Jan 31, 2024

Top NON Vintage TMNT characters I want for 2024: part 1

 Or at least until the next list comes. By non-vintage I mean not from the vintage playmates toyline... so Toy based characters like Monty Moose, Walkabaout, or Pizzaface are out. Mirage, TV shows, videogames, other comics, etc. are fair game. 
Note I don't want these to be made at once. It's just that these are some characters that I would be very inclined to buy.

Let's start with folks from the Video Games:

I've mentioned him a few times. He's a Polar Bear with a Leather Jacket and Jeans with FUR TRIMMED BOOTS. Here Super7 could go for a couple of interpretations:
Game Accurate but using a "Varner Studios filter" like having a Neapolitan Ice Cream stain on the jacket, an ice cream cone spilled on his boot, tears on the jeans.

Go full "Varner" with a torn boot with a bear paw poking out, massive tears on the jeans and jacket adding more ice cream stains. 

For accessories:
Hands, alternate head, glasses, weather machine with flight stand, Ice chunk soda bottle.

Sprazzo the chainsaw maniac:
Hailing from the first game, this evildoer is a nice way to introduce videogame elements:
Here we can go two ways:

Game Accurate:
Naked torso with Iron mask and pants. Maybe "Varnerize" the iron mask a bit. With rust, dents, and maybe a creepy crawlie or two.

Playmates inspired Lazy parts reuse:
(Shredder torso on Casey Arms and legs with a blond Casey head with a black mask for A head)

Personally, I'd go somewhere in between:
New torso and legs, reuse the Casey arms and feet and add new heads (including a Blond casey repaint.)
The accessories are rather easy:
I mentioned the heads. Reusing the Casey hands, the chainsaw is obvious. Toss in a Mouser and you're done. 

Ninja Robo Blade:
This is an uncommon NES Enemy from the added Dojo Level to the TMNT Arcade NES Port.
The reason I'm adding him is because it has part reuse potential with the next entry, Hyperstone heist version of Tatsu.
Waist down it looks human. From the torso and up is where the robotic look should start. The Gi overlay could be made to be reused for Tatsu, like I mentioned above. 
No extra heads needed, for accessories here we run into an issue. 
Hands and kunai cover the standard accessories
But I want to add 2 Controversial accessories:
Vincent Van Growl/Paper tigers. Basically a set of dojo doors (one side with tiger, the other without) and an articulated flat tiger with stand, because it's flat.

Going to the 16-bit era, let me bring a Kunoichi.
I have to go family friendlier here, because reasons. (I'd prefer a more accurate Aska, but not so sure if nickelodeon would allow her.) Mainly to abuse parts reuse on a figure that requires too many new pieces.
New heads,new torso, new forearms, new hands, new crotch, new lower legs.
So here we go:
The torso would be a tight fitting shirt that covers up any cleavage with a sculpted ninja mesh on it. The forearms are modified ninja april forearms with Foot Soldier inspired guards. If S7 is feeling lazy, sculpting slip on pieces is also an option. The lower legs would have wrappinga up to the knee and knee pads. Boot tops would be sculpted on the lower ankle area. Reuse April v.1 boots and new hands with biker gloves.
For accessories, let's go with sewer samurai Leo Kunai, clear stand with butterflies. Tournament Fighters inspired Rat King head.

Hyperstone Heist version of Tatsu:
Like I said, the clothes are borrowed from Ninja Robo Blade. I won't go into full detail, because I already did. 

I'm going to make Tatsu a transition point to make Movie Characters:

Professor Perry:
Here I am torn:
I could go for the Orange Jumpsuit look or the labcoat look. I find the orange jumpsuit easier to "Varnerize", but He spent more time in the labcoat look (which could be considered for potential reuse for a human Baxter.) 
So, labcoat Perry it is:
So the theoretical vintage labcoat Perry would've reused the Baxter arms (the human arms), new torso and Vernon legs. A stylized head because Playmates was lousy with actors likenesses.
For accessories, the vintage figure would've used:
Ooze canister, repainted clip pad and pencil from Vernon, New Donut box everything molded in Ooze lime green. For Ultimates, we can't use those... the new donut box is doable, as well as the ooze canister. The pad and pencil are a no go. A glass with a picture of Mummy Boy on it (swapped from Bart Simpson because Super7) with removable contents.  Now I'm going to add non-canonical toyetic accessories.
Ooze syphoning backpack (think of something like a reverse slime pack from ghostbusters 2.)

Like I'm having a list with Tatsu, Professor Perry and not add Keno... I'll jump straight to Ultimates. Also he has some potential reuse...
3 heads: 2 expressions, bike helmet. Heads mustn't have a good likeness of Ernie Reyes Jr. They should Emulate Playmates bad 90s likeness.
Hands, including a pair of fighting glove hands
Alternate arms (bare arms)
The idea is that Keno is wearing his jacket and you can swap his arms and remove the jacket overlay to have him in training/fighting clothes.
For "weaponry":
Pizza bag shield
Closed pizza box
Open pizza box with removable pizza
Pepper flake bomb
Escrima breadsticks

Danny Pennington:
Here's where the potential Keno reuse begins.
Waist down and bare forearms: He'd get a new torso and upper arms (for the shirt) I'll go straight to Ultimates version for my peace of mind:
The shirt design is the most "problematic part" so Super7 would make it into a mummyBoy shirt, because Super7.
Heads are obvious: with and without headband.
Standard pack of hands
For accessories:
The walkman
New bo staff (could be reused for the foot clan)
Shackles for Splinter.

It's a badass look for Raphael. It would have to be a 100% new sculpt minus an alternate head, which could be one of the turtle heads in raph colors. For accessories various manriki:
2 with real chain
2 sculpted in action pose
2 sculpted in twirling mode

Now, using the animated movie, I'll transition to Cartoon Characters:

Zach the 5th Turtle:
NECA's Zach looks great, but it's a shame that we never got one in the vintage line.
Using the Shredder's Revenge sprite as reference we have his color scheme: yellow shirt, grey pants, red headband and green mask. 

Had playmates made him, they'd reuse Casey's weapons, Bebop's dumpster lid, the toon wave turtle comm, and a new belt to hold the trashcan to his back. All molded in turtle shell green.

For the Ultimates version,  I'd start with: Figure is as tall as Alice
Then he'd have 2 heads:
With mask, unmasked.
The standard set of hands.
Trashcan lid
Hockey stick
Golf club
Baseball bats
Turtle comm open and closed
2 belts (one to use with only the trashcan lid the other to use with trashcan lid and backpack

Carter: (non mutated form)
Reusing the Keno buck with a new torso and jacket overlay
So basically: 3 heads, 2 expressions and biker helmet (reuse Keno's)
The weapons would be some of the rack weapons and tonfa.

Mutated Carter:
Link on Carter explains the visuals for the toy. Basically using a MOTUC-sized body for this form.
For accessories "supershredder-ized" versions of normal Carter's weapons would complete the look.

