Jan 27, 2015

I need to rant about what I saw today...

I have to do something extraordinary, so I’m going to do the Fantastic Four!
So, let’s talk Marvel’s first family.
In 1994 Roger Corman, yes THAT Roger Corman made a Fantastic Four Movie:

I saw that movie in 2002 when I rented it from a small comic book store that dabbled in other things. The movie was in the “behind the curtain section” you know… where you could get a lot of Japanese items that could only leave the store in non-descriptive brown paper bags. Among the other Adult Animated movies (involving Japanese schoolgirls and tentacles), there was a single VHS on a Standard Maxell cardboard box. On it there was a piece of Masking tape with the words “Los Cuatro Fantásticos: La película ”. 3 hours later I was pleasantly surprised. It was a bad movie, but for a B-Movie, it was pretty good. (Not that the movie lasts three hours. It's the distance on foot between the Comic book store and my place followed by the movie's runtime.)

3 years later I got to see the First Official Fantastic Four Movie.

 I was mostly disappointed. I Loathed the plot (especially the part where they rip off Spider-Man’s Norman Osborn sub plot.) and Jessica Alba… How can I HATE Jessica Alba? It’s not easy. I don’t hate her per se. It’s just that she was horribly miscast as Sue Storm. They should have gone with Elisha Cuthbert (from 24) as the rumors before Ms. Alba was cast. I was a bit disappointed in Julian McMahon as Doom, but it mostly stemmed from the script being underwhelming. The only TRUE PERFECT choices in casting where Chris Evans as Johnny Storm and Michael Chiklis as Ben Grimm. I have to say that the trailer DID excite me enough to go to the cinema and watch it.

Then came Rise of the Silver Surfer and the less we talk about that movie, the better. Now we’re dealing with Chronicle 2: Now with Marvel Character names! As you can see from the previous sentence, I already have low hopes in the Josh Trank’s Fantastic Four. Then the casting choices were revealed…
I’m completely uncomfortable with Michael B. Jordan as the Human Torch. It seems very racist to have the black guy light himself on fire. It’s almost as if no one thought this through. I’ve nothing against Michael B. Jordan, as an actor. It’s just that having him play THAT SPECIFIC ROLE is a bit racist, because of the lighting himself on fire part. I could have accepted a Black Reed Richards, as the Leader of the group but , the casting people chose poorly.
Then having Doctor Doom be an angry Blogger pissed me off and sealed this movie as an unpolishable turd.
Now with that said, I’ve taken a look at the trailer…

I’m unimpressed. I watched it again and I got nothing.

I mean, the Morgan Freeman Wannabe narrator giving this super important speech about Humanity, with a bunch of images of the soon to be Fantastic In Name Only Four Chronicle 2. It almost seems as if they’re ASHAMED of showing the Fantastic Four and what they can do. It even depressed me a little bit. No sense of hope, wonder or adventure... the things that one should feel with a movie based on Marvel's First Family!! It's not there! I gotta say, I laughed at the mention of the whole: from the studio that brought you X-Men:DoFP... It's like they;re trying to make us forget that this is the very same studio that brought us: X-Men Origins: Wolverine, X-3: the Last Stand, Fantastic Four (2005) AND Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer! just sayin'!

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