When you're an orphan. Sure, it sucks for kids who were abandoned by their mothers, but we're all in the same wagon. We don't have a mother to celebrate Mother's day with.
These past few weeks we got bombarded by Mother's day this, Mother's day that. It hurts like hell especially when I've forgotten her scent, and her voice... My brain has taken more of my Mom away from me. At least I have a few photos to see a phantom, since that's literally all I have to remember her.
As I live another day in penitence, I ask myself: Why am I still here? Just to suffer? Every day I feel my heart, my soul, the emptiness within. I can even feel the shards of my broken heart embedding themselves into the hole in my soul.
It hurts and the pain is almost unbearable, but I still keep going. I haven't paid for my sin. I probably never will until the Reaper swoops in and takes me in his cold embrace. Days like today, where I'm reminded of what I've lost REALLY SUCK!! The worst part is when I feel envy... envy of those who can hug their mothers and tell them how much they love them. I haven't been able to do so for 8 years. I HAVE TO LOOK AT PHOTOGRAPHS IN ORDER TO BE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE MY MOM!! Do you have any idea how messed up is that!? I've essentially forgotten the most important person in my life! I feel like I want to throw up... why is my brain betraying me!? Does this mean that Mother's day will become SUNDAY!?
I'M FORGETTING THE ONE PERSON I DON'T WANT TO FORGET!! I really hate this.
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