Seth Rogen's TMNT trailer dropped and some cast surprises

 And it's looking a smidge better than Rise of the TMNT... let me drop the cast first and then the trailer:

Splinter: Jackie Chan.

I love Jackie Chan as a martial artist actor. As an English Voice Actor for Hamato Yoshi or his pet, no. Chan isn't Japanese. It seems kinda racist to have a Chinese man playing a Japanese dude. What about letting the correct ethnicities play the PoC characters? All Asians are not the same!! The Role of Splinter should have been played by Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa or George Takei if we wanted some sort of "authenticity", by having actors of Japanese ancestry playing a Japanese character. 

👎

Leonardo: Nicolas Cantu

Wait, Leonardo is Gumball? O...kay? I see potential in this. Especially since the Turtles look more like Preteens.

👍

Donatello: Micah Abbey

He hasn't been on stuff that I've seen, but it seems like they're going for Teens to voice the TMNT...

🤞

Raphael: Brady Noon

He's the voice of Greg in the recent Diary of a wimpy Kid animated movies...

🤞🤞🤞

Michelangelo: Shamon Brown Jr.

I haven't seen anything with him so, he's another unknown factor.

🤞🤞

April: Ayo Edeberi 

She's black... and I'm willing to bet that April will be black too, because of faux diversity bullshit. Also, she's almost 30, so she might be an adult April. 🤞

Mondo Gecko: Paul Rudd

Wait, they pick VAs close to the Turtles's ages yet Mondo Gecko is like 54!? Where's the authenticity? Unless Rudd is playing a manchild stoner gecko, this choice is bad.

🤞🤞

Ray Fillet: Post Malone

Fuck you Seth Rogen.

👎👎🤬🤢🤮🤬👎👎💩💩💩💩

Hannibal Buress: Genghis Frog

It worries me that most the non-turtle characters are way older than the Turtles.

👍

Superfly: Ice Cube

Superfly is a new character loosely inspired by the 87 Toon Baxter Stockman. January 20th 1992... like I wasn't going to mention that with Ice Cube.

👍

Maya Rudolph: Cynthia Utrom

Again, it's a new character, so I can't gauge whether or not this is a good match. She can do a good job, though.

👍

Wingnut: Nastasia Demetriou

Wait a minute... Did we just Genderbent Wingnut? As in the Batman parody Wingnut? Fuck you Seth Rogen...

👎🤬

Leatherhead: Rose Byrne

Fuck you Seth Rogen! Another Genderbent character!? I gwarantee that I'll hate this!

👎🤬

Bebop: Seth Rogen

Fuck you Seth Rogen, but this might be a decent cast albeit a bit typecast since Rogen already played Pumba. 

👍

Rocksteady: (unknown)

I can honestly say that I haven't seen Rocksteady's VA in anything. To be fair I can't see him. All jokes aside, another WWE dude playing Rocksteady?

👍

Baxter Stockman: Giancarlo Esposito

Now that I got that reference out of the way, all I can say is that other than James Earl Jones or Bill Cosby, I can't see no one better to voice Mr. Stockman.

❤️❤️❤️

The voice cast is a mixed bag. But let's watch the trailer.

-Getting some Spiderverse vibes from this...

-The Turtles look and sound almost like Preteens...

-Splinter, oh look how they massacred my boy!

-was that a jab at the Bay Produced TAINT?

-and April is black and fat... and a teen again...

I know I'm going to be called a "racist" for complaining about April being blackwashed.

No, she wasn't originally black. At best she was meant to be half-Asian. I say half Asian, since O'Neil isn't exactly an Asian surname. So, why not a half-Asian April? 

Now being a teen... April is NOT meant to be an equal to the Turtles. She's meant to be the mother figure. I mean Splinter is the strict father, Casey is the cool uncle, and April is basically their mom. Having her as a teen wrecks that dynamic. 

Now the Elephant in the room: her being fat... poor choice of words and now here come the "fatphobic" comments... it makes no sense for her to be fat ESPECIALLY since she's now a peer to the Turtles. Why do I say that? I'M FAT. I am FULLY AWARE that fat people are highly unlikely to be able to keep up physically with "ninja level" athletes. I know it first hand, since I decided to take a walk today to the Mall (about 30 minutes from home) it took me 53 minutes. Why is that? I'll give you a hint: the difference that 30lbs. or 13.6 kg of additional weight in fat can do. A trip that normally took me 30 minutes now takes me 23 additional minutes due to me being fatter than 2017 me. 

Can you say diabeetus?

I can no longer climb as well as I used to... the extra fat weight being the main factor. Sure, I can gain momentum much better now when sprinting downhill (with the risk of tumbling down if I shift my center of gravity wrong). At least the Rise of the TMNT April was fit enough to keep up with the Turtles. 

I hate this take in April so much. If they needed a female peer for the turtles, they had Shadow Jones or Angel Bridge to use.

Would you look at that? Angel Bridge is a PoC...
No need to race swap her.

April needs to be an adult that would teach the Turtles about the world being so much more than the "Avenge Hamato Yoshi" mission that Splinter imposed them. The youngest you could have April is college aged, that way she can be seen as an "older sister" that the Turtles can look up to.

On April being black... there are plenty of other races that  they could've used for race swapping. Why is it always: we need to add diversity turns into making the redheads black?

Why couldn't she have Middle Eastern, South Pacific, or Asian Features to have 3 dufferent examples that aren't black? But to be honest, this is the one that bothers me the least. Being fat and a teen bother me a lot more. I think her being a teen bothers me a smidge more...

Making April a teen hurts Casey Jones in the long run. Casey needs to be an adult so he can be a loser that tries to do the right thing. A single (step) father who can't be with his kid due to his inability to keep a proper job, his alcoholism, and his history of violence. Not to mention that he loves hanging out with a posse of 15 year old kids... (that are adolescent mutated terrapins who are also ninjas). A guy who's stuck in his Junior High glory days trying to be the "cool uncle" to the Turtles. If Casey is turned into a teen, he's just a meathead who is trying to do good.

In any case, I'm 99.75% most likely to avoid this until it hits Netflix. Fuck this, I'm going to watch the shitty Bay Produced movies.