May 28, 2010

odds and ends May 28 2010

Phillip Drummond's lost another child.
What'choo talkin' 'bout,Nefty?
First, Kimberly Drummond died and now Arnold is dead. So now the Drummond fortune would have to be divided between Willis and Sam (Mr. Drummond's stepson), as soon as Mr. Drummond passes away.

Holy sparkling crap Batman! Taylor Lautner must be pissed off right now...
Rob Pattinson and Kirsten Stewart are taking this Twilight crap too far.
The real Renesmee might be coming... I wonder if Edward went through the couch jumping routine as well?

Just Picture Mr. Sparkles instead of crazy tom.

Saw Prince of Persia. Not going to get on the whitewashing controversy, since the videogame prince rarely looks "Persian". It's not a faithful adaptation of the Sands of Time game. It has nods to the Sands of Time gameplay and the story has some similarities, but Hollywoodized up to a point that it barely resembles the game. They even include a comedic sidekick... no it's not a monkey.

This prince looks like Luke Skywalker... Who I'm pretty sure is not Persian.

Wait what? Celebrity drunk and most likely candidate to be a has-been Lindsay Lohan wants a Chanel alcohol tag. So you did the crime, they're giving you a better option to do the time and you still complain!? Just because you were in Herbie: Fully Loaded does not make you any better than any other drunk. In fact, this request makes you look more ridiculous. Point is, the Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitor also known as SCRAM is a reminder of the evils of overdrinking. It's supposed to stick out like a sore thumb...

Oh my gah! Diet Coke and Mentos guys strike back, now with a rocket car... coming soon!!

Science is fun...

May 27, 2010

Change...Good or bad?

Many times things change. Sometimes is good, sometimes is bad. New Coke (as in Coca~Cola, not cocaine...)
This is a limited time Special Edition Twix. Triple Chocolate... I LOVE Chocolate, so this must be a match made in heaven... not so much. It didn't taste chocolaty enough to be triple chocolate and it tasted nothing similar to a Twix bar.
Sometimes when reinventing the wheel people lose sight of what made the wheel so appealing.
Let's take for example one of my favorite videogame series of All Time:

The Legend of Zelda.

Now look at its sequel... WTF!? Now it's a 2d side-scroller!? Zelda 3 went back to Zelda 1 format... Don't get me wrong, Zelda II is a good game on its own, but it was too far ahead of its time. and the "Link has Lives" didn't help it either.

It wasn't until Ocarina of time in which the best of both worlds... (No it's not a Hannah Montana Reference... she is dead...) as I was saying Ocarina of Time combined Elements of Previous Zelda games and made a Super Zelda game. The change wasn't good at first, but it allowed for a better game in the end.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

See the first game, now look at the sequel a NES port of this...
In this case, Change was good.

Change is something that we must look at on a case by case basis. If things never changed they would be stale... Megaman I am looking at you... but when there too many changes and you miss the mark then that is bad as well. Speaking of Change. It's unbelievable how I've ranted without mentioning the MARIO CONSPIRACY... crap! now I did..
Super Mario Bros. 2 is not Super Mario Bros. 2

I shall show you Super Mario Bros. 2

This is the SMB 2 that you know... Right?

This IS Super Mario Bros. 2 aka Mario from Hell... Basically a Harder SMB game...
So where the hell did the SMB 2 that I know of came from?

Doki Doki Panic... Weird huh? So here which is the best, the change of turning a non-Mario game into a Mario game or keeping in with rehashing the first game?
You figure that one out for yourself. In the mean time enjoy this guy playing the Metal Gear Solid theme on a Legend of Zelda Ocarina

I prefer the Mariofication of Doki Doki Panic

May 19, 2010

Odd news and ends MAY 19th 2009... I mean 2010

Holy crap! things seem to be getting better in Bayformers land.
Shia LaBeouf admits that Indiana Jones and the kingdom of the Nuking Fridge sucked... and that Bayformers 2 sucked more balls than the Hungry Hungry Hippos.

