Aug 19, 2009

First Entry

Hi! I'm Nefty and this is my House of Rants. Here you'll read about things that I like, dislike, and some socially irrelevant commentary about various events in Pop Culture. Everything is fair game here. Movies, Toys, Cartoon, Videogames, Board games, Celebrities, etc. If it catches my eye and enough time for me to rant; it'll be here...

Toys into Movies
Okay! Let's begin with Movie Adaptations of Famous Toys... Yes I'm talking about Transformers and G.I. Joe. Both are Hasbro's Cashcows. Both had aboslutely awesome cartoons in the 80s... (Both GI Joe and Transformers have their season 1 dvd sets available for sale...) Both Transformers and GI Joe had a cartoon movie in the 80s. (In TF Optimus Prime dies and in GI Joe Duke dies... I mean he ended up in a coma because People hated that Optimus died in Transformers... This is not that much of a spoiler because those movies are over 20 year old... Transformers: The Movie beats the living crap of Boy tries to get laid using a robot car while the military and some men in black wannabes stop the Decepticons while the Autobots play hide and seek... I mean Michael Bay's Transformers.

There is only one reason while People love the Transformers movies... Megan Fox.

Here we can see Megan Fox doing the best thing she does. Being eye candy.
I don't like her but it seems that the world does... The masses were captivated when she was checking Bumblebee's hood. Was I the only guy who wanted to see the Giant fricking Robots beating the enginsludge out of each other!? The Robots... I can't ID the robots in the movie!! They looked like car victims form a Baysplosion marathon. Let's look at Starscream. (Voiced by Chris Latta in the old cartoon, who by the way also voiced the Cobra Commander in GI Joe.) He does not look like Starscream at all.

The one on the left is Starscream. The one on the right... not so much... You might be thinking:" The one on the left looks boxy and toylike! The one on the right is soo awesome!"

The problem is that the hypercomplicated design is hard to notice in motion AND with Bay's shaky "in the Fray" cam.

-"But it's an adaptation and changes HAVE to be made!"

That is true but, when you have the TRANSFORMERS being nothing more than glorified background characters on a film NAMED AFTER THEM there is something wrong. Now unto the next Hasbro Movie, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. (Not going to talk about Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen until the GI Joe Sequel. I want to be fair and compare their first movies.)

GI Joe is no longer a REAL AMERICAN HERO. They're an International force. Maybe it was to avoid associations with Team America: World Police. (Though a couple of scenes reminded people of Team America. Some screamed America #$%^ Yeah! on the theatre various times...

no! I wasn't one of them. I swear on my action figure collection!) My fears of Marlon Wayans making the movie unwatchable were wrong. Channing Tatum on the other hand... Lets just say that a carboard cutout had more charisma and talent. The plot is pretty Sommers-esque with a couple of Joe related stuff sprinkled in. But all the good Joe flavor is killed by two words: Accelerator suits.

Accelerator suits suck everywhere except on GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra Videogame. (Their suckyness is eliminated by having an instrumental version of the GI JOE: A Real American Hero theme song while you use the power up. Fun game by the way, kinda like Contra but in 3D and with GI Joe characters). The movie isn't great, but both Transformers movies (The Michael Bay ones not the animated ones) have set the bar so low that GI Joe exceeds expectations.

Both movies suffer from huge deviations to the source material, unnecessary love stories, but at least GI Joe does not have the Joes peeing on Cobra or Ripcord humping Scarlett's leg.

My fear is what's going to happen with the "Supposedly Coming Soon" Adaptation of
He-Man and The Masters of The Universe...
Mattel is trying to revive the Masters of the Universe line with the Masters of the Universe Classics sold exclusively on Mattel's website
Hopefully the figures will sell well and we'll get the movie. (Hopefully respectful to the essence of Masters of the Universe... Please keep it on Eternia and with a scantilly clad He-Man no Space knight futuristic armor crud.) Only time will tell.
That's it for my first rant. Hopefully this new surge of reviving 80s franchises means the return of Thundercats and SilverHawks... Imagine those guys with Marvel Legends-esque Articulation...

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