Dec 31, 2017

Rebuilding The Room

The Disaster Artist is not coming to Puerto Rico. I'll have to wait until it comes out on Blu-ray. So to get my appetite for The Room I rewatched the movie. Saw multiple reviews and began pondering, what IF The Room was directed by someone else. What if someone else played Johnny. Someone else did a small project, as I was searching for a transcript of the movie to do my own edit. They did an adaptation of the movie and culled a lot of the scenes that led nowhere, also a lot of stuff was changed. They even made Lisa somewhat sympathetic. The only choice I disagree with is the ending. Other than that, it almost shows the potential that the source material has.

The main problems with the original movie are Repetitive dialogue and plot points that are pointless, not to mention Tommy Wiseau, who at the time wasn't skilled enough to pull off what he originally intended. Which is why the movie is unintentionally funny. I wanted to rewrite The Room, polish the Polish out of it... Yes, it's a pun on the rumored Polish origins of Wiseau. I wanted to cull some of the repetitive dialogue/scenes, fix some dialogue issues... First introduce the word fiancee to it. Condense Claudette scenes, fix the flower shop scene. Reenact some of the scenes done multiple ways to prove my point. From over the top acting (think Bison), super subdued, a naturalistic approach, and horrible Wiseau impressions as close as possible as the original one. Unfortunately, logistics (time and money) got in the way.

I still wish more people attempt to "fix" or rebuild The Room.

Dec 30, 2017

The stupidly pointless petition to undo the last Jedi...

Keep your stupid comments in your pocket. That's all I have to say about the petition. Seriously? This entitlement is ridiculous!
I'll have a page break because Spoilers.

Dec 28, 2017

It came from the Toy Chest: Peter Cullen's voice: The bootleg toy

I tried to get a legit Optimus Prime, but only the Bayformers version was available... Since I am all about GeeWun4Lyfe, I chose a bootleg replica of the Masterpiece 10 Convoy. The Knockoff figure had no box... And no instructions, so Figuring out how to transform him and the trailer was scary... Not transforming Apollyon scary but very close to that. (Especially opening the trailer for Base mode.)
Now who IS Optimus Prime? He's like the Robot Jesus...

Spike: and then Optimus
recovered his senses after
hearing Bumblebee's beautiful
Prime and B.bee: Bwahaha!!
Prime has a decent range of articulation and that's without counting the transformation points of articulation. His transformation can be a bit scary at times... This applies to trailer too.

Paint and Sculpt:
His sculpting is based on the MP-10 Prime. He resembles his cartoon counterpart and keeps the transformation gimmick of the Transformer toys. Most of him is molded in the appropriate colors and the paint job is decent for a bootleg. He also has vac metal parts... Bleh!

Trailer/repair and attack base
Spike Witwicky
Energon Axe
Matrix of Leadership

5.0 is what Bootleg Prime gets. He can stand and Apollyon can fall... (Saw MP-36 MEGATRON and it makes Apollyon look bad)

Dec 27, 2017

It came from the Toy Chest: There's no getting offa this train we're on!

Or something like that. If you have been alive for more than 20 years, you may have an Idea, where this comes from... If not, here's a big hint:

Yup... It's time for another FFVII post. Now I'm doing FFVII REMAKE Barret Wallace...
OK, Barret is the leader of AVALANCHE, an eco-terrorist group who wants to stop the ShinRa electric company from killing the planet by literally stealing the planet's life force. He's black and talks like a racist stereotype, cause Japan... He has a gun arm, again, racist stereotype, but once you look past his gruff exterior, he's pretty cool to hang out with.

Seeing he's a PlayArts Kai figure, he has more Articulation than older figures. He has a decent range of Articulation, except his left thigh getting blocked by his pouches.
Paint and Sculpt:
The Sculpt is based on the upcoming Remake... Looks badass, yet traditional. The only odd thing are his glasses. One tiny nitpick is that he may be on a different scale than past figures... I don't mind much since he's Barret, but I'm afraid, I might end up having to rebuy the entire cast of VII and at $150-ish per figure, it's highly unlikely.
The level of details on the figure is astonishing.
He doesn't look as "polygonal" as say other Play Arts Figures... Thinking of Marvel here.
Even his flaming tattoo looks badass!
To give this figure anything less than a 5.0 here would be sinful.