You lost a bit of the relationships. Unless you have those relationships, then the movie doesn’t matter. Then it’s just a bunch of robots fighting each other.
The only thing I disagree with Shia LaBeouf is the bold part. That's pretty much what Transformers is about. If you listen to the theme song it says:
♪Autobots wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons! Transformers *Funky transforming Kgh! sounds* Robots in Disguise!♫

Last time I checked it wasn't:
♪Sam Witwicky tries to be faithful to Mikaela while trying to save the world form the Decepticons and Sam's mom eats some hash brownies too♫

People don't give a damn about Mikaela, the Witwickys (except Spike and Sparkplug...) nor John Tuturro's character.

But wait that's not all!

I'm sorry Megan but YOU'RE FIRED!!! from Transformers 3... Now if someone could do something about Michael Bay... OK I'm not really sorry. She's one of the things that ruined Transformers, so one thing less to complain about...
Oh yes! YES! Oh F-Word YES! ♪No more Megan Fox! YEAH!♫

On other movie news, Russel Crowe snaps when called out on his "Aussie-Irish" Robin Hood

Then again not all Robin Hoods are Cary Elwes. At least Russell did not go Gladiator on the interviewer. He's quitting smoking but it does not change the fact that Russel did not sound English in BatGladiator Begins 2...

May 18, 2010

Stop! Miley Time!

Whew! It's been a while since I've done a straight up Miley Related Article... The one referencing the Michael Jacksonfication of Miley Cyrus was the last one... (I'm not counting the Odds and ends.) Here's my newest Miley Ranticle:

Miley Cyrus Parties after Hannah Montana wraps
That's it... It's done! No more Hannah Montana... After the last season airs, that's it. Miley is free from the "Evil Wig".

She celebrated with the rest of the Hannah cast at a Nightclub their new "Hannah free" Lives. That's cool. Miley danced and singed... Well she IS Miley Cyrus, daughter of Singer/Actor/Narrator of the Hillbilly documentary on the History Channel, Billy Ray Cyrus also Miley USED to be Hannah Montana; so singing is kinda mandatory. Among the people in the Audience was the demon spawn of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett... F@#$%^ing Jaden Smith... Grrr! That little prick is ruining everything I enjoy!! He'd better stay away from MOTU of Final Fantasy...

Party on Miley, but remember one thing: Hannah will haunt you for the rest of your life and don't audition for the role of Jerrica Benton/Jem if they make a Jem movie... It'll be like Hannah Montana but with a million times more Pink!! (The color, not the singer)

Two things make me sad regarding the End of Hannah Montana: I'll miss the supporting cast (Especially: Emily Osment, Billy Ray Cyrus and Jason Earles)
No more Hannah except on reruns... cause Miley's gonna hunt for some new roles...
What I'm gonna do with my newfound freedom from Hannah-time? Find a cure for cancer, promote world peace? Ramble on and on about irrelevant crap? I'll take C... Why? I'm no scientist and I'm not a motivational speaker... If I was I would be raking in money by talking crap... now give me all of your money... See it didn't work...
Remember kiddies, June 11th go see THE A-Team... Do not feed the demon Smith spawn...

May 12, 2010

Holy @#$%! A Neon Genesis Evangelion attraction!?

An I musn't run away! joke would be overused here.
But I have no other Shinji related joke... he's a wuss... that... can't say too much without spoiling NG EVA... Let's say he has a crapload of issues.

called "Evangelion: World - Life-Size EVA-01 Construction Project" on July 23. The pavilion will house the world's first life-size recreation of the scene where the Evangelion anime's main character Shinji Ikari encounters the Eva-01 unit for the first time. The recreation will have a mockup of the Evangelion unit from the bust up.

