Nov 1, 2014

MY EYES! I need Brain Bleach Again! (Rainbow Rocks review)

My Little Horse Girls 2: We're doing a Jem movie before Jem!

Yes, I've got Equestria Girls Rainbow Rocks. This means that I'm tempted to do another play by play review, but in the EG review Tradition, I'll watch the movie while taking some notes and playing it by memory. Dunno if I'll want to see it twice in the same day. SO there will be Spoilers!!

So the movie starts on a "Meanhwile" during the fall of Supreme Mega Bitch! We learn that the 3 new villains were banished to the "Hyuman world" and that they are from Equestria.

Where is the My Little Pony Theme? This is a My Little Pony movie and I DEMAND THE MY LITTLE PONY THEME, even the G3 one!!
The song, I don't care for it, but the animation summarizes EG.
Wait... Gilda's VA is one of the three villains, Rarity's singing voice is another of the villains!? (This echoes the Sunset Shimmer thing... Where Supreme Mega Bitch's VA is the Singing voice for Twilight Sparkle)

The movie starts in Canterlot High... which means NO PONIES!!
Warning: Since this is the sequel with a seemingly reformed Sunset Shimmer, I shall no longer call her Supreme Mega Bitch (unless she behaves like one.)

Nopony wants Sunset Shimmer's help. Not even the CMC, but Pinkie Pie, Mistress of subtlety helps SS out of her embarrassing situation by calling her Pinkie Pie Style!
Principal Molestia and Vice Principal Woona show up to do an announcement for the Canterlot High School Musical Showcase... And Celestia mentions the Fall Formal where Sunset Shimmer went Beelzeboss and tried to use an army of mind controlled teens to take over Equestria... Smooth move there, Principal Sunbutt!
So, SS is beating herself up for her past actions. Leave it to Pinkie Pie to rub more salt in the wound unintentionally (That's why she's my favorite Teenage Girl... Doesn't have the same ring to it as favorite pony.)
SOOOOOOOOOOONG!! Oh yeah! Seems that when singing the Mane 5 turns into the freaky humanoid pony senshi from EG. Rarity even comments about it. Dammit movie! Stop doing my job of pointing out the WTF stuff on you!
Ooh! They referenced the Twilight Princess! (not the LoZ game)

Ugh! Movie is already ruined by Waifu Stealer... Go away! There is no waifu for you to steal!

Dammit! Sunset Shimmer is more depressing than Raven! Now she's going to show the school around for some new students. (If you're NOT a 5 year old girl, the intended target audience for this movie, you'll KNOW it's the new vllain trio.)Whaddya know? I was right! Really Adagio? Couldn't you say MAGICAL in a more villanous tone? Maybe have some signs saying: I'm THE VILLAIN HERE!!
Oh, Sonata is the dumb one! Good to know... Hopefully SS is figuring out that something isn't right here. (With my luck she's pondering if the Element of Lucha can suplex a train!)

Masochist Shimmer keeps beating herself up for EG.

Villains reveal their plan to feed off negativity and take over the world... You want to feed off negativity, feed off the Internet!
TACO TUESDAY!! (So that explains the Sonataco art) They start with a sieren-esque song to do the opposite of Helping Twilight Win the Crown. The Mane 5 and SS figure out that they have some sort of dark magic. And Applejack's unintentional lack of tact makes her my SECOND Favorite Teenage Girl. (calling SS a power-crazed Lunatic)
Mr. Beldinglestia don't believe no Mane 5 story. Luna is my favorite Adult. Seriously, Sunset Shimmer is becoming the Robert Barone of CHS.

Mane 5 and SS are pondering in front of the portal what to do. Dashie suggests taking them down. (That's pretty much her answer to everything. With complete lack of tact, of course... Poor Sunset But Monkey Shimmer...) They wonder how to contact Twilight. No one thinks of asking the other resident Equestrian, so Sunset Shimmer has an idea (since she's from Equestria and all that.) So, Dear Princess Something or other:
Trippy Doctor Hooves effect!! 19:48!? It took this movie 19 minutes and 48 seconds to show me PONIES!? Not even the Mane 6 or close to important background ponies... OK I think I see The Doctor, Roseluck and maybe Daisy. DON'T BLINK! BLINK AND YOU'RE DEAD! SHE IS FAST. FASTER THAN YOU CAN BELIEVE! DON'T TURN YOUR BACK! DON'T LOOK AWAY. AND DON'T BLINK! If you wanna see Derpy. In any case here's a screengrab.

We now know that Rainbow Rocks is post Season 4. Surprised Spike hasn't eaten Twilight's castle.
BOOKS: Equestria's cellphones. 21 minutes into the movie and Twilight has to go to the Human world to save the Teenage Girls from more Equestrian Outcasts.
Gee... They ARE Sirens. They didn't give it away with the Siren Song vocalizing.

Now I wonder are these Sirens Sea Ponies?

