Jumanji: The Board game: The rant

 Remember the only good Jumanji movie? Well, Cardinal games made the boardgame.

Sadly, I bought mine at Kmart and it was incomplete. Missing the Rhino token. A penny wrapped in painters tape is my temp Rhino token until I get creative. Didn't take any pics, since this review is essentially my thoughts after playing Jumanji for the first time.

We tried a two player game to pass the time until the others came. 

The game is almost unplayable in two player mode. You get to lose multiple times until you somehow get lucky. The timer is too short (slightly under 11 seconds) and the eight sided dice seem to be player unfriendly. Older versions with two six-sided dice might be better. The premise is rather simple. Roll the die and reach the center. Once you reach the center, yell: Jumanji! and you win.

 Most of the rules for the drawing of a danger card. You read the riddle and it's a race to roll the dice to match the correct symbol. You fail, which you will a lot. This forces you to put the danger card on the Doomsday section of the board. Failed the Doomsday section you lose. 

The rhinoceros token can cause trouble to players by blocking the path and forcing the players to retreat. The game is a lot easier and slightly more enjoyable as a four player game. But not by much. One thing the game doesn't mention is that you need a 5th person as referee to watch the timer and to ensure that other players aren't cheating.

If you can find the game for cheap, and have at least five people with you, try it. If not, you can Easily skip it!

Using stock photo because I didn't take pics during game night.

After beating Jumanji, we got into a few drinks and sing for half drunk 40 somethings play Mr Bucket was hilariously awful.

Next time I'll bring Crossfire!!

Rebel Moo 2: My self-loathing knows no limits.

 Why am I doing this? Seriously? It's a Snyder movie, I already know it'll suck ass!

Here we go!

Anthony Hopkins starts the movie with narration. Oh so much wasted potential. We get a recap of the previous movie. No space vaginas this time. But we start with the Space Nazis trying to revive Mr. Crocker. Revived and covered in slime Crocker says the title and his lackey sets course to the farming moon from the first movie.

Our "heroes" return to "orgy village" and we see the blonde that almost got raped. She tells Good Nazi that the 6 heroes return and he's a Debbie Downer. 6 minutes in and I want to kick Snyder in the dick. Oh Good Nazi is no longer a Nazi and playing double agent. Horny Anthony Hopkins peeps on the heroes and sees their weapons. 

Our "femluke" says that Mr. Crocker is dead (he isn't but she doesn't know that) Debbie Downer came with the 5 days omen. Gran Turismo dad has the villagers cone to him. His rowsing speech is depressive as fuck. Loser dude confesses to femluke and they kiss... and fuck... oh look some space Nazi flashback. Oh my I forgot that the Dread Pirate Roberts appears in this movie. Another great actor wasted on this shitty flick.  What the fuck? Violinists playing while wearing gimp masks with the Eye of Ra. What the fuck is Snyder smoking?

Robin Hood Men in Tights gets Julius Caesar'd. Femluke killed the princes for her adoptive father's sake and the dude betrayed her because racism. It's been 19 minutes so far and blegh! Why do I hate myself so much to endure this shit?

Really? Slow mo grain sowing? Fuck you Snyder with a Rusty scythe.

Finally, Space Nazis. Mr. Crocker kills a doctor just to get released from Sickbay... Worst vader knockoff ever.

More slow mo farming. Snyder REALLY is a joke. Not Obi-Wan is developing a relationship with a blond boy... not in an Epstein way, you sickos. Digimon Honsou changed alcohol for water... honestly I wanna do that in Reverse. More farming... sweet baby Jesus imagine when we get the Snydercut... moar nazis. Hopefully this will be entertaining. It wasn't. Mr. Crocker saw through the ruse because...

There is no other explanation.

More slow mo now it's milling the grain. Only half an hour into this awful movie. Watergirl habds over some pillow cases or something she made symbolizing the 6 "heroes". Now more paddong in the form of a party that may or .ay not end on an orgy. Oh Gran Turismo dad is singing. Horny Hannibal Lecter is watching before lying down. I wonder if he dreams of silent electric lambs. Djmon is now an alarm clock. Defense montage... Hopkins watching... Femluke gets her ship working.

Djmon is now having a confession of sins past and man, Snyder went a bit of overkill with that shit. Oh look a Ray Fisher flashback cameo. I forgot he was in this. Probably because he didn't say Booyah!  Finally nazis are coming. 70 minutes remaining. I must definitely won't be doing any Snydercut reviews of Rebel Moo.

Femluke meets Hopkins. They have a conversation. Of course, Hopkins delivers a great performance. Shame it's wasted on this shitty movie. Nazis are here! Crocker sees through the Gran Turismo dad strategy.

Pikamee sorry, Henya gets a cameo and Femluke gets a haircut. Nazis are preparing for an overkill battle.

Mr. Crocker arrives. Halfway point. Snyder's cameras are out of focus. Finally Battle! Mr. Crocker is going Knee Deep in Dead down the trenches. Discount High Jackman is also kicking ass. Eh, the discount lightsaber fight is decent, but again too many slo mo! 

Mr. Crocker beat Discount Hugh Jackman. Femluke is chasing Crocker in her ship. Ah the ol' faking damage to board the ship maneuver. Nice. There, now you can't say that I'm blindly hating on the movie. It still is shit but like the civet cat shit, it has its good things. Digimonnis at it again with another speech. Discount tarzan entered the fight. Star Wars hand chopping reference... more slo mo fighting. Femluke and useless fucktoi played possum. Not Obi-Wan got wounded and the little kid attacked her attacker. That kid totally has yellow fever... now he won't score. Movie just hurry up and end. I've had it with all these slo mo shots! Here come the mechas... I forgot about them. Back to the main Nazi ship where Femluke and Male Sakura Haruno have split up. He's going to be the Baby Driver and she will set up some explosives and end up fighting Mr. Crocker. 40 minutes left.

Did the bad guys forget why they were in the village in the first place? They just blew the grain to shit! The very super important thing they were coming for, they blew it up! The writer must be a fucking moron. Ah Zack co-wrote it. That explains it. Non-Binary pulls off a Solid Snake and destroys the walking tank.

The movie even questions Hack's own logic... but Scargiver more important.