The pavilion will also have a life-size cockpit of an Evangelion unit (from where visitors can pay to have their photos taken), a life-size figure of the character Kaworu Nagisa, a video corner, a museum, a studio gallery for taking photographs, and a shop. Fuji-Q HighLand's website will present the first interim report of the pavilion's 150-million-yen (about US$1.6 million) construction on May 26.

OK... A Life Size bust from EVA unit 01... Holy crap! Sure a Bust may not be AS BIG as the whole thing, but that IS pretty big. I wonder if that display will have a Gendo silhouette overhead.

Life-size cockpit to get pictures taken... Holy crappola... I'm guessing that we'll see a bunch of EVA cosplayers getting their pics taken... COOL!

A life Size Kaworu Nagissa... Feh... It would've been better to have a Replica of Gendo's secret room. (can't spoil much but, it shows the degree of how f-ed up is Gendo...) or a Life size Misato, Asuka and Rei... Even Gendo is better than Kaworu... If y'all excuse me I'm gonna curl up in a ball and mutter I musn't run away for a while...

It came from the Toy Chest: It came from the 80s dude!

Today's It came from the Toy Chest is kind of a blast from the past.
So let me get some music to set the mood.

Ah memories of a simpler time, back when Uncle Phil was evil and There was no Twilight or Hannah Montana... (Jem was phasing out of the scene, and we all know what I think about HM being a Jem rip-off) but I'm not here to talk about Jem or Hannah Montana... I'm here to talk about Playmates Toys 25th Anniversary TMNT Toys.

We all know that Hasbro released a new GI Joe toyline with new sculpt and Articulation to celebrate GI Joe's 25th Anniversary. Mattel started the MOTUC in 2008 to celebrate MOTU's 20 something (26-28 ish.) Well Here are the brand new toys that Palymates released to Shellebrate the TMNT's 25th

What the SHELL!? You've got to be ****ting me!
Yup! They went the easy way out and rereleased the 80s toys. Rumor has it that Peter Laird, co-creator of the TMNT was a against the release of hyper articulated Old Toon characters (Mostly cause he hates the Old Toon)... that sucks... so Playmates did the "next best thing". The card art is not the same but it's reminiscent of the old card art. I guess you noticed the Free DVD sticker. Only the Turtles have them (and not all of them) Lemme' open up these suckas and get on with the review.

Here they're opened up and ready:
If I go by my standard rating system these guys would be doomed. These toys have not aged well.
I have to do what I have to do: As always 1 = waste of plastic and 5 = The Holy Grail of toys.

Articulation: The 4 Turtles have 7 Points of Articulation. 1 more point compared to vintage MOTU so 80s 5 is a 2010 1.5

Paint and sculpt: at first sight it looks like the Turtles have the same sculpt, but that's not true. They DO share parts and the only part they have in common is the shell. (This part might be more elaborate because of the subtle differences in sculpt.)
Raphael and Michelangelo's right leg is the same. Leonardo, Donatello and Raphael's left leg share the same sculpt. (Michelangelo is the only one with a slightly raised left foot.)
The right Arm "type 1" is shared by Don and Mike. While "type 2" is shared by Leo and Raph.
The Left Arm "type 1" is shared by Raph and Don. While Mike and Leo share "type 2". Mike has a brand new Left Hand.
Obviously they don't share Headsculpts or belts. Each belt has places to put away the weapons. Donatello has a small "pouch" on his left side to hold his Shuriken. Raphael has a special piece in the back to hold the "Pizza looking push dagger" (Katara).
I'm impressed with the amount of detail these "vintage" toys have. The very minimalistic paint job is very 80s.
They get an 80s 5 that translates into a 3.5 in 2010
Accessories: Ok here we go!
EACH Turtle comes with:
A "free" DVD featuring one TMNT Episode. (But since not all of them bring it I will not count this on the score)
2 Standard (as in the ones they're known to use on the toon and games) Weapons (2 Katanas for Leo, 2? Bo Staffs for Don, 2 Sai for Raph and 2 Nunchucks for Mikey.) Warning the Nunchucks warp easily and are just as prone to breaking as in the 80s!
2 5-point Shuriken.
1 Katara (The Pizza Looking Push Knife)
1 Kama (The weird "r" looking thing that is supposed to be a ninja sickle.)
1 weird 3 point Short Kunai/Katara looking pointy thing.