Lotus Blossom:
 She can be made by Kitbashing Both Ninja April and Karai and adding a few new bits.
Mainly torso overlay. Warning, we're NOT going for Cartoon accuracy, but for a "Playmatesized reinterpretation". In this case a Ninja April styled overlay with Karai's scarf on a full bodysuit spandex wearing Aska torso.
For accessories, mask and unmasked heads,
Karai's hands, reusing Splinter's bow and arrows with Karai's other weapons, add a lotus flower and we're done.

I'll use this to transition into comics:
(Shogun) Renet:
Here we have a fan favorite that NECA did rather well, but NECA figures don't fit with Super7. So, here's how I'd go with her:
First I Playmatesized her a bit by reducing cleavage and adding a bit more clocks and a larger one with lenticular sticker to make her toyetic. She'd have a blue soft goods cape, her headgear would be in Vac Metal blue plastic with a bit of blue soft goods material to simulate her hood. Her head would be April 1.0 in blonde. For accessories, shogun april weapons in light blue and a light blue movie 3 time scepter.

The Ultimates version would not have a Vac metal headdress, instead she'd have a head with the headdress sculpted on and 4 alternate Renet heads:
Hooded without no headdress, "vintage April repaint head" short haired Renet head, long haired Renet head. Additional hands and 2 time scepters. One Mirage based and a Movie 3 based.

(Shogun) Savanti Romero:
A Playmatesized Savanti Romero would've been squatting Like Shredder with slightly oversized feet to remain standing with his slightly larger arms. Instead of a loincloth, his crotch would be diaperlike. Vac metal armguards and shinguards complete the look.
For accessories his staff in purple, a purple nodachi, and purple movie 3 time staff. 

Now for the Super7 ultimates. He'd be a $75 figure. This allows him to be bigger and beefier. 
Also, the Shinguards and armguards are removable in order to have a vanilla Savanti Romero. He gets a sleeveless soft goods kimono to enhance the shogun theme. The dangling crotch cover from the comicbook version is returned to the figure. He gets an alternate head with a Samurai helmet. He gets the Nodachi and a reused Katana in order to have the samurai short and long blade duo. His scepter is fully colored and he gets both a mirage time scepter and movie scepter from Renet.

Human Baxter Stockman:
I've asked for him a lot already. So here he is again. I won't bore you with the details on how to make him a dual figure.

Shredder Clone Shark
The Mirage version is freaky and cool with the bine spikes protruding out his body, but it doesn't read shark.

Meanwhile the Heroclix Shredder Shark (doo doo doo doo doo doo) is a humanoid Shark with hentaicles... and I just spoiled the main gag of his theoretical It came from the Toy Chest.

Then again, every single time I have a character with tentacles I go for the same joke... curse Japan's tentacle sex obsession.

Personally I'd go for a Kinda Hybrid version.
Being heavily inspired by the Heroclix but with boney protrusions like the mirage version and 3 heads:
Mirage head, shark head with articulated jaw, and a Shark/shredder helmet hybrid looking head. The shark teeth would mimic the facemask.

Mr. Null:
Half the devil half the Kingpin... (yes, I'm talking about Fisk) This figure could be Varnerized a little bit. Soot on his zoot suit because hellfire... acrully some scorched edges wouldn't be a bad idea. Had he been part of the vintage line, he would've been made as a Mutatin' figure. He'd even have a walking cane like Kingpin, but it turns into a pitchfork, because demon.

Now Ultimates version doesn't need to go for the Mutating gimmick, but I wanna try.
He's a big boi. If s7 plays their cards right, some parts could be repurposed for a Hun. 

The figure needs removable arms for the sake of swapping the torso overlays. One with wingholes and one without. (The wing hole coat would hide a spot where his tail is plugged in)
The standard hands including one holding a cigar.
Additional more demonic hands.
The wings
Fire effects
3 heads Normal more Human head, mid demon head, full demon head.
Cane with plug in elements that tuen it into a pitchfork.

I guess I can stop here for now before heading to part 2 with other characters like Venus...

Jan 30, 2024

Videogames are losing me

 Final Fantasy forgot how to Final Fantasy and now is a generic western ARPG series made by Japanese... like reverse weeb. Sonic forgot how to Sonic. Fangames are what reminded SEGA how to Sonic. Even Street Fighter has forgotten how to street fighter and is now selling overpriced skins. MegaMan? Only Jada toys remembers the fighting robot...

Castlevania? Contra, Metal Gear? Mortal Kombat kinda remembers, but they're losing their way. Kameos and reboots. Then we have DRM and Heinous DLC. Ubisoft lost me with their highly demanding DRMs for Single Player games and wanting to move to subscription services. With Best Buy pushing physical releases away, their videogame section is literally 3 racks 1 for Nintendo, 1 for Microsoft, and 1 for SONY.

I've been left behind and didn't noticed in my denial. It stinks...

Jan 29, 2024

Wait, I'm on Disc 3 of Final Fantasy 9 already!?

 What the Fuck!? I remember this game being much, much longer? I don't know how but I've blazed through the game way too fast.

Crap! Forgot about Excalibur 2, which requires you to essentially reach very far into the game under 12 hours. Welp! Guess I'll tackle Ozma and beat the game before fukly discussing it. I guess I should also start playing tetra master... 

The love story between Zidane and Garnet os far more better developed than Emo Boy and Rinoa.

Wow, first time I hear it in Japanese...

Guess that I'll need to buy another Final Fantasy after this...

Not you...

And especially NOT YOU!!

This is more likely... but I was thinking of

 Motherfucker just suplexed a train!!

Jan 27, 2024

Holy crap! Looks like Vinnie Mac has No Chance in HELL of coming out clean!

 He's being accused of sexual assault and Trafficking. Holy crap! This is serious. A female former employee is suing Vince for allegedly forcing her to have sex with him and others. Of course this comes out soon after WWE Gets a juicy Netflix contract and The Rock joins the board of directors of the TKO Group, which is the merger of UFC and WWE. Way to go, Mr. McMahon! 

Of course, Vince resigned his position at TKO. But it's not only Vince who is being "sullied" by this lawsuit. John Laurinaitis is getting splashed by the McMahon filth... then there's a "Former UFC Champ." So, it's either Rousey or Lesnar... we all know the answer is Brock Lesnar, since Vince likes the big strong musclemen.

Now, I don't know who is lying and who isn't, but this needs to be treated with the seriousness it deserves. It needs to be fully investigated and if Vince is guilty, then he should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. If the accuser is guilty of making false accusations, then she should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. The important thing is to get to the truth in order to deliver justice.

Keep Final Fantasy away from Tekken, please.

 While Miss Italian Senate, is far more better suited for Tekken than Mr. Heavenly nightlight, Final Fantasy should be kept away from Tekken as far as possible, especially when Soulcalibur exists. So stop being so retarded and quit asking for Tifa in tekken 8! Especially since we have Zell Dincht who ALREADY LOOKS LIKE A TEKKEN CHARACTER... or... hear me out:

Motherfucker just suplexed a train!

