Advent Calendar 24: Go Jesus, It's your birthday's eve!

 

Jesus Tittyfucking Christ! Forgot I'm reviewing Jesus himself... Yeah... Trigger warning: 

This review could be seen as offensive or even blasphemous. If you feel offended by irreverent views of Jesus H. Christ, you should NOT read this review.

Jesus: Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them.
 For it is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs.
Karen: Mr. Jesus, you need to leave now.
Mr. Nefty is an evil man and he will mock you!
Kaylee: He threatened to bring Hal Jordan to my review!
Jesus: Wait, Hal Jordan, as in Green Lantern?
 That's not so... wait that's the kiddie diddler lantern. I need to go Belmont on this Nefty.

Now, before I start: I understand that it's a sensitive topic surrounding the figure... there are over 45K sects that claim He's Divine. I've mocked gods from other religions, so, an irreverent review of the Christian Demigod or  ⅓ of Carrie Ann Moss is fair game. 

Jesus: Abandon all hope, ye who hit the jump.

Netflix has the weirdest Christmas movie I've seen:

 Fatman 

Not a Metal Gear Solid reference...

Mel Gibson is Santa Claus. That's all I needed to see this movie. 

Is it me or does Walton Goggins looks like a younger Julio Iglesias.

REBOOT½ Reached Happosai. will see the episode on Monday.

It came from the Toy Chest: It's not even Halloween yet!

 World's smallest Elf on the Shelf.

Elf: I can do anything, grab 'er by the cunt!

And a spoiler for a future review... Man Hater Reeeeeeee Larson.

Articulation:

The elf has five points of articulation, each leg arm and the head.

Elf: Seen Kyle? He's about this tall...

He's meant to be.

A background prop not an actual character so that's plenty of articulation.

4.0

Paint and sculpt:

It looks like the actual elf on the shelf , but obviously made in a smaller size replica for larger action figures or dolls. Personally, he's better scaled for dolls.But for action figures, he kind of works

4.5

Accessories

N/A

OVERALL 

4.25 is his final score. For a proper it's decent.

The little shit gets around. Now I need to make shelves.

BBTS BigBadWorkshop showed some stuff.

 Seems like The Tick is getting a villain to fight.

Chairface... freaking Chairface... guess Arthur will have to wait. But there's The Rocketeer. Didn't save pics because I don't care much about the Rocketeer.

Soon we might get a new round of Naughty or Nice. Will the kids make a comeback? Perhaps one with a smaller amount for a goal. How will they compare to the FTC kids... if made... of course.

I honestly want two of these Mrs. Claus. One to keep as is, and the other to make into a naughty Mommy.

 Getting GILF vibes from her.

Cade. You get-ilf vibes from anything with a vagina and a pulse.

I've had sex with a vampire once... and  a ghost...

I withdraw the having a pulse statement. Go back to the Fanfic Corner.

Will do once you update the damned blog!

It's SDCC weekend! Writing fanfics takes time that I currently don't have! Did you Emo Pete me?

Naughty or Nice update:

 Things are looking a bit grim for me here. With less than. 5 days to go and here are the results so far:

Zombie Pirate Santa: Success!

Santa's Sleigh: Success!

Centaurs: Very Close to Success 

I'd say about less than 100 preorders to reach the minimum goal. In the end, they made it.

Kids: In extreme Danger:

It looks like they need somewhere between 1000-1100 units to reach the minimum. 

If you haven't pre-ordered and you wanted something, DO EET NAO!! ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE INTO KIDS... NOT IN THAT WAY... I mean for Christmas displays... with Santa... or Krampus Especially Krampus who needs kids to beat up and kidnap!

Christmas late shopping... a Rant

 I know Christmas is already over for you Gringos, but not for LatAm folks. We have the 3 Kings... Tonight when I'm publishing the post. It started the eve of Christmas Eve. I needed a new pan, so I went to Burlington, since it was the closest place and they have a decent selection of pots and pans, and lots of weird shit. They had WWE wrekkin vehicles, McFarlame DC stuff, a ton of Kotal Kahns even some Mutant Mayhem stuff. Sadly, the line was bordering the entire store and that Burlington used to be a Toys R Us AND a Babies R Us. No, they didn't have the size of pan I required. It hurt me leaving the last Slammobile 

available and 2 Wrekkin Rampage Rigs. 

The line was too fucking long and It looked like I would leave the store at 9PM. Screw that noise. Seriously.Why do people leave christmas shopping to the last minute? 

You're probably asking. Why is there a picture of Martha Stewart as an Elf in a shelf??

Because they had them on sale and I was this close of getting one. Yes. We're just saying the sake to say that I have a Martha Stewart doll but the line was too fucking long. Uh oh I think Nefty's gonna make a rant about how he would like SUPER7 to make a Martha Stewart ultimates. 

I Heard from a friend that Best Buy had some NECA TMNT Mirage Figures. So I went on Christmas Eve. Missed out on Rat King. They had Bride of Frankenstein April. The toys and video games sections, well, they had seen better days. But to be fair Christmas Eve... and all that. I did manage to snag a Tatsu at Walmart though. He'll be an advent calendar boy. 

