May 31, 2015

Kung Fury... Wow...

It made it as a short film... It delivered an 80s tribute over the top action film!

Here's the short. Enjoy!

My only complaint is that the film was only 30 minutes long... I hope we get a sequel! I mean we even got a MUSIC VIDEO DONE BY KNIGHT RIDER HIMSELF, David Hasselhoff!

Cheesy, over the top, borderline ridiculous? YES, YES, AND YES! At least it's more original than Sharknado 3... now with more Hoff... Yes, the Hoff is going to be in SHARKNADO 3 Oh Hell no...

May 29, 2015

TAINT 2 seems to be getting better...

My soul threw up when I wrote that title... Well... it actually is! This bit of news ruined my plans of making a play by play to the earliest TMNT episodes. That rant has been delayed for a few days. (Real life and the fact that the first pics of Bebop and Rocksteady have surfaced!)
The Pre-Mutation Bebop and Rocksteady picture from the cartoon is here to be used as reference to the pics from the article linked.

We also have a new Shredder and Karai, but more importantly... That Rocksteady seems a bit familiar...

And I mean Familiar as in that Pasty Skin and that Ginger Beard are VERY Familiar...

Could it be?

Think about it? Even the link I posted believes that Pasty Rocksteady Pre Rhino mode is Sheamus... That's because it seems that he IS. Sheamus more or less gave it away, but no official announcement.

Holy Freaking Crap... Casey, Bebop, Rocksteady, Baxter Stockman... All this needs is a Krang and I may be VERY interested in this... Almost enough to ignore the Shrek-turtles and Megan Fox...

No Tokka or Rhazar this time... Now we get the Real Idiots that we wanted since 1990 on the big screen... They better mutate into warthog and rhino versions of themselves...

It Came from the Toy chest: Sopinsky's Explosive Boner

Not talking about THAT kind of Boner... I mean Boner as Mistake... Just like the infamous Batman Comic...

Blast Attak, the most Politically Incorrect MOTU Figure has reached Classics... So, if you are sensitive about Reusable Suicide Bomber Robots, stop reading this rant and head here. If you are bad dude enough to save the president, then you can handle a Blast Attak review.

So, Blast Attak... He's a Reusable Suicide Bomber Robot.
I know that robots cannot be suicide bombers because they are not alive per se, but it sounds better than Sentient Time Bomb. So, as you can see in a post 9/11/2001 a Sentient Time Bomb or a Reusable Suicide Bomber Robot can be a bit touchy... He can be as sensitive as a Jeff Dunham act...

Since he is a Snakeman, I can theoretically use him as a Robotic Version of Achmed the dead Terrorist... You just pictured Blast Attak saying SILENCE! I KEEL YOU! in Achmed's voice... If not, then

Now... Let us begin, shall we?

Why did I titled the rant Sopinsky's Explosive Boner?
Sopinsky is the Design team dude who replaced Ruben "Mediocre" Martinez in MOTUC.
Explosive because it's Blast Attak.
Boner? Where do we start?
He doesn't do a Blast Attack for starters... Battle Armor has Battle Damage simulation, Thunder Punch has a Thunderpunch Simulation, Stinkor stinks, Scareglow glows. Man-e-Faces has many faces, Extendar has an Extension simulation, Rio Blast blasts, Stonedar and Rokkon Rock on! Modulok is Modular...
Many moons ago I made a rant, from which this pic on the left appeared before. As you can see on the pic I went with far more parts reuse than the actual figure got, but the idea was to reuse the King HSSSS abs with the Trap Jaw Upper Torso and shoulders with Horde Prime forearms and Hands to make an exploding Blast Attak. You popped the Original Torso out and placed the Explosion torso.(My drawing is not exactly to scale. The point of this alternate torso was to clip on the Shoulders, head and hands on different places so it looked like he was in mid explosion.) Now even if Mattel wouldn't do the extra Boom Boom Torso, the ability to have Blast Attak blasting off on the battlefield is a cool one. Sadly, Mattel did not do that... for some reason. (Logistics... That Style's retired... Scott's pick.)

The Horsemen picked the Horde Trooper Torso to give him some robotic goodness, but WE CANNOT SEE THAT TORSO because Design chose to GLUE HIS ARMOR TO HIS TORSO...
He HAS the Trap Jaw Shoulders, but this time Design engineered the discs for them to NOT DETACH... So, no detachable arms, or waist for a guy that's supposed to split in half... He can only pop off his head and his fists...

So, one tiny sliver of a blast induced attack survived...

Now let's take a look at the figure itself.
Standard MOTUC Articulation. Surprisingly he has new legs WITH BOOT CUT and a very limited ab crunch.

Paint and Sculpt:
Aside the head and glued on armor he is parts reuse from the waist up.
From the waist down, he's all new and perfect for Optikk... which came out about 4 years ago...
Paintwise, mine's a bit sloppy. Glue stains on his back, gold smudge on his head. The red port on his back was unpainted on mine. (I modded the port following a guide on FB and his whip can now plug in like the vintage detonator cable.)
The vintage Junkyard Axe and the Detonator wire converted into a whip. Not having the whip to be plugged into the back as a nod to the vintage Detonator was another boner. He feels like he is lacking something... 3.0


Blast Attak gets a 3.67 as his final score. He LOOKS good, it's just that he needed to be 20% cooler.
He feels like he is lacking something... I mean Extendar is more of a Blast Attak than Blast Attak himself... Isn't that sad?

 If a blasting apart Blast Attak couldn't be done, then we could have used a THIRD Accessory: A Blast effect that could be put on his armor to simulate the Explosive action. (similar to Thunder Punch He-Man) But that's an Evil Warrior/Snakeman left... Only Ssssqueeze, Saurod and Twistoid to complete those two factions.

May 28, 2015

Aunt Becky will be in the Fuller House... and other stuff!

So we have DJ, Stephanie, Kimmy, Uncle Jesse, now Becky... All we are missing is Danny and Joey... Comet's probably dead and Michelle, they're being bitches about this. So, the show should kill them off screen. You shouldn't feel sorry about those dickweeds not being on the show, Mr. Stamos.

In the meantime this is the closest I've seen news related to Bob Saget...

Yeah, he really needs to do Fuller House... or at least let him back at America's Funniest Home Videos. Oh wait, they have CARLTON BANKS Hosting now? This might be interesting...

According to some of John Stamos' and Bob Saget's Tweets, Danny WILL BE on FULLER HOUSE... Only The Bitchsen twins are not doing the show.

In other unrelated news

The Goddamn Affleck! is in Suicide Squad! That is all... I mean it's not like WB is afraid of Suicide Squad doing well on its own so they are using the Goddamn Bat Crutch just in case... But more Batman the better, right?

Disney Attraction Themed Movie Number... Tomorrowland!

It seems that Walt must be spinning on his Cryo-Chamber, because the Executives at Walt Disney Pictures allowed yet ANOTHER Disney park attraction movie to be made...

and I think they're rebooting this too to remove the stank of unfunny Eddie Murphy.
So, Tomorrowland:

Confused by the trailers? Good! Because I think that's what the trailers want you to be when you go in to see the movie. Luckily, I avoided 2 out of 3 trailers and only went to see it because it has Hugh Laurie in it... George Clooney can be a bit of a movie repellent to me...
Even to this day he still apologizes for Batman and Robin.

