Dec 24, 2016

Holiday Play By Play Rant Time!!

Holiday Play by Play Rant time!! (this rant was Written in the middle of July, because that was when I was able to get a copy of a Very Minty Christmas)
That's Right, everypony! I'mma doing a G3 Play by Play Rant...
But first a warning:

In the TV show Diabetus scale, G3 is 2.5 Full Houses...

Before I start I need to point a few things out:

Minty is miss Wa-haha!
Thistle Whistle is Princess Moonbutt
Cotton Candy is Twilight's Student #2
Sweet Berry and cloud Climber are voiced by somepony
GREAT AND POWERFUL... Or Evil Lyn if you're into MOTU (200X)
Rainbow Dash is Mara of Primusand Crita!? or GirlRanma!? Wait... Princess Lana is Girl Ranma!? Now I know...
Zipzee is Fluttershy!?

This is a case of the voices being recorded in Canada, eh? This is the part where an angry Canadian (do they exist?) will say "We Canadian's don't end each sentence with eh!"

Back to a Very Minty Christmas:

We enter the G3 World where Ponies Frolick and sing... Something about the G3 Art style that Reminds me of the Mary Kate and Ashley Cartoon...

So the ponies are Christmasing it up! We get glimpses of G3 Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie... Roll clip!

Holy crap! Santa is Human in this!! Well, according to the toy he is...
The G3 Ponies are more Christmassy than the Whos! I love Christmas, but I can't stand G3... Two minutes in and I want to stop the pain. Must not press Alt + F4!

Cotton Candy is not very Christmassy (Hmmm... Wasn't Starlight Glimmer not too fond of Hearth's Warming Eve?) and ends up being tied up by Christmas lights... Cloppers have said DO NOT WANT... Try one Generation later! Cotton Candy get help from her friends and is untied from the mess she got herself into. I'd make a joke aboot G3 Ponies being Mentally handicapped, but that
would be wrong, bub! (Now THAT's a tounge in cheek reference to a popular Canadian from fiction!)
They decided to go with Pink and Mint for the Christmas Candy Cane colors...

I think that Scootaloo? and 2 other ponies made a Snowman before leaving to hear a speech by Pinkie... I wonder if G3 fans feel this WTF vibe whenever they watch Friendship is Magic.
Minty shows up and the Snowman loses his boner... She tries to fix it but screws it up... Silly Minty! She proceeds to take off one sock and partially covers her screw up.

Now we hear Pinkie's speech. Everyone loves Rainbow Dash... Who is basically Proto-wa-haha! There's something about her voice that makes her sound...
Unnatural. I want to strangle Thistle Whistle... The whistling gimmick is almost as annoying as Copper Kid

No, G3 Pinkie sounds like KIMI SPARKLE!!!

They bring forth the Candy Cane that will guide Santa to Ponyville, because Diabeetus. Minty got late and will likely screw this up, because

Ugh!! Minty!!

So, the Candy Cane is put atop the Christmas tree.
They're gonna go decorate!? I could've sworn THEY WERE DECORATING WHILE SINGING WHEN THIS STARTED!!
And Remember the Snowman? Minty Screws this up as a little of her wa-haha comes out for a nanosec.
She hops into a balloon and almost knocks the cane down.
The Other Ponies are at the Castle attending the lighting ceremony.

NOW Minty @#$%s it up! She has a Meltdown, which is understandable. You're a Mean one, Miss Minty! you really are a Heel! All jokes aside, Minty tries to confess and fails.
Pinkie and Dash discuss decorating tips... I mean this was Christopher Lowell Level stuff. Yeah, I
happen to have a clip!

Minty runs to confess to Pinkie how she (Minty) screwed up, that she slips, slides and screwed the
pooch at the castle. she knocks the banner once more by trying to tell Pinkie how she messed up Christmas! The Mintminator is dismissed by Pinkie. She proceeds
to beat herself up worse than I do at times when I screw up! Shoot! Now *I* Feel bad... I know how you feel, Mints! Now she thinks that by BECOMING SANTA and she can save Christmas... I don't know which is worse, me finding a kindred spirit with Minty, or that I'm getting flashes to when I was dealing with depression? And she's giving them socks!! Wait! Pony Bondage and Ponies in socks fetish started in G3!?
Oh myy!

Ponies are going to sleep... Minty's on a Sock themed Musical Acid Trip! come on! I wanna see Minty breaking and entering houses!! Really? Minty invented the Christmas Stockings? A pony nearly wakes as Minty klutzes her way through a house. She delivers the girliest Ho, Ho, Ho and the pony believes it's Santa and goes back to bed. She tries the trick again and
gets busted by Pinkie Pie... Now she comes clean and Pinkie is saddened by the lack of Christmas this year... So, Ponies believe in Christ? Minty is now bummed that she can't be Santa and Pinkie made Minty Cry... Pinkie Banishes Minty to the North Pole to find Santa and Save Christmas! More Like Minty thinks she was banished, but whatever.

So Minty steals a balloon, again and Annoying Whistle finds her. Minty confesses to the Whistling Pegasus and now Tabitha St. Germain is basically talking to herself. Pinkie uses Emotional Blackmail to bring Thistle Whistle after Minty.

Minty not only killed the candy cane, she topples the Tree! Now the Ponies are freaking out over the Tree. Pinkie throws Minty under the bus and the ponies freak out over no Santa.
Now Pinkie is trying to get a Save Minty Mission. the Rest of the ponies are Solid Snaking Pinkie... Solid Snaking Pinkie!? Stop that! Stop that?

Minty is soaring the skies and reached the North Pole and went past it...
Luckily for her, Thistle Whistle is here to save her... wait, was that an Indy Reference?

Shipping is canon! Now Thistle saves Minty and Minty is still trying to save Christmas...
29 minutes in and NOW I hear the My Little Pony theme... and it sounds Freaking EPIC!
More Pony Bondage as the Balloon is once again at the Mercy of the winds and Oh crap! The Balloon Popped!
Luckily for Mints and Thistle the rest of the Ponies came to the rescue and saved them from certain death.

The ponies land at the North Pole crashing in on poor Santa. Great! Now they're Solid Snaking Minty! Solid Snaking... Don't end that sentence or I'll... Let's move on! There's a note from Santa. It states that he left, cause Christmas! Minty apologizes for accidentally giving everyone a super awesome Christmas... That could only be topped if they meet Santa. Now when Ponies hug, they emit a radioactive glow... Like Rudolph's nose! and Minty's Radioactive socks do too! That's how Santa can now find Ponyville, theoretically speaking. The ponies leave the North Pole towards Ponyville and we get another song. The Tree was rebuilt full of socks and the Candy Cane is back on. Santa filled the christmas stockings with stuff and I think I saw G3's chicken...
They realize it's Santa and Minty's Rarity showed up for a second there.
Minty Created the Christmas Stocking: Confirmed!!
Another Song with the ponies decorating for Christmas AGAIN!!
Please end!
Minty is still Mintying things up... Ah at last! The end credits... The Classic MLP Theme!? You fiends! You know I NOW HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT!! OK you're now doing an instrumental version of that Christmas song... Screw you movie!! Now you play the version with Lyrics... Screw you movie TWICE!!

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