So, now it's 2025 and it's the Eve of the Eve of Three King's Day and I'm out here shopping. I'm not even looking for toys. I'm still looking for the fucking Pan! I hate people. Better wait for the 7th to see if I can get my fucking pan! 

Anyways, better get the grass for the camels.

NAUGHTY OR NICE Wishlist: a rant

 With the 2024 Crowdfunding going on for Fresh Monkey Fiction Naughty or Nice Collection, Here's a list of what I'd LIKE to see:

New Santas:

Santa in da Hood: (Naughty)

Using the Shotgun and cigar Head from Sgt. Santa, the head from Jolly Santa the extra Hands with knuckle dusters, and bats from Checking it twice Santa,

A new Santa themed Baseball hat, a blinged Ho! Ho! Ho! Necklace and the body of Storytime Santa with dark skin. Reuse any present.

Warrior of Claus: (Nice)

A dark skin repaint of Barbarian Santa, but instead of the Axe he has a shield shaped like a partially eaten cookie and a Christmas tree shaped sword

Lich King Santa: (Naughty)

A Zombie repainting of the Barbarian Santa with the Zombie head and hands, the Gremlin King head and crown and for his weapon, a repaint of the Gremlin King Cane

Disgruntled Mall Santa: (Naughty)

A Mall Santa that looks like a cross between Reginald VelJohnson and Steve Harvey. Same accessories as the regular Mall Santa figure.

Delightful Mall Santa: (Nice)

A redeco of the Mall Santa figure with different Heads and accessories:

New heads:

Messy short brown hair with beard pulled down and a goofy grin on a youthful face.

Messy shirt brown hair with beard on.

New Santa hat with wig sculpted on it.

Reuse standard Santa accessories

G'Day Mate, Santa: (Nice)

Using the Storybook Santa Upper body, my Santa in da Hood hat, New legs in shorts and boots we have a Santa for the Hot Australian summer. 

Accessories:

Candy Cane Boomerang

Vegemite sandwich

Stuffed Koala

Bonzer Claus: (Nice)

Dark skinned Repaint of the G'Day, Mate Santa with a new head sporting dreadlocks. 

Switch the boomerang for a digeridoo and the koala for a stuffed Kangaroo.

Hoon Santa: (Naughty)

Repaint of the G'Day Mate, Santa with the Evil Santa head. 

Mrs. Claus:

Here we reach an impasse. I want both Classic Granny Styled Mrs. Claus and the Sexy style.

Granny styled:

Here we're doing the Granny Styled variants/redecos: this Mrs. Claus will be on the older side, a bit on the chubbier side. Her dress would be sculpted and have a soft goods skirt for the sake of articulation. Her outfit should look like a Female version of Santa's.

Mrs. Claus: (Nice)

Using the Granny Body I mentioned with an outfit reminiscent of Santa's but she has an apron tied on her waist. Her hair would be shoulder length white hair. Reuse existing foodstuff accessories.

Jolly Mrs. Claus: (Nice)

A dark skinned redeco of Mrs. Claus with a new head with more African features.

Healer Mrs. Claus: (Nice)

Using the Granny Body with new arms with some protective armor. Her clothes being white with red trim. Having a new hooded white cloak with red trim, reusing the syrup bottle renamed as potion, reusing the Gremlin King staff.

Mrs. Mage Claus: (Nice)

Reusing the Healer body with a new head with African American features and a hat similar to Wizard Santa. Her outfit being in blue and red with a blue cloak. Reuse the wizard Santa staff and toppers.

Mrs. Gremlin Queen: (Naughty)

Gremlin Repaint of Mrs. Claus with new Gremlin head give her Barbarian Santa Axe.

Sexy style:

This would.be your average Comic Book Styled Body most of the time this will be covered up by soft goods clothing. There should be a few torso/crotch variations like featureless bodies for "skintight suits" or Mari Lwyd's bare skeletal body. The others would have different types of clothes sculpted.

Mari Lwyd: (Naughty)

The Rapping Christmas Humanoid with a Horse skull from Wales. Reusing the Sexy body with a new dead horse head. She'd be covered with a soft goods cloak and her body would have a skeleton painted (think Scareglow including the GITD Gimmick)

She comes with the Skeletal horse head and bunch of foodstuffs.

Mall Ms. Claus: (Naughty)

Using the "bikini torso" with Green bra and red panties. The soft goods dress would be a skimpy Mrs. Claus dress with painted on thigh high candy cane stockings.

Her head should be reminiscent of Peg Bundy but with Platinum blonde hair with roots showing. Her expression should be full off annoyance.

One of her hands should have a cigarette sculpted on it.

Disgruntled Mrs. Claus: (Naughty)

This one is dressed a bit more conservatively than the previous figure, but not by much. The lower body isless revealing as she's wearing a Mrs. Claus print bodysuit, but still shows some cleavage if you remove the dress. Her features should be African American and her hairstyle is a short greying perm.

Delightful Mrs. Claus: (Nice)

This Mrs. Claus is the "sexy body" version of Traditional Mrs. Claus. Main difference is that she's a Redhead. And has a loose French braid. 

Later on a Redeco could be maid for a young Mrs. Claus. Reuse existing accessories.

Jolly redeco could be added later on.