So how to describe Tomorrowland?
Minority Report + The Matrix (the good one) + Terminator + House M.D. go through the Disneyfier-inator! and you get Tomorrowland.

This is the reason why Brad Bird skipped doing Star Wars.
As long as we don't get a movie based on this, I'm OK with Disney doing ride based movies... I think you may know what is on that dreaded link without even clicking...

May 26, 2015

A Jonny Quest movie!? By Robert Rodríguez?

Keep this away from the movie!!
Funny thing about this is that One of my earliest rants involved a Jonny Quest movie and Hardrock was the sole reason why It shouldn't be made... not to mention how Hadji would lose his Sim Sim salabim powers because of Political correctness... and I guess he'd lose the turban for Social Ju$tice. Now, I was going to make a rant today on how to make a theoretical Jonny Quest movie work and my short list of directors that should helm that project was: Brad Bird or Robert Rodríguez.

Well, Robert Rodríguez is supposedly going to do a Jonny Quest movie...
Now WHO shall play the main roles?
I mean, Jonny and Hadji are in theory the hardest ones to cast for most and I think I may have the perfect pair:

For Hadji I think Karan Brar is a decent choice...

The only thing that worries me is that due to modern sensibilities, his "indian magic" and Turban may disappear... I hope he keeps the turban... That's like taking off the loincloth out of He-Man or the cape out of Batman.

For Jonny I have one person: Peyton Meyer...

My reason is so he can be away from Girl Meets World for a while, since his character is pretty much a piece of cardboard on the show... except the season 2 episode where he went badass on an older student bullying another. (most spoilers removed) Also he kinda looks like Jonny Quest, but it's mostly to get him out of GMW... Random tidbit, the Topangaborn was on Spy Kids 4. If we get Peyton Meyer into this, then that's 2 GMW cast members working with Robert Rodríguez...

For Race and Dr. Quest, here's where it gets tough... Though Most people want this as Doctor Quest, I'm torn...

For Race Bannon, some people want to change Race's race in order to have this guy as Race:

Personally I'd prefer someone along the lines of Jason Statham for Race.

Now if Robert Rodríguez can reach a balance between his Spy Kids mode and his more Mature mode and maybe have some tributes to older Serial Style movies (Raiders of the Lost Ark comes to mind) we could have an amazing thing in our hands!

One More Thing! (If you read this in Uncle's voice from Jackie Chan's Adventures, I'm sorry! That
wasn't the intention... If you didn't but did now, it's your fault!) Even if the movie is some sort of Origin Story, I hope they redo the 1960s cartoon intro in live action just because Jonny Quest motherf-!

Now picture it in live action... you're welcome!

May 25, 2015

Whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on Expendables 4!?

Hulk Hogan... Yes, THAT Hulk Hogan is allegedly in talks with Sly Stallone... OF COURSE It's THAT SLY STALLONE... for Expendables 4... He wants to be the next villain... Oh Holy Crap!!

This actually makes sense... The Hulkster getting his first role in Rocky III (pronounced Eye, Eye Eye)... So it seems appropriate having him with the Expendables. To be honest, I'd rather have him being a retired member forced out of retirement, or a "frienemy" of Barney and the Expendables.

Not that I'm against Hulk Hogan playing a villain, but more like I don't want to see him die in the movie... That would be worse than High Noon at Mega Mountain...

But Dude...

The Hulkster being back on the big screen with a bunch of 80s icons?

May 24, 2015

Jaden puts a shock to your system!?

According to the guy from Everybody Hates Chris and older brother to the star from Disney's Lab Rats, we're getting Static Shock in the form of Horrible Child and Actor, son to Horrible Parents and star of the Horrible Remake of Karate Kid, Jaden Smith...

I have to ask myself... WHY OH WHY WAS JADEN SMITH cast as Static? (if this story is true)

Wait... Spike! Are you trying to say that Jaden got that shot at Static because of his dad?
Because if you are, then we're thinking the same thing...
Well, it's not on IMDB... Hopefully this is not going to happen, but IMDB has revealed an uglier bit of news...
The Horrible Remake of Karate Kid is indeed getting a sequel... News have gone as far as 2014, but damn!
 There is only one silver lining on this... If this is true AND the Trivia section is correct, then

SWEEP THE LEG JOFFREY! might be the next big meme!!

But still! This is more of Will Smith punishing us by shoving his not quite as talented son in our faces...

May 23, 2015

10 ways to make Jem better

Chu's Jem is making the Tranktastic Four look like a masterpiece. I blame the production team for trying to attempt Jem at a shoestring budget.

So, here's my 10 ways that JEM could have been made better.

10: Eliminate the Justin Bieber inspired Youtube to fame story:
This is how people become famous nowadays... The other is to promote Racial and Gender segregation on Twitter, then whine about Harassment and pass the collection plate. But that's another rant for another day. Back on topic. Jem is not like any other girl. Her rise to fame was because of her talents as a singer (and the added motivations for Jerrica to wear the Holographic disguise)

9: Embrace the TRULY OUTRAGEOUS JEM premise:
We know that Jerrica becomes Jem in order to save her company's Foster Home for girls and to take control of her company from the clutches of the Evil Eric Raymond.

we have to add Raymond's ace in the hole, the Misfits and we pretty much have GI Joe, minus the pro-US Military angle and tons of fashion, glamour and glitter! From that base you can tell your own story, while staying true to the essence of Jem.

8: Have Synergy as she was on the show:
No Synergy = no Jem... Jerrica + Synergy = Jem. We needed Synergy to go into an extravagant 80s video vibe for live concerts... kinda like Vocaloids meet Michael Jackson LIVE... but with Jem.

7:Take things up a notch and make the movie in the SAME UNIVERSE AS TRANSFORMERS...
That could also help explain Synergy... She was made with Cybertronian Technology... BOOM!

6: Christy Marx:
While her work on JEM was work for hire, she did a lot of the work in "creating" the show, which means she understands the characters and would have been a great asset in making this project work.

5: If Jem doesn't truly work for the 21th Century, then make it a 1980s to early 1990s period piece.
 And the lower budget that the movie got would have allowed for some period accurate cheesy effects (for authenticity).

I know this is a Mattel ad, but the late 80s cheese is there.

4:Bigger budget:
I'm sorry but JEM is impossible to make correctly with a shoestring budget. Would Hasbro have done something in the $5 million in budget for Transformers? HELL NO! Unless they intended to go cheesy (which based on the trailer they're trying to be serious about it) the low budget is hindering the making of a true Jem flick!

3:Taking pot shots at Hannah Montana or referencing it:
The movie could still do this, but If I were in charge of the movie I'd totally make a reference to the Disneyfied knock-off. After 20-something years being out of action, Millenials need to learn who was the Original Secret Pop Star long before Billy Ray and Trish bumped uglies. Bonus points if they had gotten a cameo from Miley.

2:Keep the Secret Identity a Secret:
If pretty much everything else from JEM was unavailable, this is the only thing that should have been kept all the way till the end. Most of Jerrica/Jem's struggles COME from the dual life. (Though why Jerrica never dumps Rio is something that has bothered me for quite some time.)

1: Scrap it, until more competent people can be brought on board:
Justin Bieber's Agent. the guy who makes the super cheap Paranormal Activity movies, and the Director of Justin Bieber coming out of his shell? No wonder this movie has all the signs of a POS...

