Apr 30, 2020

Oh no... I just had a thought at What could be a FFVIIR DLC...

Remember the ending? Zack being alive and dragging an unconscious Cloud? We know it's a Different Timeline and all that, but... What if, the Zack lives timeline becomes the FVIIR DLC?  think about it it would make sense in a Riku mode in Chain of Memories kind of way...

Of course this would mean that new dialogue would have to be recorded and that some sections wouldn't be exactly like the original. Many of the Sephiroth Visions would have to be cut out. Zack's motivation to work for Avalanche would be to get money for Cloud's treatment. Of course, with Tifa being there her motivations to fight in Avalanche are slightly different. She, like Zack would fight to protect Cloud. The first Encounter with Aerith would change to after the Sector 5 reactor explodes to have Zack fall into the Church twice. We get a happy Zack/Aerith reunion and the reason Zack is hellbent on going back to Sector 7 is his buddy, Cloud. Aerith is curious to meet this friend that Zack is willing to give everything for, because of "a feeling".

They encounter Tifa riding to Corneo as the normal story mandates. They Wall Market section would change after the Corneo arena with Zack knocking out Leslie and entering Corneo's mansion.

As the party heads into the sewers, the delirious Cloud, armed with a nail bat, finds his way out of Sector 7 into Sector 6. The plate falls as normal. The Party finds Cloud near the Honey Bee Inn and take him to Elmyra. With the party climbing to the upper city, Cloud escapes Elmyra's house and attempts to climb to the upper world, but gets captured by Shinra Security.
After noticing the Mako glow in Cloud's eyes, they contact HQ and Hojo takes interest in this "Mysterious SOLDIER".

The party infiltrates the Shin-Ra building as normal. After rescuing Aerith, they find Cloud convulsing next to the JENOVA container. The game follows the normal path with Zack fighting Rufus,  while Barret, Aerith, and Red XIII attempt to escape. Tifa stays with the delirious Cloud and Zack. Sephiroth reveals himself and talks about Cloud's role in changing Destiny. With Sephiroth defeated and not sure if their fight was worth it, the party leaves Midgar.
We get flashes of Zack's stand against Shin-Ra and Stamp is a beagle. Then we get Cloud screaming over Zack's corpse and grabbing the Buster sword. Zack, carrying Cloud and Aerith pass next to a Delirious Cloud painfully walking towards Midgar...

Or it's what I'd do if I had to do a Zack themed FDVIIR Gaiden.

Apr 29, 2020

Storm Collectibles is having me scream Dare da! Dare da! Dare da!

My wallet trembles at the thought of this bit of news...
They are going to make Gatchaman toys...

 They have the Street Fighter line now they're also doing Gatchaman...  it's almost like  Storm Collectibles is suddenly doing a Tatsunoko vs Capcom line without actually doing one.
 the best part about this is that it's a rather small lineup:
The 5 members of the team, Berg Katse (with a Sosai X display piece) the Galactor soldier, and maybe Dr. Nambu.

But in a worst case scenario I KNOW that Ken the Eagle and Jun the Swan will be in my collection... maybe Joe the Condor... but wow... freaking Gatchaman...

I can't believe AFV still exists

Remember America's Funniest Home Videos?
The show where people sent funny videos and they would get lame voiceovers or commentary by the current host...  in my days Danny Tanner did the commentary... recently Carlton Banks is doing the same... Recently Disney +  added the Tom Bergeron years of AFV to their lineup. I watched a couple of episodes... I did not laugh. I thought, maybe, I just don't find Tom Bergeron funny... So I found online some of the John and Daisy era episodes... guess what? I did not laugh either... Well, I tried it with Alfonso... I chuckled, but it wasn't the Belly laughs I had as a kid when Bob Saget did it... So, I decided to bring in the big guns: I searched for Saget Era AFV... and I laughed a little... Maybe a smidge more than the Alfonso era, but not the Belly Laughs of my childhood.

 So I said to myself: " self, something is very very wrong here. I know the joke Saget made is funny but I'm not laughing as much."  I went to facebook, to check the usual.
My Democrat friends making fun of the Trump disinfectant injections, my Republican friends sharing memes to defend what Trump said wasn't what he said...  then the ones outside the continental 57 states of 'Murcia sharing memes about FFVIIREMAKE, THE Ghana coffin dancers, pick one of 4 things that should be eliminated, Herbalife and other Pyramid scheme ads,  and videos...

This is not the exact video shared, but it's from the same channel. Then the video section on Facebook bombarded me with similar things like

Fail compilations, dumb Family Feud videos, so on and so forth.
This made something inside my head click... It's not AFV that sucks... It's that there are SO MANY VIDEOS of things that are TOO SIMILAR TO AFV that I'VE BECOME DESENSITIZED TO AFV!! An overabundance of failure and suckitude has created a sort of resistance to pratfalls and dumb physical comedy (both scripted and unscripted).

Apr 28, 2020

K-on is animated diabetes...

I've been watching K-on! Like the title says it's animated diabetes. And no I'm not talking about the insane amount of sweets that the girls eat. It's an incredible change of pace from watching the testosterone-filled anime that I normally watch it like Jojo or Saint Seiya. It's incredibly relaxing. Originally I was going to watch it to make fun of it because I found out that why don't the characters is Voice by Stephanie Sheh, the voice of Mikuru Asahina, Hinata Hyuga, and... EUREKA... I was planning to make a Joe keery VR the series making references to Naruto and Haruhi would have made an appearance or two... hey I need to make use of the figma Haruhi figures I have...
Un/Fortunately for me the figma K-on figures are a bit too expensive right now so I won't be going on a K-on shopping spree.

It's A Slice of Life show with these high school girls in an old girls high school. They are members of their High School's light music Club and the series is very Light on music... the girls basically do everything except  music related stuff. they basically sit around and drink tea eats weeds and do all these cute girl saw that is incredibly cute.  sometimes their cuteness comes from there I don't even know how the hell they are still alive levels of stupidity... but they are so freaking adorable. That even being stupid is incredibly cute. It gets sickeningly sweet I'm not talking Full House sweet... they go beyond Full House levels of saccharin sweetness.

As I mentioned the show is a slice-of-life show so their troubles are really mundane. things like they forgot to fill out some forms for a student activity and the whole episode is them trying to find a way to do the tasks that they forgot... I honestly did not expect to enjoy the show as much as I did especially since I was trying to watch it ironically.

And like I said before keihin is a relaxing breath of fresh air after watching the insane amount of violence from anime like Saint Seiya or the weird freaky shit that shows up on JoJo... if you haven't seen it, check it out... you might enjoy it in this CORONAVIRUS era...

Apr 27, 2020

The confusing end of FFVII Remake and why they lied to us.

There are two kinds of people: Those who hated the ending and people with awful taste and are horribly wrong about the ending and what a Remake is.

This game is NOT a remake of FINAL FANTASY VII... Hell, it's not even a Remake of the Midgar section of FFVII.
By calling it Remake, Square Enix made false advertisement. The game is a soft-reboot/sequel, which to be honest; if they had told me that back in 2015, I would've been almost as excited as I was back then...

Let's start by defining a Remake:
Cambridge says to make a new film that has a story and title similar to an old one. It gives us an example of a remake:
The French film "Trois Hommes et un Couffin" was remade in Hollywood as "Three Men and a Baby".

Let's see what Merriam Webster has to say:
remake noun
re·​make | \ ˈrē-ˌmāk \
Definition of remake (Entry 2 of 2)
: one that is remade
especially : a new version of a motion picture.

I'm using the second definition listed by Merriam-Webster because it's the only one that applies to the word remake as a noun. The other definition is used for the verb remake.

Collins Dictionary... you get the idea... but let's put it in a videogame context.

Super Castlevania IV, despite the sequel connotation in it's title is a REMAKE of the Original Castlevania, but with improved gameplay and added elements, but same story as the original game.

Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes is another game, whose subtitle makes it sound like a side game, but it's a remake of the original MGS, with redone voice acting, the MGS2 engine, and cinematics done by Japanese film director Ryuhei Kitamura. Same story as the PS1 game.

2002 Resident Evil had updated graphics, new voice acting, added areas based on an originally cut subplot, but the same story.

The Recent Resident Evil 2 and 3 remakes, again, told the same story, new gameplay style, new voice acting, music, etc. Some parts from the original had some tweaks or left out due to "pacing/budget/time" constraints.

But you can see the common denominator there, right? Same story with added elements, which kills the arguments by idiots that defend the team No-No travesty...
Kazushige Nojima the big brain behind
Who wrote the story where Tidus sees a
Blitzball-like object, goes to kick it and it blows up.
Not only that but the surprised decapitated head lands on Yuna
and she faints.
But here's the part where they dismiss all criticisms by saying: PlAy ThE oRiGiNaL tO gEt ThE oRiGiNaL sToRy.
The idea of a Remake is to literally get the same main fucking story, but with added perks of extra subplots, character development, fixing sedialogue/translation/localization issues, that kind of thing... Nowhere, in the definition of the word remake there is anything that says: changing the story in order to tell a new story. The word that does have a definition close to that is reboot:
"A New version of something".