All jokes aside, why a guest spot on Tekken, when we could get an entire fighting game based on FFVII. HEAR ME OUT!

It could be based on Advent Children, or be based on events AFTER Dirge of Cerberus. 

Gameplaywise, it should be a cross between Soulcalibur and Ehrgeiz. Implement a basic Materia system (no summons) to customize the characters a little. 
Let me use Playstation layout to explain better:
□= weak attack
🔺 = Medium Attack
×= jump
○= Block
L1= Limit Break Toggle
L2= Throw 
R1= Magic Toggle
R2= Item Toggle 

The toggles are for selecting on the fly. Let's use Cloud as an example:
Limit toggle:
□= Cross Slash
🔺 = Blade Beam
×= Braver
○= Climhazzard

Magic Toggle allows you to use any of the up to four magics that can be attached via materia.
Available magics:
Fire (fires a semi-homing fireball)
Ice ( fires a non homing wave of ice in front of you)
Bolt (lightning strikes in front of you)
Quake (creates a shockwave around you that stuns opponents)
Bio (creates a poisonous cloud around you. Once opponent is poisoned, your MP begins to drain. Effect lasts until your MP is drained.)
Silence (creates a small cloud in front of you. Once it connects, your opponent can't use magic until your MP is drained.)
Barrier ( creates a shield around you that reduces damage and lasts until your MP is drained.)
Cure (restores HP)

Depending on which Materia you equip and WHICH Slot you assigned it determines which button accesses it.

Other Materia:
Elemental: If attached to an elemental magic (fire, bolt, ice, quake) you can either make your physical attacks have that element's attribute or you can nullify the damage from that element.

Added Effect: same effect as Elemental but for Silence and Bio. When used with Cure Materia, it can drain HP when physically attacking (if slotted in A weapon slot.) Or turn Cure into Regen, which fills up your HP as long as you have MP.(if slotted to armor) When used with Barrier, physical attacks can drain MP (if slotted to a weapon) or it can refill your MP when attacked. (If slotted to armor)

Long Range: increases your attack hitbox size but reduces the damage.

Deathblow: increases your physical damage while it drastically lowering your defense

HP+: increases your total HP 

MP+: increases your total MP

Steal: Physical attacks can take items from Opponent (as long as they have items and you don't)

Final Attack: it lets you cast a final spell the moment you're KOd (only works once per fight and disables the MP and Limit Bars for the rest of the fight. Only available in PLAYER VS CPU Matches.) 

Item toggle allows you to use one of four items selected at random before each fight.
Available items:
Potion (low level HP restore)
Hi-Potion (high level HP restore)
Ether (MP restore)
Remedy (removes poison and silence statuses)
Hyper (increases limit gauge filling, but lowers defense)
Tranquilizer (lowers limit gauge filling, but raises defense)
Light Curtain (adds barrier status)
? (Causes any of the previous effects)

Stages would be based on the world of FFVII and have stage hazards. For example, in the Zolom swamp if  you're in the water, a Midgar Zolom may pop out of the water and cause you damage. Inside Mako Reactors, steam can shoot from pipes and cause you damage, etc. 

They would work like shotguns where the closer you are, the more damage they do. Also, shooting them would be relegated to the non-comboable Heavy Attack, which is Square + Triangle.

Since I mentioned Advent Children and Dirge of Cerberus, Cait Sith and Red XIII would be a team character. 

Now so far this game kinda sounds like Ehrgeiz 2.0, which isn't exactly wrong, but the Soulcalibur elements would be the alternate weapons with other effects like, say:
More Materia Slots, stat increase/decrease, alternate outfits. 

Create a character and have weapons that are not from the normal FFVII crew, like say:
Short swords, Rapiers, Gunblades, etc. These could be Based on classic FF classes.

DLC characters could have themes, like say: Echoes from the Lifestream would be Sephiroth, Aerith, Zack, just to name a few. 

Now tell me that Tifa in Tekken is mucb better than an actual FFVII themed fighter.

Jan 26, 2024

The Florida Joker is an even bigger moron.

 After threatening Rockstar games with lawsuits, Now he's threatening Rockstar to sue them if he doesn't voice the chracter he claims resembles him. Dude, that ain't gonna work. Again, Rockstar has parodied far more powerful people and they ain't afraid of no bozo.

Isn't Bob supposed to be British? Why are you trying to bring Puerto Rico into this bullshit? Oh, it's that fake ass Nuyorrican, JLo...

When Roberto visits Puerto Rico on a construction job, the contractor is confronted with "issues affecting the island and digs deeper into what it means to build," according to Mattel's announcement. "Bob's journey will celebrate the vibrant and colorful textures of the Caribbean Latin nations and their people."

The story reeks of Gringo Savior Complex not to mention that the writer is Colombian and the bold part of the quote... Puerto Rico is the most Americanized territory in Latin America. It's not even a fucking nation and they come out with this bullshit. We can't get something original starring of Puerto Rican, but instead we get Bob the Builder!? What the actual fuck!? We don't need Hand Me Down characters!! 

Since Steamboat Willie entered Public Domain, there have been a few things going around... Walt must be spinning in his alleged  cryochamber.

Jan 25, 2024

Democracy and Eternia: a rant

 The ending of MOTU REVOLUTION has Adam Abolishing the Monarchy and creating a Democracy with Andra being the first candidate. 

That is a load of bullshit. It's obvious that the writers were pushing their biases into the story. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against Adam abdicating the throne for being a One Man Army. Not one kingdom in Eternia should have that much power. Not to mention that he is soon going to be putting his pee-pee inside the most magical hoo-ha in Eternia. And when pee-pees burp inside hoo-has babies come out as a result. You see where I'm going with this? Too much power relegated to a single kingdom is dangerous. 

A single ruler shouldn't have control over what essentially is an Eternian Superman. Removing the King to have President Andra is wrong, because we have the same shit under a different collar. Only difference is that the "king" is replaced every few years instead of being a lifelong position. 

The approach was wrong. Adam should've established a council, taking into consideration the different races of Eternia. I know that past continuities have had councils like that, but dividing the ruling power amongst many would've been a more logical step IN ETERNIA. The writers were thinking in Earth terms when they made Adam Abolish the Monarchy. The Andra kissing babies line shows how "Earthling" the thinking was. Barbarian Sword and Sorcery Worlds aren't that big on Modern Democracies. A group of tribal chieftains is the closest thing to a democracy that would be LOGICAL for Eternia. 

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that they implemented the idea of Adam abdicating the throne in a bad way. I'm not against the idea, just the execution of it. 

MOTU Revolution: a spoilerriffic rant

 Hold on to your furry loincloths:
MOTU Revolution came... I saw... I have mixed feelings about it.

The good:
-The fight scenes were pretty cool and there's plenty of He-Man.
 -Voice Acting was great, no one did an awful phone-in job like a certain vampire slayer in Revelation.
-We got to see Rio Blast in action!

