Odds and ends August 11, 2023

 I'm not interested in watching Mutant Mayhem. No, it's not about Chubby Black Aprirma... It's more on how it has changed so much from it source material that I can't find it appealing. While yes I was raised with the Fred Wolf cartoon, I had read a few mirage issues. The 1990 movie is so far the closest thing to TMNT perfection. It was HEAVILY inspired by Mirage with a hint of Fred Wolf and no other movie has come close to it.

While I disagree with a lot of the design choices, the animation looks great. A more faithful adaptation of the Turtles could use beautiful animation like that. Getting teens to voice the Turtles seems like a nice idea on paper, but to me it feels more like "look at us, we're diverse!" I'd rather have professional Voice Actors in their early 20s that can sound young. Especially since animated sequels tend to take years and moght take even longer if there's an actors and writers strike.

But it's the changes... before any of the tumblrkin start whining about "racist fat-shaming man-child hates diversity" usual crap instead of offering an actual argument, read me out.

I'm not against change IF the change is good. I'm only against STUPID change. 

The Turtles NEED to be tied to the Foot. Their raison d'être is to avenge Hamato Yoshi by destroying Oroku Saki, leader of the foot. Whether Yoshi dies or is mutated into a rat, isn't a big departure from the theme of Turtles trained by Rat to avenge Yoshi. Even IDW with their dumbass Reincarnation change, still kept the Turtles, Hamato Yoshi, and The Foot closely tied. The Bay turdles and this movie distance themselves from Hamato Yoshi, with Jackie Chan being a mutated rat that learned martial arts because of agoraphobia and paranoia. So he started his own ninja death cult because he's afraid of going out. Buuuuuuuut, the Bay Turdles are still TIED to the Foot. I hate this movie for making me defend the Bay crap... Hell, THERE IS NO SHREDDER in here aside a cameo in the credits. What kind of bullshit is that!?

Baxter Stockman is wasted as a character. He is killed early on and is the reason why Ice Cube is angry. Biggest non-Foot villain of TMNT reduced to "Uncle Ben" status. Why did they change Baxter being Cronenberg-ed into the Baxterfly?

The rest of the Mutants that act as antagonists get a change of heart by the end of the movie and they all join together to fight the big boss monster bullshit. Did I mention that this is Bullshit, because this is bullshit! 

Turtles get a chance at being "normal" by the end of the movie and actually go to high school... DID ANY OF THE WRITERS ACTUALLY UNDERSTOOD THE POINT OF TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!? No, they didn't. The turtles are outcasts and like the X-Men of the past, they protect a world that fears and hates them for what they are... part of the appeal is the pathos of the teenaged turtles yearing for a normalcy they can never have. 

Then there's April in name only... Again, making her a peer of the Turtles is misunderstanding April. Splinter is the strict father figure, while April is the more lax mother figure, and Casey is the Loser Uncle that acts more like a cousin. Again, even the Bay Turdlrs understood this... dammit, movie, stop making me defend the Bay Crap!! This April is a non-horny Irma pretending to be April. She's a bit awkward and has anxiety barfing action. 

Fun fact: Apparently, Playmates or Nickelodeon are afraid of China...

Why is Chinese April White? Is the Chinese version of the movie edited to have a white April too?

I MAY watch it when it gets played to death at KMART's electronics department... oh wait! There are no KMARTs left in Puerto Rico! Guess I'll have to wait until someone forces me to watch it.

Gamers are mad at Rockstar for the Red Dead Redemption port... I understand PC players being mad because Rockstar ignored them. I understand being a bit salty for the $50 price tag. BUT after all the bullshit we went through with the GTA TRILOGY remasters, I'd rather just get a port than an attempt at a remaster that rendered the games unplayable until patches. It would've been amazing if Rockstar had truly remade RDR with the RDR2 engine and assets. But Rockstar has gotten lazy ever since GTAO lets them make easy money by doing Jack Shit.

If you supported GTA Online's predatory practices, it's your fault that we don't get gems like Undead Nightmare, Ballad of Gay Tony, or The Lost and The Damned. 

Gal Gadot pulled a Henry Cavill... First she claimed that James Gunn and Peter Saffran are going to work with her for Wonder Woman 3. Kinda like how Henry Cavill claimed he was coming back as Superman after The Rock played Black Rockzam... Well, 8 days later, this popped up.  The only way I can describe this is:

Thank you The Price is Right!