Here's where the figure falls flat... Only one spare hand. No firing gun effects, or a Big shot or Mindblow effects. He also has a PAK stand.

Barret gets a painful 3.83 as his final score. It's a shame that such an expensive and Hefty figure is so underwhelming. Not sure if the possibility of a scale change, or the lack of accessories is knocking him down a few pegs, but he's so pretty to look at...
You be the Judge...
In-scale or not?

Dec 26, 2017

The Last Jedi... The rant

I saw it on the 15th, but being considerate and not wanting to interrupt the Advent Calendar, I waited until today to rant.
There will be Spoilers...

Before I start, I must tackle once again the whole George Lucas didn't like it thing.
It doesn't matter what Lucas thinks. Sure he created Star Wars, but he also sold out to the mouse. He claims that VII is a retread of IV... Well, so is I... But with Jar Jar, a semi pointless Space NASCAR section. No seriously, Ep. I IS A New Hope...
A whiny Skywalker from Tatooine is recruited by a Space Wizard who is the only hope that a Royal has. They face off with an evil Space Wizard and the good Space Wizard dies and the kid needs to get a new teacher. Also the kid blows up a space station.

But then again the Prequels... The idiotic prequel fueled changes to the original trilogy. All that crap that came from an unchecked George Lucas. Toy know WHY THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY IS SO GOOD? Lucas had people around him that weren't afraid to tell him that his idea was stupid, that he was wrong, or that if a certain scene was played out differently it could work. By the time the Prequels came out he was surrounded by flunkies and yesmen.

So, Episode VIII...
It had a bit too much comedy. I was laughing a bit too much for a Star Wars movie...
It got dark super fast. Some scenes might disturb some adults who will claim that the movie is too scary for children.
There are visible alien tatas in the movie. Giorgio Tsukalos may be banned from cinema for pulling off a Paul Reubens... (INsert pee wee laugh here.)
Porgs! Porgs! Available in stores... POOOOOOOOORRRRRRRGSSSS!!!!1!
The Carrie Fisher send-off was a dick move.
Mark Hamill had a few slip ups with his voice and it went into Joker mode.
Snoke kinda looked like a zombie Hugh Hefner... If his head was a penis.

Dec 25, 2017

My She-Ra: The rant strikes back

I have kept quiet about the new She-Ra cartoon due to the Advent calendar and I will most likely never do one again. Too much hassle for someone without power or internet to work with.

Behold the new She-Ra:
Art style reminds me of Totally Spies! And while I'm not feeling the artwork that much, I'm glad it's not Johnny Test or Teen Titans go! Art style. I hate the spectacular spider-man art style, but the writing was good and that made me stick around (pun not intended) so, I can let that slide... The thing I TRULY HATE is there redesigned look.
First let's get the evil pants out of the way... (Oh my!) I hate the pants. For those of you who don't know, here at the house of rants, your truly has an issue with Pants on He-Man and Lion-O. I hate pants on those guys. They should be pantles, period. The pants on She-Ra kinda remind me of Revolutionary girl Utena. The breastplate now turned into a vest, gives off Utena vibes. I kinda feel like she needs something on the front... A bit of cloth draping like the front of her vintage toy skirt. As it is right now, it lends itself for lewd R34 edits.
But the biggest offender is none other than the Tiara... Choloh's beard, that thing's ugly!
She looks like she's wearing Stitch ears.
Not feeling the redesign and I'm afraid of what will happen to Bow (betting he'll have a douchy goatee or at least a douchy soul patch)

But how the late Billy Mays would say:

Those tweets by a member of the series crew have raised a few red flags. I'm getting guru style vibes... Or SLC vibes from this.
"I'm making what *I* want to see from She-Ra" is a scary statement. It COULD MEAN GOOD THINGS, like having the main rebels be more active in battles and be super badasses, while remaining respectful to the source material... On the other hand, it could mean, that they'll reinvent She-Ra so hard, she won't even resemble what she's all about (as seen with Dragonball Evolution, Street Fighter the legend of Chun Li, Jem and the Holograms, Zack Snyder's DCEU). That uncertainty scares me.