Aus hols Mrs. Claus: (Nice)

Mrs. Claus in a Santa themed Bikini  and soft goods bathrobe.

(Jolly variant could be released later:

Young Santa:

Part of the reason for having Sexy Mrs. Claus was to give her a Young Santa to pair off.

This body would have more Comic booky physique. Broad shoulders, a bit muscular.

Rising Santa: (Nice)

A slim athletic version of the Great Northern Santa. Sporting a not too long hairstyle and a short beard in light brown. With a soft goods Santa coat and a baby reindeer to complete the look.

Joy of Youth Santa: (Nice)

The youthful Joyful repaint of Rising Santa with a new head. This head sports dreads and a beard. He also gets the soft goods Santa Coat and a different baby reindeer (Rudolph)

Children:

The first 5 kids are nice, but we need some new heads and body types. First I'll tackle reusing the 2024 bodies:

María:

White PJs with blue snowflakes.

Mixed Hispanic skintone with a shoulder length Bob no bangs. 

Altenate heads: Miguel wavy hair, Mixed Hispanic skintone.

Adam:

Red pajamas with white trims mimicking Santa's outfit.

Caucasian blond pageboy hairstyle (see Sprouse twins in early Zack and Cody Episodes)

Alt heads: Eve, blonde shoulder length hair with bangs.

Ryo:

Blue and red stripes PJs heads:

Short hair slightly Spiky and Japanese mildly tanned skintone.

Alt heads: Yuki. Japanese mildly Tanned skintone similar hair to Eve.

New chubby body:

Basically a heavier body that can still pass off as Unisex.

Otto:

Green PJs with a big abstract Santa face silhouette on the chest. Heads Brown haired boy with bowl cut

Alt. Heads Mildred: brown haired girl with ponytail.

Tyrone:

Red PJs with big abstract Christmas tree on the chest. Flat top boy with dark skintone.

Alt heads. Judy hair in braids.

Pablo:

Blue PJs with an Abstract Rudolph on the chest.

Hairstyle should be similar to Pablo Escobar's mugshot. His skintone should be  slightly lighter than Maria/Miguel, but still look "Hispanic"

Alt heads: Paola, who should have "indigenous Mexican features" and straight shoulder length hair.

I want to say I'd like to have toddlers just to have Kids crying with Santa pics...

Also we need a Mall Santa Chair.

I'm not saying that they have to do all these at the same time. I'm just bouncing out ideas of what I would be interested in buying. 

Before anyone asks. Yes, the Chubby body was Inspired by Doctor octopus, hence one of the names is actually Otto.

But wait! I'm not done! 

This one is for my LatAm brothers and sisters!

Los Tres Reyes Magos, the Three Wisemen. They're the ones who do the Christmas Present stuff in Spain and Latin America. I guess we could have a base Wiseman body and different soft goods robes and certain accessories and heads. Then there's the Camels.

Naughty or Nice 2024 orders have been going for a while now.

 Sadly, I missed out on Jolly Santa's reissue from BBTS. So my only Santa is White. I wanted a black Santa to have a tag team between Santas and Jesuses. It would've been the Ultimate Advent Calendar. Well, Naughty or Nice now has Centaurs Santa and Krampus as Centaurs. Sadly, No Mrs. Claus. I'm going to be honest here. I want both kinds of Mrs. Claus: traditional Grandma styled and Sexy Mrs. Claus.

You can Pre-order the figures here. Not sponsored, I just want these figures to get made.

But here's the thing: Last year we got the reindeer. This year, the pre-order is for the sleigh. Then there's also Zombie Pirate Santa, but the best thing ever is: 

CHILDREN FIGURES!!

As in those who get Christmas presents from Santa. I pre-ordered the blonde girl and the African American girl.  By the time I pre-ordered, there were over 750 kids pre-ordered from the 3K minimum required. I hope that by Valentine's Day, the day before the pre-order period ends, the kids have reached their goal.

As of Christmas 2024, they were at around 1500 kids pre-ordered. We're halfway there... Spike, don't you dare...

Feeling like another rant is coming...

Snake Plissken is Santa Claus

 The Christmas Chronicles... how did I miss out on this!?

Of course, that's what my brain sees. Snake Plissken as Santa Claus. Not gonna lie. I would love to have a Kurt Russell, as Santa figure and Goldie Hawn as Mrs. Claus. 

But before I go on an action figure tirade, I should give a brief synopsis of the movie:

Family movie, dead parent, rebellious teenage son, kid daughter who still believes in Santa, she blackmails brother into waiting for Santa, they catch Santa, Shenanigans ensue, Christmas is in danger now Plissken Claus and the two children have to save Christmas.

It surely beats The Santa Clause trilogy by having Plissken as Santa and Goldie Hawn as Mrs. Claus. 

Movie is on Netflix if you're inclined to watch. There's a sequel, which I need to see.

But seriously, Super7, NECA, 7" Kurt Russell Santa... while we're at it, NECA, Escape from New York/LA articulated figures, when?

Advent Calendar 2: Santa got a booster pack

 

Specifically the 2023 Accessory pack exclusive to Big Bad Toystore. Nefty's House of Rants is not sponsored by Big Bad Toystore. 

