Oct 7, 2018

The movie is like a turd in the wind... Am I a Gaga fan now? Spoilers

A "Venom" movie without Spider-Man is the most stupid thing ever... People warned SONY, but they decided to keep on trucking and making this turd a reality...
I will spoil the crap out of this movie because it's bad and I don't want you to waste money on it...

SO Let's begin!

They Kill John Jameson the Man Wolf right out of the bat... Or Did they? Do the math:
Marvel movie, Astronaut named Jameson... He's dead now.

End Credits Spoiler that Pretty much everyone knew BEFORE THE MOVIE CAME OUT! Woody Harrelson cameos as Cletus Kassady... While wearing a cheap Party City wig. Worst offense:
They didn't use this when Harrelson dropped the Carnage line as BGM


They had a WAY to tie it in to Spidey but they didn't, because they are frigging Morons!

They fixed the Sim Buy Oats line to Sim Bee Oats

I was the only idiot who cheered after hearing Sim BEE Oat instead of sim BUY Oat.

But Let's Begin: Eddie Brock a Reporter living in San Francisco after being ousted from New York. He's engaged to Anne Weying an attorney whose firm works for The Life Foundation... The very same company that brought the symbiotes to Earth after "an accidental crash". Brock screws his relationship up at an interview with LF's CEO. Brock loses everything... again and not a Parker in sight... He is contacted by Dr. SimBUYOat... in order to help him uncover the Truth, Dr. SimBUY Oat helps Eddie infiltrate LF where he gets infected by the sim BUY Oat.

Then the movie turns into a weird Superhero movie from the last decade/buddy comedy between Eddie and the Symbiote. Oh yeah, Eddie doesn't go Venom until 1 hour into the film. We have a lot of awkward scenes where Hardy talks to himself and people think he's nuts. The movie remembers it has a villain and attaches a symbiote to Tentacle rape victime from Rogue One. They fight, bad guy kills Eddie, but Venom brings him back to life and they kill the bad guy. Eddie becomes Lethal protector, One Stan Lee Cameo, then Credits... then the Carnage cameo followed by more credits.


Thanks Jay, for summarizing it for me so eloquently.

Where can I start... The movie KINDA FEELS like a Sequel to Tobey Man 3, but with the First Hour forcing "an Origin" after they were forced to re-write.

While they tried to simplify, they ended up making a big mess. The stakes were... Apparently the world, but it didn't feel like that. Pretty much the entire movie felt like Eddie vs Thugs. Riot doesn't even come into play until the end of the movie. Now there are Millions of symbiotes awaiting to hitch a ride to conquer Earth.

If you really want to watch this: Don't waste your money...

No comments:

Post a Comment