The Plastic thingie that held all the weapons in package is ACTUALLY a weapons rack... not just wasted plastic. I figured that out 20 years later... So we've got: 8 accessories. In the 80s this would get a 5 and that translates to a 3.5 in 2010 mostly because the accessories lack much needed paint apps. (I never liked the brown weapons especially the blades.)
Scores: in the 80s these guys would be a 5. Now in 2010 these guys are... a 2.83
I found them each for $7.79 about two dollars more expensive than the cost of the vintage toys back then... (The DVD kinda balances everything.) Incredibly enough those "vintage TMNT" toys are on par with Playmates current TMNT offerings. (The newer have slightly better artic, but crappier sculpt.) Such a shame that the NECA TMNT line was canned. Hopefully the new Viacom TMNT acquisition will bring better TMNT Toys...

May 10, 2010

Fighting for everlasting peace... or at least faithful adaptations.

Megaman!! Capcom's little Blue Bomber that reminds me of Astro Boy... Could a Live Action movie be made? Yes... Could it be good? Yes... Could it suck royally? Yes!
The fight for Everlasting Peace in Live Action... or a Megaman fan movie...

The movie lasts about 90+ minutes and covers the first Megaman game.

It's not a masterpiece. The effects are not the best... they rival some made to TV movies or the later Power Rangers shows. The script is not exactly the best, but then again Megaman's story is not Oscar material either. With those "flaws" I have to say that it captures the essence of megaman (even if it excludes the frustrating platforming sections) I wonder How Hollywood would botch it.

Metal Gear Philanthropy: A Metal Gear inspired Fan Film... (Not a recreation of previous games Another fan film. This time its Metal Gear. Again not a masterpiece but captures the essence of the games way better than Hollywood would...

Now I kinda wished that Hollywood would stop messing with the source material when making adaptations. I understand that changes have to be made to adapt videogames into movies, because Gameplay translated to a movie would be kinda boring. I do believe that nods to the gameplay should be done.

Kinda like this... not like Uwe Boll's House of the dead where scenes STRAIGHT from the game... are shown at random intervals... and I don't mean re-enactments with actors, but the game itself is shown randomly... (True that THAT is the best thing about the movie, but it doesn't spare the movie from sucking...)

Now as i said before, changes HAVE to be made, but when you lose the entire world from the games and you have something else then, you're doing it wrong...

I don't remember the Dennis Hopkins, Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo movie looking anything like this... I am talking about the world itself and the characters, not saying that the movie did not mimick the gameplay.

Adding unnecessary new (at times Mary Sue types) characters when the game has plenty of characters to choose from. Like Alice in Resident Evil films.
Alice was Ok in the first movie. The moment they turned her into a super mega goddess that can beat Batman, Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal was the moment the Movies Jumped the Shark...

Straying from the Source Material so far that it barely resembles it. Again Resident Evil suffers from that... stupid extinction... the only thing I like about it is the Death of Alice scene...

People often reply to this:
If you want to see the game why don't you just play it?

Simple, for the same reason people see movie adaptations of books. To see their favorite characters and scenes on the big screen. (or nitpick at the changes) I personally won't want an 100% exact replica of the game on the big screen. I just want movies that do justice to the source Material. Is it THAT hard Hollywood?

May 7, 2010

It came from the Toy Chest Matty Collector Extravagganza Part II.

Now unto the Weapons Pak and Mystery Figure... Ok It's Wun-Dar*, the Legendary Wonderbread He-Man... The Exclusive to the Club Eternia Subscription...

