May 22, 2016

X-Men The Apocalyptic rant

So, I'm sitting here atvthe cinema waiting for a post credits scene for X-Men Apocalypse. Two words Mr. Sinister!! Well, he did NOT appear himself, but a suitcase with the name Essex was in it. Also carrying a vial of Hugh Jackman's blood. You know what that means... X-23 and that There are spoilers on this rant.

This is very confusing: why do I keep getting X-cited about these movies, especially since their continuity is messed up beyond repair. The DoFP Soft Reboot harmed the movie more than it helped. I think ditching Bryan Singer could be a nice start. I know, blasphemy, but his reluctance to truly do a comic book movie is an issue.

At the same time he IS a much more competent director than say, Brett Ratner... you totally thought I was going to mention Suck Snyder here... No MARTHA!! For you!

I suppose that now that I got home, ate, and saw Kindergarten Cop 2, I should finish this rant. Equis Men Apocalypse spoilerrific Bombastic Theoprastic rant...

Sansa is actually useful for once, so yay... but Jean Grey is too damn OP.
Apocalypse wasn't that bad... he was nerfed to the point that he was beaten by the X-Men and really messed up the continuity.  Pointless Hugh Jackman cameo is pointless. The scene with Wolverine and Sansa was creepy... did I mention I cannot unsee Sansa every time Sansa was on-screen? Bald McAvoy looks more Xavier-like than Cqptqin Picard. Fassbender's Magneto is too much of a nice guy to turn into Gandalfneto.
Katpiss Evergreen was playing Jennifer Lawrence more than she was playing Mystique... the few times she turned blue, sge was pretty much Blue Katpiss.
Oh yeah MacGyver has a cameo. So does Standor. Nightcrawler was comedic relief and Cyclops was bland and uninteresting... kinda like the real Cyke!

The story:
Millennia ago, this En Sabah Nur dude was like an Egyptian God (card) and people worshipped his blue ass. He was about to do a body change with an ancient Egyptian Poe Dameron when some Traitors attacked and caused Apocalypse to go into hibernation.
He wakes up in the 80s and recruits Storm in Cairo... (yes, Apocalypse plays a Shadow King type of role as well)  he is trying to recruit his new Horsemen, Storm, Psylocke, Angel, turned into Archangel, and Magneto. Here's when Apocalypse discovers Xavier, kidnaps him and causes the X-Mansion to explode, killing Havoc along the way.
Stryker appears out of the blue and captures the important characters, except Cyke, Nightcrawler and Sansa. These 3 sneak into the choppa and end up at the Weapon X Facility. When trying to save the key characters, they kinda free Weapon X. They reach Cairo for the Final Fight and we get Mutie against Mutie until Charles tries to fight the Shadow King, I mean Apocalypse in the astral plane. Chuckie X is losing until Sansa decides to be useful and become Life and Fire incarnate. She burns Apocalypse and then the X-Men rebuild the Mansion, Mystique becomes a teacher, Magneto leaves and we get the X-Men second class using the Danger Room against Sentinels and end credits.

Ever since DoFP, the continuity was messed up and I'm not talking about time travel.  The original X-Men movies DO NOT work with this new continuity and keeping Hugh Jackman in all these movies makes it even harder to work any more sequels.

The movie wasn't bad, but it wasn't  that good either. Quicksilver had the best scenes. The pointless Jackman cameo delivered a lot of violence, bub! But, Apocalypse being so powerful, made the battle against him very boring to watch. He was literally standong there with his forcefield as Magneto was pelting him with tons of Metal that did nothing to him. Cyclops unleashed a full powered optic blast that did nothing to Apocalypse.

Not as good as Girst Class or DoFP, but better than The Last Stand.

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