I know this can all be condensed by saying: MAKE A FAITHFUL JEM ADAPTATION WITH A BIGGER BUDGET, YOU DICKWEEDS! but I have to rant and vent.

May 22, 2015

You don't got it dude! (A Fuller House rant)

None of the Olsen Twins will reprise their role as Michelle... Who was surprised about this?

Seriously? Did anyone actually expected the Olsen Twins to appear? You know what? They should simply kill Michelle... There I said it! Not Misogyny, but acknowledging that the Olsens don't give a damn about Full House, so kill them in a gruesome way that they can never come back... That way Full(er) House can say: "You don't care about what made you famous, well Begone foul beasts!" or something...

Well, the people behind this Youtube video are geniuses!! I think I'd love to see the entire series WITHOUT Michelle... Screw You Olsen Douches!

The new Characters for Fuller House have been Described...

Apparently, the Eldest child, JD (Jessie Daniel) is like a mini Jesse.
Max, the Youngest child (until DJ spits out the baby) is a mini Danny.

Kimmy's daughter is well, I'll copy-paste now:
RAMONA 12-13 years old-Ramona is bi-racial, passionate, sharp-tongued, tough, kooky, a drama queen. Ramona considers herself Latina and has fully embraced her Latin heritage even though she is half-white. Living with thewhite-bread Tanners is totally lame.
Ramona is bright, but not into school. She’s obsessed with her friends, boys, fashion, being cool, social media and taking pics every second of every day. Ramona worships her Dad, but resents Mom for breaking up the family, even though Dad is a troublemaker. She is experiencing the trials and tribulations of being a teenage girl, and the mood swings that come along as a result.
Where to start... This description is idiotic... MANY LATINOS ARE FRIGGING WHITE... I'M SUPER PASTY for crying outloud. If it wasn't for my accent and that I no longer have a mullet, I could pass for a freaking redneck! So, the Half-White, Half Latina is kinda wrong. The correct term would be Half Gringa Half Latina... If we want to get Technical... Now, I hope that actress chosen for the character has actual Latin American roots and is able to at least speak Spanish Fluently in order to be allowed to ad-lib some lines in Spanish whenever her character has "a teenage girl mood swing" and goes into "sassy Latina mode". Also, she's going to be berating Kimmy all the time? Ugh! Fake drama alert...

Oh crap! I realize something: JD and Ramona are going to be roughly the same age, they are not related and they're teenagers living under the same roof... If this wasn't in the Full House Universe, I'd expect this to turn into a Teen Mom Scenario.

Lifetime wants to make a Full House movie, just like the Saved by the Bell movie...

WHY!? Wasn't the SBTB movie criticized for being inaccurate to the real events and based on a book that even Screech had to accept it was inaccurate,

It Came from the Toy Chest: Materia Girl

The internet has failed me... No FFVII themed parody of Madonna's Material Girl, starring Wutai's Single White Rose... I'm talking about the one and Only YUFFIE KISARAGI!! Final Fantasy VII's Second Hidden Character... The first one being Vincent Valentine formerly of the TURKS. Wait... Cloud, Yuffie, Vincent... I actually now have a PARTY OF THREE!! I could actually display all three of them against Sephiroth... If I get an Aerith... I could... But then I'd need some freaky tentacle like thing to simulate the dropping of a JENOVA piece... But I'd need to get an Aerith, and those are expensive as hell if I want the VII look... The CC look wouldn't work here... Then I'd need a Tifa and a Red XIII, because I like Tifa and Red XIII... I'd like to have a Barret, but he's in the Advent Children look...

So, Materia Hunter Yuffie is finally in my hands, sporting the FFVII look...


You can check out the pic with the detailed Articulation Rundown to see what she has. I have to commend Square Enix for trying to hide the Articulation points as much as possible. Sadly her hip articulation is a bit limited.

Paint and Sculpt:
The sculpt is really good, not only it helps hiding the POA, but she resembles Yuffie, as seen on the artwork of the game, but in 3D. She seems a bit paler, than I remember, but I'll chalk that up to the flesh colored plastic. Aside a dot on her lower lip, she seems to have no sloppy paints.

She has her Trusty Shuriken (with 2 Magic Materia slotted in the weapon) 4 extra hands and a stand. there is really not much to say here... But I'm an Aerith and a Tifa short of needing to get the FFVII Weapon pack... There is one of those... Then one for FFVIII and X figures.

My lack of Dead Ghetto Florists on this pic is disturbing.
Yuffie may not be perfect, but she's rather darn close. Her score of 4.67 is proof of that! Sadly, the Articulation was what knocked her down a few pegs. The Advent Children Yuffie seems to have a better range of Articulation, but damn my desire to own the figures that have the FFVII Look!
Good thing that Play Arts has no Chocobos for these figures... Otherwise I'd have to spend a lot of money on them... (One or two for my FF display, one for MOTUC me, one for my mom who happens to like chocobos... and I better stop before Squenix announces 18,230 yen Play Arts Kai Chocobos) But seeing my Play Arts FFVII Team grow is scary and awesome...
All I need is Tifa and Aerith in their VII Look and ANY Red XIII (I'd prefer the Game version because it comes with 1/2 of Cait Sith, but that sucker is expensive!!)
Also, resisting the urge to get a FFVIII Selphie. (I'm a Selphie fan)

Also, Yuffie's Shuriken looks sweet on Ninja Warrior!
Doesn't Ninjor look awesome?

May 20, 2015

SquareEnix Play Arts figures bother me.

The figures are awesome, but a bit big... and expensive. What bothers me is not realistic boobs (though Tifa could use some of those...)


OK, all jokes aside, my beef with SquareEnix is:
Red XIII (with 1/2 Cait Sith)

Cloud (revisited a few times bike, fusion swords split)

FFVII Crisis Core:


Warrior of Light

Solid Snake
Gray Fox (ninja)
Liquid Snake
Raiden (SOL)
Solidus Snake (Tentacle Suit)
Revengeance Raiden
Big Boss (PW)
Big Boss (GZ)
Venom Snake (TPP)
Quiet (TPP)
Skullface (TPP)
Kaz Miller (PW)

Let's see if you can pinpoint the issue? You know I'm going to go on a rant explaining what's bothering me. You can't freaking complete a "set", because they move on to something else...

Where' Cid, a VII Barret, a FULL CAIT SITH? Rude, Elena, Tseng? SHIRTLESS SEPHIROTH?

Loz, Yazoo? AC Cid? Rude?

Crisis Core:
Angeal? Genesis?

Zell, Quistis, Irvine, Seifer? Edea, Ultimecia? I'm not even asking for Laguna's stuff.


Looking for FFX stuff and THERE is where the only set is completed and is the FFX-2 Gullwings... There's no X-Rikku, no Lulu, no Khimari and my favorite Racist Underwater Rugby Player is nowhere to be found, ya!

OK, so they're expensive as hell, so it's kind of a good thing that they don't get full sets, but it's kinda painful to have "incomplete rosters". Not even by crossing sets you can even complete a game themed party.

It would be like having a Power Rangers toyline where they make:
MMPR Rocky, Trini, Zeo Kimberly and Dino Thunder, and Turbo Tommy.
You can't complete a Team. I'm not sure if this is a cultural thing, or whatever, but it bothers me.

