Mar 25, 2016

Nefty v. Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Rants

So, I went and saw it... Suck Snyder's Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Just Us... Before I start the review/rant I must issue TWO Warnings:
1: The following Review is MY OPINION and is only to showcase my thoughts regarding the movie. It is meant to be entertaining not advertisement/deterrent for you to watch/avoid the movie. (Ghost-Bust-Hers should be avoided. Period. would be an example of deterrent.)

2: There will be spoilers. I will keep them after the jump. (but if you accessed this rant via direct link, I left a large blank space for you to avoid spoilers)

So, in short: The movie is flawed, but enjoyable if you disconnect your brain for 2 hours and 39 minutes. It has TONS of Easter Eggs. Dialogue can be horrible at times (Blame Snyder for this), Snyder is out-hideoing Kojima in not-subtlety... Remember how Superman was tried to be made into a Jesus analogy in Man of Stool? Well, Snyder is more in your face with the Jesus analogy here. Affleck is basically The Dark Knight Returns Batman crossed with the Arkham Games Batman.
and better save some things for the spoilerrific Part of the Review.
Final warning Spoilers below!!

So, you're here. You either saw the movie or are a glutton for Punishment and want to be spoiled before seeing it. It will not be a Play by Play Ultra Spoilers Review, but will deal with the scenes that were seared in my brains.

Now, let's get a few things out of the way: While, yes, I tend to gravitate more towards Marvel (when dealing about comics), Lately I've been swaying more towards the DC Side, specifically Towards Batman, mostly in part to binge playing the Arkham Games (and bothering to get all the Riddler Trophies... Soon another Arkham Rant may show up) and Injustice. I've also been watching random episodes of Justice League and various DC Animated Features... Just to get in a more DC Friendly state of mind. With that said: the Whole DC is doing more Mature Films than Marvel is ABSOLUTE CRAP! Yes, Marvel's movies are Lighthearted and with Humor, but that doesn't = Immature. Same way that Excessively dark and gritty doesn't = Mature. It Tries to deal with some mature themes (Same things Marvel has been setting up for Cap 3... Consequences of Superheroics)

The movie basically starts with this. Yes, Once Again we have the Whole Death of Thomas and Martha Wayne. Remember that Bruce Wayne's Mom is named Martha, because Snyder is going to come back to that later in the movie. We also get the Funeral Scene and how little Bruce Wayne fell down the well and discovered the Future Batcave. It was all a dream of Bruce Wayne.

We also get treated with a "Last Time on Man of Stool" from Affleck's PoV. He even saves a Security guard whose legs were crushed by a steel beam during the attack. He gets all pouty as seen in the trailer and swears revenge because...

We get some scene about Lois Lane getting in danger and Superman saves her. Then there's something on TV about a court hearing that Superman killed the people in the Terrorist fortress that he saved Lois from. That's why the Versus is written in Judicial terms in the title... Whoa! Snyder's vision is SOOOO MATURE!! Marvel is for babies!! We get teased with a nude Amy Adams in a bathtub who gets to have implied bathtub sex with Superman... because DC = Mature. Batman is more cruel in this take by Branding people with a Bat brand. Alfred is acting as "Oracle". Jeremy Irons being terribly wasted as Alfred. He's nothing more than a glorified Cameo.

I effing Hate Poor Man's Michael Cera as Lex Luthor.

To be fair, they could have made it worse by casting THE Michael Cera as Luthor. I see what they were trying to do with Luthor, it's just that Eisenberg played the wrong character. He felt more like Edward Nygma than he felt Lex Luthor. All that was missing was a few riddles and raiding Matthew Lesko's closet. Also he felt a bit too campy and I mean Bat Credit Card feels more badass next to him.

Here Brucie meets Gal Gadon't... as Diana Prince... Now, y'all know how much I loathed Gal Gadot's choice as Wonder Woman and I'll have to eat crow... well, more like 30% crow. She seems to have gotten some acting classes and passed them with a C-. Luckily Snyder didn't give her too much dialogue and mostly made her work as a SUPPORTING CHARACTER. I Honestly don't see how she can carry a whole movie, which was my second biggest fear regarding her as WW. My first was that she'd deliver a horrible performance. It was not GOOD, but it was NOT HORRIBLE. There might be some potential hidden in there... dammit! I don't have a DBZ Abridged clip to go with this...

Lex creates Doomsday from Zod's body, this was implied in the trailers!!
The Parademon sequence was a cheap cop out by Snyder and a Red Herring... A FREAKING DREAM!? It still doesn't excuse the abuse of gunplay that Batman did in that scene...
This Batman seems to have forgotten his One Rule.
Now this is the part where some hyper nerd mentions that Golden Age Batman used to kill people and even used Joe Chill's gun or something like that. While, yes, that is true, the Batman Brand has established for a long time that Batman does not Kill, or that he won't do guns. Here we have a Batman who uses guns, hell this Batman made a Kryptonite version of Longinus' Spear. And those bullets in his batmobile were NOT rubber bullets.

Having the Trinity* on the large Screen was AMAZEBALLS! People were hollering, clapping, some were crying tears of joy. The closest thing that came to match the excitement of this scene was a trailer... I'm talking about the Underoos! scene from the Cap3 trailer.
*=Even if Superman was basically Batman with Superpowers, Batman was nearly Punisher with a bat Fetish, and Wonder Woman was a Model cosplaying as Wonder Woman with WW's powers.

Back to Doomsday... We all KNEW what that meant for \S/ If you didn't, then you were born in 1992 or later. Now, I felt that it was TOO SOON to bring Doomsday. Superman was barely established as a character. He was showing signs of heading in the right direction, but then Snyder brought him back to DARK AS BATMAN.

Yes, what about Aquaman, Flash and Cyborg? Cameos, all of them. Mostly seen on video files from Lex Zuckerberg's computer, that Batman hacked. Only Flash has a bigger impact with delivering a time travel message to Batman... His costume KINDA reminded me of this, but in Flash Red:

The reason they fight is because Lex set it up, by Kidnapping Martha Kent. Oh yeah! Lex KNOWS WHO EVERYONE IS RIGHT OUT THE BAT. I know, LAAAAME!! So, in order to save Martha Kent, Clark must Kill Bruce. We get a cool fight scene that ends with Batman about to kill Superman when Superman pleads Batman to stop or else Martha will die. this freaks out Batman and Lois intervenes by explaining that Martha is Superman's Mom. Martha bringing people together is a good thing!

Seems that a lack of understanding of WHAT MAKES Superman, well, Superman and miscasting are the biggest issues with the film.

Others may add the messy way that they are hurrying things up in order to get a Justice League movie ready to get some of that Avengers money, to which I'll agree. Seriously, Batman and WW decide to START the league at Clark's Funeral. It's a Horrible Superman movie, a Decent Set up for a Justice League Movie and a GOOD Batman Movie. If I were to rate it, I'd say 8 out of 10. It's not perfect, but enjoyable... Better than Man of Stool and Bayformers.

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