The second tweet scares me too with the whole "new generation" remark. While Filmation didn't have a super deep show like say Young Justice, it wasn't super dumbed down because kids. I know that some shows have been made for the "new generation" and have been well made. Case in point, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. This show is basically, a modernized G1 with a few elements of G2 and G3. It had odd redesigns, but strong writing and captured the soul of G1 and made it work in a more modern era of TV. Then again, we also have Teen Titans Go! Which is written for a new generation and the writers and cast (that includes the amazing Tara Strong, who is a real human being) have taken potshots at fans of the original Teen Titans.

But, I may be making a mountain out of a molehill here... Then again, House of Rants, and I need to shoot from the hip, even if I have to eat Crow later. So, the thing is, Twitter is not the best platform to deliver important messages... And that includes the President of the USA. The point is not about his policies, political leaning, but about using proper platforms to express things without having a bunch of people trying to explain what it was meant to be said in more than 280 characters. That applies to the She-Ra team.

Had I been in charge, I would've said something like this:

We, the team at the New She-Ra series LOVE the original show. While we love and respect the original series, it's impossible to do exactly as Filmation did in the 1980s. What we're doing is taking the best elements from the original series and things WE WANT TO SEE, updating them to 2010s sensibilities. We're striving to make the best She-Ra cartoon possible and have studied the mythology and past continuities to make sure that it respects the material, as we update it to a new generation that is unaware of the awesomeness of She-Ra.

While our main audience is a new generation, we're being careful enough with the material, so it's appealing to older fans of the original. Think something like Voltron Legendary Defender, but for She-Ra. We understand your passion for this project, since you guys kept the flames alive while there was nothing on TV. We're trying to make YOUR CHILDREN fall in love with She-Ra as you did 30+ years ago.

We really hope your kids (and you) love this at least as much as we love making it.

For the Honor of Grayskull,
From the She-Ra team.

But I will be patient. I wanna be optimistic, but every bit I see is making me apprehensive.

It came from the Toy Chest: Cowabunga! TMNT Christmas extravaganza

Since Christmas is here, I wanna go back to a more innocent time. Back when the Sears Christmas Catalog was a big deal. I remember one Christmas getting a ton of TMNT toys from said catalog and it's been about uh, 27-28 years from that... And I'm still collecting TMNT. I'm finally opening April:

 I'm also doing these guys:
And also these guys:

That's SEVEN figures in one Review... But since the Turtles share the body, it kinda makes sense to review all of them in one fell swoop. April has been in the back burner for over a year, it's the longest I've kept a figure on card. Mostly because I was unable to find a set of NECA TMNT to review with her.

Rocksteady and Bebop are filler, seeing that I got them used and not on card.
So we have TMNT Stuff from Bandai, NECA, and Playmates. It's like a supreme pizza, dude!

Reviews will begin after the jump! Before we go, TMNT + Christmas video is mandatory. Since an earlier draft of this rant was accidentally released, I've updated the review and added a bonus item.

Dec 24, 2017

It came from the Toy Chest: Save Robomartha!!!

And that's a reference to a Bayformers movie... Bayformers V: Having Marky Mark score with the British Megan Fox. I am of course talking about Bumblebee... And I mean the Real Bumblebee...

Masterpiece Bumblebee is based on his G1 counterpart... GeeWun4Lyfe! Which means he's a slug bug damage inducing transformer. He also comes with a Witwicky in an exosuit... Oh it's Daniel... Wait if it is Daniel, why is he with Bumblebee and not with Arcee or Ot Rod? But according to a few Transformers sites it's supposed to be Spike... If it's Spike it makes sense.

Bumblebee has a lot of articulation. It's used for posing AND Transformation. His transformation is rather intuitive and is easy to figure out without the instructions. (I'd recommend using the instructions the first two transformations. Bee is capable of doing various poses. His clunky shape due to him being a VW limit some poses.

Paint and Sculpt:
He looks very G1-ish. He is very close to the cartoon version as possible while maintaining the Transformation gimmick. The paint is rather nice and it's enjoyable to see that the paint applications are crisp in order to keep the Automobile look feasible.