The set is far smaller than the one I got for last year's Advent Calendar. This isn't a standard review because it's an accessory pack.

It contains a standard Caucasian Santa head, but the hair is grey instead of the whitish blond from the OG Classic Santa. It contains a smoking pipe holding hand and tobacco pipe  This hand and pipe originally came with Black Santa. This is the main reason I bought this pack. It comes with stockings, which we've seen already, as well as his huge sack. The bell, IIRC is also from Black Santa. There isn't much I can say about the set. Just show you.

The only man who can outsmoke me is...
Not Snoop Dogg, but Willie Nelson.

I Jingled all the way with your mom...
That is not my laugh, that's me calling your mom!

Santa: The fight is all. I must keep training to
free myself from the Satsui no Hado.

Is it worth the $16 admission price? Eeehhhh! Not exactly, BUT it beats having to quadruple dip on Santas just to get an accessory. 

Adobentokarendā 02: Hamato Reonarudo wa Manhatan-jima no kame desu

 The whole Japanese title is a slight riff on the whole Ghost of Tsushima Samurai/Ninja theme of the game and honoring Hamato Leonardo's culture or appropriated culture that he learned from a Japanese Rat, or an American rat that lived in a Japanese Household in America. It's Sewer Samurai Leonardo.

Articulation:

Sadly, it's true... Leonardo has the floppiest joints of all Super7 figures. Any Floppier and he'd play Basketball with the Looney Tunes and whine when people still love Michael Jordan over him. I fear the basketball Donatello figure... aside the LeBron James styled floppiness Sewer Samurai Leonardo has standard articulation. Obviously his armor interferes a little bit with the range of articulation but it's not a dramatic interference. 

4.0

I can hear this picture

Paint and sculpt:

Honestly I don't miss the super shiny metal look from the original toy. He captures the essence of the action figure and the newer pieces make him feel a bit more special there's even a slight shiny difference on the ropes in his reddish  shoulder and thigh armor, which was unexpected. On the engineering side, the hands and heads are a bitch to pop out but they don't pop in properly. The ultra thin hand pegs will most likely break if he suffers from a shelf-dive... which will most likely happen due to his floppiness. Luckily his sandals don't have the "heels", otherwise his shelf-dive potential would be unmeasurable.

3.5

This is why we need a Super7 Ultimates! Usagi 

Accessories:

3 swords

1 wakizashi

2 cat claws

1 sheath

1 Samurai banner with cloth flag

2 shuriken

3 kunai

1 head

6 hands

1 Vintage styled rack.

I've heard stories about the banner breaking at the hooks that hold the flag or Leonardo's belt at the back. Very dangerous for a shelf-dive prone figure.

I'm so tempted to make a Xenogears Reference due to the 2 Leonardos... but I won't because ot doesn't make sense...

The swords work far better on Vanilla Leonardo. To be honest, if Super7 decides to do a "brown pads and belt" redeco of the Turtles; they should consider using the kunai, Shuriken, and cat claws as common accessories for them. In Leonardo's case, using the Sewer Samurai blades.

It has plenty of accessories to warrant a perfect rating, but the unintentional breakability of the accessories or on the figure caused BY the accessories... (the pegs not properly working on the arms. The ridiculously tight heads breaking the neck peg, the banner breaking the figure's belt or itself in shekf diving incidents) forces me to remove a point.

4.0

Overall:

As much as it pains me, mainly because it's a $55 figure of one of my Childhood favorite variants, I have to give Leonardo a 3.83 as its final score. 5 waves in, or more if we count the MOTUC, Conan, Thundercats and other releases they've had before TMNTU Wave 5 to iron out any issues. If you bought him, keep him in the box... he'll be safer that way.

Santa Clause: Leonardo the Sewer Samurai, I find you... NAUGHTY!!
Leonardo: Noooooo!!

Advent Calendar 01: The big man himself, my hero, SANTA CLAUS!!!

 

As a former Mall Santa, I do have an appreciation for the Big Man in Red, good ol' Kris Kringle, the one and only Santa Claus... As long time readers may know, I'm suffering from depression, exacerbated by my Mom's death. Well, the year of her death, Christmas obviously sucked ass. But as we got in the season, my brother and I picked up a carry out order at a local Domino's. Say what you will about their pizzas, but they taste like nostalgia. So as we were trying to leave with the order, we couldn't open the door. A dude dressed as Santa not only helped us by opening the door, but gave us the whole Santa: "Merry Christmas, Ho! Ho! Ho!" Sure, the dude was just a Mall Santa and not the Immortal joybringer that I admire, but I was down and that act of kindness touched me. When we got to the car I started crying. I was feeling darkness and that random act of kindness coning from Santa gave my cold and empty heart a sense of warmth that I had been missing since Mom Died. 

With that out of the way, let's talk the Naughty or Nice Collection's Santa Claus:

Santa: Let's see, Nefty, Nefty, Nefty... Huh? He's on the Nice List... He wants a PS5 and a Life sized Hannah Montana doll... I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going...