More fighting on the ground with Non-Binary, Tarzan from Wish, and Djmon. Half hour left. Finally Sir Anthony Hopkins gets to do something other than talk. He began to solo the crap out of everything!

The explosives blew up and damaged the ship. Useless got shot and we have a final duel with a countdown. Femluke is getting her ass kicked as Mr. Sakura penetrates Mr. Crocker from behind with a lightsaber. Of course Femluke can't be shown up so she decapitates Crocker. With the ship blowing up, they barely make it out. 19 minutes left, what the fuck is there left to do? The rebels show up, finally... Anthony Hopkins starts to watch again. Watergirl and good nazi kiss. Femluke lost her fucktoi. We get yub nub without the singing. And we get a weak hook for a third part. 

Fuck this movie, fuck Zack Snyder and the fuck me for wasting my time watching this piece of shit!! Seriously, this was worse than the first part. Fuck this movie!

Ramen Toy is going for the jugular:

 El Auto Fantástico...

Hopefully this won't be hit by a C&D, because I fucking want one... if it fits 1:10 figs, even better.

I know it's 1:12, but WWE Vehicles are 1:12 and those fit 1:10. For those of you who have been keeping up with the MuTeens, know that the Cade Men love the Feeny Car... Since this is Ramen, I have to wonder if an unofficial German sensation figure might be included...

Seems that Lightning Collection is dead.

 Playmates Toys is going to be doing Power Rangers toys now (under license from Hasbro). If only there was a Power Rangers leit motif to describe this move...

Seriously, Playmates!? The company that is ten times lazier than Mattel and ⅛asses things!? This is worse than when Bandai America did Power Rangers!

2025 is when the clown show will start. There could be a miracle and Playmates makes me eat crow, but that's as realistic as me gaining the abilities of Spider-Man.

Liam Hemsworth barely got to play Geralt...

 The show is already canceled without Season 4 coming out. Sure, Netflix is giving them a 5th season, but nothing is more exciting to viewers than: "We're changing the lead mid series and by the way we're canceling the show in two seasons." Netflix essentially Fist of the North Star'd the show:

I have to be honest, Season 2 Killed the Witcher for me and I Tried to watch season 3 but gave up. 

Guess Hannah Montana's ex husband will need to get coins tossed at his valley of plenty.

Tokb Raider Action Figures: a rant

 Square Enix no longer owns Tomb Raider, so there are no more Play Arts TR figures... thank goodness. Those are overpriced as fuck. But I'm not looking at "survivor era" Lara. I'm looking at Classoc Era Lara... where ironically one of the better Sculpts was from Playmates, but the toy was like 5 poa and NECA made a statue or two with 3 poa or something. The more Articulated Lara Croft was the nightmarish toy from ToyBiz.

So, All Im asking for is a modern take on Classic Laras. Like say, using Tomb Raider Anniversary as a base design.

Choosing TR Anniversary as a base since it's a graphical update to the original Tomb Raider. 

Here's a reference to all the outfits used by Lara.

NECA would be the best option for TR figures, but MOTUC Compatible Lara Croft makes me lean towards Super7 in this thought exercise... despite me being mad about the whole can't make preorders from Puerto Rico thing.

TR 1 Lara:

3 heads: Neutral, angry, smiling.

3 ponytail attachments: 1 no braid, 1 braided   1 tightly tied up bun

Standrard hands (c grips, wide grips, fists, expressive hands, ledge hanging hands)

Her twin guns, shotgun, glasses backpack, small medikit.

TR2 Bomber Jacket Lara:

Same body as TR1 Lara but new Jacket overlay and arms.

Same heads, ponytails and hands as TR1 Lara.

Uzis, Machinegun, glasses, backpack, large medikit, jade dragon.

TR 2 Wetsuit Lara:

New wetsuit body based on the Anniversary Lara. Same heads and hands as past Laras.

Harpoon gun, Large and small Medikits, Silver dragon

TR3 South Pacific Lara:

New torso with bare midriff and more "revealing" top. Everything else comes from Classic Lara.

Add appropriate accessories with TR3 weapons.

TR3 Nevada Lara:

Reuse the SoPa Lara torso with new legs and add the appropriate accessories with TR3 Weapons.

TR3 Antarctic Lara:

New jacket and arms on the SoPa top. (Jacket covers bare midriff. Mold in shirt color just in case) with Nevada pants in Antarctica colors.

TRTLC: Teen Lara:

Everything here is new. Use game appropriate accessories.

TRC Lara:

This is the revised Classic Look, most of the accessories as TR1 Lara but now she gets the low cut top from TR2 and beyond. Also some game appropriate accessories.

Last but not least Tomb Raider 2 Nightgown Lara.

This Lara would need new bare hands, new bare legs, new crotch and the South Pacific torso with a soft goods nightgown. 

For accessories a flare, shotgun, box of flares, and gold dragon. 

But a bunch of Laras a Tomb Raider line do not make. So other characters are needed:

Werner von Croy

Larson

Pierre DuPont

Natla

Marco Bartoli

Dr. Willard

Winston

Just to name a few.

Logistically speaking NECA would be better for me but availability has been a bit of a bitch.

Yes I'm playing Tomb Raider 1-3 remastered, hence this "newfound" interest in Classic Lara Croft.

Dumb easy to make variants for S7 Ultimates:

 We've seen the SDCC 2024 Mikey:

So, the idea is try to think of "easy variants" to make that won't make Playmates mad, yet appealing to fans. I won't be making a Michelangelo, since the figure above exists.

City Ninja Leonardo:

Body construction:

Vanilla Leonardo body new belt with sword loop on both sides

UC Raph head and Leonardo head

Accessories: 

Bluish Grey UC Raph coat

Grey and silver Samurai Leo Cat Claws.

2× short swords from Samurai/wandering Leo.

3× Kunai

surfin Mike glasses in dark blue.

Mike grappling hook

While Playmates could say it hits a bit close to UC Leo, with the trenchcoat and the hat... the colors aren't the same and the accessories are different. This Leonardo isn't a spy. It's a ninja wearing a costune to blend in.

Grease Monkey Donatello;

Body construction:

Vanilla Donatello with wandering Leo elbow pads.

