Nov 28, 2018

I think it's time we blow this scene

Get everybody and the stuff together...
Ok, 3,2,1, let's jam!
Netflix is doing a live action version!
Not sure how I should feel about it... but, I kinda have a bad feeling about this.
Fullmetal Alchemist, Death Note come to mind... Especially Death Note...

But in a more positive note:
Shinji, get in the Netflix!
I don't want to get in the Netflix!
Get in the F*****G Netflix, Shinji, or else we'll send this barely alive Ayanami...

Neon Genesis Evangelion is coming to Netflix... not an adaptation or an "original" Remake/Reboot... but the Original Series!!

But on Netflix... Spring 2019...

Are you ready kids? Too soon Captain!

I can't hear you!!
Too soon, Captain!!
Yes, Spongebob Squarepants lost his creator to ALS.
Here's the thing... I'm not a huge fan of Spongebob Squarepants. I have seen multiple episodes... then again, Spongebob Squarepants IS A 19-YEAR OLD SHOW!! and I mean, it's been going on and on for 19 years!! It's mark on Popular Culture is UNDENIABLE!! And it was greatly in part due to Mr. Hillenburg's efforts.

My condolences to the family and Thank you for your hard work, Captain!!

Nov 26, 2018

Super7 Pulled a Malibu Stacy... and I fell for it.

Yes, boys and girls... After falling prey to Cherry Coke Hordak, Hulk Snot King Grayskull, Gay Joke Prince Adam... who is so deep in my closet that it hasn't come out the toy chest... Well...

This is what Super7 put on sale today... Not really sold out, but there have been some issues that they were taking care off with some "suspicious orders".

Simpsons did it first...
But here's the thing... I pre-ordered an Ultimate Filmation He-Man that comes with 3 heads, Sword, Ax, and Shield... Now, earlier today I bought this:

So, I can't help but feel a bit like this:

We'll find out once he arrives... I still can't believe I fell for this...
I can hear my old man saying SON, I AM DISAPPOINT...
and My mother's ghost being all: "He's right, you know!"

Here come the Wakandan Princes to offer me glory, money and the powers of the Black Panther but only if I pay $500 or something in order for them to wire me the money and the Heart Shaped Herb juice...


Thursday, November 29, 2018 will have the rest of the batch for sale... if you wanna be a sucker like me, then hit Super7 and get this He-Man with a brand new hat...

Nov 23, 2018

For the Dishonor of Grayskull: Noelle Stevenson's She-Ra: the rant. *language*

It wasn't the expected trainwreck...

But it wasn't great either. It was a smidge above mediocre, and had some potential... kinda like Civet cat poop that it may have some divine coffee beans, but the rest is literal shit. If that's a way to describe Noelle Stevenson's pop cultural appropriations of She-Ra, so be it.

The good:
They DO TRY some world building stuff, that in more competent hands, or even Scott Neitlich's hands, we could have a decent world building.
Sea Hawk is GLORIOUS!! Who would've thought that ruining Sea Hawk by turning him into a gayer Don Karnage would make that douche likable!?
The Catra/Adora sibling rivalry IS a good idea... execution leaves a lot to be desired.
Hordak was a badass evil despot, despite the Pidgeotto hairdo.

The bad:
Noelle Stevenson tried waay too hard to out-Neitlich Scott Neitlich. No seriously, Multiple She-Ra throughout the ages, ripping off other properties and forcing them into the brand... forcing odd ships, among other things.... at least Scott didn't force himself as a voice actor (Noelle Stevenson's playing Spinnerella)