Articulation:

While he's in the same scale as Marvel Legends, his articulation is closer to Super 7 ultimates. The elbows are similar to the female Marvel Legends of a few years back with the single joint elbow that has swivel and rotation.The knees are single joint despite looking like a bigger female Hasbro elbow. That is mostly because he's a fat dude. He has excellent ankle articulation the joints aren't loose but at the same time they aren't stiff. The only nitpick I have on his articulation is that he lacks a butterfly cut on his torso in order to be able to touch his nose with the pointing finger as Santa can do.

4.0

Santa: Milk is Whole and real, none of that Nut juice. Cookies are homemade triple chunk chocolate, I see Milk chocolate, 85%cacao dark chocolate, and Nutella chunks!? Nefty has gone through a lot of effort to be nice this year.

Paint and sculpt:

The scope for this Santa figure is pretty detailed I love how the fuzzy edges of his outfit and hat have a popcorn stucco skull simulating the fussiness his beard and mustache have a beautiful detailed sculpt and his expressions are wonderful paint job is mostly flawless I only have a little bit of slop on his left foot but it's easily fixable. There is very little paint bleeding on the figure. It actually rivals Marvel Legends in details and I'm talking toy Biz era his tunic has a little bit of shading, which makes him feel more fancy than the average Hasbro Legends figure.

5.0

Billie Eilish: What the Hell is going on here!?
Nefty: Santa? Oh my God! Santa is Real!?
Santa: Whoa there Nefty, I'm  Santa Claus, not Tara Strong for you to react like that. I ran out of Hannah Montana dolls and I know you wouldn't like current Miley.
Nefty: You could've gone for Emily Osment though...
Santa: I didn't have any Emily Osment dolls or PS5s so I brought you the Real Billie Eilish so you can do hentai things...
Billie and Nefty: Hwat!?
Nefty: Isn't she like 17?
Billie: Dude I'm 21...
Santa: See? She's legal! You can Jingle all the way with her!
Bille: Wait a minute! I can't just bang whatever Rando you bring me to!?
Nefty: We do not consent.
Billie: What, you don't think I'm hot enough for you!? I am waaaaay out of your league!
Nefty: I never said that! Yes, you're aesthetically pleasing, but you don't consent... so that's the end of it. I'm a pervert, not a rapist!
Santa: I'm not leaving until you stick your Candy cane in her Ho-Ho-Holes!
Billie: That's not very nice, Santa...
Nefty: I won't do it... 
Santa: Congratulations Nefty, you passed the test! I don't have a PS5, but I will give you 10 minutes to see your Mom...
Nefty: Thank you Santa! *crying* Best Christmas ever!
Santa: Before you ask, his Mom is dead.
Billie: Oh. Can you take me home now?
Santa: Sure!

Accessories:

Stand

Cookies

Plate

Glass with removable milk

List

Extra head

3 extra hands

Present 

List

Santa: And that's how I gave Nefty the best Christmas present ever! The Nutella chunks in his homemade cookies and using real milk were the deciding factor.

I feel like he could've come with a bit morne, but they have to sell the Accessory packs... I honestly feel sad he has no sack... but that can be fixed by getting the accessory packs.

I LOVE that the milk can be removed from the glass and be left empty for Christmas morning. I kinda wish there was a half eaten cookie.

The only nitpick I have is that he has no hand to properly hold the glass. I had to pry one hand open for the photo.

5.0

Santa: You have been a Naughty Girl, Mrs. Claus!*slap*
Mrs. Claus?: I'm so sorry Santa! Ow!
Santa: You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout, I'm going in dry! *slap*

Overall:

Santa gets a 4.67 as his final score. It's a pretty decent score for a figure that was meant to be a Novelty... I'm sure that Latin American folks would love to see The Magi included as the Magi have more influence than Santa in their part of the woods. I hope we get a Santa Chair, but I dread the Sleigh with all those Reindeer.

Like I was going to leave the Big Man hanging...

I GOT HIS SACK!! It sounded better in my head.

The accessory pack arrived at a not so great day, but I'm dealing with that... At least I can now make Wilford Brimley impressions without any backlash, because Diabeetus.

If you have more than one figure from the wave, you know what to expect here.

-2 stockings

-2 chocolate chip cookies.

-plate

-glass of milk with removable milk.

-red present

-stack of green presents

-2 lumps of coal 

-list

-soft goods coat

-soft goods sack

For $22+s&h it's slightly overpriced. It's a decent set, but it needed a little bit more.

Santa: Peter Parker, I was lookongnfor you!
Pete: Santa!?
Santa: Merry Christmas, Peter! You're on the nice list!

Santa: The green ones are your standard tchotchkes that a photographer turned school teacher turned CEO turned loser would have around.
Pete: Ouch! What about the red one?

Santa: You're to open that one once I leave. It's not as sentimental as the time doctor strange gave you a few minutes with Uncle Ben... but this one will give you One More Day of Joy... I'll take my leave now.
Pete: Thanks Santa! Merry Christmas!
Santa: Merry Christmas to you too, Peter! If you'll excuse me I have something for a certain Red clad devil friend of yours...