Spare tire in cover, removable license plate, blaster and a Witwicky in an exosuit.
I know what you're thinking... What about Witwicky? I'm not a fan of the exosuit Witwicky. I'd prefer normal Witwicky as seen with MP-10 Optimus Prime. But Exosuit Witwicky is stuck on the suit. He can't be removed and he can't look up, which is needed for his transformation.
Prime: I love your voice Bumblebee
Please say it for me one more time...
Bumblebee: Now I know and knowing
is half the battle Gee Eye Joooooeeeeee!!

Bumblebee gets a 5.0 as his final score. Hory Shet... I have a true blue Transformers Masterpiece... Apollyon is a third party figure that "plays with" Transformers Masterpiece. Prime is a Chinese knockoff that may be using molds from the MP-10 Prime (so, to this day and age I still do not own a true Optimus Prime... And yes, Knockoff Prime will come out the toy chest after Christmas or New year.) I LOVE BUMBLEBEE because he looks like my Childhood Bumblebee and has nothing to do with the Actual Cannibal, Shia LaBeouf or Marky Mark.

Dec 23, 2017

It came from the Toy Chest: He owns Marvel Star Wars, now Fox...

Who's the leader of the club
That's made for you and me
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E...
And he's coming out of the Toy Chest.
Well, the Kingdom Hearts version of him. So here's the King... Who has made me a bit angry, but I'll wait until Nozomi tells Ryo she's going to Canada.

Mickey is a bit limited in his articulation due to his body shape. He's way more stuff than Sora, who had an abysmal range of articulation. Add the fact that he has LESS points of articulation and you can see why this is bad news for him.

Paint and Sculpt:
Now to be fair, here Mickey shines bright like a diamond. There is no sloppiness on his paint job and his sculpting is somewhat detailed due to it being the Kingdom Hearts version of him.

Kingdom Keyblade
Pluto with Articulated head.

Mickey gets a 3.33 as his final score. Had he had a bit more articulation, he would've fared better. Avoid these like the plague and get the SH Figuarts instead. They're decent for $10 figures, but a bit underwhelming compared to other figures in this day and age. Also, Screw you, rat!!

Dec 22, 2017

It came from the Toy Chest: 💀 💩 L

As you could see in the Phoenix review, 💀💩 L is here. Who is he let me-
No, no no, Nefty's, you're doing it all wrong! Let me do it!
I am Deadpool, the awesomeness Superbowl in the Marvel Universe and the real reason why Disney bought Fox. I was played by Canada's most prized possession right after the angry midget with shabby issues. I'm talking about Van Wilder himself, Ryan Reynolds, which totally has boosted my sex appeal. Chicks and dudes love diving in the Deadpool... The
D is for... What do you mean I can't make that joke!?  Everyone knows I'm talking about having tons of exsay. OK, I'll do it the nerdy way. Wade Wilson was a man who was hit by El Cancer and he underwent a process that gave him Wolverine's healing factor in steroids, with the side effect of looking like Freddy Kruger's scrotum. Wade either went insane or supersane and became the most badass mercenary with enough sense of humor to define the differences in each My Little Pony generation as he murders a room full of Yakuza. Was that good enough for you, Neffy?
Dude, only Tara Strong gets to call me that!
Hey! I think you're doing this all wrong! The yellow boxes come from one of the voices in my head...
They council me they understand they talk to me and all that. I needed to make sure I could filter what ended up on the page... So, I'm using Telepathy thanks to a Charles Xavier. The 1992 animated version. I have no budget for Sir Patrick Stewart or James McAvoy. Can I get to the review now? Or do I get the Will Friedle version of you?
One million dollars

Deadpool's articulation is ML standard...
By that he means this is the bestest toy ever that does whatever a Deadpool can.
Actually, no. While he has a decent range of articulation, he isn't perfect.
More guns than

Paint and Sculpt:
This is a recent take on Deadpool and I'm surprised we didn't get the Ryan Reynolds outfit.
After Barakapool, no one wants to think of a Ryan Reynolds Sculpt for Deadpool, even if the movie was amazeballs... Mostly because Deadpool!! And OK, Van Wilder himself was useful too.
Eat you heart out
Oliver Queef!

As I was saying. The paint job on the figure is very nice. No visible slop on the figure and the paint job is detailed enough... For a Hasbro figure. There is black plastic on his forearms...
Grown-ass Mutate Freaking Deadpool
Fighting freaking cancer
Healing factor!