19 Items to use with your MOTUC figures... Unlike the Eternia Map "full of Secrets" the Weapons Pak sadly has no Bio...

Here's WUN-DAR!!! *= Ok... you caught me, I have no Wun-Dar, but I can do a quickie review of him thanks to the weapons pak.
Wun-Dar is basically a He-Man with Brown hair, black and silver gauntlets black loin cloth and boots. He has a black power sword (and half sword), Cosmic enforcer Armor and gun (in Black) AND a loaf of bread. Why is Wun-Dar so important?

Legend has it that Mattel and Wonderbread had a cross promotion and sent a brown haired He-Man by mail to people who followed the rules of said promotion. Funny thing is that neither Wonderbread nor Mattel have any records of it. Thus a Legend was born. He-Man Review He gets the same score as He-Man, The bread is AWESOME!!
If you can't afford a Wun-Dar in the secondary Market then the Weapons pak can help you customize one yourself... (Just don't try to pass off Fake Wun-Dar as the real deal on eBay...)

The cosmic Enforcer stuff is FUSCHIA NOT PINK!! it has the cosmiC Enforcer armor and gun AND the mystiK enforcer staff. (if you're wondering the strange spelling on cosmic and mystic is a nod to Zodac and Zodak... the guys who use the armor and said weapons...) Also the gun and Armor are a nod to the vintage Weapons Pak. (There they were black, but Black CE Armor would make it easier to make fake Wun-Dars...)

Now if they had added a blue He-Harness this would be 1000 times more awesome... The blue sword looks a whole lot better than the blue shield and axe... BTW my blue shield has 2 globs of silver paint on it. DO I need to say to whom these would belong to? Also they're nods to the vintage WP.

This is the Evil Spider gun... If I get this Spider's rerelease I'm giving him this gun and the toy's original orange gun will be Duncan's...

This is the "Beast Armor" He-Man paying a homage to the Spare Beast Armor from the Weapons Pak. Mattel claims that it's "yellow" like the vintage WP Beast Armor... If that's yellow then I'm Hannah Mon... nah... too early... If that's yellow then Stephenie Meyer is the greatest writer of ALL TIME, OF ALL TIME!! Also He-Man is carrying a "White" Horde Crossbow. (Currently the Silver corssbow is on my Hordak, he now looks more like my vintage Hordak Toy...) The Red wip is a "nod" to the 1987 movie with Dolph Lundgren... (and an excuse to reuse the Beastman whip.)

Warning: the Beast Shoulder Armor is a bit of a pain in the ass to put and remove!!
The Mace is a nod to the Weapons of the Vintage Casdtle Grayskull. The MOTUC Version reuses the mossman sculpt and that's why we have a metal mace that looks woodsy... Overreuse can be a bad thing sometimes... Yes He-Man is now Gangsta' so he'll maybe remake a classic movie... Gangsta style... The gun is from MAA to use on Trpa Jaw (Pre-op days as Kronis)

In the words of buzz Lightyear: "To infinity and BEYOND!!" The Stratos Jetpack would be cooler if... I dunno had the BLUE WINGS TO PUT ON STRATOS just like my vintage toy did!!

The little Blue/Silver Sword was meant for Kronis... Me I gave it to Man-At-Arms... He can duel with dual swords... The "Golden" sword is meant for Eternia's very own Peeping Tom, Triklops... He needs to use dual swords as well...

I am perplexed as Why do we get TWO versions of the 200X He-Man Sword with a lot of the "anime Hyper detail" that supposedly "is retired" and not Skeletor's 200X Swords?
Well it looks like I'm not the Only one...

Scarglow's spear,Lochaber axe, "scythe"... Weapon in non neon green color, another homage to the Castle Grayskull Weapons...
Pimp-Man does not like his hoes to be disease ridden... the pimp slap is mighty enough to cure Evil Lyn form her jaundiced looks... If not, he'll slapp her again...

Now unto the review part: 1 = crap 5 = Teh Awesomecause!!
Articulation: wait aminute!! There is none here! These are accessories!! So there is no Accessories section... We can only use paint and sculpt here...

