According to the GI Joe intro, The Joes are against Cobra the Enemy... but a more obscure version of the intro says: it's GI Joe against Cobra and Destro fighting to save the day. And for that reason I'm tackling Cobra Commander and Destro... Profit Director version since Normal Destro has been a pain in the ass to find.
Cobra Commander: Supreme Leader of Cobra until Serpentor takes over. Usually He is a man with a plan... but in some cases he WASS A MAN!! BUT ISSS NOW A SSSNAKE!! Now let's avoid touching the DiC bullshit...
Wait... Where's the lame Robotic armor for Cobra Commander? (Which despite being lame I want a Classified version) also, look at the evil scary hood!!
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| CC: Desssstro!? Where do you think you're going? Destro: I told you, Cobra Commandah! I'm going on vacation this Week! CC: But I HAVE PLANSSS!! Destro: I do not work for Cobra. I only get paid for supplying weapons to you, Cobra Commandah! |
Back on track: Cobra Commander is the leader of Cobra a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world.
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| CC: I have TONSSS of Money, Desssstro!! Don't leave me!! Destro: I have no need for money right now, in fact check what I'm doing to these $10,000 right now! CC: You're burning money, Desssstro!? What the Hell!? Won't you sssstay for a Turkey Dinner with me? Destro: I'm sorry, Cobra Commandah, but I have some prior engagements to attend... |
Destro, aka James McCullen the 24th Destro: The current leader of the McCullen Clan, hailing from Scotland, the McCullen Patriarch was forced to wear an iron mask as a mark of shame for selling weapons to both sides in the English Civil War. The McCullens took it as a mark of honor and became Destro, the Man you needed whenever you need the Best Weapons. The current Destro is the owner of M.A.R.S. one of the Top Weapon Manufacturers in the world. One of his regular customers (maybe the biggest) is Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world. The Profit Director version of Destro is a nod to an old variant of him nicknamed Pimp Daddy Destro, due to his garish attire. He apparently started as a joke idea that went too far and development and some figures leaked out. Now that Destro is a part of history. This figure commemorates that.
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| CC: What can be more important than a Turkey Dinner with friendsss? Baroness: Practicing Dragon! CC: Dragon? Destro: Draggin' Deez Nutz on the Baroness's face! |
Articulation
Both Cobra Commander and Destro have Articulation similar to Marvel Legends. They have a decent range and their outfits don't interfere as much as I expected. Cobra Commander's sheath and half cape can be a bit annoying.
4.5 for both.
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| Baroness (VO): Destro, aren't you coming here? Destro: Let me temporarily block the Commandah from social media. I don't want him spamming my posts asking us to return earliah! |
Paint and sculpt
These figures are Modern reinterpretations of the characters that are heavily inspired by previous toy versions.
Cobra Commander seems to be heavily inspired by both GI Joe Retaliation AND GI Joe Resolute. Destro is a Pimp Daddy Repaint of his original version. The paint work on these guys is really decent no visible slop or mishaps on mine.
5.0 for both.
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| Destro: I am the man with the golden gun... Baroness: Stop playing with your toys and let's play with mine! Destro: Don't rush me, woman! Let me get the prophylactic!! |
Accessories
Sadly, this is where Hasbro dropped the ball.
Sure, Destro has a Gun, Briefcase, Cape, burning money, and sunglasses, but he seriously needed extra hands. Making him hold the glasses, the money, and the briefcase is a pain in the ass. I feel like he could've benefitted from a couple more hands.
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| CC (VO): How DARE THEY SSSSEND ME thisss Lewd picture!? The Baronessssss looksss sssso sssshy, assss sssshe'ssss afraid of Desssstro'ssss trousssser SSSNAKE!!! Gah! He never told me the reassssson for hisssss gaudy attire! That Desssstro!!! He infuriatesssss me!! |
But if there's a character who is sorely missing accessories is Cobra Commander:
Let's talk about the elephant in the room, shall we? The Lack of a hooded head. I have a custom head coming my way that I'll have to paint. I shouldn't have to buy a third-party head, but since Hasbro is behaving like a bunch of pussies, I have to do what they won't.