Black Chef Mike apron

Accessories:

Bo staff from Slam Dunk Don.

Tools from party Wagon (recolored)

Tool Box from party wagon (recolored)

Welding mask from party wagon (recolored)

SCUBAjet prototype. (No spear)

Basically what Donatello wears when he does machines. Also, he has a prototype machine for him to do. Which is a nod to a Playmates toy variant.

Vigilante Raph:

Body Construction:

Rocker Leo torso and arms.

Punker Don legs and feet.

2× Raphael normal head (one with Facepaint emulating Casey's mask)

Accessories:

Casey Jones weapons

New Golf bag with strap to fit a Turtle shell.

It's a slight nod to Movie Casey Jones in a Super7's being lazy way.

Let's see if I can do some of the Supporting non-turtle characters:

Oroku Saki:

Body construction:

Shredder body, casey shoulders, foot soldier boots. Modified forearms (no hole for Shredder armor) 

New Oroku Saki head, Shredder Helmet (silver and blue)

Accessories

Katana, short sword

Fuchsia Shredder tunic (soft goods)

Purple Kimono top (soft goods)

Dark grey Hakama (soft goods)

Black shredder belt (soft goods)

Hamato Yoshi:

Body construction:

Same as Oroku Saki, except the new Hamato Yoshi heads (normal, strawhat head.)

Accessories:

Fuchsia Splinter Tunic (soft goods)

Black splinter belt (soft goods)

Light grey Hakama (soft goods)

Fuchsia tunic (soft goods)

Zatoichi styled cane sword.

Both of these are a nod to the Mutation figures without mutatin or being identical to Playmates.

Toitle Tenderizin' Bebop:

Body construction:

Neck down Normal Bebop repainted:

Black vest, gold shells and chains, black pants, shoes. 

2 new heads: 1 normal bebop wit a ball and chain attached to his neck. The second head is the same as the first but with a swappable ball and chain

Accessories:

Sculpted twirling ball and chain

Sculpted still ball and chain

This is a nod to Manhattan project and a nod to head spinning bebop.

Shredder Elite foot soldier:

Add a cloth cape and normal ninja rack weapons and we're done. Maybe throwing in a normal Foot Soldier head for army building.

Any of the non vintage Punk Frogs:

Take Genghis, repaint him and give him either Splinter's bow and arrows and a new hand or a new spiked mace. They're sitting on easy reuse potential.

Anchorwoman April:

Body construction:

I'm aware that Super7 has the parts to make a "naked" female body. We'd only need a new "sleeveless top" and reuse the bare arms and legs for her. (Maybe new high heels)

Soft goods Blazer and skirt.

Accessories:

Channel6 badge

Microphone

Turtle communicator

This is a take on the Ravishing Reporter April without stepping on Playmates' toes.

Sewer Emperor Rat King:

Body Construction:

Rat King Body from the neck down. (Recolored in Tournament Fighters colors is a possibility)

New heads:

(Prettyboy face with Vintage styled hair) aka a more Tournament Fighters inspired version. (Vintage face but with more bandages covering the head and face) a more Mirage inspired version.

Accessories:

Tarp cape (soft goods)

Royal staff made of a broken Footski flagpole with soft goods Rat Kingdom flag.

Royal crossbow

3× rat subjects (the same from the canceled wave 10 Rat king)

Also, Kyle, just give yhe people Pizzaface for wave 13 and stop your whining about him being icky!

Super7 SDCC 2024 exclusives have been revealed

 I'm beyond pissed off, due to the whole not shipping to Puerto Rico bullshit that they currently have.

Here are the reveals:

-A Zartan variant with a robe. Don't care.

-Invisible Sheila the Thief. FUCK!

-Ghost Grune. FUCK!!

-A BRAND NEW MICHELANGELO VARIANT: Chef Michelangelo. Vanilla Michelangelo with a chef hat and apron. FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!

It's no Pizzaface, but it's... wait a minute... his apron say Pizza Time! I hope they make these available in other venues outside of Super7.

Rebel Moo 2: Snyderctric Boogaloo starts tomorrow

 I won't be watching during its weekend release, because I have more important things to do like finish season 6 of

Meaning that Next week might be the soonest I'll be able to properly watch this cinematic abomination of forgettable everything... except the space vaginas. That's probably the only thing I remember about the movie that isn't a Space Nazi getting tentacle raped. 

I will be rereading my Rebel Moo rant to refresh myself, because there's no way I'll rewatch that snoozefest. Something something August is most likely the release of Rebel Moo: Mulligan editions. And Hack the Zack wants to make 6 of them... or 12 if we count the Snydercunts. Seriously, Zack Snyder is the only person who can fail upwards.

Switch is getting a New TMNT game

 And it looks like a crappy Mobile game.

Oh... it WAS a crappy mobile game, an apple exclusive to boot. Looks like a Marvel Ultimate Alliance clone but with IDW TMNT... yah, not interested. Just by seeing the game all i could think of was, Shredder's Revenge is better. If it's under $5 at the Nintendo eshop, maybe I'll play it, but as it is, nah...

People who have played it say its good, but I dunno. It exists. Now if Konami would release a Cowabunga Collection 2 with the 2003 Era games, that would be nice.

My wishlist for a McFarlane weapons pack:

 You know McFarlane makes weapons packs mostly Guns. Pack 3 will show up in the Advent Calendar 2024. While doing the review I though: Nefty, let's make a Theoretical McFarlane Weapons Pak and here we are.

New weapons:

-Mauser "Broomhandle"

-HK Mk23 with Laser sight

-FP45 Liberator

-2× Colt Single Action Army

-Walther P38 with stock and sight.

Reused weapons: from (packs 1 and 2)

-2× Gold Walther P38

-sci-Fi stubby gun w/silver with red accents

-Gold FN-P90

-frankenstein gun in silver and wood

-Gold cork gun

-Black with gunmetal accents Sniper Rifle

-Cammo pattern Machine gun

-Gold AK47

-Gold Thompson Submachinegun

The gold guns are tacky gangsta version of other guns. The rest of the recolores I tried to make them somewhat logical and that could be used across multiple lines not exclusive to McFarlane. The new weapons most of you could guess the kind of references I was going for. Some of them are from a former license that McFarlane had about 20 years ago. (Mainly the mk23, the dual SAA, and the Liberator). I suggested the Mauser, because it's freaking awesome. Also, I love the Walther P38, hence the fully decked out version in gunmetal... I don't want to enrage the Rhode Island Siblings too much.