Let's see... Wade? Will you join in and discuss your instruments of lethality?
Let's see: There's Standby McStabberson, There's Slicey and Dicey, the Katana Rama duo. There's the Capital of Thailand final weapon for Resident Evil... I have  le petit ami que vivís dites bonjour à... Then we have the Wedding Planner of shotgun weddings. Then we have Lara's second best twins... Oh I almost forgot... Taco Bell! Taco Bell! My sharts are fueled by Taco Bell! 
Also he has an alternative head that looks like a cheap Spawn knockoff.
🐍 Eater

Mr. Wilson and it's not Slade gets a...4.66
As his final sco- What are you doing?
Since I don't like that score, I'm going to unalive you and make myself the perfect Figure...
I say 🌮 they
say 🌮!

That doesn't work that way... You are a fictional character that I'm giving a voice to in order to spice up this review. You can't kill me! And since this is text you can't see me doing the U can't See me taunt. This is why I need a much bigger budget and electric power.

Dec 21, 2017

It came from the Toy Chest: Power Consh Shtratosh

Yesh, the bad Connery Impresshionsh are a nod to the 200X Shtratosh. I'll shut up now.
Let's get cracking.

Standard MOTUC buck of the furry kind. Bare legs means no boot cut.

Paint and Sculpt:
Warning: This Stratosphere posesses a new set of furry forearms that could be used as BARE FURRY FOREARMS! Everything else seems to be based on the Beastman body. The new non-removable pieces complete his mini comic look.

Repaint of the Emerald staff of Action.
Looks cool, but there is nothing else you can give to Stratosphere to make him pop.

Stratosphere gets a 3.66 as his final score. He's the most vanilla Motu character and this mini comic version is as wild as we're going to get with him.

The pack itself gets a 3.66 as a score, mostly Adam and Stratosphere bringing the score down. Shame that these figures are plagued with issues.

Dec 20, 2017

It came from the Toy Chest: Scoooooooott!

She is life and fire incarnate. She is Phoenix!!! Something something Catherine Disher's Jeangasms... Wait... She was also Jill in Resident Evil 3!? But Jeangasms...
Not going to bother explaining Jean Grey and the Phoenix Force.

There is not much I can say about it. Female Hasbro ML Buck. She has a bit less articulation and range than her ToyBiz counterpart. On the other hand this one's got more aesthetically pleasing articulation.

Paint and Sculpt:
The Sculpt is very feminine and her face doesn't look squirrelesque (like her ToyBiz version) her boobs are smaller, but not saggy. The paint job is simplistic, cause Hasbro.
Spidey: So we're a
MvC3 team... We need
A third member...

BaF piece.
Not even a flaming Phoenix stand. Here ToyBiz has Hasbro beat.

3.33  for Jean. She's an average figure, but while Superior to the ToyBiz version, she feels underwhelming.
DP: You can't make MvC3 references
without Deadpool!
Jean: You and your big mouth...

Dec 19, 2017

It came from the Toy Chest: Wonk ouy naht noitceffa erom deen I

That's the power of the non-existent Keyblade. For some reason, the Walgreens exclusive Diamond Select Sora comes with no Keyblade. Borrowed Mickey's for the review. (His will come soon enough.)
Who is Sora? Well he's this kid who can use a Keyblade, which is a sword-like weapon. (I think it's more like a club, due to the lack of edges) that is used to defeat the Heartless and to lock or unlock world's. He hangs out with Goofy and that god-damned duck who refused to heal me in a timely manner.
He is also voiced by Haley Joel Osment. Whose Rise to popularity catchphrase has been overused here at the house of rants worse than Nanomachines in MGS4.

He's got plenty, but the range is ultra limited. I tried some key Sora poses and he failed both.

Paint and Sculpt:
He doesn't look like Sora. He looks like an Americanized Sora. Other than that, the Sculpt is decent. Paint wise, I have no complaints

Nothing, zilch, nada, the big goose egg.
He needed A Keyblade... Any Keyblade would've sufficed.
Sora gets a 2.33 due to his lack of Keyblade. Seriously, what where they thinking!?