Superfriends Narrator VO: Meanwhile at the Hall of Justice.
Santa: Ho! Ho! Ho! Hello, Alfred Pennyworth! You have been extra nice this year!
Alfred: Forgive me, Master Kringle. With the current Crisis, I was rather tardy at decorating Stately Wayne Manor, the Batcave, and The Hall of Justice.
Santa: It's OK, old chum! I know your work, especially keeping, young Bruce on the side of angels!  I don't envy you, with having to deal with little Damian.
Alfred: Master Damian is a bit rough around the edges, but he's getting there, master Kringle.
Santa: I know, this is the first year I won't be leaving a lump of coal in his stocking. So, how about it, old chum! Want another day with Tommy and Martha, so you can tell them all the good Bruce has been doing in their name?
Alfred: My word! Wouldn't it be better if for this year, Master Bruce was able to spend the day with them?
Santa: He's not ready yet. Besides, he still hasn't gotten over the letter Barry brought him.
Alfred: Master Allen is a really nice fellow.
Santa: Not as nice as Clark Kent...
Alfred: in these trying times, no one is...

Santa; *humming*
Mephisto: Screw you, Kringle!! Ha ha very funny! Coal for the dude who loves in HELL!
Santa: Want me to use this candy cane to check your prostate? That way your candy ass would be a literal candy ass! Just try me, Mephistopheles... just try me.

Peter: Holy crap! BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!
MJ: Face it Tiger, you just hit the Jackpot!!
Ben Reilly VO: Yo Pete! Can I join?
Pete: No clones allowed!
Ben Reilly Vo(mockingly) No clones allowed! There is a Chasm between us and I will take what- Ow! Why did you do that, Nefty?
Nefty VO: You ain't ruining my Christmas with that Chasm bullshit!

Odds and ends: one day before Mar10. Jesus, Teela, and stuff

 Tomorrow is March 10 or Mar10. It's possible that we get some Mario news tomorrow... probably movoe related, but I'm hoping for Super Mario Land being added to the GB Nintendo Switch Online.

Oh Jesus! Biblical Adventures reached their 80K goal.

Yesterday I got an email from Kickstarter that told all backers that Jesus is coming... as a toy.

That means that if I have enough toys for a 2024 Advent Calendar, I MUST have Jesus Christ in it. Advent Calendars are literally countdowns to Jesus Christ's Birthday Party. 

I'm already getting the Divine Mercy Jesus, but I'm debating whether I should add Transfiguration Jesus or African Jesus and the latter would force me to make a Jesus Christ reacts to this:

Teela is no longer Buffy. Thank you, Jesus!

But now is going to be Melissa Benoist. Oh great... I can now say that Revolution is a bit better than Revelation. While I've had a lot of issies with Revelation, my main complaint was how Sarah Michelle Gellar didn't fit Teela, since she was not voice acting but playing Buffy. Problem is that I'm not sure how great of a VA Benoist is. Also, I might be biased since all I've seen of her is Supergirl...

Whoa... Jennifer Lawrence's new movie has her as a sexual predator trying to sleep with a 19-year old boy. Of course this is a comedy... if the genders were reversed, this would be a whole different movie. 

Another year, another Christmas

 There has been a lack of holiday cheer for me this season. Real Life™ has been a bitch this year. Advent Calendar was done in time aside the Christmas reveal... I was unable to get Santa from the Naughty or Nice collection on time for the Holidays. I don't think it's a "Me" thing. I mean there's no Holiday cheer in the air. In a street with 30-ish houses only 3 had holiday decorations. Most stores had very little of Christmas decorations on display. They had tons for sale though. Radio barely played any Christmas music... I had to Manually search for "All I want for Christmas is you" and "Feliz Navidad" in order to listen to them. Only once I heard Jingle Bells. That's messed up!

It's a recipe for disaster if one is going through depression and loneliness. To say that I feel like shit is putting it lightly. "Be grateful, appreciate what you have in life, go to work so you don't feel alone." sounds easy but it isn't. Not everyone works Christmas eve and on Christmas... OK, I do, but that's not the point. The point is that all that advice makes sense, but it doesn't work... it's like we KNOW what has to happen, but knowing it is not enough. It's fighting against the darkness wothin what becomes super hard. External factors can also be a hindrance.

Despite me feeling like shit at an emotional level, not having the holiday cheery feeling needed to survive this time of the year; I'd like to wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and any other Holiday that I might be forgetting at the moment.

If you know someone who is not well at this time of the year due to issues, check up on them. I think a call,a text, something just to let them know that you're there for them. They might need it.

Advent Calendar 01: Small in size big on lies

 

From the people that made the World's smallest toys, here we have Tiny Arcade TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES... it's a "keychain sized" "arcade game" where you can "play the 1990 TMNT Game".

It IS a Keychain... an Impractical and bulky Keychain, but it has a claw type lock to recieve your keys. It's about the size of a GI Joe figure, but it is NOT Proportional to that scale.

It LOOKS like the old Arcade Machine including the Mysterious Model that played April that looks a bit familiar...

NO, it can't be her...
I KNOW she's not (due to math), but she kinda 
looks like Tiffani Thiessen.

Not gonna lie, but I may have had a little crush on this model... while the game and Saved By The Bell came out in the same year, I didn't see SBTB until late 1990 or early 1991.