Jared Leto's Joker has the infamous tats.

I tried very hard to avoid dwelling into the Jared Leto Joker with tons of tattoos and the grille on his mouth... Looking more like Lil' Wayne than the Traditional Joker...

Before I hear mentions of Heath Ledger not looking like the Traditional Joker Or that the Joker has had tattoos in the comic, shut up and let me finish.

The Beef I have with the tattoos is: They seem to be more like tattoos that a Joker Fan would get than tattoos that the Clown Prince of Crime would have.

The grille, I kinda get because Batman may or may have not knocked a few teeth to stop the Joker every now and then.

Seriously, does the Joker NEED to remind himself that he's the Joker with HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Tattooed on his body, a deck of cards, a smile, and a Harlequin Skeletor face? I get the prison teardrop tattoo, but why does he need a "Damaged" tattoo on his forehead? This reeks from the costume designers "trying TOO HARD" to leave their mark on the Joker...

Why the background info on my beef with the inks? Well a few pics from the movie while filming on location have been "leaked" and he's sporting the ink...

Here's the thing: The inks bug me because Leto looks like a fan cosplaying as the Joker. It would be as if the actor playing He-Man in the rumored MOTU Movie had a Castle Grayskull Jawbridge tattooed over his heart, the Power Sword and Sword of Protection over his right arm, then Battle Cat on his left shin and last but not least a Teela portrait on his left wrist... I wanted to joke about having Grayskull as a tramp stamp, but that would have been a bit too much... Now I wonder has anyone gotten a Grayskull tramp stamp?
Uh-huhhuh! Boner!

May 18, 2015

Jem is desperation, Ooh Jem!

Of course, I'm talking about the Cinematic Turd that is making Tranktastic Four look decent, by Jon M. Chu: Jem and the Josie and the Pussycats rip-off with 35% Hannah Montana.

Well, I've talked how that trailer is

Hey! It's been a while since I've used the Rarity overreaction clip... Also it's a Hasbro thing, so it fits!

Well, the Producer, or one of them, Jason Blum gave an interview to Topless Robot  about Jem-in name only.

You can click on the link to read the entire thing at Topless Robot, but here are some excerpts:

LYT: Can you reassure some of the fans right now who are a little upset at the way it looks and feel like it's not true to the property from what they've seen?
JB: It is a hundred per cent true to the spirit of Jem, like 100%, and I think that people will be very pleasantly surprised. So in that way it's good - maybe lowering expectations is good. But I think people will be pleasantly surprised for sure.

WHERE to start 100% true to the Spirit of Jem!? The trailer for this movie makes the movie seem like it's a rip-off of all the movies and TV shows that have had "the Band Story", you know the one...
Undiscovered band hits it big, but the Record Company fills the lead's head with crap in order to have him/her go solo. The band kinda breaks up and make up after the lead singer discovers that he/she is a sell-out and he/she brings the band back together. Friendship over money... This is not Jem...

Jem is closer to a Superhero movie with Music and some soap opera elements than what the movie shows. The dilemma of the Secret Identity was whisked away by having Eric Raymond minus penis "Create JEM". The "Love Triangle" between Jerrica, Rio and JEM is now gone. If everyone knows that Plain Jane Jerrica is Jem, then WHAT'S THE POINT OF JEM!?

Lowering expectations is good = Movie is crap. Expect Crap so in the rare case you like something then the movie surprised you pleasantly... Please don't let this Dickweed say crap like you can't put an entire movie in a 2 minute trailer...

JB: [laughs loudly] Tell her to hang in there and have faith. A trailer's two minutes; a movie is 90.

Someone, please stop this dickweed... Do not allow him to speak, because he's confirming all of our fears...

 But I would just ask people to reserve judgment until they've seen the movie. I don't judge a book by reading the book cover, and I just would ask people, don't judge the movie by seeing the trailer. But if after they see the movie, they don't like it? They can scream from the rooftops.

Stop, you buffoon! This is not Judging a book by its cover... Criticizing the movie from the first leaked still (which I did) IS Judging a book by its cover. Judging by the Trailer is like Judging a book by its Synopsis. The Trailer, like the Book's Synopsis, is a tool used to make people interested in the movie or book (trailers for movies, Synopses for books). This movie failed at being a JEM Movie, based on the trailer. There is no Synergy (and no, the rumors about Synergy being their pre-show mantra or a phone app does not equal super computer that could create Holograms or Hard Light Constructs via Jerrica's borderline Magical* Earrings.

* I mean Magical in the sense that the technology for them is so freaking advanced that it looks almost like Magic.

So, OK, we have a Producer defending the movie... How can we top this?
Fake Kimber to the rescue! We shouldn't judge this movie by the trailer, says the girl who wasn't even born when JEM was relevant.

“I think you have to see the movie to understand,” she told ComingSoon. “You can’t put it all in the same movie, and I feel like it really does set it up in a cool way. I think a lot of the things that people think are missing are in there. You just have to see it to understand. You can’t put the whole movie in the trailer. […] I want people to see it so they can see it’s a heartwarming story. It’s a beautiful coming-of-age story about family, but the music is incredible and it’s really our rise to fame and then after that … I think it really needed to set up the story before we could get into everything.”

I'll take fools who don't understand JEM at all for $200, Alex! THERE IS NO DRAMA BEHIND THE WHOLE JEM/JERRICA THING because this movie killed it. There is no REAL Reason for The Misfits to exist, since Eric Raymond w/o Penis already KNOWS WHO IS JEM... THERE IS NO NEED FOR SYNERGY BECAUSE Penisless Eric Raymond created Jem. If there is no Synergy (as in the Computerized program that could make Jerrica look like a different person... or a surfboard.

I feel bad for her because she is defending her paycheck, but she is sounding almost as naive as Kimber, so she gets a few brownie points.

On the other hand, this thing is so un-Jem-like that I have a strong feeling it'll flop, based on the horrible word of mouth that it's getting.

May 17, 2015

Jason David Frank wants to kick CM Punk's ass for free!

I've mentioned before the whole JDF challenging CM Punk thing... Then I did it again when CM Punk denied hearing about the Challenge issued by the Power Ranger who loses to a Candle.

JDF responds to CM Punk's latest antics and challenges him to a fight

Do you have any Idea what this means? The Green MMPR, White MMPR, Red Zeo and Turbo PR, and Black Dino Thunder PR has challenged CM PUNK to fight and wants NO MONEY for the battle. This means that CM Punk has two options:

-Decline the fight and look like a coward, because he's afraid of a Power Ranger.

-Accept the fight and may the best fighter win.

It's obvious why CM Punk won't fight Jason David Frank. He hasn't had any fights in the UFC and losing to a Power Ranger would kill his UFC career faster than JDF could say it's Morphin' time! 

But, on the other hand, fighting and beating JDF, would give a bit of a boost to CM Punk to what is like to fight on MMA, which is very different from fighting on SmackDown! or Raw.

May 16, 2015

Fright Zone: The Rant:

How can this Horde Playset be made in Classics?
We have TWO VERY DISTINCT LOOKS for it and none of them is related to the other.

On one hand we have the Vintage Toy Fright Zone, which is a Tree, a hole for a puppet, some sort of cell and stairs. (Yes, I remember the floor trap.) 