Shadow the Hedgehog is coming for the third sonic movie.

 Idris Elba asked us about da wae in the second Sonic movie. Well, Edgelord Shadow the hedgehog will be played by a very famous actor. Whoa...

Yes, Keanu Reeves will play Zack Snyder's Sonic the Edgelord Shadow the Hedgehog.  It's not like a great choice, but anything that can delay or stop the Matrix 5 trainwreck, is a good thing. Seriously, everything after the first movie was crap

I started watching some more recent anime.

 By recent I mean made after I became an orphan and aren't Sword Art Online, because fuck Kirito, not in that way. I have to thank Hulu, not sponsored... I mean I don't have sponsors, but for the sake of transparency and pretending to have ethics in blogging.

So, here are the three Anime I'm currently watching:

Konosuba

Spy×Family

Green Naruto

So, Konosuba... despite being recent, it feels like a 90s anime trapped in current year... being a parody of fantasy games and isekai anime helps it rank better, as it appeals to my immature self. It's an acquired taste and not for everyone.

Spy×Family... it's weird. I don't like it... for the most part. Then there's 

The most realistic depiction of a preschooler in anime, Anya... or how some people have called her pink haired anime grogu...

WTF? It actually makes sense from a certain point of view... as in the only reason to watch Mando is to see what will Grogu do, to me Spy×Family, the whole Loid is a spy and Yor is an assassin is meh to me. I just want to see how Anya will fulfill her mission.

Then there's Green Naruto, which I SHOULD HATE, but for some reason I'm already in Season 4. Honestly, I wasn't planning on watching this one. Sadly someone said to me: "Yo, Nefty! Y'gotta see My Hero Academia. Izuku is totally teenaged you!" Well, I fucking hate that person. I'm freaking Deku... but Teenage me would be more like Minetta as well. Speaking of, I don't get the Minetta hate. He's a wimpy teen who dreams to be cool. Yes, he's cowardly and perverted, but teens are hormonal... but current year. 

In any case I can't believe I've devoured over 3 seasons of Boku no Hero. But Netflix brought an old friend... Great Teacher Onizuka.

JoJo Siwa's Bizarre Adventure: a rant

 JoJo Siwa was barely on my radar... aside a worst JoJo joke and seeing some of her Merchandise being around back in my Kmart days. But recently she became an adult and came out the closet. Or came out the closet, then she became an adult... well, she's trying to pull off a Miley, but...

She looks like a Stand... No seriously:

She looks like a Stand of herself... I think I got all the better JoJo references out of the way. I get it, she's trying to shed the kid image that she has. Just like Miley Cyrus tried to get rid of Hannah Montana back in the past, but JoJo is doing it far worse and is currently a JoJoke. 

These "edgy" attempts at looking "mature" are failing bad. There's nothing innovative or original about them. She looks like AI generated art of the prompts Jojo Siwa and JoJo's Bizarre Adventure... or KISS from temu. They make JoJo look like a child pretending to be an adult. Hell, it took Miley to reach her 30s in order to make people kinda forget she once was Hannah Montana... but it wasn't the edgy outfits or the ridiculous amount of tattoos. It was her music.

OJ Simpson is dead...

 As I just said, OJ Simpson is dead. It's kinda hard to talk about this, becuase we're in a similar spot as the Chris Benoit suicide issue.

Benoit killed his family before killing himself.

In OJ's case the death of Nicole Brown, the police chase, making Kim Kardashian's dad famous (he was one of OJ's lawyers) also Simpson may be Khloe Kardashian's real dad. (Just as Gary Busey may be Eric Trunp's dad). I know he was a football player but to me he was Nordberg.

So, yeah... the Cookie Monster is dead... Why cookie monster? Well, he was smuggling cookie in jail... and the whole Nicole Brown murder thing, got him the Cookie Monster moniker. He ended up in jail in 2008 due to an incident in 2007 where he was trying to recover stolen memorabilia or something and it went to shit... in pure Nordberg fashion. So OJ is dead.

Cancer was the culprit.

OJ Simpsons was skipped for Terminator because James Cameron didn't think he could be a killer.

Yeah. OJ simpson is dead.

It came from the Toy Chest: ATV compatible with Ultimates!?

 Yes, it's another Wrekkin' vehicle. I believe it's the final vehicle on the list. I hate it, but I love it! Let me explain. The vehicle is decent, but it needs to be 20% cooler. 

I'm gonna try a different approach:

What I like:

• Scale: it easily fits Super7 Ultimates. Perfect for a diorama display.
• Modularity of the "action feature" lever. This vehicle has a lever to flip out an action figure just like the forklift. This one can be kept in modes that aren't intrusive with the sculpting. It also has a bit of a Toyetic look with it turningninto a battering ram.
• Can seat two figures. 
• If I Jam something the correct size on the action feature mechanism I can make a sort of rear shielding for the ATV. Perfect for some of my crazier ideas.

What I hate:

• Steering wheel action feature. It ruins the illusion of realism with the weird c-clips on the steering wheel.
• Flipping feature. It's a waste of space on the vehicle that could've been used for better disassembly. 
• Breakbility feature seems limited due to the springloaded features.
• The Big E figure has very limited range for articulation EVEN by Basic figure standards.

Alicia: What the Hell! That's a Velociraptor!
Barbara: Aren't they supposed to have feathers?
Susan the velociraptor: I shaved because of GaneDude!
Nick: ¿Qué?

Barbara: Licia stand back.
Licia: Nick Kill those overgrown chickens!
Susan: Let me lick your toes Nick!
Doreen: It's Nick R. Cade! He fucks everything with a vagina! Mount me Nick!
Nick: What the fuck is wrong with y'all? Instead of Velociraptors, you should be called Velociputas.

Nick: Wait they're eating the ATV?
Susan: Mmm! Nick Rammed me with this!
Doreen: I can almost taste his ball sweat from the seat.
Alicia: Niiiiiiick you asshole! Do something!