Why doesn't he have additional hands mirroring his existing hands?
He can't slam his fist into his wide open hand because both are left hands. He can onl hold his gun or his sword, not both. He can only point at one person or aim his gun, not both. He cannot show exasperation because he only has one fist or one open hand and both are the same hand.
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| CC: One issss the loneliesssst number that you'll ever do. Two can be jusssst asss bad assss one... Cobra Trooper: Hail Cobra! M. Bludd: Crikey! His dulcet tones bring a bloody tear to my eye!! Zartan: Bravo, Cobra Commander! |
This is a GI Joe line and the figures are lacking accessories. I'm not saying give them a million weapons and hands, but give them enough to at least give me the option for dual wielding or for more dynamic posing. Or hands that can at least grab the accessories properly. These two could've used some expressive hands for more melodramatic poses (and in Destro's case to grope the Baroness)
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| CC: All of you were Lisssstening!? All: Yes! CC: Bludd! Who the Hell isss that guy sssstanding next to you!? M.Bludd: That's a Trooper, mate! CC: No! THE OTHER GUY!! M.Bludd: Sir, that's Zartan! He's Literally wearing Zartan's clothes. That disguise fools no one. Just like in that cartoon where the evil robot doppelganger of the protagonist is Blue and wears an orange armor from the main bad guy! It's bloddy ridiculous! Zartan: Your Mom is Bloody Ridiculous! CC: You! NEW GUY! What'ssss your name!? |
4.5 Destro
4.0 Cobra Commander
Overall
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| Zartan: It's me, Zartan!! CC: Holy crap! It really isss you! Zzzzartan! Want to sssstay for a Turkey Dinner? Zartan: Sure... why not... it's not like I have any Dreadnoks around to pull off heists!!! M.Bludd: What about me, Commander! CC: Pissss off, Bludd! You were inssssubordinate againssst your Commander! Trooper, take him away! Then join usss! Cobra Trooper: Sir, yes sir! CC: What the Hell wasss that? Thisss isssn't the Joesss!! Bludd take that traitor away! M. Bludd: Hail Cobra! CC: While you're out there make ssssure the twinssss don't bother ussss unlesssss they have the cranberry ssssauce! |
Cobra Commander on the other hand gets a 4.5 as his final score. The lack of accessories is the biggest culprit on his lower score. He could have benefitted from having a staff or that Infamous hooded head, but the lack of hands... ironically he's the only figure that I have from this line that has extra hands.
But there's a silver lining: Hasbro could release Battle Gear with generic weapons and accessories to boost up characters... Heck, some could be character specific, like say:
Battle Gear pack Duke: and have an extra Duke head with helmet, new weapons and accessories based on Duke variations of the same look. Like say the bandolier some versions of Duke have. For Cobra Commander, you get extra hands, his vintage style gun (like Supreme Ruler has, but in black) his Snake Scepter, a more Classic looking Helmet Head (or go crazy with the V4 Helmet in classic colors)
The Snake Eyes Gear Pack could have the Commando Snake Eyes and Arashikage heads with a different paintjob. Different blades for him to use, etc. But this is a foolish dream...
Almost as Silly as Hasbro working with Capcom for a compatible Street Fighter line...
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| CC: Who let M.Buffalo in!? Sssssshadaloo sssscum isssn't allowed to my Turkey Dinner!! Bison: You shall remember this day as the Day Bison graced your Terrordrome for a Turkey Dinner, but for me? It was Wednesday... CC: Nooo! You ruined the reference!! It'ssss Tuessssday! Not Wednesssssday!! Bison: But today is Wednesday, you incompetent excuse for a terrorist! CC: You ruined my dinner!! Bison: YES! YES! |
Update
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| FUUUUCK YOUUUU HASSSSSBRO!!! |
Cobra Commander's hood was obtained through a fan-made third party cast. In my case,
StarWarsGeek Customs provided the unpaintwd head. The shitty paintjob is all me. Despite having Navy Blue available, I went with Cobalt Blue, because I like his hood to be a bit lighter than his navy blue suit.
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