The ugly:
Remember all the promos about the show having ALL OF THE HOMO? Well it was more disappointing than the whole Hermione and the CGI beast's infamous gay scene.
All we had was a couple of names dropped. The Adora/Catra relationship with "implied lesbian undertones". Bow fanboying over Sea Hawk, while acting as the perennial gay best friend forever, and Netossa and Spinnerella who we don't know what they do... as a background joke who got SOME USE in the final episode of the season.
All that bark and no bute in the end.
Inconsistent art. The proportions changed across the map on characters with no rhyme or reason.
Voice acting was atrocious across the board. Entrapta was like a coked up Urkel, but made more annoying. Everyone is shouting and bickering most of the time.
Glimmer is the second most annoying character with all the shouting and bickering... Noelle Stevenson's made me hate on Glimmer... let that sink in.
Curious fact: Perfuma is played by Genesis Rodriguez, daughter of  Venezuelan Songer, actor, and Viagra Spokesperson, El Puma... but she plays a screechier version of Honey Lemon. Which seems to be a common problem with this show. It's like everyone tries to one-up each other in the annoying scale. So much shouting!

The characters do not resemble themselves. They are incredibly incompetent... Adora, trained her whole life in the art of war, is unable to hold her sword aloft WITHOUT tripping like a moron. Don't get me started on "Horsey"...

The worst part is that the bones for a good show are there... it's the She-Ra brand that drags it down. There is an obvious disdain towards She-Ra in the final product and the references feel as if they were "forced mandates from the Toy Company".  But any criticism = "sexism, racism, homophobia, and body shaming"... also, did I mention the song being ass?

We're ruining greatness!
Turning the brand into crap!
We're right beside you ready to whine!
We're gonna barf in the end!
We must suck ass and we must be lame!
We must find every good bit and turn it into crap!
We must be wrong!

Avoid like the plague!!!

Nov 22, 2018

Pondering on my own mortality...

The death of Stan Lee and an illness that has hit me HARD!! Has made me ponder on my own Mortality.
In the end, I am human, a fallible creature, mortal, with an expiration date is a scary thing... Don't get me wrong, the pestilent breath of the rider of the pale horse is one scary thing, but it's not my time. Not yet. There is too much to see and whine about before I return to the Planet.

The thing is that Stan Lee figured out who he was and carved his name on Destiny. He became The Man, through a lot of sacrifice... Same thing with Elton John, who luckily, is still amomg us. Two men who made it... for every tale of victory, there is a thousand tales of defeat and failure... Now you can see where I'm going with this. Being sick and feeling hopelessness opened my eyes... WHO AM I? I'm an asshole with a blog who whines about toys, videogames, TV shows, and movies. Feels petty and empty in the grand scheme of things, y'know... I have been called "good son", "good brother", "responsible", "the best of friends", among other things... Somehow,  while it's good to be acknowledged, it kinda feels empty... because I have no legacy. I'm not talking about Genetic Legacy, because I refuse to pass on my cursed genes.  I REFUSE to keep the old man's legacy alive. His accursed genetic lineage ENDS WITH ME!!!  (Talk about "daddy issues".) I cannot handle the responsibility of parenthood... and this goes beyond my hangups. I simply can't do it. It's not in my heart.

So, with that road to Legacy shut off, there must be another way. I TRIED becoming a Thespian, which didn't go well. My stutter, nerves, and delusions axed my own dreams if becoming an Actor... It didn't help having a family of Classically trained Thespians who overshadowed any of my attempts. How can a mouse compete against giants? It doesn't help having your psyche destroyed by the person who is supposed to build me up in order to survive in the world.

I kinda see how this could be interpreted as a "Woe is me" pity party. No. This is nothing like that. The issue here is that many of us will NOT achieve "greatness". Many of us will try AND FAIL, but at least we tried. Many if us will not transcend history and turn the hand of fate in our favor. When we die, people will speak of us in past tense... then they will no longer speak of us and we will be forgotten...

That is what I fear, not death, but oblivion. Right now I weep for the forgotten. Not knowing their names, their stories, but knowing well that one day, I WILL BE one of them. That's why I rant. I'm trying to feebly scratch my way on the tides of destiny. When I die, my rants will be a small window into my delirium... a bit if my soul preserved for posterity... a sort of digital ghost who refuses to simply become a memory...