Big E: I'll save you MuTeens and Little girl!
Alicia: I'm 20!!
Big E: I didn't know.
Susan: Ow!
Doreen: You always wanted a guy to fall for you, Susan.

Big E: I didn't forget about you! Say Uncle!
Doreen: I'll say ANYTHING YOU WANT DADDY!
Susan: Oh yes! Spitroast me Big E and Nick! Oh Hammond I'm cumming!
Big E: What the F-?
Nick: I hope that coming is with am o and a single m.
Alicia: sounded like an u and double m to me. Whaddya think, cow?
 Barbara: A masturbating Velociraptor wasn't on my weirdest things I'll ever see as a MuTeen BINGO card..

Top 5 most wanted GI Joe Ultimates:

 I don't collect GI JOE Ultimates. BUT Baroness and Snake Eyes ended up becoming the bases for Nick's Dad and Stepmom. My interest in the Joes is mostly for customizing. Lady Jaye was a mistake. (Still figuring how to salvage her and how to reviwe her fairly) BUT! There are a few Joes I want to have Regardless of my feelings on the Ultimates line and the current bullshit of not being able to ship to Puerto Rico... Hopefully they'll fix this soon.

Without Further Ado, here are my top 5 Joes that I want to own in Ultimates form.

Shipwreck:

Come on! You expect me to talk about a Sailor and NOT Make a Shenmue reference!? That's like me not making a Hannah Montana reference when talking about Miley Cyrus. But Shipwreck is one of my favorite Joes. And I want him in all his village people glory. 

I vote for a soft goods coat as seen here:

Of course he won't end up being Shipwreck... He's probably going to be a supporting character in MuTeens or something.

Roadblock:

Let me specify: Orange pants Green Tanktop Roadblock. Why?

And that's the closest we could get to a Terry Crews figure. No, but seriously, it's Body Massage why I want him.

DiC Cobra Commander:

We can't have the proper Cobra Commander because of Lorenzo di Bonaventura (fuck that asshole) then give us the Arnored look from the DiC cartoon. It's The Best of Both Worlds. (Mandatory Hannah Montana reference.)

Sgt. Slaughter:

It's Sgt. Slaughter need I say more? Of course, this one will be Sergeant Slaughter because Sergeant Slaughter is Sergeant Slaughter.

PD Destro:

It's a Destro repaint that will surely sell. You know it, I know it, even my dead mom knows it.

I liked Frozen Empire but

 It's time to let the franchise die. Not only that, but it felt wrong. Like Ghostbusters 2 on crack. Or an episode of The Real Ghostbusters with Teenage Lesbian Ghost Romance... heavily censored to avoid critics... I mean borderline "Amara and Michelle are cousins" level of censorship. I have a faulty gaydar but while watching that movie LESBIANS kept popping up on my faulty gaydar. Before anyone starts to say: "She's a minor!" or "stop sexualizing a child!" ALL I'M SAYING is that the scenes between Phoebe and Melody gave off romantic vibes, since they're both vagina owners, that makes it lesbians. If it had been two penis owners it would've been 

The movie also felt castrated as if to appeal kids. I know Ghostbusters 2 was made more in line with The Real Ghostbusters. This one makes Ghostbusters 2 feel like the first Ghostbusters. This movie is like Walter Peck

Spider-Man 2:the review: the rant

 I am one New Game+ short of a Platinum Trophy, so I guess it's time to review Marvel's Spider-Man 2:

I recently replayed both Spider-Man with the DLC and Miles Morales games. The big disadvantage about this has to do with the games being too similar to each other. Without realizing it, this meant that I beat the game in less than a week off intermediate gaming sessions.

Graphics:

The graphics look nice, despite the game having the characters look uglier than the first game. There weren't that many graphical hiccups, but there were a few... honestly I found the PS4 prequel more impressive from a visual standpoint, despite the PS5 sequelhavng technically better graphics.

8.5

Sounds and music:

The background music, I like the first game as a bit of its cinematic appeal. The voice acting, like in the previous game is top notch I honestly have no complaints about it in this area. Okay, maybe some of the random citizens had some sort of goofy voices but they weren't that grating.

9.5

Controls:

For the Most part they're effective... when playing as one of the Spider-Men. Whenever the game try to be something Else Controls were slightly janky... bycicles, Mary Jane sections, random Rythm section, and other mini games I'm looking at you.

8.5

Gameplay:

Remember the previous two games? Well we get more of that. We also get more Mary Jane missions, but this time she has a gun. We get some random, stupid, annoying mini games that will make you wish you could be swinging across New York as Peter or Miles.

8.0

Fun Factor:

Despite the annoying Mini games, being too short, weird and rushed elements, the game is a fun experience. Is it better than the first one? I honestly don't know. But for me despite the technical improvements the overall experience feels inferior to the first game.

8.0

Story:

They Spider-Man 3'd Spider-Man 2. We got Sandman, we got evil Harry, we got Venom, we got Bully Lowenthal... bunch of great ideas on paper that weren't allowed to fully cook.

Kraven who is supposed to solo everything was some sort of "mob boss" who had an army of mercenaries that hunted for him. 98% of Kraven's badassery happened Off-Screen. Taskmaster was more of a hinter in the first game than Kraven here.

Harry was ¼ asssed and rushed... all for the sake of thee. Symbiote, which. Was also rushed. It almost felt like a Batman v. Superman mess.

5.0

Overall:

Spider-Man 2 gets a 7.92 as its final score. This is not a $70 experience. If you can buy it used and reasonably under retail, it's a much better option than paying full price for the game. The game is a disappoiintment. But, I have to replay it just to get that last damned trophy.

I don't think I'll get Spider-Man 3 on PS6 when it comes out.

Another I NEED to fill in rosters for TMNT ULTIMATES!

 Yes, I'm mad about the Super7 FedEx price gouging bullshit, but at the same time I have to rally for certain characters to be done in the line, so it feels satisfying when it eventually ends.

