Another year and it still hurts...

Well, it's four years since I became an orphan. It hurts just as much as it did on day zero. I'm still haunted by my own soul breaking scream as my brain finally realized that I was an orphan. I remember the chill down my spine, the pressure on my throat as if I was being strangled, but the worst of all was the massive pain of heartbreak.

I couldn't say goodbye, for I was working. I couldn't save her...  I didn't get a chance to plead to God for help before she died... And seems that my soul wasn't worthy enough for the Devil to tempt me with a deal...

I cry...  I cry on this horrible day, because, it's the ONLY THING I CAN DO!!

The last thing I need to hear is the sanctimonious "don't cry for the dead" speech. IT DOES ABSOFUCKINGLUTY NOTHING!! I'm not crying for the dead! I'm crying for myself!  I'm crying for my pain. I'm crying for the fact that I'll never see her but I'll never hear her voice I won't be able to spend any time with her. I cry for the empty hole in my heart  that will never be filled! I cry for the loss of my innocence... (not in that way, you sick fuck!) Yes, my tears are selfish, because it's all I have.

These tears are my punishment... A grim reminder of what I've lost... and I must endure this pain in order to live. Pain is proof that we're alive. But as they say I got to Keep On Truckin move on and live. "It gets better" they say. .. Meanhwile, I carry this pain in my heart that hasn't stopped in years.