As I'm walking home from the cinema after watching Mortal Kombat 2021 I have thoughts. Social distancing measures birthday again and there were only six people at the showing, with me sitting the furthest from all people. Funny thing is that the guys at the cinema had closed all seats in the row I usually sit on except for my usual seat... I have been using the same seat long before the pandemic started.
I wish I could say that it sucked. Sadly it didn't suck. I wish I could say it was awesome. Sadly it wasn't. It exists... and that's the best thing I can say about it without going on a long-winded rant on how Annihilation levels of bad this movie is.
Having Fatalities and gore a good Mortal Kombat movie does not make. The main problem with this movie is that it's a try-hard. It tries way too hard to be serious and edgy, but it ignores the inherent silliness within Mortal Kombat. Jax's cyber arms are the epitome of ridiculousness that this movie takes super seriously. They were built by monks in a cave and they begin as rudimentary mechanical prosthetics and they look Wimpy! Wimpy! Wimpy! They get Hefty! Hefty! Hefty! By magic... It is ridiculously stupid to have the US using top secret prototype robotics on Jax, but Magic Monks gave him Magical Robotic Arms in a freaking Cave... powered by the magical MK Logo brand.
Fuck Cole Young with a rusty Kunai!!
Nothing personal against Lewis Tan, but Cole Young is a shitty character that was unnecessary for the movie. The Protagonist of Mortal Kombat is Liu Kang. Why the fuck is Liu Kang acting like a fucking Sidekick in Mortal Kombat!! Also, it takes nearly 30 minutes for Liu Kang to show up... Roughly a bit after the 90 minute mark, Scorpion shows up at the end of the movie to fight Sub-zero, because Dull Ass Cole Young needs help from his great great great grandpappy to beat the evil ice man. All the talk about the Tournament, yet Shang Tsung bypasses everything about the tournament. He starts pulling expendable warriors out of his ass and none of them make sense in the context of "first movie".
This movie takes all the worst elements of a Zack Snyder movie and applies them to Mortal Kombat
Mileena is wasted, since she dies and the whole Kitana Klone Angle is unexplored. Nitara is brought in just to become Cannon Fodder. Same thing as General Reiko. Kabal's ties with Kano are pulled out of their asses. Looks like the Director, who it seems THIS is his first "big movie" will have to take a page out of Zack Snyder's handbook and explain everything he left out in interviews. Also 3 people have writing credits... one if them is the writer of Netflix Death Note 2, the other is one of the 3 writers for WW84.
BuT iS rAtEd R aNd HaS GoRe AnD tHe FaTaLiTiEs!
Adding Gold Flecks to a turd doesn't change the fact that it's a turd. It has some pretty bits, but it's still a turd. Unlike Zack Snyder movies, the only times I looked at my watch were when Liu Kang and Scorpion first show up.
Sure the effects are a lot better than the 1995 movie, but the story is as coherent as ANNIHILATION. The performances seem to be sponsored by Valium. Nearly everyone seems to be bored out of their fucking minds while performing. The sole exception is the guy playing Kano. As much as I hated the fact that Johnny Cage wasn't in this movie, after watching it I'm glad he wasn't in it.
Personally, I'm sticking with Paul Weak Sauce Anderson's PG-13 Mortal Kombat... despite the limitations of the time and rating it's the superior Mortal Kombat movie. Don't waste money at the cinema for this movie. If you already paid for HBO Max then watch it there. If you don't have those options, I wouldn't recommend...Don't waste bandwith on it... only watch it if you can do it for free.
So, what is my final veredict?
It's mediocre, mostly bad, but not so bad that it becomes good. It has a couple of good bits, but they aren't enough to cover for the bad...
The thing that pisses me off is that there was potential for a good MK movie, but it was wasted on Cole Young bullshit.
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