Punk Frogs:

I've mentioned many ways how the Punk Frogs can be completed. Whether we get a vintage accurate Napoleon or cartoon base, I honestly don't care. I just want the four Punk Frogs. A part of me would prefer vintage toy line Style, but for the sake of Super7 laziness I wouldn't say no to a cartoon inspired Genghis repaints.

A middle of the road option is a Toy Napoleon and getting Attila and Rasputin as repaints of Genghis and Napoleon. With that we close the Punk Frogs.

Usagi: 

I know some folks would like to have a vintage toy accurate usagi, I'm not one of those. I'd prefer the unarmored Samurai look for him. Hell I'll take a 2003 Ultimates Usagi instead of the vintage one.

Channel 6 crew:

Like Nefty was going to forget about Vernon, Burne, and Irma. 

Toy inspired sculpts but toon colors is a start. Kinda like the Zobovor customs seen in this rant. I'm going to get detailed here!

Burne:

Tuck his shirt in like the cartoon. Have a swappable pen protector (clean and dirty)

The TP can be plugged to the foot. I'd give him 3 heads (Neutral, Playmates inspired, and with a hat) add the UC Raph trenchcoat as one of his accessories. He used a Trenchcoat and fedora in an episode. It makes him different from both Playmates and NECA. I'll let S7 figure the other accessories.

Irma:

Soft goods all the way. It's not for perverted reasons. Rita Repulsa has a soft goods dress. You see where I'm going with this. A sculpted outfit would make Irma a statue. The other reason is to have  at least 2 outfits: a toon outfit and a Playmates inspired outfit. Again, this is to differentiate her from Playmates and NECA. Then there's what they could be hiding under the soft goods clothing. Here we can go 2 ways: 

1987 toon with a Modified Super Irma Outfit...

Scantly clad barbarian look from Mutant Turtles Gaiden.

Super Irma route:

3 heads: Normal, ditzy, angry. Swappable ponytails: Normal and wirh Super Irma tiara.

Swappable lower legs and soft goods super cape...  in addition to the playmates and toon outfits.

Gaiden Irma:

4 heads: American neutral and ditzy, Japanese Blonde and Spiky-haired Barbarian.

Here we need 3 outfits:

Toon

Playmates

Japanese (short skirt, bare midriff top that hide her Barbarian underwear)

While the Neftyverse would benefit from Gaiden, I prefer Super.

Vernon:

This one is mostly toon based, but toss in some extra pieces to make the Archie Vernon as well. Again, the idea is to make him different from both NECA and Playmates. Basically an Archie comics inspired alternate head and vest and call it a day. 

Neutrinos:

Dask and Kala to round up the team. The Playmates Embargo is what worries me for the accessories department. Honestly, I'm looking for Kala the most and hope that there's some compatibility with Alice so I can make customs.

Don the undercover Turtle:

Yes, I made a custom. No, I need an official Release. That's it.

Scale Tail:

I'm not exactly his biggest fan, as I'm not a fan of serpents, vipers and other snakes as in the animal. But, since he's one of the bosses in radical rescue, he deserves a spot.

Groundchuck and Dirtbag:

I had Groundchuck as a kid. The Manhattan Project pipe could be a nice addition to the figure. I want this dup to happen since they're Rocksteady and Bebop 2.0... or 3.0 depending on who came first, them or Tokka and Rahzar.

Tokka and Rahzar:

I want to have the Turtles in time or Manhattan Project rosters in my TMNT... period.

Chrome Dome:

Had him as a kid and Tournament Fighters is reason enough for me to want him.

Kevin Nash:

Yeah, if I want a Turtles in time Roster, I need Kevin Nash. If you didn't know, Kevin Nash was Super Shredder.

Mona Lisa:

She would help round up MY Mutanimals. I know she wasn't in any official iteration of the team but, she could prove useful just to round out the group. (Token girl and also a science student)

Pizzaface:

Because Fuck you Kyle! Yes, he's grotesque, disturbing and gross... that's why we love him. Fuck, I'll buy TWO! IF HE GETS MADE! 

Genral Traag: (Granitor and rock soldier army builder)

I have mentioned a couple of times how these could be done

Krang's Android Body:

No need to explain this one.

Of course, I may be open for other characters as well, since I've ended up buying most of the unique characters with mo exception so far. Once the infamous Triceraton wave shows up, I'll have to get the unique characters I didn't preorder.

Super7 hates Puerto Rico or something

 I WAS going to order the Beastie Boys Sabotage wave... the whole shebang especially with the $7 domestic shipping that included Puerto Rico. Things have changed and it became like $15, which is reasonable, but now... Let me let the picture do the talking for me:

Forst they stopped allowing PayPal Pay in 4... (eBay has recently done the same... fuck!) Now Super7 is using FedEx for shipping and it's fucking ridiculous!  Right now as it is, Super7 is asking me to buy one figure for the price of three! 

Right now going to scalpers is a lot cheaper than going through Super7. 

Ended up buying a Doctor Strange and

From Hasbro Pulse instead. And now they have cheaper shipping options to Puerto Rico!! 

I want to buy stuff straight from Super7, but I don't want to pay $110 shipping for a $55 figure. Even Hasbro Pulse didn't rape me that hard with FedEx shipping. At worst it was like $30 on shipping.

Toyguru must have the biggest boner right now because I'm criticizing Super7 right now. Point is that I will criticize everyone who pulls off something that negatively affects customers. I don't play favorites.
 

Update

Now they don't ship to Puerto Rico.

Toitles have textures now...

 Allegedly, these will be $12.99 and I'm still trying to process the bumpy reptilian texture they have.

This better resolution image confirms our fears of bad articulation and Playmates cutting corners. I'm going to call it: more corners will be cut. *IF* the bases are part of the figure, they'll lose a ton of paint apps. Mikey's nunchaku might suffer and become plastic chained once more. But it'll be wave 2 where the cost cutting will go insanre. I'm calling it right now. This is all Playmates flexing their master license to cockblock Super7.

But since this rant is kinda short,  let's see who are my top 20 Vintage characters that I want to see get this treatment that aren't Splinter, Shredder, Rocksteady, Bebop, Krang, Foot Soldier, April, and Casey Jones.