So, yes. As I raise my cup full of medicine, join me to celebrate those untold stories of average Joes and plain Janes who crashed and burned worse than Icarus in their quest for greatness. Not only the winners need to be celebrated. Like Auron would say

Nov 13, 2018

Stan Lee: Nuff said!

I suppose that you're well aware of Stan Lee's passing.
This is the part where I'd make an I see dead people reference where I curse Haley Joel Osment's necroeyesight. I can't... So, Stan Lee... Why is his death creating such a huge ripple effect on this world?

"He created the foundations of the Marvel Universe with Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko." Yes, but that's not the correct answer. The correct answer is how his work helped children throughout the world deal with the harshness of life. Giving a bit of an escape of the troubles at home by watching people greater than us struggling like us to do what's right. Unlike the more "flawless" characters from the Distinguished Competition, Lee's characters were flawed individuals, like us, who had mundane troubles as well as the Superhero troubles. We can see ourselves within the characters. Whether being awkwardly neurotic like Peter Parker, feeling like a complete outcast like the X-Men, struggling with our inner demons like Bruce Banner,  just to name a few.

Stan Lee's creations were a strong influence on my childhood. Specifically the Amazing Spider-Man. My dad used to read me comics when I was little... well translate When I finally learned hiw to read in English, I recall reading a Spidey comic featuring Puma. I don't remember all the details, but I remember the excitement about being able to read all on my own and feeling the thrill and going through the emotional rollercoaster that the writer intended me to go through.
I also remember the Shea Stadium promo for the wedding.
But most importantly I remember many of the cartoons and videogames that had narrations by Stan Lee. Every time I heard the phrase "Welcome True Believers" I felt like I had returned to the place where I belonged. 

So, yeah, losing Stan Lee hurts almost as much as losing a dear relative. Now that he's gone, I KNOW I WILL CRY IN Avengers 4 when the credits display in loving memory of Stan Lee... Hell, I'm crying right now as I write this.
I don't know how to finish this rant other than this:

Nov 11, 2018

Will we get another Nightmare for RDR?

Undead Nightmare was the best thing to ever happen to Red Dead Redemption. It brought a fresh breath of unlife to the game. With people already beating Red Dead Redemption 2, do we NEED a(n) _________ Nightmare?

I want to say Yes, but GTA Online says no. Yes, GTA Online killed Single Player DLC. But, if we were to get one, Rockstar has plenty of options to do so.
If they want to do zombies, they have a bit of a set up in the main game for them in chapter six. Heck, they could do a vampires in Lemoyne thing (with nods to Souther Vampire Mysteries and Anne Rice novels... Lassoing a vampire could get you a trophy mentioning a Belmont)

Maybe going with different "monsters" in addition to zombies to make it seem bigger and badder.
As long as they don't do Cowboys and Aliens... a guy can dream...

Nov 8, 2018

Thoughts on Castlevania and the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina...

Because Red Dead Redemption 2 is stealing a lot of my free time, I haven't watched more than the first episode of Sabrina... I did finish Castlevania, but making a Wolverine out of Arthur Morgan and seeing Dutch descend into madness has taken a lot of my time. Will review once I reach the epilogue chapter... IF they are following the RDR formula, (which they kinda have... and currently I'm on the RDR2 equivalent of heading to the Blackwater area of the game from Mexico.) Then I fear that Arthur will kick the bucket and be replaced by a crappier character... yes, Jack Marston sucked ass in comparison to John Marston... it would be deliciously evil of Rockstar Games if they switch Arthur for John... but I'm  guessing that we're gonna end up as Dutch. I could be wrong and I will not use google for apoilers... Why am I talking RDR when I'm supposed to be talking Castlevania and the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina.

On Sabrina:
Only watched the first episode... Really? Austin sans Ally is Harvey Kinkle? Also, so much Edge that Adam Copeland should consider suing them...
First episode was something-something Satan Satan Satan Satan something Satan third-wave feminism crap something something Satan third-wave feminism Satan and don't forget about Satan Satan Satan third-wave feminism Satan. It felt like it was trying WAAAY TOO HARD TO BE EDGY, but felt like the lovechild of The Craft amd Charmed. I think the only way to make this reboot work is an alternate track with Nick Bakay riffing the show as Salem. I'd rather watch Archies Creek... or Noelle Stevenson's cultural appropriations of She-Ra instead.