The bad:
-Some of the designs were bad. Super He-Man was Sideshow He-Man combined withthe CG series He-Man. Skeletek was awful and a lot of these costume changes screamed BUY THE TOYS!
-The series felt rushed.
-They had Shatner as Keldor... but Kobra Khan wasn't in the series. They added a shitton of references to other thing, but they squandered Shatner by not having his iconic KHAAAAAANNN Scream.
-the ending was bullshit.

I'm not ready for the Revolution

 But Melissa Benoist does a MUCH BETTER TEELA than Buffy ever did. Watching the first episode of MOTU REVOLUTION and I'm actually enjoying it. I do have 2 nitpicks:

It... seems... that... Kel...Door... sounds... faMIliar!
Does This mean that Skeletor is not Keldor? 

Alicia Silverstone is no longer Marlena. Can't make Clueless jokes now.

Just kidding: the only complaint is that it feels rushed.

The action scenes are great! Mendor got a cameo. He's played by my favorite Nanomachine based bisexual vampire/main character from Final Fantasy Tactics/ guy who puts a shock in your system.

The... twist... was... viSIble... from... a mile... A... way!

Jan 24, 2024

My journey to FFIX Has begun.

 This remaster feels far more polished than the FFVIII one. Visually speaking, they do the blending between models and backgrounds a bit better than 8. Treasure chests don't seem obvious like in 7. Also it feels like it was made for PS4 and not a hasty PC port like 8.

Buuuuuuut I do have a complaint: there's a slight input lag. Noticeable in the jump rope mini game (need to make 1000 jumps for a sidequest and trophy... guess I ain't platinum this one.) Next week I'm going to visit my cousin who has a working PS2 and I'm taking my physical copy of FFIX to test my theory. 

So far I barely played for an hour, because Adult responsibilities call, and I'm finding myself enjoying it more than I did 8. 

All I know is that this one will take me longer to beat than ff8

Jan 23, 2024

Just beat Omega Weapon and Ultimecia: time to officially review FF8 REMASTER

Hoo-boy what a ride. I just remembered why I stopped playing this game without a GameShark. Sure, the enhancements from the remaster ease some of the issues, but the game is very flawed and rushed. But let's do the ratings part: since this is a videogame the scales are doubled for the ratings.

The game is a mixed bag:
Characters got graphical enhancements that make them look PS2-like but the prerendered backgrounds remained untouched. I mentioned that some people were prerendered in some backgrounds, which makes the difference between things you can interact with and things you can't, rather jarring.

Music and sounds:
Nobuo Uematsu showcases his mastery here. You got plenty of awesome themes like:
Liberi Gatali, Blue Fields, Shuffle or Boogie, Man with the Machine Gun, Never Look Back, even the weakest song is a banger.

Fuck this with a rusty spoon. I already bitched about it here. It stinks, I don't like it andnow it makes sense why it sucks, since development was rushed and a ton of story as cut out.
4.5 because I'm feeling generous... and Selphie made some threats.

It's a turn based JRPG. But unlike most JRPGs, Squaresoft tried something different with the Junction and Draw systems. Basically you equip summons in order to use abilities, like drawing Magic. Basically you steal magic from the enemy for you to NOT use later, since Magic is what you use to raose your stats in the junction system. At least the card mini game is cool.

Like I said, it's a turn based JRPG, so you spend most of the time managing menus, or moving your character through the world map. The cars are not that great to use. Some inputs for Squall, Irvine, and Zell's limit breaks can be slightly iffy.

Fun Factor :
Mixed bag here. We get fun things like Triple Triad, but then there's frustrating and biring things like Laguna fighting the dragon or Squall foghting the paratrooper. There's too many fetch quests.

Final Fantasy VIII Remastered gets a miserable 6.92 as its final score. The game had a lot already going against it, since it's one of the weaker Final Fantasies. This remaster being so half-assed doesn't do the game any favors. Despite the ton of flaws, Selphie has a soft spot in my heart... BOOYAKA!!

Good New for Ace Attorney fans!

I said good news, not great news... great news would've been both Edgeworth games getting an English release... but here's the good news:
Unlike Darkstalkers, Ace Attorney will not be stopping. It seems the collections have been doing well. It helps having all six (out of eight) games in the same console, you know. Hopefully, this will Motivate Capcom to do an Ace Attorney 7... even of it means no more Wright... 

I would be sad if Ace Attorney is forgotten like Darkstalkers... the fact that we've been 3 co sole generations without a true Darkstalkers game is sad. 

Guess I'll have to satiate my desire for Ace Attorney by playing the Meiji Era Ace Attorney then.

Jan 22, 2024

Another create a TMNT styled character rant:

 Between releases and lines dying, Super7 has been a hot topic this month at the House of Rants. So in order to showcase some positivity, I'm going to think of possible new characters in the style of vintage TMNT and see if they can be turned into Ultimates styled figures. Let's see what I can come up with this time:

As you can guess by the name, this is a humanoid manatee. Imagine a pudgy body with a manatee face. A huge glob of sunblock on the snout wearing a broken tanktop that says lifeguard and you can see the tanlines from the tanktop on the broken side. He's wearing the red lifeguard shorts and his left foot has a surfer shoe while the right surfer shoe is broken and his foot is turned into a partial tail flipper.
Same thing with his left hand it looks more like a manatee flipper but ot can stil grip stuff due to the vestigial human thumb. The right hand would be human but in manatee grey. His accessories would be in reddish orange plastic:
Lifeguard floater shield, Lotion Squirter (a gun that shoots lotion) Wild Whistle, Interchangeable Beach flag pole staff (plastic flags that attach to a polestaff) Seagull Steve (little seagull buddy that practices aikido. Also he's dressed like Ranma Saotome)

Basically, a lifeguard that saved a manatee and accidentally stepped on an ooze Canister that was submerged. This turned him into the Mutant Lifeguard, Man-O-Tee, who defends the Beach from Evildoers. Helps the Turtles and the Punk frogs when the foot tries to ruin beach time for everyone.

For Ultimates, he'd get a second head that is blowing the wild whistle (now with a real rope necklace and it can be put on his mouth) the flags would be made of soft goods, extra hands/flipper, the Floater shield would have string and loop to attach the floater to his arm, the Lotion Squirter would be fully colored and Seagull Steve would be fully colored and his outfit would be in Ranma Colors... 

 Cletus Ray O'Possum:
You can feel the rabies and inbreeding by reading that name. 

Visually, picture a lanky redneck but He's an opossum. Now picture this lanky humanoid opossum wearing overalls with no shirt and ine of the shoulderstraps hanging by the side. He's wearing a hat that says HATE (prototype said CRAP, but toymaker said no. Yes, Cletus is one a member of the Alabama Chapter of CRAP or HATE) on his back he has some peculiar bits of hair that can hold one of the mini buddies. The right leg of the overalls is torn and he has a more Possum foot. The left leg looks more human, but is barefoot with clawed toes. A tail pokes out the back. Hed is meant to look like a screaming possum showing its redneck teeth.

