The Fall of Eternia: or why Scott Neitlich should be banned from writing comics

I was going to wait until Oo-Larr, but an upcoming episode of  Council of the First Ones has the cast rambling about this unholy abomination. I'm going to rant about it now to stop it from ruining Oo-Larr's review. This is the sequel to the comic that came with UNO... Like that comic and the ones that came before, the story was penned by Scott Neitlich... no longer with Mattel.

Ugh Let's get this show on the road:
It's been 10 years after the last mini comic. Adam killed Skeletor and Adora is MIA. Randor died off panel and now Adam returns home.

So, Flipshot and Sky High are friends and Sky High is not white... Also, He-Man puts on his classic suit and a cape after the Power of Trolla gave him the Laser Armor... Is that Detective Lubic?
Queen Marlena is dressed like a nun and gives us some bogus bullcrap about the Prophecy...
The Prophecy has been about twins wielding the power of Grayskull, but now it wasn't?
The Eternia/Earth connection was simply a champion with parents from both worlds? Bull CRAP!!
No scenes of Adam mourning Randor. Seriously, comic?

We find out that Adam Married Teela on a secret wedding off panel... (ANOTHER Neitlich MOTUC Trope: Secret Wedding)
That wedding had some consequences... He-Man is a deadbeat dad! Enter Dare (blegh!) HEIR TO THE POWER OF HE-MAN!! (See the issue here? Neitlich skipped POP, NA, the EVEN NEWER ADVENTURES OF HE-MAN to toss the twice failed Son of He-Man Concept that Mattel rejected the first time before it evolved into New Adventures and rejected a second time when Lou Scheimer pitched the He-Ro Son of He-Man who was actually the Nephew of He-Man. He claims it's for Marketing purposes, but here's the thing... Take it away, Dr. Malcolm!) Oh yeah! He-Man forces the people of Eternos to move to the outskirts of Grayskull...

So, "Prince Dare" is wearing a repaint of 200X Prince Adam's suit. Adam gets crowned as He-Man, which is a load of crap! While, yes, Adam IS He-Man, he SHOULD BE CROWNED AS King Adam of the House of Randor, the He-Man King. He-Man is not his name, but his title. That would be like Scott Neitlich renouncing to his name and have his position as Boy Toys Brand Manager be given to Toyguru. (and having the paychecks with Toyguru as the name on the check instead of Scott Neitlich)
Nice cameos of Gwildor, Sebrian, Drissi, Pookie, the Bee thingie with a kid that may or may not be Stanlan...

We then cut to Dare talking about his father not showing him "The Big Stuff"... We then see He-Man locking the sword on a Status Field... I'm sure it should have been a Stasis Field... Something something only those with He-Man's Bloodline can unlock the sword... blah blah blah. We know they're setting this up for Dare to pick up the sword.

Orko is carrying a book of Sir-Loser-Lot... Not so subtle Foreshadowing... And we meet the He-Ro: Son of He-Man Rejects squad: Whoopie cushion, Jai alai guy! Albino Teela Wannabe. S&M Ram Man, and Gimp-E-Faces! Orko remarks: "Who would dare attack Eternia now?"

Next Page, Attack happens. They tried to put a four months later to distance Orko from the phrase, but it was on the page before. So basically Orko opened his mouth and screwed all up!
Despara comes in with an army of Skelcons AND the Zombie Skeletor... Seriously, he has a Scareglow-like arm that Jai alai guy chops off! Not only that but Derpara has him on a Leash... LITERALLY!! Also Skeletor has learned Zombienglish. He has riveting lines such as "Guh?"  or "RAAAGGGHHHH!"
Adora is rambling on about Hordak being her father and how He-Man twisted things and Killed Hordak. There's something about fighting for 10 years in a battle arena.
He-Man being a tattletale points towards Skeletor as the culprit of Hordak's death. So Adora decapitates the Zombie Skeletor that she revived with the Cosmic Enforcers...
Makes no sense, right?

Dare grabs the sword and then By the Power of Daddy, I have the name of some dude in the past!
He Hulk jumps into the battle and DOES NOTHING!! Despara touches the sword and Horde Prime's Soul leaves her body.

If it was Horde Prime all along, why all this Adora babbling about Hordak? Why didn't he use Adora to "Revive" The Empire...  Orko captures Horde Prime in a Trollan Soul Catcher Spell... Do Trollans lose their souls THAT OFTEN that they NEED to have a Soul Catcher Spell?
Now that Despara was purged we get Nearly Naked She-Ra asking for her man... Sadly, it's not Bow, but the Bow-Wannabe.
Not saying that Neitlich is Misogynistic, but once again: He-Man's Equal was turned evil, could not snap out of it herself until she touched her Nephew's Phallic Symbol. She doesn't ask where she is, but instead asks where is her man. Not saying Misogyny, but Misogyny...

Well, what can I say here...


Scott Neitlich blew up Castle Grayskull...
SCOTT NEITLICH BLEW UP CASTLE GRAYSKULL!!
Let that sink in for a moment... The ancient Fortress of Power and Mystery where Teela currently resides as the Sorceress is no more... Teela may be dead since she was not outside the castle when it blew up!

What could wipe off the horrible aftertaste of Grayskull blowing up? SKELETEEN and the UN NAMED ONE!!
We end up with a Stan Lee-inspired paragraph talking about time travel, Illumina and stuff.

Then we have Neitlich using Scrollos to make fun of the fans followed by a lame joke on how Teela got her staff... Closed by another jab at the fans! Dick move, Neitlich...

The only saving grace is the art. The writing stinks and the writer should never be allowed to write comics!