MY EYES!!! Third Time that I need Brain Bleach! It's not a Charm (just an EQG 3 review)

I've been away this weekend dealing with my mom's funeral arrangements and I was able to watch a DVR'd Equestria Girls 3: Friendship games!

Since it's October and it's Halloween, I'mma review this bitch!

While the clips and pics are added in later, like the FIRST EQG review, I'm going off with notes taken by hand and not writing on the PC as I watched...

We start with Supreme Mega Bitch who no longer is Supreme or even a minor bitch... Sunset Shimmer running to School because Rainbow Dash texted her. A Broken Guitar String!? ugh! RD wanted to show off to the Human Blank Flanks who are no longer Blank Flanks...
Sunset still writes to Twilight and gives us Exposition!
Human World Twilight has a PKE Meter!? I smell a Mattel Lawsuit! Also Sunset Shimmer scared off Human Twilight, who goes to another school and has a secret Human lab there and we get the credits through H-Twi's bulletin board. I just noticed the lack of MY, Little, and PONY from the title... That's how you know that this is NOT a My Little Pony movie... Oh wait! They added it at the last minute to appease bronies.

OK so H-Twi modified her PKE Meter into a Contraceptive Pill Dispenser.

The Humane 6 are discussing H-Twi.They hate Twilight's Adventures... Wait, Why Sunset Shimmer doesn't know about Crystal Prep if she's been going to Canterlot High for years???

Good thing there's Exposition! The Humane 6 are giving us TONS!! Followed by Princesspal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna.

Oh Look! Flash Sentry is doing something useless! Now Dashie is giving us a Pep Talk... in Song Form! She even goes Human/Horse Hybrid! Luna request Nopony Horsing up and asks Sunset Shimmer to investigate Magical Developments.

Like the Cheap Twilight Replacement she is, Sunset Shimmer is at the Library and asks for the Real Twilight for help.

At the Other School H-Twi is awkwardly out of place... she even has a Spike the Dog, who barks like a dog! Also, H-Twi is sounding a bit too much like Paz Ortega Andrade than Twilight Sparkle...

Princess Can't Dance is the Dean of Students at Crystal high... I wonder if Shining Armor is in this. The Principal is apparently allergic to dogs.H-Twi wants to apply to a lonely nerdy program.

A bummed H-twi has a song about wanting to learn more and being alone.

Shining Armor IS at the Principal's office... To Force, err, convince H-Twi into participating in The Friendship games... because Reputation! Now H-Twi has to participate. She takes Spike in her backpack and her Contraceptive Pill case. H-Twi is almost as awkward as Real Twi.

Pinkie Pi-rate! Woohoo! At least Luna and Candance are somewhat friendly. Lyra and Bon Bon confuse H-Twi with Pony turned human Twilight... Well, everyone does... Even Waifustealer... Oh look! Derpy!

Clothing makes Wa-Ha ha! go Pony...
Wait, was that Pinkie wearing a cowboy hat!?

H-Twi's contraceptive case stole Rarity's magic or something. The Humane6 confuse H-Twi with Twilight.

Pinkie Explains it all but Celestia doesn't get it. Sunset Shimmer is beating herself up worse than me. Luckily the Humane6 fix up Sunset Shimmer... kinda.
Sunset's Magic was kinda siphoned by H-Twi and blocked the portal to Equestria.

Sunset Shimmer asks H-Twi what's going on. Now There is the quintesential rival schools scene. Pinkie kidnaps H-Twi to bring party cannons. Wait, Derpy's competing!? Pinkie fixed the party and shots were fired! No!!! H-Twi just ghost trapped your Pony Powers pinkie! Wait a portal to the Everfree forest!? Dammit! Cinch has ruined everything, including this party!

Friendship games have begun!

SONG TIME!!
We got a montage! and Pinkie has to bake... Shadowbolts won the birdhouse building. they are setting up a Twilight vs Sunset Shimmer battle... and H-Twi won by a bit. Also, Flash Sentry being dumped on makes me feel good.


Fluttershy is befriending H-Twi. Wait, Human World Angel is nice... No, don't Pony up, Fluttershy! A Jackalope, portals and Fluttershy's magic was drained... wait! Did Spike just talk!? do we have Ponyville Spike, or is this Human World Spike under the effects of Pony Magic?


Ah, it's Pony Magic affecting Spike. Cinch comes to H-Twi and wants her to spy on the Humane6... because REPUTATION!!

Fluttershy tells Sunset Shimmer what happened and I think they'll figure out how Twilight Steals Magic.
Holy mother of Celestia! That Friendship Games Course should be illegal! Looks like American Gladiators meets Motocross Maniacs.

Wait, Motocross, roller derby AND ARCHERY!? The HELL!? Fluttershy HITS A BULLSEYE!? Also, Apple Jack helps the enemy!! Apple Traitor, now Twilight is Sucking AJ's magic with her Contraceptive case that brings Everfree forest vines!
Sunset Shimmer wipes out and Rainbow Dash goes to the rescue, cause Rainbow Dash! Spike saves H-Twi, while Dash fights the plant monster. Sunset Shimmer wins!

H-Twi tries to help the Humane6 but ends up sucking Rainbow Dash's power. Sunset Shimmer DID show up some of her Supreme Mega Bitch past. Cinch may have figured out the Contraceptive's power and tries to accuse Canterlot of cheating, but the games will go on because REPUTATION!!

Cinch forces Twilight to use her Contraceptive case... A SONG!?

H-Twi goes Thermonuclear and becomes a dark winged Alicorn with Chrysalis horn... Really, Ponies have been reduced to a cameo in a MY LITTLE PONY MOVIE... *bleep you* movie! So, Evil Twi will destroy the Human World in order to enter Equestria and "learn" its magic. Canterlot High and Crystal Prep students begin to work together and Sunset Shimmer MAY have figured out the Contraceptive case.
Sunset Shimmer tries to plead with Twilight in a reverse Equestria Girls... This time, Sunset Shimmer becomes Sailor Moon! Friendship is Magic, BITCH!! Thanks to Spike, Sunset Shimmer was able to save Twilight. Also, Spike the Dog is NOT back to normal.

Cinch tries to bitch her way out of accepting the loss.
Celestia, Luna and Cadance mock the hell out of Cinch and use REPUTATION!! against her.

Now H-Twi will move to Canterlot High to learn about Friendship. Sunset Shimmer learned a lesson and now Twilight is part of the Humane7.

Pony Twilight was stuck in a Time Travel Loop and she now met H-Twi...


I have to say this was the weakest of the Equestria Girls movies... Also, the one with the LEAST PONY in it... Also, it kinda felt like a cheap move having Twilight become the Main Bad. I feel disappointed.