There's only room for ONE Snake and ONE Big Boss

And his name is David Hayter... Not Jack Bauer... Yes, I was willing to give it a chance, but I don't like Kiefer Sutherland as Big Boss... He sounds like Jack Bauer with a mild sore throat. Yes, boys and girls, I finally bothered to get Metal Gear Solid V: the Phantom Pain's "Tanker Chapter", Ground Zeroes.

Where to begin?
OK... Kojima learned a new trick: Rape is bad, mmkay! (will elaborate later.) The Story: Infiltrate the Enemy Fortress: Not Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp. Rescue Two Characters from Peace Walker (Chico and the PAAAAAAAAAZ!!) There is no Metal Gear or Shagohod or any sort of Bipedal Nuclear Tanks in this game. But Paz was raped... Cause Rape is bad mmmkay! and Soldiers use rape as torture... and that is bad! Did I mention Rape is bad? Just making sure you got the message.

So, Metal Gear Solid V... What have they done!?

I can't believe I'm saying this but Revengeance felt more Metal Gear Solid Like than MGSV.

• There is nowhere to hide... Aside hiding behind cover or crawling on the few ducts available.
• No Long Cutscenes... Metal Gear Solid has specialized in being half game, half movie...
• Ground Zeroes: Half game, half Radio series... of Rape and Torture.
• No rations or other healing items. You're like Wolverine and regenerate. In some cases you get a 1 button heal item... First Aid Spray!!

Worst offender of them all is no more CARDBOARD BOXES!!

No Cardboard Boxes in MGS is like No Mushrooms in Mario, no guns in GTA, no Energy tanks on Megaman, no Hadoken on Street Fighter and no Fatalities in Mortal Kombat!

So, let's stop with the bitching and start to get rating! 1-10 cause videogames!

Story:
I covered it already. Except the plot twist given in the trailers about Skull Face being evil... and blowing up Mother Base. The only thing I didn't spoil was the Vagina Bomb... and I just did
3

Graphics:
I'm doing the PS3 Version. PS4 looks better, duh! For a PS3 game, the graphics are pretty good. There are a few minor clipping issues when carrying folks.
9.5

Gameplay:
Well, Big Boss got a few moves, but got castrated, metaphorically speaking. Wall tapping, hiding bodies in lockers are no longer possible. He gains a Bullet Time/Spider-Sense called "Reflex Mode" to stop SOME Alerts. He kinda has a Detective Mode/or The Last of Us Joel's Listen Mode. (Joel's VA is now Ocelot in The Phantom Pain) and Snake can take a parked vehicle and go on a GTA Rampage.

You get to infiltrate, stun enemies and recruit them. Recruit POWs find some stickers, and cassette tapes where Paz is being raped. You can beat the game in an hour. Took me 3 hours my first try.
4.5

Controls:
The Controls are awkward, even for a guy who's been playing Peace Walker AND MGS 4 Recently.
The controls don't feel Metal Gear Like. It takes a bit to get used to.
5.0

Music and sounds:
Aside the usage of Here's to You (which was used already in MGS4) I don't remember much of the music from the game... OK there were a few arrangements from Peace Walker songs on the walkman...
The voices? Well, the ones I heard the most were Kazuhira's and Paz Ortega Andrade's... I heard a bit of Otacon playing Otacon on a Wheelchair  Otacon's dad. Like 4 lines out of Jack Bauer with a bit of a sore throat. He sounds more wooden... and I'm talking Keanu Reeves and Kristen Stewart levels of wooden... I mean Pinocchio sounds less wooden. Back to Paz. Everyone knows I'm a brony and that I have a crush on Jennifer Hale's voice and Tara Strong's voice. Today I was turned off by Tara Strong's voice. The Tapes ruined Tara Strong's voice for me. She did such a great work that she creeped the hell out of me.
6.5 (without counting Impostor Snake) 4.5 (counting Impostor Snake)


Fun Factor: You get to infiltrate, stun enemies and recruit them. Recruit POWs find some stickers, and cassette tapes where Paz is being raped. You can beat the game in an hour. Doing all the other "side missions" and forced repetitive bullcrap to get trophies takes more time.
2.0

Overall: Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes gets a 5.08 as its final score. I blame the incredible shortness, the awkward controls and the whole "Hideo is trying too hard to make Metal Gear as a realistic game... Vampires, Men who live on through arms, bipedal tanks, cyborg ninjas, Men who control bees, a photosynthetic man, ghosts. Metal Gear has all of those things. The combination of realistic stuff with the Bizarre made Metal Gear games, fun... This one is Peace Walker's boring brother. I'm having second thoughts regards me getting the Phantom Pain. Hell, I'm considering revisiting Revengeance, because at least the Raiden game was more fun than this... It's almost as if that game stole all of the over the top stuff that this game was supposed to have... If I wanted a more realistic stealth game, I'd play Splinter Cell.




*UPDATE* (7/26/2014)

Played with the Companion App for Apple and Android devices. It makes the tablet or smartphone work as Snake's iDroid... iDroid... iThingies and anDroid... So obvious!! So, instead of pausing and using the iDroid menu, you just let go of the controller and do stuff on the tablet or phone. You can call the chopper to pick up prisoners or evacuate, play the tapes (except custom tracks).
It also has a "game" by that I mean a time waster like the stuff you'd expect from Zynga. The Mother Base "game". you build an army and do missions... (Like the Outer Ops in Peace Walker)
It's an OK-ish time waster, but I'm warming up to the iDroid usage, especially if it returns for The Phantom Pain.