"to start something again or do something again, in a way that is new and interesting."

Merriam Webster: "to refresh by making a new start or creating a new version"

But in fiction, Reboots usually wipe the slate clean on oast continuity in order to tell a new story...
Very easy examples of reboots:
SQUARE ENIX's Tomb Raider is a reboot of the Tomb Raider franchise.
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time is a reboot of the Prince of Persia series...
DOOM 2016 is a reboot of Doom (1990s)

Nobody freaked out when those games came out and weren't modernized copies of the originals.... Why is that?
Because they were honest with the customers and flat out stated, that they were reboots of the franchises they represented. By Putting the word Remake in the title, Square Enix made a promise of giving us Final Fantasy VII... Not a new beginning, not a sequel, but a graphical update of the game we fell in love with in 1997.

But back to FFVIIR: Most of the people now being dismissed as Whispers or Arbiters of Fate, because the people defending the combined 5-inches of Doom by Nomura and Nojima, can't defend the bad choices made by their beloved Team No-No... ( the big brains behind the convoluted shitstorm that is Kingdom Hearts)  Aside a TINY, MINUSCULE minority, the sane people who hated the ending are NOT AGAINST CHANGE. They're against STUPID CHANGES. I have not seen so-called purists complain about Jessie's background story,  or Biggs and Wedge getting some character development. They haven't complained about Aerith having to save Marlene. No complaints about how the Shinra building was changed. Their complaints have been limited to the story elements that contradict the themes of Final Fantasy 7.

Which brings me to the ending: JENOVAROTH with knowledge from Future JENOVAROTH has won, since Cloud and co. Killed the guardians of Destiny. Aerith, who may or may not know her future as a Kebab, might have been trying to change Destiny as well. THIS is one of the things "purists" dislike. Coping with death, failure was a part of the original game that this weird time traveling consciousness defeats. This hate Against Time Travel is because it's usually used as a weird deus ex machina. Also time traveling ring sold the whole set of convoluted problems that are not needed in Final Fantasy 7. Just because it's Sephiroth's and/or Aerith's consciousnesses doing the time-travel instead of day or physical bodies it still is time travel.

 Fate, Destiny, this Trope is so overplayed... especially if we're talking about Team No-No. how many chosen ones were in Kingdom Hearts? Exactly. the truth is that the hole destiny bullshit it's just a lazy excuse are using to try and get off from having to make the entire world. In a previous rent I have already mentioned how they could have bypassed the whole world map thing and it's based on things from Past final Fantasies including the original FF7. But now we journey into the unknown... where we saw a parallel timeline where is Zack is alive...

BuT tHe DiFfErEnT sTaMp Is NoT a SiGn Of A dIfFeReNt TiMeLiNe!

Some people erroneously claim that the Stamp seen on the Zack lives Timeline is a Stamp from 5 years ago...
It's not.
After the incident 5 years ago, Cloud and Zack were experimented on for 4 years. Now returning from Nibelheim to Midgar while on the run from Shinra took them close to a year. Cloud stumbles into Midgar roughly hours or maybe a day or two BEFORE the original game starts. So the different Stamps, same timeline theory makes no sense.  if this theory was true then we should have been able to see both versions of Stamp throughout the entire game. We only see the Beagle version of Stamp.
So, Multiple Timelines are confirmed.

And the whole notion of parallel timelines, time travel, and the possibility of timelines crossing is a huge fear FF7 "purists" have. We're afraid that Nomura and Nojima... (also to a smaller extent Toriyama)  will focus on their "new story that is in no way a rehash of plot elements from Kingdumb Farts" than the actual FF7 story.
Zack is alive... does this mean Aerith will not kebab? Will Tifa be kebab? (They better do me a solid and not kebab Boob girl... for the idiots, it's an abridged series reference
... or two)

The ending is a sour note to some, BECAUSE it literally sounds like Team No-No is saying: "Screw the original, you're in our turf now... we "broke the chains of fate that bound us to the original timeline". We changed Destiny and ourselves. This new freedumb has altwred the past, present and future... that which was known is now the unknown.

Straying too much from the original path may cause the sequels to suffer. The ending left a bad taste on a moderate group of the fandom and game 2 may be the one that makes or breaks the "saga". Despite my issues with the stupid changes and the ending of part 1... "There ain't no getting offa this train we on!"

Apr 26, 2020

Update on Thor being everyone's brother... brother!

The rumored Hulk Hogan biopic starring Chris Hemsworth, former Brother-in-law to a Miley Cyrus, is still being worked on, brother... So far they were able to snag the director of the recent Joker movie, brother. Hemsworth was chosen by Hogan himself to play everyone's brother, brother! The movie will mostly center on the Hulkamania era when Hogan's popularity was at an all time, brother! I wonder if they'll touch Hogan's falling with the McMahons and Gawker no longer being Hogan's brother... brother!

Apparently, the movie will be a Netflix exclusive, brother!

Apr 24, 2020

Top 20 random waves/single figures I would like to see in "compatible with MOTUC" stylr

This list eas born out of things mentioned in an unterview by Pixel Dan had with B-Flynn or is ut the other way around... Dan was the Interviewer and B-Flynn was the interviewee...
They are Flynn mentioned that he has ideas for some one-off figures do be made in the Classics Style.
I don't necessarily know what B-Flynn has in mind, but if I werein his spot, here's what Id like to see:

Hercules: The Legendary Journeys:

This of course should be a wave. Herc, Iolaus, Autolycus, Ares.
This wave is a decent wave where you have characters that are popular and they can easily be used with the following wave idea...

Xena: Warrior Princess:
You think that I would mention Hercules the Legendary Journeys without mentioning Xena...
The way would consist of Xena, Gabrielle, Callisto, and Joxer the Mighty.
you know it's a great idea don't don't try to let don't try to lie and act all serious because I can hear you humming the joxer theme...

The Beastmaster:
We are getting Conan from Super7, I'm suggesting Hercules, Xena, and Clash of the titans... well Clash of the titans is the next suggestion. We need Beastmaster to complete the 80s and 90s. Here I just want the Beastmaster himself. Anything else is a bonus

Clash of the Titans:
Perseus, Calibos, Andromeda, Medusa... and I better get a freaking Bubo as an accessory. BUBO IS MANDATORY. And of course I'm talking about the 80s Clash of the Titans not the shitty reboot.

Miyamoto Usagi:
I suggest making him outside the Ninja Turtles line in order to have the true hakama and kimono look for him. I hate his look on the original Turtles toy line.

The Princess Bride:
I cannot talk 80s Fantasy and not mention The Princess Bride.
The wave would be: Fezzik, Buttercup, Humperdink, and Count Tyrone Rugen. An additional 2 pack of Inigo and Westley would be released later if the wave sells well.

and there you have a 20 figures split in waves individual figures or multipacks that I would like to see made in a style compatible with Masters of the Universe classics.
I had to skip Legend because of Tom Cruise's likeness clause, I skipped Willow because I really don't care much for it I know, blasphemy... and other properties I would like to see NECA and storm Collectibles are taking care of them... but seriously a team-up between joxer and the mighty Spector would be absolutely hilarious

Carrey REHEHEHEALLY IS into Robotnik

He wants to wear a fat suit for the sequel... well, according to the writer. If this is indeed true, then I'm glad, Jim is up to the task. Think about it. Jim Carrey is WILLING to go through the whole Fat suit Hassle to deliver an accurate Robotnik on the sequel. Not many actors return to Videogame movie sequels For Kids... then again we rarely get video games movie sequels especially if they're for kids. But Jim is doing it... assumimg the writer is not lying.  HOPEFULLY when the sequel is made the movie will be just as good as the first.

Top things I want in Mario Maker 3:

This new update has made me a Mario Maker, uh maker instead of just a player. I've made 2 casual levels using  the new elements: Koopalings, Frog Suit, SMB2 shroom... I have been experimenting with Super Mario World, New SMB and I have seen the limitations of SMM2...

I KNOW Nintendo is paying attention to bloggers, YouTubers, and the ROMhacking community for Mario Maker stuff. Of course, this is a tiny tiny blog unlikely to be on the Big N's radar... but in the case they ARE checking me out for ideas, here's SOME ideas:

Fully Fledged SMB2 theme:
The SMB2 Mushroom should make a comeback for SMM3, BUT it would be interesting to have a fully fledged SMB2 theme. Since that game has a different Health mechanic than SMB1,SMB3, SMBW,NSMB, it should get it's own mode. Not to mention that making true SMB2 styled levels in SMB1 mode and losing the Mushroom would make the levels unplayable.

Multiple music themes:
For example SMB3 has 2 overworld themes, but on SMM2 there is only one.
Same thing happens with SMW.
For SMB1 they could borrow music from Super Mario Land 2.

