Sep 7, 2015

I guess it's time to review The Phantom Pain...

Quiet Playing with herself...
This review will not have spoilers because, A: I've not beaten the game,
B: The story so far packs some punches that I don't want to ruin... Unlike Ground Zeroes... I'm sorry, but "Vagina Bomb" sounds like the perfect name for a Feminist Rock Band!

I found Ground Zeroes to be a bit underwhelming, because it was a freaking Demo to The Phantom Pain, but it seems that TPP brought some of the fun that was sucked out of Ground Zeroes...
Child Soldiers are messed up, yo! But don't worry about them until you reach Africa.

Long story short: Peace Walker  on Steroids + GTA + Hideo's subtlety + ACTUAL BOSS BATTLES WITH STRANGE SUPERHUMAN CHARACTERS = The Phantom Pain

If you played Ground Zeroes, then you know the drill.
Same Gameplay with added elements, (Cardboard box, "Knocking" noises, bodily functions as seen on the D-Horse clip, and others).

Same thing can be said for the controls. Just like Ground Zeroes, but with Added functions.

Graphically speaking, I cannot say much. I'm going with the "inferior PS3 version", but they looks real nice. Afghanistan looks very Desert-like and I get a few RDR flashbacks...
Africa, well. Very Discovery Channel Africa kind of thing. Big Boss looks like crap, BECAUSE The Explosion from Ground Zeroes' Vagina Bomb let him looking like an Oni.

That is also a topic on the story. We're seeing the change from the Hero of Operation Snake Eater descend into the role of Madman from Operation Intrude N313... Once again, this is a bit of that Hideo Subtlety I've made fun of. All he needs is a shirt saying EVIL!! On him... Seriously.

Musically speaking... 1980s music, can ride stolen vehicles... Kids in America? Am I playing Vice City or Metal Gear? Though there are a few songs out of place, seeing that the game is in 1984 and we have songs from 1985, 1986  and even 1992? That's not counting the pieces made specifically for the game.

The voicework... I still hate the Queef as Big Boss...

Wait, a Drunk Queefer Sutherland with a slightly sore throat is his Big Boss voice! No wonder it sucks!

I seem to be forgetting the numeric value on the review...
It's on purpose. I am not putting the numeric score until I beat it and can tackle the entire story... think of this as the Tanker Chapter of the Review... The Big Shell will come soon!
All I can say is this: If you like Metal Gear Solid and haven't played it, then What the Hell are you waiting for!? Also, who am I kidding? The scores are below!

OK, Story so far... (Just got to Africa. Sadly I will not be able to bless the rains seeing that Toto's song did not make it to the list. I googled it...) BTW this one may change if they do something M.Night levels of stupid... which could force a change in the rating.
I'd say a 7.5
Mostly because it's been beating me hard with WE MUST TAKE REVENGE ON CIPHER stick... The rest, well, it has been set up in the midst of the incidents in Africa and Afghanistan of the Era.

Ground Zeroes and Peace Walker on Steroids. It even has weird freaky bosses so a 8.5 Some of the Repetitive things can get, well Repetitive... Also, Freaking Game Learns your tactics and begins to counter them. Soldiers in my game tend to be more aware of Fulton Balloons, began to put mines around the base and the are more prone to shoot in my direction when tranquilizers hit them. Also damn those Helmets, damn those Helmets to Hell!

Same as GZ. This time, I replayed GZ before Playing TPP so I wasn't caught off guard that much.
For an outdated console, the graphics are amazing. I suppose the XBOne and PS4 versions are better.

Fun Factor:
Here the game gets a Solid 7.0. The game is fun, but like Peace Walker, some things can get a bit annoying and repetitive.

Sounds and Music:I said the music and sounds are good. I mentioned that the VA is great except the Queef, Another tiny nitpick that I have about the sounds involves the cassettes. You either sit your ass on the chopper and listen to them without interruption, or listen to them while in gameplay. If you do the latter, new convos from other characters from Mother Base will override the tape's audio, and you'll miss information.

The Phantom Pain gets a 8.08 as it's Nearly final score. I know that this will cause people to get pissed off, but hear me out: the Story rating is not set in stone, we could say that the Story section has a Liquid rating... I'm not a fan of the GZ Control Scheme. Feels un-Metal Gear to me. It's a damn good game... no, a damn GREAT game, but it does have some things that *I* consider flaws... (Starting with the Queef.) Hideo's Final Metal Gear is FREAKING AWESOME, but it's not perfect... No game is Perfect.

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