That ain't Karate, Kid!!

Ahhh! Where to start with the Abomination that is the Karate Kid Remake... Jackie Chan... I love Jackie! Somehow I won't bother with this movie until it's on Wal*Mart or rent it with one of those free rental coupons form Blockbuster or something... Why? well I think the movie is an abomination. Simple right?
No It's not simple. If I reduce it to its simplest terms here it is: I believe that this emake is a soulles cash in on the nostalgia factor from the old Karate Kid movies. Will Smith and Jada Pinkett are using it to shoehorn their kid as the next big thing and unfortunately the kid is not THAT good.

I'm gonna let the trailer speak for itself.
First we got this hip urban beat as BGM during the trailer. This screams: "Look at me! I'm Hip! From the streetz! Gangasta Karate kid motha$%^&!" you get the idea. "Blaxploitation" 21st Century style. BTW I have no problems with black people in main character roles.

Now We have Dre, played by Jaden Smith. Playing a whiny bratty kid who is a little bit of a smartass. (Isn't that the same role he played on The Day The Earth Stood Still?) Ignoring my dislike for Jaden Smith... (Both of his parents are talented actors, but looks like he got zip on the "acting genes" department...) The problem with the "Kid" part in THIS "Karate Kid" is that he is a Pre-teen, as in a kid...
Why is this important? The romantic subplot... I don't feel that the audience would connect with children in love. It also adds the problems of Mr. Han (The Miyagi knock-off) beating up Children. (But the Chinese kids beating up Dre scenes look awesome!!) I'm surprised that Jada Pinkett isn't playing Dre's Mom... (She is being played by Taraji P. Henson also known as the mom of Backwards aging Forrest Gump)

I'll be honest, The movie doesn't look THAT BAD. If it was some other movie of a kid in a fish out of water situation trained by an old quirky mentor to rise above it all. As a Karate Kid movie? I feel it's mocking the Original. First it tries to distance itself from the original by having Dre learn Kung Fu instead of Karate and having the setting in China kills off the chance for a Karate Kid Part II. There are a few scenes that reference the Original, but they mock it. (Mostly the fly in chopsticks scene)


Before I'm branded as being afraid of change and that I have my head so far inside the ass of the original; I'll admit that it hasn't aged well and that it's a bit cheesy and corny. It's not exactly a masterpiece, but it had soul. Something that this "ghetto version" seems to lack.

By The Way, Kung Fu is Not Karate. So why in Pat Morita's Tombstone is this movie called The Karate Kid!? To cash in on the Franchise? Most likely...
I've lost all my respect for Will smith with this.

I seriously hope that The A-Team beats this movie up harder than the Chinese Cobra Kai wannabes beated up Dre.

Odds and Ends: the day before Cinco de Mayo...

By Odin! Chirs Hemsworth looks awesome as Thor!!
Behold the Mighty god of Thunder in all of his Asgardian glory!!
He is Wearing the Modern version of Thor's Costume (without his Helm) and the snazzy "Lord Thor" Beard. I would've preffered the Classic Costume... who am I kidding? The new version is very similar to the Classic Version with Extra Armor... Still Thor looks Freaking Awesome!! BTW check the ending of Ironman 2 The Mighty Mjolnir (Thor's Hammer) makes a Cameo, kinda like Samuel MFword-ing L. Jackson made a cameo in the first Iron Man...
Wow... Miley's brother-in-law is an Asgardian god...

Ugh! Looks like the bastardization of The Karate Kid is moving along swimmingly... Here's the International Poster... The movie is coming June 11th 2010... I pity this foo... (The A-Team is coming the same day...) guess which movie I'm gonna see... I'll give you a hint, Will Smith has NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!! Why am I hating on Karate Kid? Is it Jaden Smith? Yeah there is some of that... I can't stand Jaden Smith. Yeah, hating on a little kid seems rude and whatever... but most of all his appearances make me want to punch him in the face. (He's either playing a Gary Stu character or he's just an annoying brat!!) Either way I don't like the kid. Is it Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith Producing and promoting their kid? A little bit... Is it because the movie is set in China and Dre (Jaden Smith) is learning Kung Fu and Chinese from Jackie Chan and not Karate? A lot of that... Is it because this time the kid is really a kid and not a teen? Some of that. Is it perhaps because it's yet another needless remake of a movie? Mostly that... While we're at it let's remake Back To the Future and use one of the Sprouse Twins as Marty McFly? (Maybe they'll change the name Marty McFly to something else...)

Ok, Hank Azaria IS Gargamel...Hank Azaria you ask? The guy who gets stomped in the Matthew Broderick movie with the big Mutant Iguana... that THE KING OF MONSTERS whupped it's reptile butt... He also voices almost every character in the simpsons...
I still don't like the Smurfs in New York aspect, but Hank Azaria IS Gargamel!! BTW Wolfgang Puck is in this movie... (He'll probably be the Chef/Baker/something with the kitchen Smurf... I forgot his name)

Hadoken!

This is a Street Fighter fan film teaser trailer... Looks way better than The abomination of Chun Li... I mean Street "Fighter" the "Legend" of "Chun Li"
Now if we could get a Phoenix Wright TV series...