-Traag

-Slash

-Groundchuck

-Dirtbag

-Rat King

-Baxter Stockman

-Leatherhead

-Pizzaface

-Scaletail

-Antrax

-Tokka

-Rahzar

-Mona Lisa 

-Mondo Gecko

-Muckman

-Wyrm

-Ace Duck

-Sgt. Bananas 

-Hothead

-Irma 

Super7's DiC wave got canned.

 Cue the female figures don't sell crap.

Of course, it has nothing to do that these three were repaints. Scarlet barely arrived to customers by the time this repaint was put on pre-order. Also this would be the fourth baroness variant, not to mention the second version of this body to be released. Last but not least, This Lady Jaye would do very little on foxong the issues of her past release. And I know that she had a thought of issues, because I own one. I still haven't gotten her out of the toy chest, but that's because I'm having issues in reviewing her fairly.

My fear is that this wave failing will translate to female figures not selling. This wave should've come out after Shipwreck, Sgt. Slaughter and other core Joe Characters had gotten made and a "wave filler" was needed. A full redeco wave based on characters that had been recently released is a bad idea.

NECA has a 1:1 M3gan doll.

 For $500 plus shipping you can get your own M3gan doll. Rooted hair, soft goods clothing... and I'm getting mildly creeped out. Mostly because of M3gan's face looking a lot like a sex doll's. 

Similar vibes...

Her height puts her in scale with 140cm adult dolls. Which means that a customizer could easily make a M3gan sex doll. Before people try to spin this into "me sexualizing M3gan", I'm only pointing out how easily this 1:1 doll could be repurposed with less than noble ends. In other words, the lifesized M3gan was a Mistake.

At least it's not a 1:1 Small Wonder... wait... M3GAN is to Small Wonder what Brightburn is to superman...

Spider-Man 2: I have complaints

 Earlier I said that MJ looked Ugly... Nearly EVERYONE looks like they were hit with the ugly stick to different degrees. Pete got a little hit after he was under the knife for Miles Morales Spider-Man, Felicia got a slight tap 

Still less manly looking than SM2 MJ

Mary Jane got a beating by it, Norman got a few taos, so did JJJ, Former Captain Watanabe got hit by it. The only ones who didn't get hot by it are Miles's Mom and Girlfriend.

Speaking of Miles, I hate the neo generic black character hairstyle he's got. Aka the gentrified locs. Hell there's a dumb costume that showcases the gentrified locs on Miles.

Like what the hell!? That's easy access for some Morales DNA not to mention it showcases WHY Miles can't physically have that hairstyle and wear a Spidey mask. The fade from past gamrs MADE Sense. Also that's why they changed Pete's hairstyle. 

What in the Panderverse is this bullshit!?

He's not even a real Puerto Rican as in he wasn't born in Puerto Rico, NONE of his parents were born in Puerto Rico. But despite this suit being pure pandering is what a Nuyorrican would wear, hence it's my main Miles Suit and I want a Marvel Legend of it just to make fun of it. 

I just got to the point right after the Lizard battle and noticed something peculiar... Aside Peter and Manly James Watson, The Osborns, Kraven, and Curt Connors, most of the interactions outside the main story missions have 98% PoCs. I helped a gay indian boy ask his black boyfriend for homecoming. Helped a black lady fond her grandpa with dementia wait... there was the white dude who had the instruments stolen from a museum because of white entitlement... 

I don't mind having gay characters what pisses me off is that Spider-Man is helping a person ask another person for the homecoming dance. Gimme a mission where Spider-Man saves a gay couple from muggers. I still havent found any latinos, much less Nuyorricans in the game. And no, Sandman saying mjia a few times doesn't make him or her Puerto Ricans... Hispanics was in 2020 the second largest demographic in NYC and there's very little of that in this game... hell Even Mysterio looks kinda Middle Eastern/West Asian in this game.

This is Comic Book Mysterio, who looks like the love child of Moe and Spock.

What I'm trying to say is that you're all doing diversity wrong, which is causing the pushback against "forced diversity" or "woke". You CAN have gay characters. But don't use them in tacky missions like the Homecoming mission. In fact the mission ruined the gay one off characters for me. Just as in Miles Morales you guys threw his fake "Puerto Ricanhood" to be "diverse", here you're doing more of the same. It feels more like you're ticking boxes than trying to make modern NYC feel more natural... as natural as a Marvel universe can be.

Another complaint: That Howard Mission hit me so fucking hard, that it feels illegal for a Pigeon mission to do that.

Also, fuck insomniac for killing Shocker. They robbed us of a Shocker chase with a symbiote powered Peter.

Now I need to beat the game and review it.

Odds and ends: worst day for news edition

 It's the worst day of the year to run news because It's April fools... but I'm doing some odd news that are old. Like:

E. Coli CAN play Doom. That is all... I mean, what else can you say, we can run doom on organisms now. Arguments invalid or something. This is how humanity falls.

Happy Belated Birthday to Mr. Feeny/KITT. William Daniels is celebrating his 97th Birthday today. I hope he is well. Also, I'll take this moment to thank him for all the people he inspired with his performance as George Feeny. (Also the writers, but I don't know thwm or their birthdays)

Iron Man Marvel legends incoming, finally a comic book Whiplash/blacklash, count Nefaria, but the best fogure of the wave is She-Hulk plus 3 Ironman Variants...

Got Spider-Man 2 and dabbled with it for a couple of hours... I had a mission with Harry Osborn and Peter... Duck you game, duck you hard... 

I still won't forgive you for your diversity team making Miles Cuban, but damn MJ looks like she's in her mid 40s. Yet She's supposed to be in her later half of her 20s.

The Rocky Dennis image is completely unrelated other than being a readhead.

What if Super7 did Mortal Kombat:

 Based on the First Game Only. Just for the sake of completing a roster. If successful then we move to MK2, then 3 and I don't care after that.

So, let's see who we have available:

Kano

Liu Kang

Raiden

Johnny Cage 

Scorpion

Subzero 

Sonya

Reptile

Goro

Shang Tsung

That's 10 figures or 3 waves of 3 figures and a single Oversized Goro Release.

Wave 1:

Liu Kang:

2 heads: Neutral, angry.

Hands: standard hands for Liu Kang 

Accessories: fireball with stand.

Liu Kang is a vanilla release with nothing flashy to add. 