On the Other hand we have the creepy Technological mess that kinda reminds me of a warped Midgar City from FFVII crossed with Monstorid that showed up on the cartoon.
I kinda have a way to reconcile both looks in my fan continuity, but the point is:

I think the Vintage toy one would be easier for Mattel to do, seeing that it is just a floor and 2 walls and is the second smallest playset (Slime Pit being the Smallest.) But on the other hand, the Vintage Toy is not as impressive as the Filmation Fright Zone. The Filmation Fright Zone would be a special thing. It can't be as big as shown in the cartoon, for obvious reasons. It could be roughly Grayskull sized. Not to mention that it COULD copy off some of Grayskull's play elements. Hordak's throne with a Trap Door for Mantenna on the second floor seems like a great idea. Especially if the Trapdoor leads to a Horde Dungeon (where rebel prisoners are kept.)

I cannot support a Hybrid because these two are so different. Which one should I pick?
It doesn't matter which one should I pick, because I'm not the one behind the toyline, but what matters is Which one would Mattel pick? Should they go for broke with the Filmation, or simply reproduce the toy but bigger?

To be honest, I expect Mattel to do the cheapest take on the Fright Zone. Unlike the Crystal Castle, where Mattel would HAVE to go Filmation for most appeal, on the Fright Zone they can get away with the toy version.

May 15, 2015

Not even the Konami Code will save Konami from certain doom!

Konami is going down... They get rid of Kojima and now seem to want to focus mainly on mobile!?
It's a good thing that MGS V: The Phantom Pain is the final game of the series, so I can say goodbye forever to Konami (unless they make a Suikoden Collection...) because they are going to focus on mobile, the "Casual Platform"...  Remember Zynga? Well, seems that Konami is heading that way...

They could last a while in Japan... On the west? Well, here they are known for 3-4 things:
Metal Gear Solid, Castlevania, Yu-Gi-Oh! and Silent Hill. there's also Zone of Enders, Suikoden and Contra, but these are not as popular right now.

Mobile games tend to be one of 3 things:

-Ports of other older games (sometimes with redone graphics) sometimes with Pay to Play/Win crap added to it.
(Contra for mobile, or the ports of SNES Final Fantasy games kind of thing)
-"Free Games" that are full of Pay to Play/Win crap... Pay to speed up the waiting time, pay to get the popular characters, pay to get a red balloon. (Candy Crush types, Farmville types) Bonus points if they want you to spam facebook with crap from the game... almost as if it was a Facebook game, but it's not.

-Glorified Minigame/Companion app to an actual game. (Ground Zeroes Mother Base App, GTA V iFruit types)

The sad part is that I'd like a Mobile Yu-gi-Oh! game... The only problem is that I'd end up with a crappy game like Yu-Gi-Oh! BAM! which is a watered down version where

yup, you said it Koiba!

heh! seems like If this keeps going on (SEGA is no longer doing games that I'm interested in, Square is doing crappy games, Capcom is only keeping me barely interested in SF, Konami is going to mobile...) I may quit gaming or get a...

May 13, 2015

Jon M. Chu, you have failed JEM!

Beating up Jem-in-name-only seems a bit unfair, but...
When... Willliam Shatner... Complains... about your trailer... and makes references... to... the cartoon, then you failed HARD...
Captain James T. Effin Kirk understands Jem way better than the dickweeds in charge of making this cinematic abomination happen!!

That, ladies and Gentlemen is pathetic as hell!! As much as I love to bitch about Michael Bay, the douche actually has made FOUR FREAKING MOVIES WITH ROBOTS THAT TRANSFORMS INTO VEHICLES!!

Meanwhile, Jon M. Chu can't even get a single movie about a businesswoman who runs a shelter for runaway girls that turns into a pop star by using a super hi-tech computer that can create holograms and solid light projections through her earrings, in order to have random battles of the bands with another band who acts like terrorists that are slightly more competent than COBRA...

When you take Jem to its simplest form, she is not simply "80s Hannah Montana". SYNERGY is a HUGE part of JEM. It's like Money and Determination for Bruce Wayne, The Power of Grayskull for He-Man, The Transforming into vehicles thing of the Transformers.
I'm going to post the lyrics to Jem's theme:
Jem is excitement.Ooh! Jem!
Jem is adventure.Ooh!
Glamour and glitter,
Fashion and fame.
Jem is truly outrageous,Truly, truly, truly outrageous.Woah! Jem!
The music's contagious, outrageous!
Jem is my name,No one else is the same!Jem is my name!
But we're The Misfits,
Our songs are better!
We are The Misfits,The Misfits,And we're gonna get her!Jem!
The music's contagious, outrageous!
Jem is my name,No one else is the same!Jem is my name!Jem!
The trailer for the movie lacked: Excitement and Adventure, which are needed for Jem, since it's on the FREAKING LYRICS!!

three examples of the outlandish situations that Jem, the Holograms and other characters of the show get into.
We could say that these exciting adventures are Truly Outrageous! Almost as crazy as say, 2 American Soldiers running around Paris in Iron Man suits, while trying to stop terrorists who want to destroy the Eiffel Tower.

Also as seen on one of the clips, the Misfits are not above of attempting to murder Kimber because she kissed a guy. Also, has a list of crimes committed by the Misfits. (they mention Kimber's attempted murder too! btw) The Misfits are trying REALLY hard to get Jem (and possibly kill her) Meanwhile in the trailer, there was no hint of this rival band who HATES Jem and the Holograms.

Now the repeated lyrics Jem is my name, no one else is the same... Why is that?
Freaking Holograms, man!! though now in the 21st Century we KINDA have a Real Life Jem

Using the same effects as the VOCALOID concerts we could have had a slightly more grounded in reality JEM.
Outlandish adventures, concerts that use effects that blur the line between reality and fantasy, a Romantic Triangle between a Heroine, her Secret Identity and a man. That is closer to the JEM we needed...

The saddest part of this not Jem movie is that WHEN it flops, it'll send a message that movies based on toys for girls simply do not sell. The message will not be that an incompetent director used a script for a different movie and gave it a "jem palette swap" from a writer who is competing with Justin Marks. That the producers had a "Student Film budget" to make this outlandish movie, which made it impossible to deliver something good. THAT is what pisses me off the most. These dickweeds mess with a brand with potential and instead of delivering a soulless product that will fill seats. we get a freaking LIFETIME Movie...

May 12, 2015

*expletive deleted* you Jem movie!

Hello, I'm not the Nostalgia Critic, but I'll bitch about it so you don't have to... but you're totally welcome to bitch about the Live Action Jem movie!

Eric Raymond creates Jem...
Jerrica is basically Miley Stewart...
Plot seems like a rip-off of

crossed with

but with Zero of this:

Seriously, there is NO Synergy, as in the Super computer that can create Hard Light illusions and Holograms (hence the name Jem and the Holograms)
The ONE Thing that Makes Jem stand out from all the other "secret popstars" or "popstardom movies" is that she has this sci-fi borderline magical element that makes her work!
Synergy is crying on the inside...
This simply shows that the people behind the movie DID NOT UNDERSTAND JEM... I know I bitched about this earlier today. I just didn't count on the Trailer showing up and cementing my fears.
Jem has become a Generic Musical movie... Seriously, I think the movie's plot is similar to an Episode of Saved By The Bell...
Truly Outrageous!
So, here's a message from Ahnuld directed towards this Movie, Jon Chu and Scooter Braun!