For accessories in possum grey he has a pump shotgun (reuse leatherhead's) a Mason Jar Molotov (a 'shinebomb), and 3 little opossum/human baby hybrids. Opal Mae (girl top half, possum bottom), Bubba Ray (boy, Possum top half, human bottom) Leroy (boy, possum head and torso, human limbs) 
Opal Mae can "hold on" to his back, Bubba Ray can slip on his hanging strap. Leroy hangs unto one of his arms.

He's a redneck mutated into an Opossum after eating Ooze filled Possum stew made by his sister Elsie Jo. Very protective of his family, he will attack all invaders often by ambush. He works for Shredder after the latter kidnapped his sister Elsie Jo. Carrying his niece and nephews into battle Cletus Ray fights for Family. 

For Ultimates he gets an extra grinning head showing the redneck smile (crooked, missing, misshapen teeth) interchangeable hats (CRAP and HATE hats) the standard hands. The niece and nephews are in full color. He gets 2 new accessories a banjo and a portrait of his family:
Ma and Pa are humans with Cletus holding the kids and Elsie Jo (who looks human with the exception of a possum tail and whiskers.)

Agüeybaná III el mutante:
This is based on the Puerto Rican coquí. Using Playmates Toys fashion, he'd be a redeco of Genghis with a new head. Red shirt with light blue bits. The Genghis chains would be silver the pants would have the Puerto Rican Flag. The crotch would be the light blue triangle with a star tampo. The legs would be red with a vertical white strip on the front and back. His color would be light brownish. With brown eyes.

For accessories a megaphone to amplify its sonic blasts. Reuse the Sewer Surfin Mike board with a different sticker (Puerto Rico Island), Carved Caoba mace, jíbaro straw hat, and reuse the Beachcombing mike piña colada. Removable Jíbaro sash and Machete. All in sand color

 Basically a coquí who was accidentally splashed with Ooze raised by Puerto Rican separatists, they gave him the name Agüeybaná III in honor of Agüeybaná II, el bravo, who fought against the Spaniards. Much to the chagrin of his caretakers, Agüeybaná III, wanted to be a hero like the US Mutant team, the Punk Frogs. Stopping random crimes in the island put Puerto Rico in the sights of the Foot. Now Agüeybaná III uses his loud mouth to stomp the foot invasion.

For Ultimates, he'd get a second goiter head for his sonic coquí blast,  the removable Genghis jewelry in silver,  a new Taino Medallion. The prints on his red shirt would be of taino symbols. New crotch piece  with the Puerto Rican star sculpted. The Megaphone would be green and white (subtle nod to the Puerto Rican Independence Party without having the party insignia on it.) The mace would be Mahogany, the hat would be sand colored, the sash would be red with the machete in normal colors.
Standard hands (both c-grip, fist, relaxed) and slapping hands.

Dr. Calamario:
A human/squid Hybrid. Unlike most Tentacled characters, Doctor Calamario is a bit different.
He only has 2 Tentacles. The rest are arms. He's wearing a medical robe with normal human arms, but he has 2 more arms sprouting from his sides and 2 Caucasian flesh colored tentacles sprouting from his back. His legs are arms and he has 4 arm legs in a configuration  similar to MOTUC Mantenna. His feet hands are NOT interchangeable with his arm hands, as these are much bigger. The tentacles are bendy.
His head is squid shaped down to the eyes. Nose and mouth are human. He sports a mustache made our of 2 tiny tentacles. And a beard made out of tiny tentacles.

For accessories in translucent neon green:
Ooze vial, 2× Nasty injections, Big reflex hammer. 2× Painkiller bombs.

Basically, Dr. Mario Calamari, physician, scientist, searching for a way to regrow his lost leg. Using Squids and Ooze, he created a serum that gave him extra arms and a slightly more Squid-like appearance. He joineed the Foot in order to gain access to better quality Ooze and to correct his mutation. He will give the Turtles a physical exam and his prescription is PAIN!!

For Ultimates, he gets the standard extra hands, injection hands, bendy tentacles colored accessories. An extra ink spitting head with ink effect. 

Van Gogh:
Imagine a humanoid Fox kendo student without the right ear. The idea, visually is that theoretically, this figure was meant to be the base for a traditional Usagi variant. Requiring just a new crotch piece and legs. Unlike Usagi, Van Gogh has a tail. The tunic would be grey with aquamarine pants 

His accessories would be: Katana, Wakizashi, straw hat, soft goods purple cloak, "water gourd", onigiri, kendo stick. All molded in white plastic.

Van Gogh was a fox that Hamato Yoshi once saved in Japan. He named it like that due to the red fur and missing ear. When Yoshi feld to America, he couldn't take Van Gogh with him. Yoshi left Van Gogh in the care of a swordsman who protected a nearby village. There Van Gogh learned Bushido by watching the swordsman. Many years later Karai took Van Gogh from the swordsman and mutated him into a mutant warrior to take down Krang. He abandoned Karai and fled to America looking for his old savior, Hamato Yoshi.

For Ultimates he gets soft goods clothing. You can strip him down into his fundoshi, but the main reason for soft goods is that most promotional art of the character show him using only one sleeve on his tunic. The cloak is now furry as in the art instead of the normal cloth the vintage figure had. His accessories would have normal colors with his strawhat being straw colored, the onigiri being onigiri colored., the gourd being gourd colored, etc. He gets a black repaint of Rat King's Flute, flute playing hands, nigiri holding hand.

A Mexican Gangbanger turned into a Roadrunner. So, basically a Cholo Roadrunner.
Plaid shirt torn due to the mutation but the top button still works and it's buttoned on. He wears knee length khakis. On the band of his pants he has a sculpted on gun right in front of him... Socks reach just under the knee, but torn at the feet due the bird feet with the fingers poking put the sock. Cross necklace

For accessories: molded in Casey Jones accessories aquamarine 
Run by UZI, burrito surprise (dynamite stick hidden in a burrito), orale wey knife (switchblade), smuggler bag. (Duffelbag with a drum feature similar to Mattel's battle armors that you can have it closed, full of money, or full of ooze canisters) sunglasses.

Basically a Really fast Mexican Gangbanger who was accidentally turned into a humanoid Roadrunner after slipping on a Roadrunner carcass and the ooze vials he was carrying broke. He's named after the Mexican Musical style, Corrido (which sounds like corredor, runner in English. Roadrunner being a bird native to Mexico...)

Ultimates version gets removable cross necklace, additional Virgencita de Guadalupe necklace, an alternate head with cigarette box on the bandana and a cigarette on his mouth...
The Duffelbag is still in Casey green, but you can add money stacks or ooze vials. The other accessories are colored normally.

Imagine a Big Muscley Mexican masked Wrestler with a Goat head and hyper muscled goat legs with large cloven feet who wears Wrestling trunks. Like a cross between Tekken's King, a satyr, and a goat wearing a Mexican Wrestler mask. (Gold and Silver for both Mask and trunks.) His goat fur is light grey, while his human torso and arms are a glistening bronze.

For accessories: Soft goods Robe in the colors of the Mexican Flag.
Accessories molded in red:
Championship Belt, Ring Bell shield, Siéntate Steel chair,  Billygoat club (a billy club with a billy goat head at the end) Lil' Jackass: a Dwarf Donkey headed little person... roughly the size of a toddler.