Ok... Paint and sculpt: While the scuplts are awesome... Hello, It's the 4 Horsemen... They're like the Wolverine of the Action figure sculpting world... So that on it's own would give them a gajillion times infinity plus one!! BUT!! The paint jobs bring them down a couple of notches...
2.0 Why? Simple some of these items are barely usable in their current color schem and others LACK paint.
My stratos Jetpack looks muddy, Blue He-Shield with silver globs of paint where it's supposed to be blue, The Mossman mace with 0 paint. The flat "toy" look that the He-man 200X sword has...Don't get me started with the weird Made In China 2009(c) Tampographed on EVERY ITEM (sometimes in the worst palce possible)
19 Accessories for $12 buck seems like a bargain, but as said before some of the Items' usefulness potential is not realized unles heavy customization is required.

Do I regret buying the weapons pak? NO! Would' I've liked a better selection of Items? YES!! Hopefully Pak #2 will include a Two Tone Silver Sword of Protection and a fully Silver Sword of Power for a certain Princess and Prince...

May 5, 2010

It Came from the Toy Chest Matty Collector's MOTU Extravagganza!! pt. 1

Remember my topics of April 19th waiting on Evil Lyn, etc.?
Well I got HER!!! Now unto the review: Sorry for the crappy pics but the camera has it against Lyn...
Before I start: Evil Lyn has a pack in Character, the Evil Falcon Screeech... and Evil Lyn's real name is Evelyn Morgan Powers... Screeech, Ms. Powers...

SCREECH POWERS!! Yes Dustin Diamond LOVED MOTU... Dunno if he still loves it now. It is rumored that Mario Lopez (AC Slater from Saved by the Bell.)was at a MOTU related activity back in 2002...

Here you have Evil Lyn in her package, but we should call her EMO Lyn because fo her bio. She became Evil because she had "daddy issues". Also she released Hordak AND King Hiss from captivity... Damn! She really wants to screw over Skeletor... Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?

This is what she comes with:
Evil Lyn (Head is removeable like all the other MOTUC)
Staff/Wand Headdress (The crystal ball thing.)
Backstabbing Ceremonial Knife
Evil Falcon Armor
Evil Falcon Perch.

Now unto the review... Sacle 1 to 5. One being sucky toy that it's not worthy of being in a happy meal and 5 being most awesomest toy in the history of toys?

Articulation: These guys have a lot of articulation compared to previous MOTU lines.
But the Girls get the short end of the stick. They lost the ab crunch and their abdomen and crotch are not as detailed as the males. other than that Evil Lyn can do anything Skeletor can.

Paint/Sculpt: The 4 Horsemen outdid themselves here. They've made a modern toy looking like the vintage 80s Evil Lyn. The paint is minimal (since Mattel is very stingy on paint apps.) but it works.
I do wish that her irises were outlined. and that her dress wasn't a simple repaint of Teela's dress... (That's how it was made in the 80s...)
Accessories: She's got A LOT OF THEM... Two different styles for her crystal ball. (I'm using the short wand because there are too many staffs in MOTUC.) Screeech beats Zoar because he has armor and a Perch... (Teela came with Zoar. and Evil Lyn with Screeech... coincidence?)

Overall 3.83

Evil Lyn is a great toy, but the issues with her being basically a Teela repaint do not help her much. on the plus side her dress is made of a softer material than Teela's... This is my First Evil Lyn EVER... and I love her even if she isn't THAT great.

In the words of the Late Billy mays: But wait!! There's More!!

HORDAK!! The Ruthless (sometimes Evil) Leader of the Evil Horde!!

As soon as Hordak finishes repaying Evil Lyn from releasing him from the evil dimension of Mint on Card we shall begin with the Review.
Hordak was mostly known as the Enemy of She-Ra the Princess of Power. He also was Skeletor's mentor in the dark arts and killed King Grayskull (He-Man and She-Ra's ancestor.) Hek-Tor Kur is one evil dude, don't make fun of his real name... Hek-Tor.... unless you want to face the wrath of the Evil Horde (a one man Horde so far...)