CASTLEVANIA on the other hand wasn't a ball of suck. It concluded Castlevania 3 rather nicely... aside the lack of Death and Grant. The theoretical third season should be based on Curse of Darkness... possibly leading for two spin-off seasons... The Simon Seasons which COULD BE OPTIONAL, but I'm talking about Rondo of Blood...

and its sequel... Symphony of the Night... BTW, the show better not give us  Begone you don't belong in this world, monster bullshit... but back to Castlevania 3... season 2.
They used Bloody Tears in the siege of Dracula's castle and it was glorious... The only reason I want the Simon Seasons is for them to use the REAL Castlevania theme.
Have high hopes for the rumored Zelda project by this team.

Nov 4, 2018

Really, Noelle? Re-he-he-heally?

The biggest gripe I've had with Noelle Stevenson's pop cultural appropriation of She-Ra has been how horrible the outfits are and how unalien they feel... after Mermista's yoga outfit with snowboarding boots; I thought she couldn't do worse.
Noelle of course responded with: Hold my freshly sourced, appropriately paid immigrant employee picked coffee with humanely treated soy milk artisan mocha latte from a Mom and Pop coffee shop that you've never heard from because it isn't mainstream.
Can you see the immense amount of stupidity on this pic?
Alien planet that is supposed to be a cross between Renaissance Faire and Star Wars has mid 90s US Prom attires... THIS, THIS ALONE ENCAPSULATES ALL THAT IS WRONG WITH NOELLE'S (lack of) VISION. Also, the Princess Prom? Princesses do not have Proms... they have Grand Balls or Galas... Had this beena Masquerade Ball and everyone was wearing fancy alien suits, I would have praised it... BUT to be fair, the idea isn't great, but it would make sense. The problem is the execution.

Also, how original... Catra is dressed like a man... because she's a possibly Lesbian tomboy.
But really? A prom episode?
I was supposed to not being writing anything, but this stupidity BEGGED to be written about.

Taking a small break...

As you can deduce by the title, I am taking a small break. Mostly because I will be riding with the Van Der Linde gang as the West becomes Civilized.  Also, I need to see if Trevor will finally face Dracula... not to mention catching up on the Edgy adventures of Sabrina the Teenage devil worshipper. Then there's  Noelle Stevenson's cultural appropriations of She-Ra... with my limited time off, I need to catch up with these in order for me to rant...

Oh yeah, Mike Myers...

No, not the one that looks like Mariah Carey with a bad wig... the one that is supposed to be funny...

Well... this is happening.
Don't know how I should feel about it... a lot of the Austin Powers humor wouldn't work in this hypersensitive age...

Until then, catch you on the flipside!

I'll be back!

Nov 1, 2018

Odds and ends POST-Halloween 2018 edition...

My Doc Ock costume was a failure. The Harness couldn't withstand the weight of the tentacles. I was sad... having an Otto Octavius pre accident costume is not fun.

But this is not the failure I want to address... The Doctress has failed to deliver a Christmas special... or WILL fail, because it was cancelled. They claim they have run out of ideas for a special... it's not like they could do something simple and um, WORK ON THE CHARACTERS and how two of the companions lost a person very dear to them and the effects of this loss on their Christmas spirit. Maybe the police girl would try to get the Doctor involved in trying to heal them with Christmas. Buuut there is NO Christmas special for us...

Noelle Stevenson's She-Ra  (in name only) will premire 3 days earlier...
Will I eat crow? Will supporters eat crow? 13th of November is the date...
I smell a turd...

I have been waiting for this day...

Adi Sahnkar is in talks to produce a series based on our favorite Hylian named Link...
Yup, the producer of Castlevania wants to make a Zelda... and he's in talks with others to do so...
Yuck, Fes!