So, the Mexican Wrestling Tag Team of Ricardo El Cabro Cabrera and Juan Burró, El Burrito

Picture a Mutated guy whose face is normal, except his eyes are on the back of his head. He looks really handsome 80s Hollywood star vibe... aside the whole no eyes at the front of his skull thing. He's wearing an outfit similar to Van Damme's Bloodsport outfit... 
But his hands and feet have fighting wraps on them. (Because he reuses the Foot Soldier legs. He gets new torso and arms.)

The idea is basically a Former Martial Arts champion who in a street fight was blinded with ooze, which caused his eyes to move to the back of his head. Now he sees everything in hindsight... quite literally. He's a parody of the blind Martial Master trope. 

For accessories he has rear view mirror glasses to see forward, mirrored buckler, kung fu White cane. Pair of tonfa, Seeing-I-Dawg. A mutant cycloptic Rottweiler from Dimension X.

For Ultimates he gets Alternate heads. (The OG head with the JCVD Blinded look from bloodsport but the eyes on the back look crazed), new side glance head with a more neutral expression and a neutral head for Seeing-I-Dawg, who comes with the vintage snarling head.
He reuses the foot soldier hands in flesh color,
The accessories are white for the cane and tonfa, black and silver for the glasses. Shield gets a vac metal plate for the mirror. Seeing-I-Dawg is in Purples and greens to showcase its alien Origin.

Quick Prick:
Pictue a Rollerskating delivery mutant Hedgehog. Humanoid Hedgehog wearing a blue denim jacket, blue jeans and removable red rollerskates. Obviously the hedgehog quills poke out his jacket and back. (Normal Hedgehog colors). He also sports a necklace with an engagement ring on it. 

For accessories molded in red plastic:
Pizza Bag shield, Pop powered breadstick Cannon, fanny pack sling, half eaten chili dog, quill rapiers roller skates.

Jaleel Quick, college student/delivery boy. Got into college via a scholarship for his running and fencing skills. As a delivery boy he was dubbed the fastest puzza delivery boy in all Manhattan. Doused with Ooze after finding his boss tossed himself into a mutagenic oven, Quick turned into a mutant Hedgehog after getting pricked by his pet's quills. Now QP is on two missions, ensuring the delivery of hot pizzas throughout Manhattan and sabotaging Pizzaface's plans of spreading tainted pizzas.
(The idea is for a pizza themed foe for Pizzaface and a mildly subtle tribute to Sonic the Hedgehog)

Now the Ultimates version would get a few extras: 
Specific Extra hands (finger wag hands), 
Extra heads alt expression and one with modified fencing mask.
The accessories would be painted in Realistic colors, but the pizza box shield and fanny pack would remain mostly red.
The pop powered breadstick cannon gets a removable firing breadstick effect.

Picture a Panda in a soft goods removable straight jacket. Sculpted torn and dirty mental hospital gown and wearing a single slipper. Mostly a panda with humanoid hands (for gripping purposes.) Eyes must be reminiscent of Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs.

Now plotwise, Shredder mutated the meanest and baddest mental patient he could find, but Rocksteady and Bebop brought the wrong bear.
Now he has a serial killer panda, who would rather lounge around eating bamboo than causing chaos and mayhem... except when he feels the urge to cause mayhem. He doesn't know karate, but he knows ka-razy!

Accessories in Bamboo green: Bamboo snacking club, restraining mask, slipper slapper.

For ultimates, various hands, the restraining mask in realistic colors, alternate heads (one with an eye clamp device inspired by A Clockwork Orange.), slipper slapper matching the slipper on his foot.

A human Plant hybrid. Kinda like Poison Ivy, but different: Her hair is made of vines. Her body is made of mostly plants, fruits, and veggies. Yes, her melons are actual melons.
Her thumbs are fully human but green. The other fingers are roots just as her feet. Kinda like a dryad. Some cutesy animals sculpted on her body, like squirrels and a nest on her head.

For accessories, soursop grenade, cucumber baton, Bananarang, vine whip. Flytrap buddy.

Melanie Green was a supermarket employee cleaning the produce section of a supermarket, when she slipped and fell onto a vial of ooze hidden within the produce. Now she's going to give the foot a healthy dose of justice with a side of fruits and veggies.

For Ultimates, I'd say alternate heads one of them with more plantlike features. An alternate hand with longer roots/vines (similar to the hasbro stretched fingers reed) Accrssories would be in realistic colors.

Reached the point of no return with FF8

 All that's left is defeat Seifer, Adel and enter Disc 4. The perks from remaster mode reduced a shit ton of grinding... mainly draw kind of grind. You blow through the story super fast and most of it is meh.

OK, so you're a brooding emo cadet of a Super Mercenary Force, one of the two most prodigious students who use the rarest weapon of all, because it's hard to wield. The other is a douche who sounds like Will Friedle. You are forced to interact with an incompetent teacher who thinks she has the hots for you, a little gremlin girl who acts like an energetic 5 year old and can suddenly say the most deranged and psychotic things out of the blue, then there's the loud mouth who sucks ass and is obsessed with hot dogs... (yakisoba bread in japan IIRC)... FUCK YOU CHICKEN-WUSS!!
You take your test and pass it despite Ron Stopable's self-sabotage. At the party for passing the exam, some creepy girl, tries to use you to meet principal discount Robin Williams. Fuck Rinoa, Squall should've ended up with the psycho Gremolin... instead the game forces Rinoa on you. We get stuck in a permanent contract with Rinoa and her incompetent terrorist organization until Timber gains its independence (unresolved loose thread). During the story, we also see the seemingly unrelated adventures of Annoying wuss Laguna and his inability to talk to girls, yet every woman falls for him. First is Rinoa's mom, who wrote a worldwide hit song about how thirsty she was for Laguna. Then it's Raine, who gave birth to Emo and fucking killed herself.

Rinoa looks far more like Laguna than Squall does... Nope! Not gonna go through the fan theories... squall is dead, ultimecia is rinoa... zell and seifer are gay and have the hots for squall... squall and rinoa are half siblings... none of that shit.

Back to the main rant. We end up in a plot to assassinate a sorceress that came out the left field. We get a sniper in the form of Gay Cowboy Lestat, who tries to fuck everything that moves, but suddenly has always been in love with Selphie... the dude is all talk and has nothing to back himself up. Look, I loathe chicken-wuss, because he fucked us over at Timber, but if there's a Final Fantasy 8 character that I hate almost as much as I hate Laguna, then Irvine Kinneas is that man.

He chokes at the whole having to kill his Mom thing with a sniper rifle, but He's totally OK to have his stepbrother and some random chick attempt to kill his Mom with melee weapons. Then after his stepsiblings get imprisoned, he ditches them to take random chick back to her parents. It literally takes Random chick to beat the shit out of him to have him rescue his stepsiblings. Only to much later drop the bomb that he had always known then and that they had to kill their Mom. He literally withheld information that compromised the mission and abandoned his "family" at their time of need. Fuck you, Irvine! Fuck you with a Jumbo Cactuar! And no, this has nothing to do with his out the left field crush on the train loving sociopath Gremolin... 

