Apr 3, 2017

El Fantasma en la Concha: La despotricada

Yes, I know it's a sexist joke, but we all know how much
I hate you in action movies... Almost as much as I hate
Ryan Reynolds in Animated Green suits...
There is a reason why this Rant's title is in Spanish... It mostly involves a joke about The Ghost in the Shell, when translated literally, it becomes the Ghost in the Vulva. I saw the ScarJo movie and I can assure you I saw no ghost and much less ScarJo's Vulva...

Not that I wanted to see it anyway...

What? Oh, I mentioned Ryan Reynolds... You're aware I'm gonna
make a rant about The Ghost in the Shell, so you're going to be
here All Night Long! (All night!)
OK, so this Adaptation of The Ghost in the Shell has received criticism due to whitewashing (which I agree to a point) and that the film is dull and boring... (which I agree to a point)

Here's the thing: Japan doesn't have the same hang-ups on racial relations as the West. I bitched about FullMetal Alchemist being so Japanese when they're supposed to be "European". They celebrate when other cultures notice them and want to learn more about it... Even Akira Toriyama used to Praise DB: E...
What now!? No, I don't care about you enough to be interested
in your naked form... How is that sexist? Save the anger for
the review part.
Now, here's the thing DESPITE Scarlet Johansson, who I HATE in Action movies, since she seems so unbelievable in them, I DID ENJOY THE MOVIE... It reminded me a lot of the 1995 movie but with some tweaks... I have to admit, she did a nice job on this... The movie tried to pander so hard that they even dragged Takeshi Kitano into this... He only spoke in Japanese.
Oh yeah, For those of you who are like who?

One of the hosts is Takeshi...

Back to ScarJo... In the animated version, there are NO SIGNS to point out that Kusanagi is NOT Asian. Usually, when a NON-Asian (read non-Japanese character) shows up they either speak broken Japanese or are dressed in something referencing the country they come from... Like Shampoo from Ranma ½ or Bandit Keith from Yu-Gi-Oh! (I could have gone with Terry Bogard as well... Seriously, Are you OK? BUSTA WOOF!) Major Kusanagi speaks fluent Japanese, has no markings defining her as non-Japanese. Since GitS is supposed to be in a futuristic Tokyo, the best body to blend in there is TOTALLY NOT Scarlett Johansson... Which, to be fair is not a body that can easily blend in.

Now what? I said, you are an attractive
lady that will turn heads around...
I can't win with you, can't I?
Seriously, if "Plain Janes" looked like ScarJo, I'd be afraid of the 9-10s... My unworthy eyes would probably explode or something.

The movie... Possible Spoilers... made this issue even worse when they made the character Asian BEFORE she was put in the ScarJo shell... She's Asian, but happens to look like White Girl ScarJo... That's the Whitewashingest Whitewashing I've ever seen... and it kinda pisses me off that I have to agree with SJWs here.

Now on the Dull and Boring... That's part of the charm from the Original. (Which is not an easy pill to swallow for some) And here's the thing: DESPITE Casting issues, the movie feels like a LOVE LETTER TO GHOST IN THE SHELL. I would have preferred Rinko Kikuchi as Major, but I have to eat crow and say that ScarJo did a 95% good job... I still find her too unbelievable in some action scenes.

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