Yeah... I finally found that Shenmue clip on Youtube! Yeah... And I'm a bit bummed seeing that this is the First Christmas where Santa cannot give me the one present I want the most... But let's face it... Even with all of his powers Santa still has some limitations.
I know that talking about Santa on a Christmas rant would be robbing the Christ part out of Christmas... IF I were to look at things from the Christian point of view... Which I'm not, due to an unwritten rule that I'm supposed to keep the House of Rants as neutral in Politics or Religion... The few times I've dabbled in things involving politics (like Mitt Romney being indirectly responsible for Kay Bee toys dying, which was mostly reminiscing about KB and the stuff I got there... Or the time Obama made fun of Trump and the Birthers with The Lion King Footage... Mostly because Obama used The Lion King to mock the whole Obama is a Kenyan thing.) So, I'm going to focus my rant on one of my Childhood heroes, a man that I'd want to be like him when I grow up, a man whose greatness I cannot achieve and even by doing My best I'll never be a fraction of the man known as Santa Claus.
Yes, I have often DREAMED of BEING SANTA CLAUS. Sure he's not as Super as say, Superman who uses his powers to protect humanity or a Christ-like figure who dies for our sins...
Cue the Nostalgia Critic Optimus Prime joke...
Santa wants us to be good... Not to save us from the possibility of Eternal Damnation, but for Goodness sake. Of course, this is the point where the TOY Bribe is brought up. Sure, the whole commercialization of Christmas kinda ruins the holiday and instead of reflecting on our actions throughout the year and try to be a better person; but a treat outside your birthday doesn't seem like a bad thing... Besides Pretty much EVERY Holiday has been commercialized... Candy and postcards on V-Day, Fireworks, meat and beer for Independence Day, Candy for Halloween, Green stuff and Alcohol for St. Patrick's, uh, Tex Mex food, Racist stereotypical Sombreros and ponchos and Tequila for cinco de Mayo... So think about it, the Magic of Christmas is all about trying to be a better person, to share Joy even when one is dealing with harsh situations... Find the good on everything and celebrate that. Santa embodies that pretty well.
I mean, the guy is a bit of an anti social person who prefers to be isolated from contact with other people most of the year. The guy lives in the NORTH POLE, a very inhospitable place! Now to be fair, the guy is immortal. Losing Family and Friends to the great Equalizer IS something Horrible... Now take that and add to the equation that you cannot die. See the reason why he must be away from humanity. This would also explain his attachment to Children.
Think about it: Children have the most hopes and dreams, their imaginations are wonderful and to an extent magical. A man who cannot die would try to cherish every moment with those he'd consider friends. Most kids would say that Santa is a friend. Some adults still trust Santa, or at least feel a bit relieved when near Santa (even if it is not the REAL Santa...) Why is that? Because we consider him a friend and someone we should trust. (Due to all the years he has been watching for us and giving us presents when we've been good)
Also, Look at Santa: He's old, fat, lives on a diet of cookies and milk... The guy can eat Cookies and Milk... And candy too with ZERO CONSEQUENCES!! Well, maybe one night of massive Overtime, but he has the rest of the year to prepare physically and mentally for it.
Why does he do it? Here we could go and take the Story of Nikolaos of Myra, which is the historical figure that inspired the Santa lore. I prefer to go in a different direction. The Immortal Claus knows how short life is, since he is undying and has seen the lives of his friends go by so fast (compared to him) So he goes out of his way to bring presents to the children in order to bring them some additional joy in their short lifespans. Think about it. Santa only comes when you still have some innocence in you and have not become jaded and cynical due to the harsh realities of this world. This brings us back to the Be Good for Goodness sake. For those who "outgrew" Santa, the idea of Be Good for Goodness sake is a message. Don't be a cynical jerkwad ALL THE TIME. Let the childlike innocence thrive for a while... A little hope that things CAN BE Better is not a bad thing.
Now WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE SANTA?
Spreading Happiness and bringing Joy to people everywhere just by using 2 Letters 3 times... Ho, Ho, Ho! Being able to eat a ton of cookies and milk without any side effects is a nice perk too!
The premise of Sneaking into peoples' homes, eating their food and leaving Mysterious Packages sounds disturbing for most adults... For me it sounds like an Extreme game of Metal Gear Solid in real life... but the cookies and milk is where it's at... and don't get me no stinking vegan cookies and non-dairy milk... BLEGH!
I am well aware that Santa doesn't work that way and that all we do is preserve the mythos of Santa with the presents and the Agents of C.L.A.U.S. that work the malls. (I did work as an Agent of C.L.A.U.S. in the past and it was glorious!) Sure some people (usually more jaded and cynical folks)
see this as a great lie. I understand their point of view and using Logic, I'd agree, but I believe in "preserving the lie" for this case. Now more than ever, due to my personal situations and recent events. I CHOOSE to believe in Santa because it lets me see a silver lining during this season. I'm tired of being jaded or cynical... I need some added joy in life and Santa adds some joy in mine...
If you want to be a cynical jerkwad, you can have Krampus...