More enemies:
Charging Chuck, Sniffits, Ninji, Shy Guys, Bombshell koopas, Nokobombettes, Rex, etc.
This one is self explanatory. Variety is the spice of life and th e more variety we have, the better.

More bosses/mini bosses:
Tatanga, Wario, Waluigi, Reznor, Piranha Pete, etc. There are plenty characters that can make the jump into 2D Mario adventures  and feel organic to the 2D platformer genre.

Sloped Semi Solid Platforms:
This one is an obvious addition that was missing from the Mario Maker 2 game. This would make for some interesting slides in combination with solid ramps. Not to mention that it could allow to create some Donkey Kong inspired Madness.

Alternative Exits:
Key Exit, ? Orb exit, giant P-switch, etc. Now that we have World Maker, these items have gained new value and importance.

Additional Power-ups:
Things like Ice flower,  carrot, hammer, metal cap, hammer bro suit, etc. These would add some variety in gameplay... especially if some of these are limited to specific modes.

The perfect unlockable once the player beats Story mode. They would not necessarily be the same as their boss counterparts to fit with the rest of the characters. They can even justify it within story mode.

Well, that's about it on the top of my head ideas.

Apr 22, 2020

The Mario Maker 2 update is out...

And it freaking rules! I played a little before hitting the hay... Got a call from my aunt that she was nearby and had a few spare facemasks for me and she's dropping them at my mailbox. Now Instead of sleeping, I'm sitting in my porch waiting. So it's time for an almost noon rant, which is not normal for me.

 So the new update: I haven't tinkered with everything everything but I did play some Worlds made by other people... also some single levels as well.

 There is a little bit of everything. Good levels garbage levels and flaming hot garbage levels. The Koopalings are a clever addition. I believe they're based on their NSMB versions. I love that each character has a unique set of attacks. Morton ground pounds and creates shock waves,  Roy digs into the ground and pops up out of nowhere. Ludwig has a floaty jump similar to Luigi in Super Mario Brothers 2, etc. Play Break some of the monotonous aspected boss battles. The MECHAKOOPAS are sweet.
Blue ones have potential to become the next skewers.

I haven't seen any SMB2 shroom levels yet...

Also on the previous rant I made a mistake and mention that the boomerang brother was a new Super Mario power-up but that one is exclusive for 3D World.

Update: Seems like I forgot to hit publish. So, after a couple of hours of sleep later, I played some more.

Got to use the Super Mario Brothers 2 mushroom and I got to say it's an interesting mechanic. Definitely possible that wr might get a separate SMB2 mode for SMM3. Played a few Link levels with the Koopalings. Makes a whole lot of difference playing as Link than as Luigi. This weekend is when things should get good... The update will have nearly a week and there will be enough levels made with the new stuff.

Sony showed a teaser teaser for Not Venom 2...

Still disappointed that they didn't use Maximum Carnage as the title... or Carnage Rules for the teaser.

 Let's not forget that this movie was supposed to come out in October 2020. And all that Sony could deliver was a freaking title card. Really? I just need to know IF we're getting Spider-Man into this... We know that SONY somehow got the OK to add AllegedPedoLeto to the MCU.

My expectations for this movie are not high... I'm expecting a Fant4stic, or X-Men origins Wolverine turd... in the wind! Let's see if the actual trailer, when it gets released makes me yearn for That 70s show as Eddie Brock...

Apr 21, 2020

Carmen Sandiego interactive episode: the rant.

You know the Netflix Carmen Sandiego series. Well, a while back Netflix added an interactive episode.  I watched it and since it's an interactive episode I did the whole choose-your-own-adventure thing. It wasn't a mind-blowing experience. I'd say it worked as an average episode, but the only thing that is making me talk about it was a cute little Easter egg they added:

The cast of the Netflix series singing the Classic Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? Theme song.
That little Easter egg sent this interactive episode to the next level of awesome.

It's no secret that I've been enjoying this iteration of Carmen Sandiego despite "Carmen being a hero", which is the only change I don't like. I know that she used to be an ACME Agent before joining the dark side in past continuities, but despite her not being the antagonist, the shoe is enjoyable. Especially with the huge amount of love letters to fans of Carmen in general. The respect that the people involved have for the source material  is strong. That's why things like the Rockapella song feel like a love letter to the older show... Not gonna mention other shows that have done mocking throwbacks to their older continuities.

Thank you Carmen Sandiego netflix team for the episode and the song!


Let's a go!  tomorrow April 22nd 2020 we are getting a Mario Maker 2 update.

We are getting a Super Mario Brothers 2 mushroom. This mushroom turns you into a Super Mario Brothers 2 version of Mario. As in I can stand on top of enemies without killing them Mario. I said I can pick them up and toss them at other enemies Mario. Basically we are one step short of getting Super Mario Brothers 2 mode for Mario maker 3?  WE also get the Phanto Key.

We are getting also the frog suit... but with the Super Mario Brothers 3 frog suit ability of swimming in all directions. Also if we're carrying items it seems we can do a Jesus Christ on walk on water.

We are getting the power balloon from Super Mario World. So I can see some get the red coin type of situations and avoiding spikes and fire bars kind of thing...

Flying Squirrel Mario and Boomerang Bro Mario are here for the NSMB mode.

3D World gets hats:
Propeller, which lets you kinda mimick the propeller power-up from NSMB, a Cannon Hat that allows you to shoot cannonballs. A Pow Block Hat taht gives you 3 Pow uses and a Goomba hat, which allows you to blend in with Bowser's disposable... I mean ESSENTIAL Troopers. The Bullet Bill Mask allows for short horizontal flight.

I got to say that's a really clever move by Nintendo. I think in multiple game mode exclusive power-ups to have some visual diversity in levels.

 Now here comes the best part we are getting Koopalings!
Supposedly they are more in line with their Mario 3 versions and they're not simply Baby Bowser clones. Okay they serve they say the same purpose as Baby Bowser but they add a little spice to levels because their attack patterns are different. Now we imagine how those Boss Rush levels will be now.

Seems that trampolines will now have on and off switches... interesting.
We also have MECHAKOOPAS... with new flavors too..
 green are the standard ones, red shoot homing missiles, and blue fires lasers and in night stages they get jetpacks. Oh crap!

We also get Now map screens to create are small Super Mario worlds... I don't mean the Super Nintendo game. I mean small world halfway you have a couple of stages that you can play until you reach the castle.

If we're getting all of this in Super Mario Maker too damn 3 is going to blow our minds

Apr 20, 2020

FFVIIREMAKE's Wall Market Section was changed for the worse.

Before anyone asks, no, this is not a Mukki or Mukki and friends didn't get a taste of Cloud's backdoor post. Garbage humans who pretend to be some form of altruistic humans are spewing their Tumblr nonsense about this whole section of the game, when in fact it's far more insulting to theor claims than the original... but since I mention Cloud's butthole, let me get this out of the way:
 in the original game Cloud was a rape victim, a survivor.  think about that Cloud got raped in order to save Tifa via a ludicrous plan. A fact that he never dealt with... He simply repressed the memory and kept on going, especially with all the crap life threw at him. (The curse of JENOVA, Aeris becoming a kebab, his delusions unmasked.) Heck this even explains why he's so emotionally distant from everyone in the sequels. (Emo Cloud from AC and DoC).

Remake sweeps all that under the carpet by giving us Andrea Rhodea and the gayest musical number since High School Musical's Bop to the Top... (I'm not up to speed in gay musical numbers)  of course game journos and Tumblr took a single line by Rhodea and turned the whole section into some sort of "Trans positive" take on the while section. It's not.

The entire section is an act of catfishing, where Cloud is a trap... Before you say: Same thing as the original. It's NOT THE SAME!!

Im the original, it's Aeris who comes up with the plan after seeing Cloud's androgynous body. It's only a ploy to get past the guards to rescue Tifa. In the remake, it's  a plan concocted by Corneo's partners, the other big bosses of Wall Market conspire to troll Corneo by sending a trap. They really don't care about operation Rescue Tifa. They simply want to mess up with their partner at the expense of Cloud's life. And that includes Mr. "True Beauty is an expression of the heart. A thing without shame, to which notions of gender don't apply."

How can you say this is Trans Positive, when this is:
3 rich businesspeople picking up a huy from the streets because he's a but androgynous, dressing him up as a woman and sending him to their Mafioso business partner just for shits and giggles. Not to menrion that they often send him young girls for him to do as he pleases. (In the original game he captures Yuffie, an underage girl to make his bride when the Don is hiding in Wutai)

And One more thing: Cloud is a Cisgender, Heterosexual male. Throughout the events where he is dressed like a woman, he has shown that he dislikes the situation. NOTHING in the whole Wall Market sequence shows Cloud having Gender Dysphoria. Nor any sign of enjoyment in being "a woman" when he was dressed as one. Seriously, Joseph Joestar showed more enjoyment in Cross Dressing than Cloud ever did.