Dec 18, 2017

It came from the toy chest: from a certain point of view

Old man Ben Kenobi: Force Ghost version... Exclusive to Walgreens... What was I doing at a Walgreens? I'll say hunting for exclusives, that Sue Richards eludes me.

So this is basically the dead Obi Wan who tells Luke to use the force and that appears in Endorsement after the empire falls and the force ghosts of Yoda and Anakin (or Mannequin) Skywalker appear in harmony.

I guess, his articulation is similar to normal Obi Wan, but I'd need to have one to compare.
No, Luke! She's your sister!
Although, that's kinda hot...
From a certain point of view.

Paint and Sculpt:
He has translucent pieces and the non translucent parts have a pearl-like finish. The stones are see-through. It's obvious that this is a redeco of Obi Wan.
The robe is a bit weird, but looks better on pics than in person.

Force Ghosts have nothing, unless we count the robe. And no, a ghostly lightsaber, while cool it's not Canon. Methinks this should've been a two-pack with ghost Yoda.

Obi Wan gets a 4.25 as his final score. I kinda want an Anakin Force Ghost and Yoda too...

Dec 17, 2017

It came from the Toy Chest: It's a Trap... Jaw.

The second Mini comics variant is here... Trap Jaw. Skeletor lackey with a steel jaw that can chew through most metals and interchangeable weaponry.
There isn't much that I can say about him. His mini comics version was more barbaric and green that the figure we ended up with. He also suffered from the Power-Con/Super7 issues that have been discussed ad nauseum.

Standard figure, standard articulation. Thighs are a bit loose. One big fail is the lack of articulation on his jaw.
I think that was a bone-headed move,
but it is what it is. We cannot turn back rhyme or time...

Paint and Sculpt:
As you can see, this trappy is waaaaay different from past versions (or future versions, since this is an earlier version)  in both paint and Sculpt. He is not totally accurate to the source material, die to the arms being different and they reused the standard Trap Jaw arm.

3 Trap jaw attachments. BTW they have a new peg system. Feels more Vintage MOTU than MOTUC.
4.0 (mostly because they aren't compatible with past pieces. The previous factory is to blame. They didn't want to hand over the molds to Super7 and Mattel is playing the role of Pontius Pilate)

Trap Jaw gets a 4.0 as his score. He would've scored higher had he had an articulated jaw. Sadly, it is what it is.

Dec 16, 2017

It came from the Toy Chest: for Alderaan reasons.

Time to make out with your sister... I finally got my very own Princess Leia. I don't think it's necessary to explain who she is. As you can see, I got the A New Hope version of her. I passed on Slave Leia because all of them had derpy eyes. And I also own the ANH Luke, so it makes sense to get a matching Leia... For Alderaan reasons! Roll Credits, *ding*

She has the standard SWB articulation, mostly hidden by the cloth outfit. Some of it so slightly hindered by the cloth outfit.

Paint and Sculpt:
Her face has a vague resemblance to the late Carrie Fisher. I cannot comment on her body, since it's covered by the cloth outfit.

Leia carries two awesome blasters from A New Hope.

Leia gets a 4.16 as her final score. I kinda wish she'd come with a tiny holographic version of her to plug into R2D2. She seems nicer than the past versions of the Princess.
Now I need to get me a real Young Han. May the Force be with you, Carrie...

Dec 15, 2017

It came from the Toy Chest: U can't touch this...

No, I'm not talking about MC Hammer. I am talking about a certain X-Woman, sugah...
Rogue, of X-MEN... You can't touch her, or else you get hurt bad... As Ms. Marvel. Just Google her.
I got this Rogue to replace the ToyBiz one...

Her body is the Hasbro ML Female buck with a few Rouge specific parts. She has a decent range of articulation.

Paint and Sculpt:
She's mostly the Hasbro female buck but with a new upper torso and biceps.
The gloves and part of her boot are lip on pieces that can slip around while posing.
We have a Rogue that doesn't look like an Olsen Twin.

-Juggernaut BAF part
- gloveless hand
The bare hand is a nice touch. (Wish we had both)

Rogue gets a 4.16 as her final score. She would've been at least a 4.5 IF the new parts weren't slip on and dangled around, and if we had an extra bare hand. Maybe a flight stand.