So, Irvine is forced to rescue Squall and friends from prison as Galbadia bombs the Gardens. Selphie's original Garden was destroyed. Showing off the aftermath of war fought with child soldiers. So the party splits and ends up half infiltrating an enemy fortress and the other half returning to Balamb Garden and find a Civil War going on between students defending Discount Robin Williams and students defending the guy funding Garden, NORG, who came out the left field too! We end the civil war and now the Garden is a Mobile Fortress. We crash at Fisherman's Horizon, a hippie Mechanic town. They hate us cause we are soldiers. We fight some Galbadian forces and now the hippies tolerate us enough for Irvine to orchestrate a concert to get into Selphie's pants and help Rinoa get some emo dick. Rinoa was the girlfriend of Plays with Squirrels and now wants some Squall dick. It's super forced and then the game turns into Everyone we must make Squall and Rinoa do the Horizontal Mambo. 

There's  a literal warzone between the now movable Balamb and Galbadia Gardens, but the team is more interested in getting Squall's ring so Zell can make a knock-off for Rinoa. Then Rinoa falls into a coma because Edea passed Ultimecia's power to Rinoa now Squall suddenly cares about Rinoa. The whole war thing... it literally becomes the Squall/Seifer/Rinoa triangle... Squall becomes leader of SeeD, while Seifer becomes the leader of Galbadia. 
But Squall abandons all responsibility and carries comatose Rinoa all the way to the hidden city of Esthar to get help. Then the Esthar folks shoot Squall and Rinoa to space... 

There Ultimecia releases Adel and Rinoa...

So Squall saves her and they play Among Us as the impostor duo killing color matching crewmates aboard the Ragnarok. When they return to Earth, Esthar folks capture her, you rescue her and then we go to Edea's orphanage to get a reference to the intro. Then Squall meets his deadbeat dad, despite not knowing that Laguna is his father. We end up using Ellone's power to compress time, fight ultimecia, discover that Edea got Ultimecia's power in the past and that a time traveling Squall created Garden and SeeD. 

It's obvious that a ton of Laguna stuff was cut out. Apparently the original plan for the game involved More Laguna and a 17 years ago world map... Now this is something that a FF8 Remake should fix. Not adding Kingdumb Farts bullshit pseudosequel that tries to retcon the original.

The story and world make no sense.
SeeD is a global mercenary organization, right?
But here's the deal: There are 3 Gardens:
Balamb, Trabia, and Galbadia. 
Now let's count TOWNS and CITIES. Places like Tomb of the Unknown King, Centra Ruins, Missile Base, or the Abandoned Orphanage don't count.

Deiling City
Fisherman's Horizon 
Shumi village

8 towns/settlements:
Balamb has its own Garden
Galbadia has its own Garden and army
Timber is under Galbadian occupation 
Winhill is baseically a flower village
FH is a Mechanic Hippie Commune
Esthar is isolated and has its own army
Shumi Village is isolated.

How the fuck can SeeD prosper in such an empty world? 
For such a "futuristic" Final Fantasy settlements feel far too sparse... why would there be a Trabia Garden if Trabia has fucking nothing? 

How the fuck does Edea's orphanage even worked!? It's in the middle of butt fucking nowhere! 

Hopefully revisiting IX is a better experience...

Jan 20, 2024

Top 10 80s toons that Super7 could do Ultimates out of:

 With Super7 having made toys out of Filmation MOTU, now doing Thundercats, Silverhawks, GI Joe, Transformers, Dungeons and Dragons, and rumor mill claims that Jem is coming in 2025, we can say that 80s toon nostalgia is Super7... so, Let's look at 10 80s toons that Super7 could do toys out of:

10: Rambo: The Force of Freedom:
I know NECA Has/had the Rambo License, but IIRC that's for the movies. I just want a MOTUC Body Rambo to display with Conan. 
The toon Rambo already look like a Super7 styled Ultimates Rambo would look like. I'll just say it: Imagine sneaking in Rambo with GI Joe, you're welcome.

9: Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos:
Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris man of action! Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris! I can't write Chuck without autocorrect suggesting to use Norris after writing Chuck. It knows that Chuck Norris is the only reason I uses Chuck.
For the Chuck Norris figure, I'd LOVE to see an alternate Bearded Chuck head. Also, I just realized that the Sumo is called Eat in Japanese... not sure if clever or racist.

8: Police Academy: The cartoon:
I'd like movie figures, especially one of Nogata from Police Academy 3... for no reason at all... X what? Why are you looking at me like that? Alright! I just want Nogata to make a Xenogears reference, happy? But, the cartoon style suits Super7 a bit better.
Also, I've mentioned the importance of police figures that fit 1:12 and 1:10 scales.

7: Karate Kid: The animated series:
This is literally a one wave thing:
Daniel-san, Mister Miyagi, and Taki.

LaRusso could even come with a torpedo treading water figure stand. And yes, I want Miyagi for the sole reason of having him drinking tea with Splinter.

6: COPS: 

These cops and crooks are more toyetic than Police Academy, but I have a soft spot for this show. Need to watch some reruns now.

5: Captain N: The Game Master:

I know this one might be a bit harder due to dealing with certain licenses... (Nintendo, Capcom, and Konami) also, I have an ulterior motive for this line.

It's the only way I can get a figure of DiC Link... without suggesting a DiC Legend of Zelda line.
Also, Super7 could make a GITD Megaman variant that looks "closer to game colors" with the GITD plastic. 

4: Super Mario Bros. Super Show:
No, it's not the animated characters where I'm looking at: I just want a Super7 Lou Albano dressed as Mario and a Danny Wells dressed as Luigi.

 But I wouldn't say no to the Toon King Koopa and the brothers, because it's a horrible sin that Mario and Luigi never met Captain N... also, since Legend of Zelda was part of the SMBSS, I can get a chance at a true DiC Link!!

3: Hulk Hogan Rock & Wrestling:
I know Mattel is doing WWE Figures, but they're not MOTUC or Ultimates Compatible. I just want a MOTUC compatible Hulkster to display with The eventual Super7 Sgt. Slaughter.
Also, how can we have a Super7 Andre without a Super7 Hogan. That's like a PB and J without the J.

2: Mister T:
Yes, the cartoon. Aside Mr. T. I want the kids, especially the soulless mini cracker that dresses like Mr. T.
No Super7,  we won't spring $1000 for the bus.

1: It's Punky Brewster: 
Like with Police Academy, I'd prefer to have the characters based on the live action versions, but I can accept the toon versions as well.

And it totally has nothing to do with Punky's Adoptive father, Henry being Commandant Lassard that I want these... But if they were made based on the live action series, Cherie NEEDS a CERTAIN Accessory. If you saw Punky Brewster as a kid, like I did, you know WHICH Accessory I'm talking about.

There you go...