But, since I dared criticize the narrative, I'm going to be called Transphobic... Yet it's the actual remake who is showing that kind of behavior... Let's take a look at this:

This is Jules, who gives you the wig for winning the Squat Mini-Game.

In the original, Jules, aka Big Bro, used a Female model, which made him (he refers to himself as a man) a "passing" trans person at best or cross dresser at worst. There is a huge difference between both terms,  but based on the changes made to the remake, Big Bro, aka Jules, might simply be a crossdresser than a Trans person.

So we have Gay erasure, with the removal of Mukki,  but we have Andrea Rhodea who MIGHT be pansexual. We have Trans erasure by turning Big Bro from what it looked like a Trans woman, but Jules might be a cross-dresser... which doesn't necessarily make him gay, or trans. He can totally be a Cis hetero male who enjoys the art of cross-dressing.

So, there is NOTHING trans positive in Final Fantasy VII Remake. Trying to FORCE trans positivity in something that is definitely NOT trans positive is REALLY BAD.

If we're going to to get Transgender characters in a game, I don't want them to be:
-trying to entrap a cisgender character.
-using their being transgender as their sole personality trait
-be a propaganda mouthpiece... like say, a trans version of Jessie Spanno...

I want a well written character that Happens to be transgender.

Fixing Final Fantasy VII Remake: A lot easier than expected.

The ending to FFVIIR is rather controversial to say the least:
Adding elements that don't fit FFVII and turning it into a Kingdumb Farts clone... Not all the bad changes can be fixed... like Wall Market,  but in all fairness, Wall Market isn't as story breaking as the others.

 Well, most of those bad choices by Square Enix can be easily retconned. Let's  start by saying: Cloud has had a mild case of Mako poisoning ever since the First Reactor. That covers the early Sephiroth visions. The rest can be chalked up to Hojo's amoral experiments. Even in the Original, the numbered experiments have been running amok. So, Hojo could have been pumping the Slums with the JENOVA hallucinogen in an attempt to see if the Reunion theory was real. Not far-fetched for Hojo seeing his Sephiroth experiment and that the Real Hojo wanted to impregnate Aeris with RedXIII, the old fashioned way. The game gave us a perfect breaking point to fix this: when Cloud faints in front of JENOVA. Everything else afterwards was Cloud hallucinating.

The Whispers are slightly harder to fix, but doable. They are messengers of the Planet trying to warn the Cetra Half-breed about JENOVA. The problems would be that Aerith is not a full-blood Cetra and received no training on her Cetra abilities. Add to that the JENOVA based Hallucinogenic substances pumped into the slums, which make the Whispers react violently. This, of course scares the crap out of Aerith. Cloud becomes a target due to his Mako poisoning AND having JENOVA cells in his body. The Mako overexposure and being in contqct with Aerith make the Spirits visible to the people closest to Cloud. (Or people who have been in constant contact with Cloud recently.)

Before anyone asks: What about alternate timeline Zack? Remember that Cloud AND Zack were bombarded with Extra Mako AND JENOVA cells at the mansion. Zack's body Rejected the JENOVA, but Cloud had a strong Case of Mako poisoning at the time.

Yes, I'm aware that waving it away with "it was all a dream/hallucination" is a cheap, lazy, unimaginative trope. Sadly, it's the only PLAUSIBLE way to fix this mess that Nomura and Nojima created.

This would require using the start of the second game to fix the previous game. Namely the intro cinematic. Start the cinematic with Cloud fainting,  Barret and Tifa carry him over to the elevator where they are ambushed by the TURKS. They are taken prisoner and escape  after Cloud recovers. We fix the President Shinra death. No one sees Sephiroth killing Shinra.We get the Crazy Motorcycle chase and we start the game at Kalm. Of course the intro conematic would show an abridged version of the events...  Think of it like a small recap. Maybe even showing pieces of "Cloud's version" with the vision tint to emphasize that the last 2 chapters were delusions.

And I'm giving Nomura and Nojima a way out for bad choices in game two by establishing Cloud as an unreliable narrator. By using the bad changes as visions, on game 3 we can call the "badly received events" hallucinations by Cloud.  I know it's a cheap trick, I acknowledge it is a lazy fix, but it's the only way we can salvage FFVIIR saga in a way that it doesn't contradict the original that much.

Gameplaywise, I have said that up to the Cargo Ship events would be doable for Game 2. Seeing that the "Expanded Midgar" was a load of Bullshit, we COULD Reach Gold Saucer. In the Original MOST of Junon is not available to explore. We should keep it that way on game 2. Maybe some backstreets can be accessed to avoid going under the Sister Ray.

But here's how I would set this up: Party arrives at Kalm, Cloud explains to the party the Nibelheim incident. This would be told mostly via cutscenes in order to streamline the flashback. Maybe using the Nibelheim village square as a small hub for each cutscene. Like say: go to the Hotel tbe first time, you get the Zangan cutscene. Go to the Hoyel a second time, you progress the story with the Sephiroth cutscene about him not having a mother. Go to Cloud's house and you get his mom's cutscene. Go to Tifa's house, which Tifa will question and you get the Piano cutscene. Go in a second time and you get a Cloud cutscene of him reading her diary kept in her underwear drawer. (Moderm Square would be afraid of Cloud stealing a Tifa bra.) You can't access thr Shin-Ra mansion until conditions are met. Once the flashback session ends, you do a cpuple of missions in Kalm to boost your rep as a Merc.

With your rep built up, a Relative of Chocobo Sam needs an escort to reach the Chocobo Farm, because there is a dangerous monster prowling the route (Devil Ride). You aid "Chocobo Greg" in another version of the Crazy Motorcycle Chase and beat the Devil Ride. Once thar monster is defeated, Roche Returns and challenges you to another "race". Beat him and he disappears. At the Chocobo Farm, Chocobo Greg takes the available Chocobos back to Midgar for Sam. Now without Chocobos,  you must either do odd jobs for the Chocobo Farm family, or venture into the Midgar swamp. Fully aiding the Chocobo family allows you to catch and use a wild Chocobo. Doing from 50-75% of the tasks  nets you a vial of Abzu urine, which serves as a Midgar Zolom Repellent. Not 100% effective. Less than 50% of the tasks nets you nothing and the risks of fighting the Zolom increase.
Also, the Zolom will fiunction as a WEAPON type "extra boss" near the end of the game... The Zolom attacking the party early on is a juvenile. Thw near endgame extra boss is an adult Zolom, like the one "Sephiroth" killed.

You get to the Mythrill caverns, have an encounter with the TURKS. Once you beat the caverns, you get capturwd by the Fort Condor Resistance., since they bwlieve you're Shin-Ra members. Once you defend Ft. Condor, a member of the Resistance offers to drive you to Junon. Couple of hours in vehicle beats the couple of days walking.

Once you reach the lower Junon, the boss battle happens like in the original game, but once again we must build our reputation in order to reach the upper City. We can expand the lower in this area by having Cloud do the parade and the rest of the party is sneaking into the upper City.

The Cargo Ship would be slightly expanded... hell this would be a great spot to add Yuffie as a character. Wutai rouge ninja attempting to assassinate President (Rufus) Shinra, but at the same time we have the JENOVA murder mystery hour. JENOVA's officially revealed where she should be.

We reach Costa del Sol for some downtime... or we could turn it into a Wall Market 2.0... Now we force the entire party into doing odd jobs to get swimsuits for Cloud, Tifa,  Aerith, and Yuffie in order to infiltrate The Professor's Harem and get info on Sephiroth. Plot twist: Hojo recognized all of you and simply played along for shits and giggles. He would explain it to you after the fact.
I know it's a massive deviation from the original. If I'm honest, it's just an excuse for Fan-service and to make Cloud more uncomfortable (and essentially stating that he HATES dressing up like a woman).  Also, we'd have to collect 12 swimsuits (3 Bikinis for Tifa, 3 One-piece swimsuits for Aerith, 3 swumsuits for Yuffie. A combo of one and two piece suits, and lastly 3 surfer styled swimsuits for Cloud)

Now we head to Mini-Game city, Gold Saucer. We get the classic Bike game, the Mog Game could be modernized into a rhythm game... think a bastard child of the neo squat game. Darts can make a comeback, any new mini game added to this should have a Gold Saucer version. For fun once you beat the game and unlock Chapter select, retro versions of the Sub and Snowboard (lliterally the exact ps1 versions) should be available.
The Battle Arena should operate normally. Same for the Speed square. If you beat a certain Special Battle, Dio awards you a Battle Arena Championship Trophy. (Important for the next game)

You get sent to the prison and go through the whole Dyne sequence. You go up, beat the Chocobo race and Cloud faints due to a Sephiroth vision. (It's a Numbered Black cloak) Dio has been Kidnapped and taken to the Mako Reactor at Corel. It's up to the team to rescue him.
 You get a Sephiroth fight that has very little difference between outcomes.
If you win, Sephiroth will remark that Cloud should stop resisting him. If you lose, Sephiroth will comment about your weakness and your inability to save your friends if Sephiroth wanted to kill them.