Here's everything that comse wth Hordak:
Hek-Tor Kur Aka Hordak
200X Evil Horde Staff which looks like an Abbot's staff.
His "Pet" kinda looks like a cross between him and a gargoyle...
His Armor
His Crossbow
His Bonnet/Cape which gives off some Vatican type of look but evil...
His Horde Armband... gives off some pseudo NAZI vibe.

He's got some issues, cause his boot have his logo, his armor, his staff, his armband, even his pet looks like the Horde Insignia... (Which is Hordak's face on bat wings...)

Now the Review: 1= crap, 5 = Hyper mega awesome!!

Articulation: These guys have a lot of articulation compared to previous MOTU lines. He's got the same Articulation as He-Man or any of the other MOTUC Males.
4.0 (I miss the ML level of Artic, but this works... my biggest gripe is that the right ankle is annoyingly loose.)

Paint/Sculpt: The 4 Horsemen outdid themselves here. They've made a modern toy looking like the vintage 80s Hordak. The paint is minimal (since Mattel is very stingy on paint apps.) but it works.
there is some silver wahses on the figure and crossbow and some dry brushing but not so much.

He's got a lot of stuff, but Two of them are armor pieces, so his weapon department is reduced to crossbow, Staff and "Pet". The Pet is static and has no POA.

Overall 4.0
Hordak fared better than Evil Lyn because of his better articulation and killer Evil Sculpt. As soon as I get the weapons Pak I'm swapping the Horde Crossbow for the Silver (that Mattel keeps calling white) crossbow.

stay tuned for Part II: Mysterious figure and Weapons Pak...

May 4, 2010

El Sr. Condon dirigira Rompiendo el Amanecer... I y II

Mr Condon (I wonder if anyone has told him that his last name is Condom in Spanish...) is Directing Breaking Dawn. (Still uncertain if he'll do it in one or two movies) He is getting ready for it and his office looks like a Hot Topic right now. So it looks like it's two more years of apple holding unless Ms. Meyer finishes Midnight Sun and works on her Edawrd Centric Sequels... (or Prequels... She might milk more Edward on his Pre-Bella Era.)
Yes Twilight (and a keg of beer) are helping me to get rid of the bad Kung Foo kid aftertaste.

I may not Agree with Ebert that often but here I agree with him.
3-D Ebert Rant.
Sorry for this article being short, but it's a bit hard to write when expelling the Kung Foo Kid poison from my system...

That ain't Karate, Kid!!

Ahhh! Where to start with the Abomination that is the Karate Kid Remake... Jackie Chan... I love Jackie! Somehow I won't bother with this movie until it's on Wal*Mart or rent it with one of those free rental coupons form Blockbuster or something... Why? well I think the movie is an abomination. Simple right?
No It's not simple. If I reduce it to its simplest terms here it is: I believe that this emake is a soulles cash in on the nostalgia factor from the old Karate Kid movies. Will Smith and Jada Pinkett are using it to shoehorn their kid as the next big thing and unfortunately the kid is not THAT good.

I'm gonna let the trailer speak for itself.
First we got this hip urban beat as BGM during the trailer. This screams: "Look at me! I'm Hip! From the streetz! Gangasta Karate kid motha$%^&!" you get the idea. "Blaxploitation" 21st Century style. BTW I have no problems with black people in main character roles.

