Jul 15, 2017

Spider-Man's Homecoming: The Rant...

Damn Zendaya, Damn Zendaya to Hell! I'm going to get the worst parts of the movie out of the way, so there will be spoilers... They are mostly centered around this:

She is NOT MJ and she never will be MJ! I REFUSE TO ACCEPT HER AS MJ!! Hashtag NOT MY MJ!!

OK she is "not" Mary Jane Watson... but she IS "an MJ" in the movie... She even calls herself MJ in it! No! Just No! Also she's there for the reason of being there. Honestly, you could take her out of the movie and very little is lost.

The second one is the Miles-ification of Peter Parker...
"Ned" was pretty much Ganke, Miles Morales' best friend (BTW Miles got a throwaway reference in the movie) That steals from Miles' "uniqueness" to the role of Spidey if they ever try to bring Miles into the big screen. It also diminishes Peter's "uniqueness" since they basically made him "white Miles".

Third: Vulture was, from a writing point of view,  Norman Osborn Part 2. Michael Keaton did an Amazing job as Vulture, but there were a few shades of Norman Osborn in the story... The going to the Homecoming Dance part of the movie was VERY Similar to the Thanksgiving Dinner scene from Tobey-Man.

Now the good:

Mmmmmm! Aunt May! What? She was Aunt Hottie in the movie... and the running gag about Aunt May being hot... Who would've thought that we'd be writing/saying Aunt May is Hot?

Tony Stank being Tony Stank... RDJ keeps playing the Massive Douche Anthony Stank and he keeps knocking it out of the park.

Stan Lee's Cameo...

Vulture: Sure, I mentioned that Vulture was Norman Osborn-ized, but I must reiterate that Michael Keaton DID an amazing job with the material he was given. I do like that Toomes was more of a Blue Collar American Villain trying to figure out what to do after the Government pushed him down the toilet and not being a 100% Norman Osborn rip-off.

Humor: There was plenty of it. Some of it was physical, some situational, some jokes were a bit forced... Most of them involving Eugene Thompson.

Tom Holland:
It's known that I love Tobey-Man 1 and 2 and that I'm not fond of Spider-Garfield movies... Also that Maguire Nailed Peter Parker but failed Spidey while Garfield Massively failed at Peter Parker but nailed Spidey. Tom Holland is a zen-like balance between these two extremes... He has the kinda whiny and pathetic Peter Parker from Tobey and he kinda has the humor that the Garfield Spidey pulls off. Perhaps one tiny nitpick is that spidey was sometimes the butt of some jokes a bit too much.

The hints at a Future Villain... It was an unexpected twist seeing a certain character having a small role in the movie and some hatred towards our Friendly Neighborhood Spidey... Perhaps this may mean our favorite mustachioed Journalist will show up for the sequel? If this villain is made, it WOULD BE an interesting choice...

Shocker was decent, for a minor role that is... Sadly, he never showed up in full Shocker Regalia... There was a Brown Jacket with Yellow Quilted sleeves, but not the full regalia... Please have the Shocker show up in full regalia in the next movie and dismissed as the minor villain he is!

It was a fun ride... Much better than Amazing, but in my biased opinion not better than Tobey Man 2... Sorry, but my love for Doc Ock trumps an amazing Vulture from Keaton.

Hey! Now that I think of it: We've had:
Doc Ock
all we're missing is a movie with Kraven (who totally should have been a villain in Amazing 1) and Mysterio... Dude, a Mysterio movie would be far trippier than Inception and Doctor Strange. We're 2 Villains Shy of having a sort of Cinematic Representation of The Sinister Six...

Did I mention that Zendaya Sucked Ass in this movie? Cause she totally did. I'm still crossing my fingers for her being a fake-out and having a real MJ or a Gwen Stacy to show up in the sequel.

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