At the end of the battle, a scripted scene where Sephiroth kicks your ass and escapes dropping a hint of Nibelheim being his destination will be the push for the next game.

Dio hands Cloud the keys to the All Terrain Buggy with no mention of the Rescue mission. They depart towards Nibelheim when an erratic bike appears to taunt you.
Roche wants another duel, so Cloud faces Roche atop the buggy as Roche alternates from attacking from his bike and jumping to rhe buggy. Once he gets enough, he leaves, but he had managed to do some damage to the buggy.

Whoa... that was a long one. I tried to keep each area as a small disconnected Hub world in order to ensure the viability of them. I used both crazy motorcycle chases to create the illusion of distance. The cargo ship chapter is another way to create the illusion of distance but that's from the original game so I cannot take credit for that. Having trucks coming and going from each settlement is based from the original (Cloud and Zack scene in the original) but I used it as a way to eliminate the world map.

I said that Yuffie is a rogue Ninja in order to add actual Wutai Ninja that want to bring her home. This also helps expand the Wutai Midgar war angle. The  other reason for Cloud in drag part 2  is to bring in Mukki, who was cut out from the Midgar section. (Look at me, I'm an Arbiter of Fate)

 I know I made fun of the Sephiroth padding in part 1 and I use it here as well. I know it looks hypocritical but I did leave enough references to make it "ambiguous"...  with a nice it was a Cloud hallucination Escape clause.

I'm thinking that the party should get some random semi boss encounters with the numbered Black cloaks.

And to be honest, I can see Team No-No cutring a lot of what I mentioned Just to reach Rocket towm, maybe Wutai, or even further.

Apr 17, 2020

Odds and ends April 17-18 2020: People died while I played FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE...

I kinda have been out of the loop due to trying to get FFVIIR out of the way. Now I just found out that Brian Dennehy passed away. He passed away due to natural causes. As always, my condolences to the family and friends. Mom would have mentioned Coccoon as a reference right about now. I could be a hipster and mention the Jack Reed TV movies, but I'm not gonna play that game. He was Django in Ratatouille... Remy's dad who wanted Remy to behave like an actual rat and eat crap.

 Come on! You knew this was coming. If I didn't mention his role as the sheriff in First Blood I would have to hand over my cinephile card. Hell, my brain went and played this for me as I read the news of his passing.

Then I got hit with another death:
The Original Leon Kennedy's English VA Paul Haddad passed away due to health complications. IIRC, he had a type of cancer. Yet again, my condolences to the family and friends. I'm not 100%  sure if the cancer diagnosis had something to do with him not reprising the role of Leon in future installments...

And to complete the Dead People Trifecta, Keiji Fujiwara, the Japanese voice of Maes Hughes from Full Metal Alchemist has passed away due to cancer. I'm like Damn! That's 3 pop culture related deaths in a row... Once again, my condolences to the family and friends.

He was the Japanese Reno AND Axel from Kingdom hearts... No, he wasn't Raiden, but he was Both Sigint and Drebin in MGS3 and 4 respectively. He also was the Japanese dub voice for Tony Stark.

I know, I said that I wasn't supposed to do anything FFVIIR related, but it's not entirely my fault that he PLAYED RENO... I only knew him as Highes Japanese voice...

FINALLY, the Final Fantasy VII Remake review

already went through with my issues with the story from the remake. I have also beaten it so I guess it's fair that I do the review now.

Since it's a video game review the scale is from 1 to 10 so let's begin:

The characters look amazing and so do the backgrounds well when the textures load correctly... the texture loading problem is a big issue in Final Fantasy 7 remake. When this issue happens the background stand to look like PS1 games but with the blurry effect from PS2 and PS3 activated. In my playthrough would happen as early as chapter 3, but sometimes when I load the game it's simply loaded by the textures badly and they fix on its own. Other times certain objects would be permanently loaded in low texture mode. The problem is that it happened way too often.

Sounds and music:
Holy shit! I just realized Where I've heard Wedge's voice before! The voice acting on this game it's actually pretty good but it feels like a low-budget version of the original cast... by original cast I mean the ones from Advent Children and Kingdom Hearts 2.  And I know it sounds kind of bad, but  it's a bit hard to explain.  the new cast did a great job but, they kinda sound like they're making impressions the previous actors who played the roles. This is most notable when CW Superman plays silver haired mama's boy. He sounds like he's doing a George Newbern impression.

The music regrettably is a mixed bag. Some of the new versions of classic themes sound really really really great. Other pieces are so remix that you can't even recognize them.

They are a bit awkward at first. And even after 35:23 hours, the Triangle is not the optimal button to interact with stuff. That has being a personal pic of mine says a couple of Square Enix games... now that I think of it Nomura is involved in these games that have given me issues with the triangle...

I cannot lie here, the gameplay is the better aspect of this game. While yes the exploration is limited to walking on hallways,  the combat is mostly entertaining. The only game play elements that I don't like so far are no playable red 13 the new mechanics on the squats game and new Pull-Ups.

The elephant in the room should we mention it.
The story up to the point where you leave Midgar on the original game isn't that great. Everything begins to fall in place once you leave Midgar.

 The problem with the remake's story is Tetsuya Nomura, Kazushige Nojima, and Motomu Toriyama. The latter one was the man behind The 3rd Birthday... the No-No team is the bigger threat. The tag team behind Kingdumb Farts. Nojima created Zack, so I wouldn't put it past him to have his creation survive. Nomura has a hard-on for Sephiroth, which explains the exaggeration of the Cloud Vs Sephiroth angle that everything after the True FFVII has taken. I've already mentioned that before NOMURA Nomura'd up FFVII, Sephiroth was useless. But for the sake of fairness I must point out that not everything was awful. Expanding lore, like the Haunted Train Graveyard,  backstories for Jessie, etc. was pretty cool... adding a neighborhood watch to explain why their enemy encounters so close to towns within the enclosed Midgar was a great idea.  the added dungeon of the Secrets Shinra experimental facility under sector 7 was neat.

But the good is outmatched by the bad. Instead of getting this as a story:
Mercenary joined an eco-terrorist group to stop an evil corporation from destroying the planet by overusing a rare element. Now the Mercenary has become the bodyguard of a woman who holds the key to a near infinite cache of this rare element. (Well that is up until the point where the remake ends)

But instead we got this:
Mercenary joined an eco-terrorist group to stop an evil corporation from destroying the planet by overusing a rare element. Now the Mercenary has become the bodyguard of a woman who holds the key to a near infinite cache of this rare element. But he is hampered by visions from his past, when he stopped a villain that destroyed his hometown. The Villain has come from the future in order to change the past, but to do so he needs help from the Mercenary to break the bonds of Fate. Because the original game, the PSP and Japanese mobile phone prequels happened, the movie sequel and the PS2 sequel from a side character ALSO Happened and this remake is a sequel to all of that. There are also alternative timelines.

The original would've gotten a 7.0 in story up to the point where the remake ends... The remake, thanks to the added stupidity gets a 4.5

Fun factor 
Despite the massive shitshow that is the story the game is actually fun. I simply wish that the story has been kept more faithful to the true Final Fantasy 7 and we hadn't gotten this Kingdom Hearts vs XIII excuse for a story crap. But I have to be fair and say there are some parts that extremely annoying and can suck the fun out of the game.

 With all that said and done Final Fantasy 7 remake getsa 7.5 as its final score. I honestly blame the graphical issues, but those can be fixed with a fat a little bit later on. The real culprit that cannot be passed away is the massive tampering with the story that took a massive diarrhea shit of the original. Team No-No used this game to shit on the people who dared criticize their "genius".  Now I'm torn, part of me simply wants to not play Final Fantasy 7 remake to when it eventually comes out most likely on PlayStation 5. But I love this universe so much that I see myself most likely pre-ordering a copy.

And I guess this would be the end for the Final Fantasy 7 remake week...

Apr 16, 2020

Shin-Ra building: The end is near...

Really? Here's where you put that lime being sequins dangling through cables swinging across dangerous Cassens section? Really? It's incredible how facepalm Worthy this is. You had a whole section where you could have gotten creative with the climbing the swinging and all the crazy Balancing Act stuff but you saved it for the lobby of the Shin-Ra building.  What the Hell, man!?

I decided to go up the emergency stairs instead of the elevator because it's the most canonical thing to do... or at least that's how I do most of my playthroughs on the real game.
They actually caught a shit ton of stuff in the Shinra building. The midgar replica puzzle is no longer a thing. The mayor's password search is no longer a thing. Opening cert and key doors and climbing through vents to get a bunch of treasure no longer a thing. Hojo's bestiality fetish no longer a thing. We do get an added mini dungeon where the party is split and you have to collaborate to move onward.

