Cobra Commander: COOOOOBRAAAAAAA!!! ATTACK!!
St-Stop it! Cobra Commander!! You're not even in this toy review!!
-Yesss! I know! I jussssssst want to make ssssure that thissss review issss good enough for me!
-No! You nincompoop! I ssssaid that thisssss review mussssst be good enough for me!!
So you basically want me to say that the Joe part of the two pack sucks more than the Wonder Twins AND Aquaman on the Super Friends... right?
-I wouldn't go THAT far in the sssssssssuckitude meter, but... Have you ever consssssidered joining Cobra?
-Oh crap It's the Joesssss!!! COBRA!!! RETREAT!!! RETREAT!!!
Commander wait! You still haven't made the Once a man rant!!
- #$%@ you Nefty!! COBRA!!! RETREAT!! RETREAT!!!
Thanks GI Joe!!
Snow Job: Don't mention it... Remember If you ever have any Snake troubles give us a call.
Now I know...
-My toy has some trouble grabbing his gun, but then again a lot of joe and cobra toys have problems grabbing their guns. At least on the Cobra side it is accurate to real life... that's why they fail hitting the broad side of a barn with a nuke.
But, Joes aren't the best sharpshooters either...
Let's move on to the Rockslide shall we?
-It says so in the back of the box...
Stickers... I REALLY HATE the stickers... especially when the toy has half of them on already...
JUST STICK TO THE REVIEW AND LET ME FINISH UP ON APPLYING THE FREAKING STICKERS!!! or decals if we wanna get technical...
So now I have to rate your toy and the Rockslide in a scale of 1 to 5. One being sucky toy that made me waste money on it and 5 being most awesomest toy in the history of toys?
On it's own Snow Job gets an overall: 3
Articulation: Same as the 25th A Joe figs (and Rise of Cobra) 3.5 (-1.5 for the "skirt" portion of the parka restricting movement and the loose right hand and feels a bit too fragile)
Paint/sculpt: No visible paint slops, nice arctic camo pattern (better than the RoC Joe camo) 4.5 (-.5) It's true that this is a repaint but the figure is well done and it's still recognizable as the character.
Accessories: Obviously I expected less accessories than a single carded fig, BUT when you mention a weapon in the file card; the figure should have THAT weapon... 3
-What the HELL!? It's a @#$% two pack for God'ssss ssssssakessss! Where'sssss the other half!?
I'm going to get there as soon as I finish rating the Joe half, or would you have prefered a joint review with Joes and Cobras at the same time... So let me finish, Cobra Commander...
-You do have a point!! You'll live for now...
Ok. The Rockslide ATAV gets on it's own an overall: 3
Mobility: The skis might move but they do not have any effect on the tread's wheel. It basically is scraping the floor with the skis. 4 (-1 because of the wheel problem)
Paint: This one does sport the JOE ROC Camo that I dislike, but the paint job is clean, minimalist and it's easy on the eyes. (No neon colors...) 4 (-1 because instead of tampographing the stuff on the stickers we get the stickers.)
Playability: The skis move, the tank tread pivots and gives new looks to the vehicle and the long range firing missiles give this baby a 4 (-1 because of the mobility problems)
Now for the Cobra half of the review. We have the Terra Viper and the Mole Pod... Um... I said Here's the Terra Viper and Mole Pod.
-Terra Viper: Hail Cobra!
That's it? Hail Cobra? Got anything else to say?
-Hail Cobra Commander!!
You know what, I'll stick to the review and you just stand there and shut up...
-My vipersssss are well trained... they live and die for me... The ULTIMATE ARMY ISSS AT MY COMMAND!!!
-Is that so, Cobra Commander?
-SSSS-SSSSSer- SSSSSerpentor! What are you doing here?
-Remove that mockery of my battle cry... THIS I COMMAND!
Poor fool, jumping with joy for being the unholy love child of Croc Master and Serpentor. He has an Oxygen tank and... that's pretty much it.
-At Cobra we went with a minimalissssst approach on the Terra Vipersssss, ssssince the mosssst fun isss with the Mole Pod.
The front wheels make the drill move.
CRAP! More Stickers!! @#$% I wish they just Tampograph these guys and get it over with... The Transformers get their crap Tampographed; why can't the Joes?
-Soundwave: Transformers Superior, G.I. Joe Inferior...
Yeah, whatever you say Mr float around in space and do nothing... This is a GI Joe toy review, not a Transformers toy review so beat it!
The Mole Pod can fire a missile... The tip of it's drill...
Why would a Drill get rid of it's tip? I have no Idea... It seems that Destro's chrome dome is addling his brain. M.A.R.S. Industries best idea? I don't think so. To make matters worse the missile is underpowered compared to the Rockslide ATAV. Also why is the tip red? Is that the crusty dried blood of the people killed by it?
-For @#$% Sssakesss! I told you to make me look good!
Commander, I can't make a snow job out of Destro's shoddy work. Blame him, not me.
The viper its nice and comfy inside the Evil Drill of Doom now for the scores...
Terra Viper gets an overall of: 2
Articulation: Same as the 25th A Joe figs (and Rise of Cobra) 4
Paint/Sculpt: No visible paint slops, though it feels under painted. (The details on the belt and knees could've used some paint) 2 (-3 because the base figures used for this one are very noticeable especially the Serpentor parts. I would've prefered something more movie viper like for the body. and the lack of paint on some details)
Accessories: Obviously I expected less accessories than a single carded fig, BUT when you mention a weapon in the file card; the figure should have THAT weapon... 2 (-3 for lack of weapons andhis only accessory is an oxygen tank? Not even a knife to attack the joes?)
The mole Pod gets on it's own an overall: 3.5
Mobility: There is nothing to steer the mole pod to the sides. (Not that it would need to. It's a Drilling tank...) 3
Paint: It's gt some metallic "scrapes" to look as if it's been worn down a bit while digging through the Earth. They look cool, but the scrapes are only on the cockpit. 4
Playability: The drill rotates as the Pod moves forward, and it fires a missile. 4.(-1 because of the disappointing missile)
Is it worth it? Yes. Two for a bit more than the price of one!? That's a sweet deal.
Now you know and knowing is half the battle...
♪ G.I. Joe!!!♫