Let's look at the machine itself. It operates on AAA Batteries. It has an original interpretation of the arcade game. You can only use Donatello and it has 3 levels inspired by the original game:

April's Fiery Apartment

Sewers

Carpark

Splinter: My sons! Donatello made a game about us!
Mike: Duuude! We're gonna be rolling in pizza!
Raph: By Pizza, you mean Pussy, right, Mikey?
Mike: Pour Kay no Loss Dos?
Leo: I will play first and set up the High Score,  because Leonardo Leads!!
Raph: Oh no...

The game is playable but super janky. It's a nice novelty, but not worth $20. You COULD use it as a Bar Top Arcade Machine,  because it is way too short to work as an "Action Figure scaled Arcade 1up" Machine. Unlike the World's smallest Hot Wheels, that work as Model Kit Vehicles for your figures, this one requires some Moderate Modification and Diorama Building skills to properly display... You're better off using it as a Christmas Ornament... assuming you get one for Christmas.

You can see for yourself in my zero production values video.

Leo: Why is Donnie the only one available?
Donnie: This is a proof of concept...
Mikey: I'd like to proof the concept of interspecies mating with this April...
Raph: We get it, you'd get freaky with gingers wearing yellow...

If it had been say, $30 and it was a USB rechargeable Mini Arcade Cabinet using one of the portable sized Raspberry Pi computers with the arcade game or the NES game, it would've been a lot better than what we got.

Splinter: Are you Winning, Son?
Don: WOW WOW WOW WOW
Raph: Cool it, Owen Wilson
Leo: My Virginal Eyes!!!
Mike: Donatello DOES MACHINES, get it!!
Raph: Gimme a Break!
Mike: Raphael is cool but rude...
The signs are all there! Splinter taught us to be Ninja Teens because he's a radical rat!
Leonardo Leads, Donatello does Machines, Youre Cool but Ride and I'm the Party dude!! And I got some grass from Mondo Gecko!!

Seriously, DO NOT BUY unless you're super duper hardcore TMNT Fan. Even then, there's better merch to buy.

Naughty or Nice Collection preorder period will close up in a couple hours

 Roughly in 20 hours, the campaign will be over. Apparently everything reached the minimum aside the completely White artist proof Santa... I have to wonder what Wave 2 will bring, since we have Army Santa, Pirate Santa and Cyborg Santa...

How about a "Young Santa" not necessarily inspired by the Rankin Bass movie? Or a reversed Colors Santa, white outfit with red accents with gold belt/boots and black buckles.

Or a full Krampus not disguised as Santa?

I've been wondering if the Easter Bunny or Cupid would be tackled as we reach other holidays. I mentioned a while back wanting a Samurai Santa...

Will Mrs. Claus be a thing? Or how about a Reideer Wrestling Santa? Think Mike Haggar from Final Fight with Santa-styled clothes.

But I guess I should wait until I get my Vanilla Santa in 2022.

Merry Christmas from the House of Rants

 X-Mas is coming. Another year is about to end soon. We've had our highs, we've had our lows, and everything in between. It's been another semi bizarre year due to recent world events, there are a few things changing on my personal life with will have an impact on this blog. I  honestly, don't  know what the future will look like, but I'll  keep stumbling through. I still haven't reviewed the Avengers box set... or finished Midnight Sun... but that's life... or maybe I'm leaving incomplete stuff in order to remain as a ghost. Would that make me a Ghostwriter?

I had to go there... haunting kids, solving mysteries... but seriously, could I keep writing this blog if I was a ghost? I don't mean a ghost blogger, as in someone who is hired to write posts on behalf of others... I mean Me writing posts from beyond the grave, as in me being a writer that happens to be a ghost. What does this have to do with Christmas? I have no clue but maybe I could do some Christmas Carol thing with my ghost powers. Do I even get ghost powers?

I completely forgot where I was going with this. I want to thank you for being here and reading this blog.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and stuff!

Holidays and Depression: How do we cope?

 It's no secret that I've been struggling with depression for years. It was exacerbated by my Mom's passing. It still doesn't get any easier, especially since my Mom loved Christmas. I love(d) Christmas as well but, It becomes bittersweet to celebrate Christmas when it reminds me of my loss. The Advent Calendar unofficially started around 2017 and with the highs and lows  it has always been threatened to end as a tradition here. Now that I have to deal with greater responsibilities, it's getting a bit harder to do so.  Also, it doesn't help me that due to my depression, the spark of Christmas is being weakened.

How do others do it? By others I mean those dealing with depression and loss. How can they deal with the happiest season being the saddest season? I can put a "Happy face" be all "Christmassy" to the point that even Mariah Carey's infamous song can be tolerable, but what breaks me are the tears that involuntarily slip down my face as the Hoff is butchering Feliz Navidad. Tears that carve away the mask, cutting deep into my soul with surgical precision and burning brighter than a thousand suns. 

I know that I'm allowed to be sad, to feel sorrow, but why does it have to be on Christmas!? It's supposed to be the Most Wonderful time of the year!! Or at least that's what the song says. Why must I be plagued by emptiness,yearning, and guilt?  The one time of the year where I wish for some sort of normalcy, I cannot get, because my subconscious is actively trying to suck the joy out of Christmas. How do others with depression and dealing with the pain of losing someone extremely important do it?