You then Fight Rufus, the Tank, the Crazy Motorcycle chase and then...

Nomura goes full Nomura and inserts more Kingdumb Farts Bullshit. You battle a Giant Heartl... Arbiter of Fate, then you kick Sephiroth's ass so hard that Kadaj felt it.

Zack may be alive (possible alternate timeline... or some Nomura Bullshit.)

Wait... did I just beat FFVIIR in 4 days?

Apr 15, 2020

Another FFVIIR progress report: all that's left is the Shin-Ra Building.

Realizing that my time with FFVIIREMAKE is coming to an end, I forced myself to do the sidequests. This, of course, was after oassing the incredibly padded, yet enjoyable Sewer system and Train Graveyard. Having Eligor as a boss battle where you steal a bladed staff for Aerith, was a decent tribute to the original, but "Modernized". It made me forget the Bastardization of Wall Market. I might make a whole Rant out of that... some other time.

The expanded sewer has most of the tropes of a sewer dungeon. Activating sluice fates to raise and lower water levels, busted pump that require fixing, environmental hazards that force you to take a longer path, the works. Far more tedious than the original's 2 screens. At the same time, despite the cliches, it was an enjoyable adventure. It was GREAT PADDING. Heck, the following section, aka failing to stop Sector 7's destruction was padded in a mostly satisfying manner. We get to play Aerith's point of view while Cloud and Tifa go up the plate tower... (Cloud goes solo and Tifa catches up with him.)

The gameplay version of the events of the failed rescue attempt are fine and dandy... the story, well, here's where I have issues. Wedge isn't a  pancake after this.
Nearly everyone escapes Sector 7. So, no big tragedy there... and this bring me to one issue I have with the Remake:

Nomura doesn't understand FFVII. The biggest aspect of FFVII's is that Bad things happen in this unfair world, DEAL WITH THEM.
Cloud never made it to SOLDIER and he was unable to save his mom, his town,  his friend Zack... or Aeris. He had to learn to accept reality and move on because the Planet is not going to save itself.

Barret let Shin-Ra take over Corel, they destroyed his town. His wife was dead. His best friend Dyne was believed to be dead. He took on the responsibility of raising Dyne's kid as his own. Not only that, by attempting to save people from Shin-Ra, Barret is responsible for the deaths of thousands, since he's responsible for the terrorist attacls on the Midgar reactors.

Tifa lost her town, her father, and almost lost her life when her best friend didn't come to her rescue. (He did, but she didn't know that) she joined the Terrorist group, AVALANCHE,  and was indirectly respomsible for the deaths of thousands. She also lost Cloud to madness, when the Second case of Mako poisoning put Cloud in a delirious state. She accepted that her place was with Cloud and gave up on the fight to save the Planet from JENOVA... until being swallowed by the Lifestream and was able to restore Cloud to his real self.

Red XIII had to learn that his perception of the late SETO of Cosno Canyon was wrong. While he may be the last of his kind (he isn't), he has a duty to protect Cosmo Canyon like his father before him.

We could keep going with Cid and Vincent and  Cait Sith and Yuffie listing all day of their failures and how they struggle to make up to them. The point is that bad should happen to all these people and they had to face your demons in order to come afloat. The theme of faith is not a big theme in this game... well, the REAL Final Fantasy VII, I should say. But Nomura wants to make Fate a big deal. But the thing is that these so-called Arbiters of fate don't show up to correct all the weird changes from the original. which makes them useless as a plot device since they failed to do what they're intended to do. And all the forced Sephiroth appearances make no sense. In fact they weaken Sephiroth as a character.

The Climb to reach the Shinra building while longer in this game it's pretty crappy compared to the original. Sure here we have multiple enemy encounters we have even a boss battle compared to the two to three screens of the original... but for some reason the original version feels more Epic.

 I know that you're probably thinking that I'm crazy for saying that the original is better than the Remake in this sense but think about it:
In the remake all you do is run around dilapidated areas that kind of looks similar to the dilapidated areas from sector 6 but up in the sky. You have a couple of grappling hook cutscenes so manyenemy encounters and a boss battle. But in essence it's doing exactly the very same thing you've been doing already minus the grappling hook.

 On the original you're climbing ropes you are swinging from dangerous cables you have to pass through precarious surfaces to reach the top. To be honest I was expecting something like chapter 15 of Uncharted then running through another set of hallways.

Now tell me that something like this using the setting from FFVII wouldn't have been epic...

Apr 14, 2020

Just finished the Ms. Cloud segment: another FFVIIR rant

Technically it was a few hours ago, but I had to sleep on it. This game is messing up my already messed up circadian cycle. The sequence has changed BIG TIME. I mean, it KINDA IS THE SAME. The sequence is still there, but it's intertwined with a lot of new stuff. Also I did some research online and actions in earlier chapters have an effect on your current situation at wall market.

And it seems that my choices had a strange effect because, according to the walkthroughs the dress I got for Cloud  shouldn't have been the one I should have gotten.
I was supposed to get the Blue and white dress, but somehow ended up getting the blue and black dress. I know that the outfit I got Tifa was the Sporty one aka the Chun-Li look. Mature is the one you should go for if you're a purist. For Aeris I got the super mega fancy dress because I did all the side quests in the previous chapter.

I do not know if the Don actually picks anyone else but he  picked Thundehead in my playthrough.

Here's the thing I could take that the process to get Cloud in Drag was changed. I can take that they expanded the whole process having new things to the classic elements there... but I despise one single thing:
The Virginity of Cloud's back door was not violently taken from him. In fact he remains a backdoor virgin! You cannot call this a Final Fantasy 7 remake if Cloud's butthole is not ravaged by one or many men in exchange for panties! The world of Gaia is not going to be saved anymore by a rape Survivor!? Do you even social justice, Square Enix!?  Instead we get a dance-off. You @#$%ers KILLED OFF MUKKI!!
Rest in peace, brother. THE real Bubby misses you...
I wished I could've seen you in the Remake. Farewell, sweet, bear prince...

Apr 13, 2020

About to begin Operation Rescue Tifa from Corneo... more first impressions as I go deep the FFVIIR hole.

I am 13 hours into FFVII Remake and my enjoyment is still rather high. I've done LOTS AND LOTS OF FILLER... There has been some good filler, some bad filler, and some ugly filler.

Good filler:
A story explanation, why Johnny leaving was such a big deal. In the original game, Johnny leaving his home in Sector 7 is supposed to be a big deal, but there was no real explanation. Now Johnny gets some back story.

Character development for Jessie. Oh my JENOVA, Jessie gets a nice chunk of character development AND is a super enjoyable character to have around. Poor girl is Thirsty as hell.

SOME Side quests actually give some insight into the world and its lore. The quests themselves may suck (ie locate 5 kids with toy Buster swords on their backs), but you get little nuggets of info about the world and certain characters.

Additional Boss Fights, like Reno at the Church. It's alwaya nice to have some additional boss battles, even if they are with Just Cloud. Or the Chadley VR summon boss battles,  whwre you earn a summon by beating it in battle... a sort of throwback to Earlier Final Fantasy games.

Hinting that Barret's AVALANCHE is not associated to the real AVALANCHE.

Bad Filler:

Wedge being reduced to a series of fat tropes.

The dementors. The more they appear the more my urge to kick Nomura on the dick intensifies.

Side quests that give no insight to the world and are tedious.

The linearity of the game. I've missed items because that game gives me a very small window to get then. Like a Materia in the Church.

Visions from events that happened in the original teased in the remake. It's OK getting flashbacks of Nibelheim 5 years ago... but how in blue blazes do I get Flashbacks to Aeris' death!? That hasn't even happened yet.

Areas being bigger for padding sake. What was a "single screen" on the original game now is a tedious half hour trek that involves narrow passages,  ladders, and other excuses to slow down your movement to molasses speed.

Ugly filler:
Roche. He appears out of nowhere has an annoying boss battle set with benches things with a specific theme and vanishes .just as he appeared. He needed only a black cloak and he could have been a perfect Organization XIII member.

Any appearance of Sephiroth.

Now I'm off to Wall Market.

Apr 12, 2020

Habemus FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE: first thoughts up to 7th Heaven.*spoilers*

Because being Essential is seriously cutting on my gaming time. So I installed Final Fantasy 7 remake beat the first reactor. Only real difference from the demo is that we get a flashback to Nibelheim and we see child Tifa. It feels a bit more polished than the Demo. The padding SO FAR makes sense... except that bit that it doesn't... more on that later.

"You get to see so much of Midgar compared to the original" or so they claimed... it IS KINDA true, but at the same time the path is even more linear than the original. I'm talking something between X and XIII levels of linearity. Just by saying that I can almost hear  the mobs going for the pitchforks and torches. The only real difference between the original and the remake is that the Remake is padded out more than the Moogle half of Cait Sith. Veterans of Final Fantasy 7 will feel the padding I look worse than newcomers. Now with that said the padding Has been mostly enjoyable. Kicking so much sin Shinra butt with Cloud alone has been glorious.

