Aug 3, 2015

Disney's Descendants... Disney's attempt to Ever After High?

Disney's Descendants is the Newest High School Musical movie made by the Director of High School Musical... That's probably because Sharpay and Troy are too old for high school now...

So, here's the deal: Maleficent, Cruella De Vil, who is now black for some reason, the Evil Queen (from Snow White), and Jafar are single parents... The scary part is that these villains had sex and 3 out of 4 got pregnant... Because Jafar can't get pregnant and I strongly believe that all 4 of them raped their partners. Think about it... Who would willingly have sex with the villains? Also, Jafar behaves more like a Street rat, than the Former Grand Vizier... I didn't even see the best part of Jafar. Now speaking of Jafar...

How did he get cured of his Genie-itis?

Now here's the thing: A lot of these characters are supposed to be from different parts of "Earth" AND from different points in time. Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast are from Different parts of Europe between Middle Ages to post Renaissance... Meanwhile Cruella is from the mid 20th Century... How did they merge all of these different "worlds" together?

Now we're in this hodgepodge 21st Century world with characters from the 1Xth Centuries... Having a hard time connecting with this idea... But, It's High School Musical with Magic!!

CRINGE In HORROR as these HSM wannabes butcher a Classic Disney Song!!

So, the story feels like a bad fanfic that is trying to cash in on the Monster High Spin-off Ever After High... Seriously, there's a Descendants cartoon coming and there will be a Doll Line by Hasbro...

Disney is totally NOT going to be trying to get a piece of that Ever After High Fairy Tale Doll Market... I mean it's not like they had that covered with Frozen... By the way I seem to have noticed an absence of Decendants from Arendelle's royalty... I guess I can't Let it go!

I notice the lack of Twi-Wolf Jafar Jr. on this set... Racism? Nah! It's that the Twi-wolf is a Disney Store Exclusive...

So, the story is basically: Villains are stuck in a "Prison Island" where they can live and do whatever they want, except leave the island and take over the world or whatever. They are stuck on the Island FOREVER!! Luckily for them the son of Beauty and The Beast has decided to let the children of 4 of the most evil villains come to the Xavier School for the Gifted... (Seriously, they used the same place that was used for Xavier's Mansion in X-2) Conveniently ALL The Disney Characters mated at closely the same time in order to have children in the same age range... From Mulan to Dopey, the Fairy Godmother to Jafar... ALL of them! If you're picturing a massive Disney Character orgy, blame the movie.

The Children of Evil are given the task of stealing the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo wand. We get the whole Fish out of water situation and how the kids slowly begin to adapt to a whole new world (luckily that song is not butchered here). We see how the kids begin to have second thoughts to the whole "being evil thing to please their parents" but they keep on trucking because of EVIL!!
We of course know that they'll have a... Change of Heart...
Ignore the Yu-Gi-Oh! art on the left... I couldn't find Yugi or Bakura activating it, so my reference fell flat... DAMMIT!!

The movie was not HORRIBLE, but it wasn't that great either.

Aside my issues with the "Era" it is from, here are the things that bugged me:
-The villains were made to be incompetent, silly, blithering idiots! Maleficent was slightly more competent, but her campiness...

Makes this seem like The Dark Knight Returns...

-Senseless "Diversification:
I complained about Making Cruella black for no real reason other than Sock Juice. They did the same thing to Sleeping Beauty herself! They made her Mother black and her kid seems to be of mixed race.
If we are to believe that this movie is some sort of "Sequel" to the Animated movies, then having the characters resemble (as humanly possible) their animated counterparts is a requisite. They got it right with the Evil Queen, they got it somewhat right with Maleficent. Cruella is just wrong. Jafar... The actor works, the script does not. Seems the script confused Jafar with the peddler

Changing a character's race to fill a quota is just wrong... whether it's White to Black, or Asian to White it's wrong.

-Kenny Ortega... He's directed some other stuff, but lately all he does is Musicals... Yes, I'm aware that the Disney Animated features were musicals, but they never gave us this:

Relying on music to pad out a movie with a decent premise, but bad execution is not a good thing... Especially when this is basically High School Musical 4.

-TV Movie Budget: This movie needed a Feature Film budget in order to fully unlock its potential. Better costumes, better effects, heck better writing and maybe NOT USING the HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL DIRECTOR would have helped the movie be a bit better.

This COULD Work as an animated series, but as is the movie is barely passable.

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