Now We have Dre, played by Jaden Smith. Playing a whiny bratty kid who is a little bit of a smartass. (Isn't that the same role he played on The Day The Earth Stood Still?) Ignoring my dislike for Jaden Smith... (Both of his parents are talented actors, but looks like he got zip on the "acting genes" department...) The problem with the "Kid" part in THIS "Karate Kid" is that he is a Pre-teen, as in a kid...
Why is this important? The romantic subplot... I don't feel that the audience would connect with children in love. It also adds the problems of Mr. Han (The Miyagi knock-off) beating up Children. (But the Chinese kids beating up Dre scenes look awesome!!) I'm surprised that Jada Pinkett isn't playing Dre's Mom... (She is being played by Taraji P. Henson also known as the mom of Backwards aging Forrest Gump)

I'll be honest, The movie doesn't look THAT BAD. If it was some other movie of a kid in a fish out of water situation trained by an old quirky mentor to rise above it all. As a Karate Kid movie? I feel it's mocking the Original. First it tries to distance itself from the original by having Dre learn Kung Fu instead of Karate and having the setting in China kills off the chance for a Karate Kid Part II. There are a few scenes that reference the Original, but they mock it. (Mostly the fly in chopsticks scene)

Before I'm branded as being afraid of change and that I have my head so far inside the ass of the original; I'll admit that it hasn't aged well and that it's a bit cheesy and corny. It's not exactly a masterpiece, but it had soul. Something that this "ghetto version" seems to lack.

By The Way, Kung Fu is Not Karate. So why in Pat Morita's Tombstone is this movie called The Karate Kid!? To cash in on the Franchise? Most likely...
I've lost all my respect for Will smith with this.

I seriously hope that The A-Team beats this movie up harder than the Chinese Cobra Kai wannabes beated up Dre.

Odds and Ends: the day before Cinco de Mayo...

By Odin! Chirs Hemsworth looks awesome as Thor!!
Behold the Mighty god of Thunder in all of his Asgardian glory!!
He is Wearing the Modern version of Thor's Costume (without his Helm) and the snazzy "Lord Thor" Beard. I would've preffered the Classic Costume... who am I kidding? The new version is very similar to the Classic Version with Extra Armor... Still Thor looks Freaking Awesome!! BTW check the ending of Ironman 2 The Mighty Mjolnir (Thor's Hammer) makes a Cameo, kinda like Samuel MFword-ing L. Jackson made a cameo in the first Iron Man...
Wow... Miley's brother-in-law is an Asgardian god...

Ugh! Looks like the bastardization of The Karate Kid is moving along swimmingly... Here's the International Poster... The movie is coming June 11th 2010... I pity this foo... (The A-Team is coming the same day...) guess which movie I'm gonna see... I'll give you a hint, Will Smith has NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!! Why am I hating on Karate Kid? Is it Jaden Smith? Yeah there is some of that... I can't stand Jaden Smith. Yeah, hating on a little kid seems rude and whatever... but most of all his appearances make me want to punch him in the face. (He's either playing a Gary Stu character or he's just an annoying brat!!) Either way I don't like the kid. Is it Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith Producing and promoting their kid? A little bit... Is it because the movie is set in China and Dre (Jaden Smith) is learning Kung Fu and Chinese from Jackie Chan and not Karate? A lot of that... Is it because this time the kid is really a kid and not a teen? Some of that. Is it perhaps because it's yet another needless remake of a movie? Mostly that... While we're at it let's remake Back To the Future and use one of the Sprouse Twins as Marty McFly? (Maybe they'll change the name Marty McFly to something else...)

Ok, Hank Azaria IS Gargamel...Hank Azaria you ask? The guy who gets stomped in the Matthew Broderick movie with the big Mutant Iguana... that THE KING OF MONSTERS whupped it's reptile butt... He also voices almost every character in the simpsons...
I still don't like the Smurfs in New York aspect, but Hank Azaria IS Gargamel!! BTW Wolfgang Puck is in this movie... (He'll probably be the Chef/Baker/something with the kitchen Smurf... I forgot his name)


This is a Street Fighter fan film teaser trailer... Looks way better than The abomination of Chun Li... I mean Street "Fighter" the "Legend" of "Chun Li"
Now if we could get a Phoenix Wright TV series...