But not everything has been good... there is one thing that I absolutely HATE! about the remake.

Sephiroth's appearance so early in the game. We meet "Sephiroth" BEFORE WE MEET AERITH...

To put it in simple terms it's a weak reveal of the character. I don't have an issue with Cloud getting PTSD from Nibelheim due to the fire on Midgar's Sector 8. It's everything that happens afterwards what bothered me. As a veteran I know all about Sephiroth, Cloud, Nibelheim incident 5 years ago... but revealing Sephiroth this weight is a very weak development.

In the original all we hear is How Great and Mighty Sephiroth Is. We don't truly get to see him an action until Cloud tells his story. All we know is that he killed President Shinra and burst out the JENOVA remains from their containment unit. Once Cloud tells his story, the next big feat of strength by Sephiroth is impaling on Midgar Zolom  in a tree. This feat is incredible because at that point in the game if we fight a Midgar Zolom it's a death-wish.

Getting triggered and having flashbacks from a 5 years ago is acceptable. It shows that there's something wrong with Cloud without giving away too many spoilers. Now having hallucinations is a different story. It shows that there's something seriously wrong with Cloud and that he's definitely hiding something.

Having Aerith have "similar hallucinations"  when she's attacked by Dementors. (Whispers of Fate) cheapens both Aeris and Cloud. Especially when she can pass off her hallucinations to Cloud. It almost feels as if they're trying to make the Aerith×Cloud ship feel like a toxic relationship between two insane people.

Other than the Sephiroth bit, I've been enjoying the remake. Hopefully Nomura will not Nomura too much.

Apr 11, 2020

It came from the Toy Chest: Squirrel Girl *language*

Not even Squirrel girl is safe from Wolverine's penis. Wolverine may have had sex with her when she was a minor. We also know he has fantasized about her.

Why do I bring this up? Simple: Squirrel Girl is literally a Mary Sue. She's beaten dr. Doom she's beaten Thanos,  she's literally called be unbeatable Squirrel Girl. The Marvel Legends figure is based on the tumblrized Squirrel Girl, but made more realistic looking... and not the chunky Tumblr approved deformed version. She won't look out of place with your Marvel Legends.
SG: Why isn't this running?
Logan: Did you remove the kickstand, Doreen?
SG: Of course, I did, James... Do you think I'm some sort of a moron?
Logan: I ain't sayinh nuthin, bub!
SG: Oh wait...

Personally I would have preferred the previous outfit of Squirrel Girl, the one with the furry vest... maybe a second head with her first appearance look... (it's the stuff of nightmares) but I don't think Hasbro is going to make multiple squirrel girls after this one clogs the pegs.  coronavirus ain't helping!!
SG: Hold on to your furry butts!! We're going
to Amblin Enterteinment Logo the Hell out of this!

Squirrel Girl possesses the standard female articulation and sadly her tail has zero articulation. Her tail is slightly heavy and her legs are slightly gummy which makes posing her a pain in the neck. She kept tumbling down tumbling down tumbling down... (yes it's an Evangelion reference)
3.5 because of her inability to stand. Also she's a pain in the ass to get in her moped.
SG: Ha-ha! I have finally beaten the moped!
Logan: Congratulations, Doreen but you haven't beaten Miyov!
SG:First, I understood that reference! Second, ew! And third you are aware I'm over 18 now...
Logan: Kid, when you're as old as I am, EVERYONE IS UNDERAGE!

Paint and sculpt 
Like I mentioned before that she's mostly on a teenage body with a couple of specific pieces made for her. The biggest sin on this figure is that she doesn't have actual gripping hands to hold on to her moped handles. Massive brain fart there Hasbro! There are no visible paint issues in my figure.
4.5 for not adding the obvious gripping hands meet at to ride the moped
Iron Drunk: Wait, is that Squirrel humping his leg?
SG: Yeah, I call that one Jimmy Logan... he's always horny.
Logan: Sweet... so she remembers me!
SG: also he has a tiny dick.
Iron Drunk: Holy shit! She DEFINITELY REMEMBERS YOU!
Also, what's with the pizza.
Logan: Stole it from Spider-Man...
Iron Drunk: Noice!

3 Squirrels
 I have to be honest here I don't know much about squirrel girl I just wanted her because she's basically a joke character like Dan Hibiki...  or the Mighty Spector.  and I recall mentioning I'm not sure if it was here at the house of France or a forum or a podcast that if they ever made a squirrel girl I would buy her because of her Joke character status. I tried to keep most of my promises no I will not finish the Twilight Saga reviews nor watching the tropes vs women videos... I no longer hate myself enough to go through with them.

So the moped like I said it's basically redeco of the Deadpool moped and the squirrel work three little squirrel figurines that are mostly useless.
4.0 she really needed an extra pair of hands to use the moped. Hack a second head with a little squirrel themed helmet would have being a cute accessory for her.
Logan: So, Doreen, are we gonna, you know?
SG:For the umpteenth time, No!
It was never canon! Sure, I kicked your ass and you creames your pants,
but we never actually had sex...
Logan: That's not how I remember it...
We fought hard, you had a momentary advantage, but my animal magnetism made your legs tremble and you said:
Oh! Logaano-sama! My girlhood trembles at the presence of such a masculine man. Defile this temple and ravage me with your adamantiumless bone.
SG: That definitely did NOT Happen.
Akuma: Rogaan-kun, do not shame yourserfu any ronger.
Logan: Eigo ga hanasemasu ka? Kuso!!
Akuma: Don't butcher my ranguage.

Doreen gets a 4.0 as her final score. They did a lot more than I expected for a joke character but she needed a little bit of "oomph!" to be cooler. I kind of hate to say this but I like the moped more than I like her...
Like I said, her first appearance was creepy looking.

Apr 10, 2020

My copy of FFVIIR will arrive sometime between tonight or the 15th.

So this will delay a bit my review. Sadly, I've seen some posts from friends who have played it or quoting reviews and I'm afraid... Nomura is ruining the story by adding Nomura crap.

As I haven't played the game, I cannot comment on the veracity of these. But I gotta rant and Rave so here we go!
 spoilers after the jump

Apr 8, 2020

Well, Todd reached his unneeded kickstarter goal...

Todd McFarlane, creator of Spawn, Head of McFarlane toys, who have the DC COMICS and MORTAL KOMBAT licenses, made a kickstarter for a Spawn figure. He reached his goal rather fast. I'm not exactly a fan of this project specifically. McFarlane Toys is a big company. Okay it's not Mattel big but it's big enough to not need a Kickstarter. I believe McFarlane is doing this just to show big retailers that there is a desire for Spawn toys, but still, Kickstarter was not the way to go.

McFarlane could have easily set up a site like Matty collector to do his whole spawn campaign. He would have gotten the same that I that he would get from the kickstarter without the whole shadiness of a big Company using Kickstarter.

Also I think he's delivering too little for what he's asking for.
$40 for a basic figure  1 accessory and that's it.
All three figures are exactly the same the only difference is the head and the paint job. Based on the pictures shown there won't be different leg and gauntlets gold for modern spawn. The third figure is literally a gray pseudo prototype... but if you order all three at once you will get different heads on the modern spawn and the Prototype spawn. Not additional heads to the default version but different heads for doing all three at once.
 that's a load of bullshit.
You're getting a figured that's virtually similar to The Mortal Kombat 11 spawn with a bigger cape and a bigger price tag.

 for a Kickstarter I was expecting interchangeable heads interchangeable hands interchangeable cape and the chains. And I'm not even talking going full Japanese collector crazy in the amount of items:
 let me give you an example two heads one with the whole mask and the other without it. Now if you bought the 3-pack then you get an additional Al Simmons head to use on your spawn figure. Maybe also an additional glowing effect on the eyes masked spawn head.  And lastly these heads in grayscale for the final figure.
For Hands the usual: fists, accessory gripping hands , open hands and fpr the 3 pack a pair of green necroplasm effect hands for each version of Spawn.

And the alternate cape would be just a smaller Cape just in case you don't want to display spawn with the huge Cape knocking everything off from your shelf.  the change would be an attack mode version of the chains that's it.

Had spawn come with all those goodies I would have paid even $60 for him but what we're getting it's not worth the $40 in my opinion.

Apr 7, 2020

The Big Show Show: The Big Rant Rant

Whatever happened to the Titantron? The turnbuckle, Lawler, Friday Night Smackdown!? Something something Full House Reference with WWE...

I just seen one episode of The Big Show show I don't even know how to describe this...  it's not funny, it's terribly cringy, but has some forced sappy heartfelt moments... it's almost like Full House but with Big Show. It's not exactly Full House sayings Big Show has a wife and often have two other wrestlers living with him, but the show's vibe is VERY similar to Full House. At least Big Show is a likeable enough to pull this off. Could you imagine if we had a show starring Brock Lesnar where we follow him around watching him do not wrestling at all? Sure it would be more realistic than Big Show's Full House but Brock Lesnar is not likeable enough.