Star-swirl the Bearded banished them? Good thing it wasn't Celestia, otherwise the whole mmmmm! Bananas would have been confirmed.
Wait whuuuut?
Pinkie understood everything perfectly and explained it to everyone!?
Once again, Twilight and Spike face the dreads of HIGH SCHOOL!! Now Twilight Sparkle and Store Brand Twilight Sparkle are together and on the same side!
Dammit AJ! Stop trying to bring that turdburglar into the pic! (Talking about Waifu Stealer)
Oh Rarity, always the gold digger... And everybody taking a crap on Sunset Shimmer seems to be a running joke too, huh! Twily has joined in on the fun!
Looks like the animators love both Crapcom and SNK... Saw T.Bogards Crack Shot turned into a Hadoken.

Human Derpy sighted at 27:32!! Lyra and Bon Bon!? Animators are promoting fanships!!
27:50!? STOP Forcing Waifu Stealer on us!!
So, the Sirens make an entry and Sonataco steals the show! Mane 6 bring forth the Witchcraft of Friendship!! I said, the Mane 6 use the Power of Friendship!
Come on! Tara Strong yelled the subtitle of the series!? DO SOMETHING DAMMIT! Oh, we're not ecen halfway through the movie... DAMN! So, Adagio takes advantage of the situation and now... everyone has a battle of the bands boner... Cue the green magic farts of negativity to feed the Sirens. Badgals figure out the MANE 6 and SS are Special... MAGIC!!

Sunset Shimmer proves to be a better Twilight than Twilight, but her new low self-esteem doesn't help her. Good thing Twilight figures it out after SS gave her the right answer! Everyteenagegirl teamsup with twilight, while Sunset Shimmer is left behind. Slumber Party at Pinkie Pies!? Oh gawd! Think of the clopfics! Writers are totally doing this on purpose... BAD WRITERS!

Ooh! Stuffed Alligator toy? EG Gummy? Pizza!?
Twilight, Sunset Shimmer, alone in a dark kitchen with a fridge full of whipped cream... It's almost as if the writers WANT more clopfics floating on the internets... MAUD!? OK, the writers TOTALLY want clopfics to happen!

Hey, hey Listen!? Did Twilight become Navi, or am I looking too deep into this? Bad song is bad because we reached the halfway point. Crap! the seeds of Discord (no pun intended) are starting to hit the MANE 6. Daft Punk Reference. 15 minutes till showtime?

Snips and Snails Represent!
Ooh! CMC wearing human versions of the CMC outfits

20% Less cool... So the Final song needs to be 20% cooler? Still catering to Bronies... aren't ya RD?
Ooh! Photo Finish Sabotage! Now Snips and Snails are in it too!?
46 minutes Derpy Sighted! Girl with the Triangle kinda looks like Fluffle Puff... No, wait! They look like Kimber and Shana!!
Waifu Stealer not interested in Waifu? WTF? Once again SS gets crapped on, but this time it's the badgals doing it! (Finally)
Sirens sing and what's this? Bulk Biceps!? Lyra and Bon Bon singing while PLAYING on a Piano... (Lyra, "hand obsession")
YES! Waifu Stealer was Eliminated!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

TGaPT has a point... Dammit! Sadset Shimmer made me misty eyed!
SS stops RD from going Horse Hybrid and ruins the song. Holy Crap! Octavia talked!!
TGaPT gloats in premature victory, but the Sirens intervene and manipulate Principal Trollestia into giving the win to the Rainbooms. Then the Sirens manipulate TGaPT into sabotaging the Rainbooms.
Death by Trapdoor? Holy crap! It's Cheerilee's Garden all over again... MAKE IT STOP!
Mane 5 are fighting and now are emitting green fart energy. SS realizes what's going on and tries to stop them. Really, no one tried seeing if the door opened towards the room?

DJ PON-3 and Spike save the day. Now the Rainbooms are gonna go Friendship is Magic, Bitch! all over the Sirens. Seriously, DJ Pon-3 has a transformer. It turns from Car to DJ table.
Holy ****! The Sirens went Sailor Senshi on stage! We Need to make the children and bronies to buy new product... Let's put Rainbow Power on the Teenage Girl-Pony Hybrids! In the words of Rarity: It.IS.ON!! OK, Sunset Shimmer is taking off her clothes... Now IT.IS.ON!! Elements of Harmony AND THE ELEMENT OF LUCHA!!
A Rainbowdashzord? Holy ****! Sirens are dead meat! No... Screw you Waifu Stealer!
Twilight leaves Teh Human wolrd and now Sunset Shimmer reports to her? THE END!?
Derpy sighted on credits. Post-End Credits Scene, HO-LY Crap!!

So, my thoughts? I kinda liked it a bit more than the Original? I can't believe I'm saying this but I wanna see an Equestria Girls 3. Also, I'd like to see more EG Shorts... An EG series of shorts would be nice to keep the EG around, while normal episodes are made for the Ponies... I know this is messed up but I've learned to like the EG!

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