Hideo Kojima triggers people!

Waiting until September 1st is killing me! 112 more days until The Phantom
Pain... Well, Play Arts Kai does the MGSV figures...

People (mainly SJW-types) have been triggered by this Quiet Action figure that happens to have softer material on her breasts that allow a more realistic depiction of them (seeing that they can be pushed and lifted, according to Kojima).

The SJW brigade went in full outrage mode, because they only have full outrage mode as the way to reply. I'm guessing that most of them are not action figure collectors. They quickly think SEX, SEXIST, SOGGY KNEES, PAY TREE ARE KEY! and miss out on what this means from an action figure collector's point of view.

What is that point of view? More realistic sculpts and poses. Before anyone tries to bring in 100% anatomically correct toys with properly working sex organs, stop. Breasts are rather soft in real life. This softer Material for them would allow more realistic poses without two Hard mounds of plastic getting in the way. I see the potential in this. Can you picture softer biceps  that would react to the elbow being bent Or pectorals on male figures reacting to the arms and allowing for better poses like say a Barbarian gripping a sword with two hands.
Eventually we could reach a point where Figures become mostly Seamless WITHOUT relying on bendy wire skeletons. That would be a great advance for Action figures, not this SJW whinefest.

I love comments that state that no one over 13 years of age would be interested in a feature like that...

I honestly want to know what 13 year old has enough disposable income to buy a $100+ figure (+S&H) from a game that hasn't hit stores yet. This Action Figure will not be sold at most stores, just like most Play Arts toys it will be online only or on some specialty stores (and resold at redonkulous prices by your Local Comic Book Shop.)

This is what bugs me the most about these people: The bitch, whine, throw fits about things that are IRRELEVANT in the grand scheme of things. They call themselves "activists" and "people who try to make the world a better place", yet they're whining about ACTION FIGURES AND VIDEOGAMES!!!

More Truly Outrageous info! Jem Movie related, duh!

No, no no, no, no, no, no! This is sounding worse than Sharknado!
Yes, Jem and the Holograms is sounding WORSE than Sharknado with every bit of news that comes out!

Why oh why, do I think this? Let's see:

"It's actually about a group of young people who are going to be inundated with this idea of fame and fortune and products and stuff, and within all that, how do you stay true to who you really are?" "That's the real soul of the movie."-John M. Chu
 That doesn't sound THAT bad... I mean, that's pretty much what every musical artist who reaches stardom has to deal with, like Chu's "Golden Boy" Justin Bieber. The part that bothers me is that THAT is the "Soul of the movie". I think the  "soul" should be Jerrica's struggle to keep her normal life as Jerrica AND her SECRET POP STAR Life as Jem going without both lives crashing with each other. Not to mention avoiding getting killed (as either Jem or Jerrica) by the Misfits, who are slightly more competent terrorists than COBRA.

Jerrica is definitely a 21st-century sort of girl, Chu says. She's shy and scared to use her voice after the death of her father, who taught her guitar and would call her "Jem," yet still finds ways to make music even though she's frightened of the stage.
What the Fu Hell!? It's official, Chu doesn't get JEM at all! This stage fright thing is BS. but wait there's more...

However, her talent is discovered and even though she doesn't want to be "out there" as a musical superstar, Jerrica is forced to embrace the over-the-top Jem alter ego in order to take care of her family and bandmates, says Peeples. "She never wanted to pursue the big costumes, lots of makeup, all that stuff. But in a way it helps her hide and have the confidence to come out and be this persona."
Still, Chu adds, Jerrica worries that people will judge her because she doesn't see herself as Jem. "We see the transformation as she gets brought into it, getting seduced by it, and at the same time trying to find her real self in between those two identities."

 Wait... Makeup, costumes... This is making my Spider-Sense tingle... It almost sounds like there is no Synergy... That would be like taking Bruce Wayne's Money, the Spider to Peter Parker, or the Power of Grayskull from Adam... Also, this is starting to sound like something else... Dust off clip HM-1123-92 Spike!

Jem is starting to sound a lot like a Hannah Montana movie instead of a Jem movie. Where's the whole struggle to keep control of Starlight Music from the Ruthless Eric Raymond? Not to mention funding the Starlight House (which Raymond axed the funding to the Starlight Foundation). Movie Jem is starting to sound like a Miley II.

Ryan Guzman co-stars as the love interest Rio, while Juliette Lewis is the film's chief antagonist Erica Raymond, a Starlight Music record executive and the kind of person "tempting you with everything you really do want and need deep down somewhere in your dark place," says Chu.
Wait wait wait! ERIC Raymond is no longer a man!? This is BULL $#!+ and why in the name of all that is holy would they change an evil man into an evil woman!? Doesn't Chu know that Women being evil is a sexist trope!? Do I need to remind him what SJWs did to Joss Whedon? They forced him out of Twitter for a little while by sending him tons of hate. (He denies that he left because of them, but the hate they sent is still real)

All jokes aside, WHY would they change a male villain into a female villain? The triumph of Jem and the Holograms seems bigger when they beat the evil ERIC Raymond, because he IS a man, because of the female empowerment themes that were in the 80s cartoon (not to mention that Christy Marx is a feminist, IIRC). Now with Eric becoming Erica we have an issue where Jem and the Holograms defeat another woman and it will likely receive a strong backlash from Jem fans and feminists. (Not all Jem fans are feminists and not all feminists are Jem fans so they're two separate groups with some being members of both.)

The director is incorporating fans' contributions into the movie, asking them to submit performance videos and sing the praises of the old cartoon for use as a sort of "crowdsourced Greek chorus."
The "Creativity Kickstarter" was basically to get FREE FOOTAGE TO USE IN THE MOVIE...
Suddenly Wiseau's Grand Opus is starting to look better...

The key for Chu was finding a way to explore the Jerrica/Jem dynamic in 2015. "How can you even have a secret identity with all this social media?" the director asks. "But then it dawned on us: Wait, everybody has a secret identity. The idea of 'Who are you really?' is more relevant today than ever.
"That's what inspired me to say, 'Let's roll the dice and try to make this movie.' "

That's how you get the Jerrica/Jem Dynamic done! But since the movie only had like $500 in budget, we get a low-budget crappy movie that is making Fan-Films look a lot better. When you have a borderline Magical Holographic Projector that can create Hard Light holograms via earrings, you can pretty much have a secret ID in 2015. With it both Jem and Jerrica could be seen at the same time and help hide the secret. Seeing as Synergy is a super advanced computer, it could easily manage Jem's facebook, twitter, etc. when Jerrica is NOT using them as Jem.

May 9, 2015

MOTU Art book Review

Reviewing an Art Book of He-Man is a daunting task.
Especially if I talk ill about the book, I'll have a He-Man sized man break me...

So, Buy the damned book or else Dolph Lundgren will break you!

OK, he will not personally go and break you, but you should get the book. It's a nice collection of art and some info regarding the art of He-Man through the ages.

Yes, there is a section on it where Scott Neitlich talks about MOTU, because whether you like him or not, he IS part of MOTU History.