I know I shouldn't be trying to put a brave face and pretend everything is going to be alright. Problem is that I have the rest of the year to feel pain and sorrow, why can't I just have Christmas to feel "almost normal"? How do you do it? Survive the Holidays without being a hysterical mess? How can you endure a time of happiness knowing that you can't achieve said happiness? 

I've done the self-help, seeked counseling both medical and spiritual to no avail... I feel as trapped as a Japanese Schoolgirl in a tentacle movie... so it won't end well. I don't know how y'all do it, because it's hard as hell. All I can think of is that I have no idea how I keep going on. Much less how do you do it, but it's amazing that you can pull it off. YOU'RE AMAZING!! Just keep at it. I don't know if it gets better, but there's only one way to find out since Time travel hasn't been invented yet.

Odds and ends Dec 1, 2021

 Remember the Naughty or Nice toys? The indie action figure line with Santa, Elves and Nutcrackers that is relying on BBTS pre-orders to get made?

Well, all the main Santas and Elves passed the threshold... even The 2 versions of Krampus made it. Only the Nutcrackers seem to be lagging. Well, BBTS sent me an email with a NEW variant for Santa: The Jolly Santa, which is a Santa of high melanin concentration.

I have no issues with a Black Santa. My issue involves the accessories... why is only Black Santa the one with the pipe? Why doesn't he get a winking head or a shushing hand like Classic Santa? Or a badass sunglasses and Cigar head? Or a head with the pipe on his mouth a la Popeye? The White Santas are getting all the cool stuff!

Sure they could promote a second wave where Jolly Santa could get additional stuff, including variants... Would it be offensive to suggest a mr. T inspired Jolly Santa variant? Sleeveless jacket, ripped muscles and tons of Christmas themed chains. The Caucasian counterpart could be loosely inspired on Hulk Hogan dressed as Santa Claus. Also a Samurai  Santakurosu with a Candy Cane Katana... and ホホホ written on his back...  if Sgt. SANTA comes with a freaking Rocket Launcher, a Candy Cane Katana isn't a weird thing.

It seems that No Way Home is NOT the last Spider-Man film in the MCU... this is GREAT NEWS!! I wonder how will Spidey fit within the MCU after No Way Home, but to truly speculate on that, I have to see No Way Home. If Dosney is still keeping tabs on Spidey, there are less chances of Amy Pascal and Avi Arad fucking him up.

NECA somehow got the likeness rights of Peter Weller... You know what that means? NEW ROBOCOP FIGURES ARE COMING! The Battle damaged Robocop comes with his chair and a bunch of accessories... Hopefully I might be able to get the non-battle damaged version, because I need a Robocop... and yes, shooting other figures in the dick pics will be made if I get one!!

A Santa Claus Action Figure preorder!?

 BigBadToyStore is slhaving a preorder for a Santa Claus themed line by Fresh Monkey Fiction  from Nov 15- Dec 31st. If they succeed in getting the minimum, then we get a 1/12 scale Santa... or elves and nutcrackers. Me? I only want a vanilla Santa. As of the writing of this rant, 2500 Santas preorders are required and only 1999 have been made.

Having a super articulated Santa Claus figure is insane. Marvel Legends displays could benefit from him. I figured Street Fighter could do some insane pics... even S7 TMNT could benefit from him, but my Phicen seamless anime girl could give me some naughty or nice displays... If I were to get 3 girls they could be called:

Ho Ho Ho girls... just don't tell TMSK about them. Insert an I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus reference here. One of the stretch goals is Freaking Krampus... how we haven't gotten one of these until now, especially since Santa has no copyright...

Update: Santa tier unlocked!

-Vanilla Santa 999 (possibly more since counter stops at 999)

-Robot Santa 557

-Zombie Santa 716

-Sgt. Santa 348

My question is: if each figure has a 500 figure minimum requirement... What  would happen to Sgt. Santa if he doesn't reach the minimum required?  I think he'll make it, but it is a reasonable question.

Update 2: Krampus kommt!

Here's Krampus, he's a Deluxe figure at $49.99 which is a not OK price tag... but there's a second version with less accessories, the Santa disguise Krampus...

I don't want to be "THAT GUY" but I think they did it wrong... This Krampus should've been the cheaper version. Then the Santa disguised Krampus be the Deluxe one. 

Vanilla Krampus should have come with the bag to take away naughty children

 The list to ensure he's taking the naughty.

Gripping hands to hold the branches that he has.

The branches to punish naughty children.

Krampus also has chains, but I don't want to ask for too many newly sculpted parts: ie Cloven hooves for his lower legs, new forearms with enough space to add the chains that shackle him.

The reason I suggested the Santa disguise Krampus to be the Deluxe figure is due to the accessories for the "Santa disguise"

The already mentioned accessories above (branches, painted in candy cane pattern because Santa. The bag, the extra hands)

Add to those the cloak to hide Krampus's hideous appearance.

A second Krampus head, but with a Heath Ledger Joker paintjob in Santa Colors.

Because it feels that they put more effort on Robot Santa and Sgt. Santa than on Krampus.

If the $50 Krampus had a more Krampus-like appearance, like cloven feet and wasn't literally the vanilla Santa figure with a new head and hands.