER!!
THE bad guy, Prince Rallah, had this Twilight vampire vibe to me... Guess what? He WAS A TWIPIRE AND A MEMBER OF THE CULLEN COVEN... Jasper... Freaking Jasper...

As in I overreacted to a paper cut Jasper.

His father is none other than The ghost who walks...

Samson's dad was played by Rutger Hauer and his mom was The Bionic Woman herself, Lindsay Wagner.

Reviews for this movie have not been kind.
For the religious folks, the movie deviates A LOT FROM THE BIBLE.
For the secular folks, the acting is on extremes. Some find some of the actors Overacting (I'LL give you a hint... Both play Philistines. One of them could manipulate emotions in a room. The other was a massive cuck inside a ship that sank.)
Others couldn't act their way out of a wet paper bag. I'm talking about you, Samson.

The CG was bad at times. Not PS2 graphics bad, but noticeable enough that would break the suspension of disbelief.

But DESPITE all that, the movie is enjoyable.
It's NOT SUPER PREACHY about the religious beliefs, although they are there and take a prominent role in the story... I have to admit that every time that Samson prayed for strength, my Brain Translated it to: "By the Power of Grayskull" and when Samson layeth the Smackdown, my brain went with:

And the scene where he kills a thousand men with the jaw of an ass, that was the most MOTU thing I'VE seen this side of 300.
And the dude kinda looks like a cross between the vintage toy and Filmation He-Man.

Sadly, his acting isn't that great...
Now I'm not sure if the movie was ACTUALLY good, or if my brain adding MOTU to it made it enjoyable...
What a conundrum!!!

But now to bring it to MOTU and why SONY should pay attention.
There were Loincloth and barbaric clothing in this thing. DO NOT SHY AWAY FROM THE BARBARIC ELEMENTS OF MOTU. Tech is important to MOTU, SINCE IT SEPARATES IT FROM GENERIC BARBARIC MOVIES, but you can't overplay technology, otherwise it becomes a Star Wars clone or a lame Flash Gordon clone. Samson using his fists and the jawbone of an ass felt very Pre-Filmation MOTU. (Replace the assbone with a battle axe)  You can showcase He-Man's strength with under skeleton warriors maybe reanimated by using slime from the ancient Horde Slime Pits... Or something.