Nov 6, 2015

CW is doing Archie... I smell a trainwreck...

Based on my experiences with Archie comics... Not that many, to be honest, but enough to get the gist of it... Well, CW is doing Archie for their new TV series called: Riverdale and they seem to have CW'd the Archie crew.
Really? Archie is now a Jock!? Freaking Archie is now a Football team star who looks pumped because he worked in Construction during the Summer.

Really, This is the description given to Archie's character...
A high school sophomore, the redhead is still boyishly handsome but “pumped and looking good after working construction for his dad during the summer.” Archie is grappling with heavy issues and juggling the interest of several girls while discovering his passion for writing and performing music against his father and his football coach’s better wishes. Oh, and he’s harboring more than one dark, terrible secret.
Freaking Archie, who you are supposed to be surprised that he beat off 3 guys to save Betty! THREE GUYS!

Let's keep going and see how CW'd the rest of the cast is, shall we?

Betty is now:
The blonde and pretty sophomore is described as having “some self-esteem issues and affinity for Adderall.” Eager-to-please, wholesome and studious, Betty has a super-crush on her longtime best bud, Archie. But tired of being the “perfect” everything, she turns to her new friend, Veronica, for life advice. Betty has an emotionally brittle mom, a goth-like sister and a coveted spot on the cheerleading squad — though with certain conditions…. 

Pill Popping Possibly Bi-Curious Betty... and possibly has to do sexual favors to stay on the cheerleading squad. Is this Archie or the plot for a porno?

Veronica is now:
Producers are aiming to ideally cast a Latina as this “silver-tongued” stunner, who has just returned to Riverdale from New York following a scandal which resulted in her father going to prison. Extremely intelligent, self-confident and immediately popular, Veronica is eager to reinvent herself — from Mean Girl to caring friend.
I can't even... Why a Latina Veronica LODGE? Will she be half-and-half, with her father being white and her mother of Latin American Origin?

Jughead is now:
A hearing-impaired actor is being sought to play Jughead as an “emo-heartthrob.” The lanky lad is Archie’s former best friend, seeing as the two still are smarting from a rift that took place between them. Angry, but with a philosophical bent, Jughead “refuses to take the olive branch being proffered by Archie, the hurt goes that deep.” 
 A Hearing Impaired Emo Heartthrob, who has to be mega skinny and be able to eat as much as an Anaconda... I hope he's not turned into a vegan hipster douche... This IS the CW after all.

I thought that the appeal of Archie was that EVERYTHING in his world is lighter than the rest of the world... A Feel good Teenage Drama story without the need of the "seedy underbelly" of Teen Dramas.
do we really need some PG-13 Bra and Panties Betty and Veronica kissing and fondling themselves while discussing Archie? Sure the actresses playing them will be 20-somethings, but they are supposed to be 15 year old girls... and that is making me think of a way to make a Jared Fogle joke, but I guess he is tired of eating $5 Footlongs...

Archie is supposed to make Full House look like a racy HBO Show. This CW-fied Archie goes against EVERYTHING Archie is... Archie is very Disney-like Squeaky clean kind of thing... CW is not the best place for Archie... I'm curious, but in a Chu-Jem kind of way curious... I know it's taking a massive dump on the source material, but I want to see it to bitch about it!
Then again:

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