I mention the Neitlich part because before the book was out there was a discussion about it on facebook and some dude was bitching and moaning about the book having the involvement of Val Staples (from the 2002 comics) and Scott Neitlich in it he was NOT going to buy the book. To me this is not a reasonable choice to not get the book, but it's his choice. Don't be like him, you'll miss out on a 93% great book. There's a lot of great stuff in that book, except the final chapter of the book that I disliked. The chapter is called The Evolution of a Universe.
On this chapter we see a section where Mattel is throwing out sketches of ideas about He-Man and where to take the brand. Many of the sketches and ideas MISS the point of MOTU. (Then again, Mattel kinda missed the point of MOTU during their New Adventures development era, which can be seen on the book.)

There is very little on the PoP and New Adventures areas of the book, which is a shame... New Adventures has ZERO art pieces from the cartoon and that's a shame.
Aside that, the book has a lot of stuff that you will enjoy if you're a MOTU fan.

Note: I am in no way associated with the publishers of the book and no, I do not get any money for promoting the book. I have spoken and/or had written communication with many of the contributors on the book due to them being members of's forums and/or Hemanworld's forums. Some have even been guests on Council of the First Ones and Emiliano Santalucia from the Power and Honor Foundation has corrected me on some erroneous Information that I've said on a past rant.

May 8, 2015

It Came From Shapeways Round 2:

Fans do what Mattel Won't...
I got myself a trio of Shapeways Items, but this time around I'll only share 2 ahead of time. The Third one will be revealed once I finish doing some stuff to it and to the character it will go with.

The First Item comes from derWaffenmeister.
 As you can see, it's the DC Power Sword, the Larger version of it to be precise.
As you remember, I mentioned that My King He-Man lacked his official sword and he was carrying a custom sword I made ages ago.

Now My He-Man has a Kingly Sword with the Secondary He-Man emblem on the sword's hilt. This completely fits with the bunch of Logos he is carrying on his clothes.

I can't believe that I'm liking the DC design of the sword more, when I see it with King He-Man. I tried it on a younger He-Man but it didn't look right for me.

The Next Item is from DJ Force's Weapon's Forge! It's the Role Playing Electronic Power Sword from the (New Adventures of) He-Man line.
I got this sword for a single reason:
The unofficial coming of Dare: Heir to the Power of He-Man or He-Ro II: Son of He-Man this December... but this is just a rumor, nothing official. (but Nepthu and Plundor were rumors too!)

Glow in the Dark paint was used on the blade, which makes it glow in the dark... obviously.
I must comment on how DJForce captured the toy look perfectly! It even has the on-off switch on the handle that the toy had. The sword is made for the wider grip NA He-Man hand and it may warp the normal hands, but since Dare will be the owner of the TOY Sword (it's how I can be disrespectful to the SOH concept) because the brat doesn't deserve a real power sword, I don't care if i warp his hand.
I had to use 4 coats of GITD green and white to create the glowing blade. Sadly, my camera sucks ass at taking pics in the dark with no flash...

Like I said before, shapeways Items may be a bit expensive, but they are worth it for displays. The third item is pretty solid too! I'll only give out where I got it for now...

I've seen so many things on shapeways and not necessarily MOTU related that have made me say: Shut up and take my money! that it's not even funny! So far the MOTUC 3D Art Masters have helped me enhance my collection! Maybe soon they'll help you out enhance your collections!

May 7, 2015

Matty's SDCC reveals are whelming

It's that time of the year again! Mattel has graced us with SDCC Reveals... Tis the first time they do this since The guru returned to the Planet, was Banished to the Shadow Realm, went to the Next Dimension, pulled a Chuck Cunningham, you get the idea.

Meh, on Court Room Egon... Because I am not into the GB line. It helps padding the Court Room figure set. (Ray and Peter)

Now the MOTUC Item... It's the damned Energy Zoids... I failed by a year...

I kinda get that Rotar has legs, because he had them before the accident, but Twistoid?


Trap Jaw Legs?

This is where Mattel has failed...
Trap Jaw legs are overused. We have Blast Attack legs, Flogg Upper Legs + Mosquitor Lower Legs, or Horde Trooper Legs that would have been a better fit for twistoid than the freaking Trap Jaw legs...

They better be removable...
Oh, they are... Looks like I may be able to dodge a bullet here and have the TOP MEN be TOP... MEN...

It Came from the Toy Chest: Is it wrong to want a figure of his mommy?

The Final (fantasy) Item of the Miss M prize pack is none other than Sephiroth...

I went with a video because I karaoked the hell out of One Winged Angel on the review.
My camera went Potato mode on me. I had to do it on video because of the karaoked song...

May 6, 2015

It Came from the Toy Chest: If Cloud was more Emo, he'd be Vincent

But if Vincent was more Emo, he'd be Squall! Yes, I'm doing Vincent now, thanks to Miss M's Prize pack I'm now hooked on FFVII figures... I even tried to play my PC game again, but stupid ass Cloud Saving reverted me back to Junon from Corel... In any case here's the Advent Children version of the Former TURKS Agent, Vincent Valentine.

If you haven't played FFVII since the 1990s, well here's a recap on Vinny!

Former Agent of ShinRa's special Unit the TURKS. He was wounded by the mad scientist Hojo and was experimented on. To be fair, Hojo shot Vinny because he was going to butt in on the whole JENOVA/Human Hybrid Experiment with Hojo and Lucrecia... because he fell in love with Lucrecia and Hojo wanted to make a JENOVA/human hybrid the old fashioned way.
The Threequel to FFVII, Dirge of Cerberus expands on the whole experiment thing. Chaos being the Silver Surfer to Omega Weapon's Galactus.

Vincent is an Older figure (compared to Dissidia Cloud) and has more Traditional Articulation.
and I marked it on the pictures because he's not the standard figure I often review here... (MOTUC)

Due to his cloak, his Arm Articulation is hindered severily. His Thighs/hips are a bit painful to move.


Paint and Sculpt:
He looks less like the AC/DC version of Vincent... I mean Advent Children/Dirge of Cerberus and more like Traditional FFVII.
The details are there, including the gun with the 3 barrels and chain with the 3 headed dog on the butt of the gun.
There are no visible paint flaws on my Vincent.
clear bands are holding Cloud's blade


Vince gets a Stand, which is a good thing. A single extra Right hand to wield Cerberus vs. the default open hand.
Cerberus... that has a real chain for the pendant.

Vincent gets a 3.67 as his final score. It's a decent score for an older figure. the newer, more expensive and even more detailed Vincent blows this one out of the water, BUT I prefer this one because it's closer to his FFVII standard look.

Now looking for FFVII versions of the remaining characters is giving me a haato attaku... It's only the girls and Red XIII. No signs of a FFVII version of Barret... Only the AC version of him. I've not seen ANY version of Cid (Blonde Pilot from VII, who uses a Spear.)

The Kingdom Hearts versions of Sephiroth, who I have my reasons to get. OK it's to make N*Sync jokes... is untouchable...
Also KH Cloud is Vincent levels of Emo Cloud...
Pic below!

May 5, 2015

It Came from the Toy Chest: Or it came from Miss M's toy Chest round 1

I managed to acquire a few Items from Miss M, from Diary of a Dorkette and they will be featured in the next few rants/reviews... Except Ms. Targaryen, because she has already been featured.

In this Round, I shall tackle the "oddities" by oddities I mean, It's NOT a Final Fantasy VII Character... and has not been featured before.