Jan 19, 2024

Indiana Jones and the Disappointing big Zero

 Bethesda revealed their Xbox exclusive Indiana Jones game uh, gameplay and... it's a watered down Wolfenstein clone with an Indiana Jones skin.

I was actually considering getting an Xbox for this game. Thank goodness the trailer made me realize that I wouldn't enjoy this game. 

Now, I'M NOT SAYING THE GAME LOOKS BAD. I'm saying that *I* don't find it appealing. If you like FPS games, you'll enjoy it. Troy Baker does a good job at imitating Harrison Ford. 

Jan 18, 2024

Triple Triad Blues

 As I am on Disc 3 of Final Fantasy VIII, I'm doing most of the sidequests... fuck you Tonberry King. I'm doing Triple Triad in order to get all the cards. But the PS4 version lacks something that the PS1 could do... not triple triad related, but Boost related.

This fightstick by Interact was the best thing that ever happened to my PS1 and PS2... sadly it got busted during the move 8 years ago.

Sorry GameCube version of Ocelot, but the fight stick above fooled the PS1 version of you... Now back to FF8. While, yes, Autofire made Boost easier, the larger buttons made it easier for the masochist me trying to boost without autofire. I NEED a PS4 controller with Turbo that can fool Ocelot for the MGS collection.

That was a bit Random...

This meme says it all. Sadly, I had to stop my card quest because Squall suddenly cares about Rinoa and I just dragged her comatose body all the way to Esthar and Squall is going to meet his moronic daddy with a cool battle theme.
Seriously, Laguna may be a fucking Moron, but he has a banger of a battle theme. This is the moment to do everything since disc 4 is litey Ultinecia's Castle... (typo is on purpose. Necia is fool in Spanish) After I beat 8 and do the official review, it's unto FFIX. Maybe I'll finally beat Ozma...

Jan 17, 2024

It came from the Toy Chest: Hello, my name is Chun Li. You killed my father. Prepare to die!


What day is today anyway? Just making sure of doing this the proper day... but Chun Li... the Chinese Interpol Officer who has a girlboner for Justice, mainly destroying Shadaloo, because the big boss of Shadaloo killed her father. She kicks a lot.

Chun Li has the same articulation as the male figure minus the butterfly shoulders. My guess is due to her puffy sleeves. We'll find out with Wave 3's Cammy.  She can pull off most of her poses... except the Super SFII Turbo Kikoken.
Ryu: Hado... wait are you trying to do a kiloken or a Spinning Bird Kick?
Chun Li: I don't KNOW!?

Nor even with a McFarlane stand and tons of blu-tac. She can do a Street Fighter II' kikoken Pose though.

Paint and sculpt
She looks like a SSFII Chun Li, though her hair might be a bit darker than I like. Other than that I've no issues here. Some pwople have complained about her make up... but that's far too high level for me to attempt.
Daigo Parry Reference!! Revelation He-Man's head wasn't Kenough to make the reference. It needed blu-tac.

Alt head
Alt hands
Hyakuretsukyaku effect with stand

I know that these figures have less for their costs, BUT they could've tossed in a Kikoken (that they could've later recasted for Dhalsim.) Maybe in an accessory pack?
Vega: Look at the Super7 figures thinking they can compete with us SH Figuarts... I laugh at their ugly pathetic faces!
Ryu: Calm down, Li! They are the Super7... We aren't overpriced.
Sagat: Bwahahahahaha! Wait... He just insulted us!
Bison: What's wrong Fei Short? Cat got your tongue?
Fei Long: I have to say nothing. I'll only wait until Nefty Replaces you three with the Jada versions.
Bison: Hah! He'll never replace us!!
Nefty VO: Well, about that... I'm just waiting for the Preorders to show up.
Vega: Gordo hijo de-
Nefty: Si terminas esa frase,  voy a desgraciar tu puta cara.
Vega: Sorry...

Chun Li gets a 4.5 as her final score.
Honestly though, none of the super articulated Chun Lis available in the past 20 years (Storm, SHF, Jada, NECA, SOTA) can do the SSFIIT kikoken or Spinning Bird Kick without a stand. Only Storm came with a stand. But Storm is expensive as fuck. SHF is also expensive and the biggest advantage over Jada is toe articulation and a kikoken. The additional $40+ for a kikoken is most definitely not worth it.

Jan 16, 2024

I jist finished Disc 2 of Final Fantasy VIII

 I had forgotten a ton of shit from that game. I was halfway through the second disc, when I realized I missed a GF. Specifically Diablos, which becomes unobtainable until the end of disc 4. So, I faced a tough choice:
-keep playing and get Diablos on Disc 4.
-restart the game.

I chose to restart the game. So I went through the first disc all over again. This time it took me a bit longer in order to ensure that I would get Diablos. Early today I beat the second disc. The remastered Edition enhancements were a great help to speed through the game.

R.I.P. Siren's Bush.

Even the old Action figure had her bushy glory. Now the side feathers were turned into a skirt.

Shiva's blue bush is still intact. But censorship is rampant with the game. 
RIP Rinoa's cleavage... I mean she was the least endowed character in that area, How is she supposed to get Squall if she isn't showing hom the goods!?
This is filler... but the game's too fucking short:

FF7 Disc 1:
-bomb 2 mako reactors
-become Aerith's bodyguard
-Infiltrate Corneo's house and save Tifa
-Return to Sector 7
-Infiltrate Shinra Building 
-Escape Shinra
-Go to Kalm
-Cloud Flashback
-Get Chocobo to cross swamp
-Reach Junon (Ft. Condor optional)
-infiltrate Upper Junon as a Shinra MP.
-cross the ocean and face Jenova
-Reach new Corel
-Visit the Gold Saucer and get framed.
-Get pardoned from Corel Prison
-Reach Cosmo Canyon with buggy.
-Help Red XIII to forgive his dad.
-Reach Nibelheim as Cloud begins his downward spiral.
-Reach Rocket Town to get an airplane.
-Reach Temple of the Ancients to get Black materia.
-Lose Black Materia and locate the City of the Ancients
-Girl becomes kebab and gets underwater burial. End of disc 1.

FF8 Disc 1:
-Fire Cave Tutorial
-Dollet SeeD exam mission
-Dance with Rinoa
-Sent on a mission to Timber (get Diablos from Cid before leaving)
-Laguna side story 1
-Train Mission
-Infiltrate Timber
-Fuck up mission and reach Galbadia Garden
-before Reaching Galbadia Garden, endure Laguna side story 2.
-Reach G.Garden and begin operation Kill the Sorceress.
-Go to Galbadia to be tested at the tomb of the unknown king.
-Return to Galbadia after the TotUK to OFFICIALLY start Operation Kill the Sorceress.
-Fail Mission end of disc 1

I beat FF8 Remastered Discs 1 and 2 faster than it took me to reach New Corel in FFVII.

I've been enjoying the game a bit more than I thought, but at the same time it still is fucking boring. Hopefully it gets better by disc 3, because disc 4 is TIME KOMPRESSION!!