In any case the show exists and if you want to watch it, it's on Netflix... according to the Internet Movie Database Jaleel White appears in a couple episodes. Dammit, now I HAVE TO SEE THIS THROUGH!!

Apr 6, 2020

Conan is coming and Spidey news

Got a Super7 e-mail regarding the Comic Book Style Conan. They'll be arriving soon to Super 7 and then they begin to ship them to us... FINALLY!!  I've been dying for that comic book Conan figure which will go to my Masters of the Universe display...  because it's freaking Conan and I never got to order Arnie and Mufasa... so comic Conan will have to do... holy crap I just had the craziest crossover idea Conan on Etheria...

Spidey fans, the 4th figure of the Spidey-themed retro wave is a repaint:
Yes it's Mysterio in the color scheme I prefer. Dammit, looks like I'm gonna double dip on thr Master of Illusions... Well, I can use the other one as a decoy Mysterio.
Hopefully the next reveal will be a classic styled Electro.

My expectations for FFVIIR and Beyond... just 4 more days...

I am terribly anxious for Final Fantasy 7 remake. I have vented a lot of my fears my doubts and my excitement... it's because I'm very passionate about this specific game!

It's so close that I can almost taste the Mako...  but at the same time I'm completely terrified. Capcom recent Resident Evil remake have cut content from their original PlayStation counterparts in order to streamline the games.
In this game the case is the complete opposite Square Enix is cramming tons of crap to the first hours of the original game. My main fear is that the soul of the original gets lost in all the padding.  I know the funny thing is that assuming I get it around the 10th, I will probably be unable to play it for a while until my next day off... kinda mirroring the situation with the original.

But let me talk about the game itself. Like I said before the padding, it scares me. I understand that making 60 hour game out of a 4-Hour segment will required a Naruto sized amount of filler. I already know that the small chase after events the demo has been expanded to a half an hour event.  In the original it barely took a minute. That type of feeling is the least of my worries. The filler that worries me is the other type of filler. THE.TYPE.OF.FILLER.THAT.IS.BEST.SUITED.TO.A.PSP.GAME.AND.NOT.A.HOME.CONSOLE.GAME.
I can almost see Cloud stuck doing random missions killing the same type of enemies in the same dungeon areas again and again... I'm hoping that these missions are either fun, or add to  lore just to make them bearable.

So I guess I should rephrase my original statement:
My biggest fear on Final Fantasy 7 remake is that the X recanted added to pad the game playtime becomes as tedious and monotonous Asif playing a PlayStation Portable game on a larger Home console... like a certain Hideo Kojima game starring queefer Sutherland.

I'm more interested in the new content that would expand the lore of the world of Final Fantasy 7.

I'm also afraid that despite the game being 60 hours long we're going to be stuck in a linear world with very little exploration. Just ask Cloud with a vagina or the Roadtrip bros... how disappointing their worlds were after all the hype.

I really hope that I'm going to get a huge serving of crow this weekend....

 But the sequels now there's a place where I'll be full of fear. We don't know how long until the next game we don't know how many games are coming despa chelation it can drive people mad and I'm halfway there.

 but to summarize:
 Modifications to appease 2020s sensibilities...

 You know the usual suspects. Now all I can do is wait until the game finally arrives.

Apr 5, 2020

Could a Punisher themed Marvel Legends wave work?

With Hasbro making crazy selections on characters who are "worthy" of getting themed waves, Why not Frank Castle?  he often gets relegated to side character in other character's waves. So for the sake of doing a mental exercise (and not go on another FFVIIR rant) I'm going to go for a Punisher themed wave:

Or the Builder figure I'd pick the Russian. He's a rather large character suited for the spot of a build a figure.

Now for the wave itself

-Punisher (based on Vol.6 Issue 2: Does Whatever a Spider can)
I chose this look for The Punisher based on the build a figure. While we cannot make an official giant sized Man-Thing version of the Russian, this Punisher is a nod to that. Also he's basically a redeco of the classic Punisher with different lower legs.

 Classic Punisher villain that we haven't seen since the ToyBiz days. personally I would go for the white suit version. I know some people would prefer the alternate toybiz look with Jigsaw wearing a Punisher suit but one could swap his head with a Punisher body that we have a couple of spares and make it into the dark Punisher or whatever.

-Armored Daredevil:
Wow not exactly 100% Punisher related Matt Murdock has had a few run-ins with Frank Castle... and this is one of the few versions of Daredevil that we haven't received in Marvel Legends so it makes sense.

-Yelena Belova:
We need a non MCU version of Yelena so she's here for that reason.  Not to mention that the Black Widow has had a few run-ins with Castle... Sure, it's  mostly Natasha who has "worked with Frank", but we don't need Natasha number 5042.

I know I know technically I'm cheating by adding couple of Spider-Man characters here... I know, but you have to admit that adding the mobster hammerhead to a Punisher wave makes sense. Punisher he kills mobsters and the thick-skulled Hammerhead is the ultimate Mobster that is not Kingpin.

Another multi-use villain that has seen some Punisher action Daredevil action and even Mutant action with mr. Angry stabby Canadian... I vaguely remember him from the arcade game.

-Spider-Man: Spider Armor Mk 1:
 Right now I'm pretty sure that the first thing you'll say is "why is Spider-Man here?"  the answer is simple:
You know how X-Men waves have to shove a wolverine in for no reason how Avengers waves have to toss in an Ironman as well? Spider-Man is just ensuring that the wave would make it to retail. It's a well-known variant to comic book fans and some casuals.

 okay I'm a bit surprised that I was able to full of a Punisher wave way too fast. NOW a black heart themed wave now there's a challenge!! But that's a different rent for a different date.  until next time True Believers... I miss Stan...

Apr 3, 2020

Final Fantasy VII Remake final trailer...

I won't do the usual complaining and the bellyaching about revealing Sephiroth way too soon... I've said this way too many times already.

Are the trailer got me stoked for the game so hard that I could kill ghetto florists with m'dick.

 things that caught my eye:
The generic Bandit enemies that appear on Sector 5
Hell House
Seems that we fight motorball in the bike and truck.
Seems that we may need to use Aerith  to help people evacuate sector 7.

But at the end of the trailer there was one thing that brought me a lot more than revealing Sephiroth and JENOVA as the main bad guys...

You! Are! Not! Meant! To! Show! Up! Until! The! Northern! Crater! When! JENOVA! Dispels! Cloud's! Delusioms! Sp take the gift of the goddess, stick it up your Gongagan ass and get the fuck out of my Final Fantasy VII Midgar segment!

Yes the trailer drops hints about Zack Fair appearing in the Midgar chapter... and more stuff being added to the Medgar chapter means that future chapters are gonna get chopped up... I'm going to call it now then next Final Fantasy 7 remake game will not be an open-world ass the current remake is rumored to be.  I  don't know why but I feel that a lot all the game content until we reach the Junon area will be managed via cutscenes. With Junon being the big Hub world until we reach the end of that section and hit the cargo ship... I just thought of something even more devious two hubs one being Junon and the other being Gold Saucer / old Corel...

They're going to cut up a lot of stuff from the original game in the sequels you'll see... there is a reason why they only managed to do the game on Midgar and not until Junon... but despite all my fears the game is looking freaking awesome!!

Apr 2, 2020

It came from the Toy Chest: Super Skrull? More like slightly better than average Skrull...

Finally, I'm able to get a Super Skrull figure.
I missed out on the ToyBiz one... and that had 3 variants circulating. Or the Hasbro Skrull vs Kree Skrull warrior with "super skrull-like pieces.

So, Super Skrull: a Disgraced Skrull warrior who sought a chance at redemption became an experimental super soldier for the Skrulls. Now endowed with the powers of the Fantastic four, K'lrt fights to restore his former glory. Or something.

Despite having a slightly larger body the super skrull has standard Marvel Legends articulation. Even the alternate arms that simulate the powers from the Fantastic Four have double jointed elbows.

Paint and sculpt 
He looks like a classic interpretation of the skrull Warrior.  and if you have moderate knowledge of the Marvel Universe you can easily recognize him as a skrull warrior the super skrull depending on which limbs he has on.

If I were to nitpick about him I'd say that the green on his face is a bit too dark for my taste.

While technically speaking he is the accessories for the rest of the entire wave he does come with alternate arms.
A rare event for Build a figures.

Super Skrull gets a 4.83 as his final score. It's a great score for a character that's not necessarily the greatest character ever. But as a classic Fantastic Four villain that is not Doctor Doom he's a nice addition to the collection.
Now if this figure was to be re-released further down the line as a single card at deluxe figure I would love to see an extra head or two and maybe some extra arms. Invisible thing arm, flaming stretched arm. Maybe the super skrull could get a head in mid transformation.