I shall start with the Lego Series 13 Blind Bag Mini Figures Space Marine dude...

I cannot review the LEGO Mini Figure as a normal action figure because:

a) It is a standard Lego Mini Figure (Standard Articulation, Paint and Sculpt)

b) I have an immense lack of LEGO stuff to compare it to.

I have to say that the little dude is a badass! Comes with two guns for dual wielding action!
He kinda reminds me of the Doom Guy!
I mean look at the Doom Guy and the Lego Figure...
The Resemblance is there...

Oh no! I'm feeling an urge to recreate Doom Levels in LEGO...

Oh wait someone already did... damn!

Item #2 in our "Oddities Round" is none other than I Am Elemental's "Element of Honesty"

This is a tough one to review. It's an action figure for girls, which I believe there is nothing wrong with that. It's more that it reeks of SJW Friendly Experimental Toy than an actual action toyline for girls.  There is my main beef with the toyline... It's slightly less bad than the Lammily issue... Newsflash! Barbe NEEDS those unnatural proportions on her body in order for her dresses to fit and look somewhat normal on the doll. One must remember that while the Doll is on a smaller scale than a human, the FABRIC USED for the doll clothes is the same fabric used on clothes for us... (closely related to why I hate cloth capes on action figures)

but back on the IamElemental topic, why do I call it an SJW friendly Experimental toy?
Let's look at some headlines on news Articles talking about this toyline:
Finally, an Action Figure That Won't Make Girls Hate Themselves- Slate
 Another "Media creates harmful images of women" title... If your child hates herself because of Barbie's unnatural body proportions or airbrushed/photochopped photos of already hyperskinny people in magazines, then

For some Reason, Boys are bombarded with "Problematic Body images" through toys, movies, TV shows, Videogames, yet MOST seem to be able to not be affected by these Super ripped Muscular Adonises... (there could be some cases of people who try roids to look like Hulk, but those are super rare) 
Again, my French language Skills are non-Existent, but that kinda reads Feminist Superheroes Against Barbie. Why is Barbie some sort of super villain now? She strives to be EVERYTHING you want her to be. Veterinarian, check! Scientist, check! Movie Star, check, check, check! Super Heroine, Check!
Girls' Action Figures With A Realistic Breast-To-Hip Ratio- Forbes
 Oh come on! There's nothing else that can be said about this toys other than that? I mean, what's the background for these characters, what makes them tick? Also, what kind of kid talks about breast to hip ratios?

Story from the IAmElemental site:
IAmElemental started with two friends – and moms – who were frustrated by what they saw and, more importantly, didn’t see in the toy market. Lots of dreaming, planning, brainstorming and one big courageous leap later, IAmElemental was born.
The IAmElemental Team mission is to create toys for play experiences that allow girls (and boys) to envision themselves as strong, powerful and connected beings at the center of a story of their own making.
We believe that when we tap into the power that exists inside us all, the extraordinary is always possible.  As a result, IAmElemental Action Figures were designed to accomplish three goals.  First, they are intended to be a positive and fierce re-interpretation of the traditional female action figure.   Second, IAmElemental action figures encourage girls (and boys) to reinvent the Superhero myth by creating their own empowering stories.  Third, the IAmElemental Team created a toy that is super fun to play with and collect. We knew from the outset that if the figures weren’t well designed, nothing else would matter.
After a highly successful launch on Kickstarter in May of 2014, the IAmElemental Team shipped Superpowers to customers in all fifty states and six continents by year’s end.
The response has been incredible. We have received photos, stories, and sketches from girls (and boys) all around the world who are incorporating the action figures into their play routine. They are fighting bad guys, wrestling dinosaurs, dressing as their favorite powers, and plotting their Halloween costumes; fully embracing their new roles as Superheroes. The collector community has been equally supportive. They appreciate the sculpt, the articulation, the paint out, and the obvious care put into the figures.
Happily, we’ve acquired some new fan clubs along the way as well. Teachers are weaving the IAmElemental notions of Character development into their teaching plans. Therapists are incorporating the figures into their play therapy sessions with young children. And grandparents, inspired by the message built into the play experience, are buying them as gifts for their grandchildren.
It’s time to play with Power!™

Where to start?  It's time to play with Power? I wonder if Nintendo can sue?

THERE IS NO FREAKING CANON!! How can you be invested in a BLANK SLATE who has no real motivations for her actions. We don't even KNOW what she does aside "making others tell the truth". OK she has a nice Bird Wing backpack, so she flies around making people tell the truth. How can making others tell the truth can help someone if they're say, being attacked by a bear? Having a blank slate character isn't so bad... I mean, look at Link!

Not that one! The one from the games. While Link has the personality of a brick, the story is what keeps you invested in the game, or the gameplay...
Here we have nothing. We'll we see a site the likes of say, The Technodrome, Hiss Tank or He-Man dot Org for IAmElemental in 20 years?
I doubt it, unless they are willing to betray their Hyper PC principles in order to become something else... a Toyline with a story. Instead of me spending all that written space talking about the canon of the line, the only story I got was about the people behind the line and how their SocJus idea became a successful story on Kickstarter.

I need to talk about the actual toy somewhere and I might as well start here.

Head on a Balljoint, balljoint shoulders, elbows, knees and thighs, the end. She can stand and kinda squat, but I seem to be having an issue with her falling all the time if she is not standing straight.

Paint and Sculpt:
Paintjob is nice. Very little slop... Color choices are very PC and at the same time very sexist. Pinks, Purples, Truquoises and reds... Very Girly colors. The PC color is the ridiculously LOUD shades of red for the skin in order to avoid "racial discrimination" via toys. (Except the gun-toting Fear, who is purple and could be interpreted as the black one... and roll the clip!)
The sculpt, well... It's bland. Looking at the picture of ALL 7 figures of this line and they all seem to have the SAME FACE, but different hairstyles The body is exactly the same one. It may have more "realistic proportions" but it is teaching girls that they ALL NEED TO HAVE THE SAME BODY TYPE...  As I uploaded the pic comparing Not Applejack to Firestar, I noticed that her suit creates a shadowy area of the "Excess area that is stopping Honesty from having a Traditional Superheroine physique".

Cool Wing Backpack and Lame Element Shield that can be used as a charm on the special IAmElemental Charm Bracelet... Way to break stereotypes with girls by having a Charm Bracelet idea. She also has a little pouch to put away the figure and 2 cards. In my case they were two of Honesty.

Honesty, who is technically a contradiction, because she wears a domino mask and masks are used for covering, hiding, deception; gets a 3.5 as her final score. Now as much as I detest the idea of SJWs trying to enforce Hyper PC on fields that PC is counterproductive, I have to applaud the IAmElemental team for putting their money where their mouths were and made the toys. Not to mention that the toys aren't that bad themselves from a engineering pov. It's the lack of thought OUTSIDE the SocJus bubble that went into these toys.
Funny thing is that these ladies are somewhat compatible with some Hasbro Marvel Universe toys. The Potential for this Toyline. It just needs a bit of canon, some story to give these toys a purpose other than Social Experiment. More body types would be welcome. (they did make emphasis on body type)

I want to end this super-long-winded rant on a positive note, but the only thing I can think of is Round 2 is FFVII's very own Vampire... VINCENT!!! Or maybe I'll Do Sephiroth... Decisions, decisions.