Reptile:

3 heads: Ninja masked head, MK2 head, MK2 reptilian head with articulated jaw and swappable tongues

Hands: standard hands for MK Ninja

Accessories:

Scorpion's spear long and short

Subzero iceball with stand.

Removed MK2 Ninja Mask

Tongues

Force bubble effects

Acid spit effect

I know I am adding Mortal Kombat 2 elements to this Reptile. The reason I'm doing this is so it doesn't feel like a cheap repaint. It also means that I'm planning ahead for the Mortal Kombat 2 invisble variant release by pre-making some parts.

Sonya Blade:

3 heads: MK1 styled neutral, mk1 deadly kiss head, non canonical MK3 styled neutral head

Hands: standard Sonya hands

Accessories:

Energy rings with stand, deadly kiss, pile of ashes with some bones showing.

I'm adding the MK3 head as a preview of things to come and as a backup in case MK3 doesn't happen.

Super7's extortion pak:

-Movie styled Liu Kang head

-GITD Force Bubble and acid spit effects for Reptile

-MK3 Deadly kiss Sonya head.

Wave 2:

Raiden:

3 heads: Normal, normal with holes on eyes for GITD Lightning effects, Non canonical movie inspired head (Pesina likeness but with Lambert hair)

Hands: Standard Raiden hands, hands with plug holes for victory Lightning effects

Accessories:

GITD Lightning effect with stand

GITD Lightning effets that can be put on his arms and legs.

GITD lightning effect that plugs on head 2's eyeholes.

GITD Victory Lightning effects that plug in hands.

This figure is also setting up the precedent for a glow in the dark variant teleporting Raiden. Gotta milk those non-ninja molds.

Johnny Cage:

3 heads: neutral, angry, smiling

Hands: standard JC hands. Hand for holding intact glasses, hand for holding autographed photo, hand holding marker.

Accessories:

GITD green plasma ball with stand

$500 Glasses (intact)

$500 Glasses (smashed)

Signed Autograph.

There is a bit going on with Cage, but not that much. Also, I'm setting up a GITD Green "afterimage" variant.

Sub-Zero:

2 heads: MK1, MK2

hands, standard Sub-Zero hands

Accessories:

Ice ball with stand

Hands with icy effects for the deep freeze fatality, spine and skull with hinged jaw for the MK1 fatality.

Super7 extortion pak:

-movie inspired Raiden head with holes for GITD Lightning effects

-soft goods MK2 blue overlay and slip on bicep armor.

-Movie inspired Cage head

-Frozen spine and skull

Wave 3:

Kano:

3 heads: neutral, angry, with hole for firing laser

Hands: standard hands, Heart hand

Accessories:

Knife

Thrown knife with stand

Laser effect that plugs on head 3

Heart for heart hand

Plug in Blood splatter effect to simulate Kano sticking his hand into the opponent.

Shang Tsung:

Reuses Liu Kang body with Soft goods outfit.

4 Heads: Old Neutral, Old angry, Young Neutral, Young Angry.

Standard Shang Tsung hands.

Accessories:

MK1 sword

Skull fireball with stand

Mk2 top (soft goods)

Shang Tsung is a 2-in-1 figure and also takes a MK2 figure out of the to do list. Most of his cost lies on the soft goods.

Scorpion:

3 Heads: MK1, MK2, Skull with hinged jaw from Sub-Zero fatality.

Hands: standard Scorpion hands

Accessories:

Removed mask MK1

Removed mask MK2

Spear long and short

Fire breath effect

Sonya's pile of bones and ashes

Super7 extortion pak:

-Movie styled Kano head

-GITD soul sucking hands for Shang Tsung

-Scorpion skull repainted in smoldering colors with clip on flaming effects.

Wave 4:

Goro:

He's big...

3 Heads: Neutral, Angry, Movie inspired after getting pumched in the balls.

Hands: standard hands but doubled, since he has four hands.

Accessories:

Fireball with Stand

There isn't much to do with Goro. That's why he's alone... and that he's big.

But it's not over yet, since I started MK2, I have to see what they'd need to complete it:

Liu Kang

Raiden

Johnny Cage

Scorpion

Sub-Zero 

Reptile

Kitana

Mileena

Shang Tsung 

Jax

Kung Lao

Baraka

Smoke

Noob Saibot

Jade

Kintaro

Shao Kahn

That's 10 figures plus two oversized bosses.

Liu Kang is mostly a repaint but new heads and slip-on bracers. 

Johnny Cage requires new forearms and new everything from the waist down... and new heads.

Here I'd  give him bare forearms with both bracers from MK2 and MKT. 

Mk2 heads and MKT head

Curved Energy ball with modular stand. Reuse the autograph stuff from the first figure.

Smoke is a Scorpion redo with less accessoriws and some new ones as replacement.

1 head:

Same scorpion hands

Scorpion spear long and short

Smoke effects for arms.

Smoke cloud move

Noob Saibot is Scorpion with even less stuff and in black plastic.

I'd add a Kano head and the UMK3 smoke cloud projectile with stand.

Jade would be a Kitana repaint, so She'd get the Kitana stuff plus her staff and Shuriken. She'd be dark skinned like her UMK3 version though.

Jax would get arm interchangeably from the get go. (In preparation for the MK3 variant)

2 heads, standard hands.

For accessories the ground pound effect and the energy wave with stand.

Kitana gets 2 heads masked and unmasked.

She gets the standard hands and special spinning fan hands. (These two hands allow the use of a special free spinning fan accessory to simulate her whirlwind move.)

Accessories fans open, closed and a stand to hold the open fan when used as a projectile.

Mileena gets Kitana's body and hands (minus the fan hands) ishe gets her sai, projectile sai with stand and 2 alternate tarkatan heads. 

Baraka of course requires some attention, but is not too demanding in accessories.

Short and long arm blades, blade spartk effect.

Kung Lao, he requires some attention, but once you get past the body it's rather easy.

2 heads, usual hands, hat.

That's all the basic figures. 

All that's left is Shao Kahn and Kintaro... I won't go into those two because it's too much of a hassle and I can see Super7 repainting goro with a little partswap for Kintaro and now you're mad.