Tommy Wiseau is back...

 In the director seat with hos newest film: Big Shark...

Yes, this is Tommy Wiseau's newest film and I don't know what to think... I mean, we know that at best it's a B-Movie that feels like a crappy Sharknado knock-off. The problem is that I don't know if Wiseau is going to be making it intentionally cringy, campy and crappy while claiming it's always been a horror comedy from the get go, or if like The Room, he's seriously attempting to make a horror movie and ends up being unintentionally cringy and campy.  If it's the latter, it would make for a better movie. But if he's making it bad on purpose, then it defeats the whole charm that his previous movie had. The Room was bad due to Wiseau bing inexperienced and unwilling to compromise, because he was the star, director, writer, producer, etc. Now after having multiple appearances in movies and shows, Wiseau is back with this campy horror movie... 

I swear if there isn't at least one of these lines in the movie I'm gonna scream:

"Oh hi shark!"

"It's tearing me apart, Lisa!"

(Taunting the shark) "Cheep, cheep cheep, cheep!"

"Don't touch me motherfucker!"

If they all make it in that's how I know that Tommy Wiseau was being purposely cringe.

The Room is getting a remake...

 Nobody is playing the role of Johnny. I mean if you're a teen who likes to watch people having sex, but need your tuition paid, better call Johnny... because it's all good, man!

Get it? It's Saul Goodman... Bob Odenkirk is playing Johnny in the Remake of The Room. Apparently, this is for aiding a non-profit organization, the foundation for AIDS research. It's a good thing, but I'm afraid that there is one person who may rain on this parade.

The human bean known as Tommy Wiseau. Allegedly, this remake didn't consult with Wiseau Films...

But seriously, I want to see this, especially with all the hilarious Wiseau lines done by Odenkirk... lines like:

I did not hit her it's not true it's bullshit I did not hit her I did not oh hi Mark.

Let's  go eat huh.

Anyway how's your sex life

Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheeeep.

Tbe Room is OFFICIALLY on YouTube!

Hai babe! I have something for you!
Tommy Wiseau... yes that Tommy Wiseau uploaded The Room on his YouTube channel. The tragic story of Johnny a banker who was betrayed by his best friend and his future wife. If for some reason you have been living under a rock for the past 20 years the room is the movie that inspired THE Disaster Artist movie with James Franco.

Now whenever I want to see The Citizen Kane of bad movies I don't need to go to sketchy Internet site it's officially on YouTube for free.
Enjoy!

Saw the Tomb Raider reboot movie...

I wasn't impressed by it. OK it was better than the cradle of life... and the other Angelina Jolie Tomb Raider movie, but it felt bleh... It feels closer to the game, but how can I describe the movie...


Let me number my issues with it:
Lara is already empowered. The appeal of Nu Lara is that she's an average girl forced to Man-up and become a survivor. This Lara is an extreme cyclist who happens to practice MMA in her spare time. She's already a super badass before reaching the island.
It takes almost an hour for Tomb Raider to start Tomb Raiding. There are some elements that act as a tribute to the 2013 game peppered in, mainly the river escape and some pickaxe work near the end. The movie felt like a watered down Indiana Jones meets Hunger Games.

I wanted the movie to succeed, but it was rather bland and uninteresting.

At least The Disaster Artist did not disappoint. James Franco played Tommy Wiseau eerily well. I had to keep reminding me that it wasn't Tommy, but James Franco.
The movie is basically a retelling of How Greg Sestero met the enigmatic Tommy Wiseau and ended up working in The Room. The movie does mock the eccentricities of Tommy, but at the same time it comes from a place of admiration towards Wiseau.

The movie made me want to see The Room redone with the cast from The Disaster Artist... I didn't realize that Chris R was Mr. high school musical himself. I know I mentioned it back when the cast was chosen, but I kept forgetting the known actors playing the roles.

Stephen Hawking is dead... And other stuff.

I kinda have to mention this, otherwise, I'd have to return my nerd credentials. The scientific community is obviously grieving. We lost one of science greats, a man who faced huge adversity and paved the way for others to achieve greatness. He helped popularize science and mathematics and was, no, IS an inspiration to many in science fields (and fans of science fiction). My condolences to his family.

The internet has delivered this delicious nugget of WTF

Yes, it's Tommy Wiseau as the Joker.
Personally, I believe that he was born to play Morbius... But in any case, something to cheer you up.

It's Pi Day! Pi Day! Gotta get down on Pi Day... I'm so eating Pie today...

Rebuilding The Room

The Disaster Artist is not coming to Puerto Rico. I'll have to wait until it comes out on Blu-ray. So to get my appetite for The Room I rewatched the movie. Saw multiple reviews and began pondering, what IF The Room was directed by someone else. What if someone else played Johnny. Someone else did a small project, as I was searching for a transcript of the movie to do my own edit. They did an adaptation of the movie and culled a lot of the scenes that led nowhere, also a lot of stuff was changed. They even made Lisa somewhat sympathetic. The only choice I disagree with is the ending. Other than that, it almost shows the potential that the source material has.

The main problems with the original movie are Repetitive dialogue and plot points that are pointless, not to mention Tommy Wiseau, who at the time wasn't skilled enough to pull off what he originally intended. Which is why the movie is unintentionally funny. I wanted to rewrite The Room, polish the Polish out of it... Yes, it's a pun on the rumored Polish origins of Wiseau. I wanted to cull some of the repetitive dialogue/scenes, fix some dialogue issues... First introduce the word fiancee to it. Condense Claudette scenes, fix the flower shop scene. Reenact some of the scenes done multiple ways to prove my point. From over the top acting (think Bison), super subdued, a naturalistic approach, and horrible Wiseau impressions as close as possible as the original one. Unfortunately, logistics (time and money) got in the way.

I still wish more people attempt to "fix" or rebuild The Room.

Odds and ends July 18, 2017

I wasn't going to keep on going with the whole 13th Incarnation of the Doctor... I believe it's a mistake doing it now, because it's blatantly obvious that this is Pandering to the SocJus crowd. Had this been done when 10 turned into 11, it would've made more sense, from a storytelling point. Also, doing it back then would have beaten the Tumblr campaigns.

"The Master did it" defense doesn't work either, BECAUSE The Master has also been Eric Roberts (as in Julia's Brother) and a Space Worm... Well, there's the precedent for the Murican Doctor and the Space Worm Doctor... Hell, if he can change age and gender, why not having a Female Teen as The Doctor... Like a Girl Version of Wesley Crusher!! Then we make her African Latin American cause SocJus points! This sounds ridiculous, well, a certain perennially offended feminist pop culture critic, who is known to be a bully pretending to be a victim... Yes, good ol' 'Nita! She hates the Female Doctor because she is HWITE...

It’s not as if you fix the “woman” problem, THEN the “race” problem, THEN the “queer/trans” problem, etc. It all has to happen in tandem.

I kinda have an issue with this tweet. The Doctor Married River Song... The Doctor is now a woman married to River Song... No longer a hetero couple. The Doctor was a man and is now a woman... Queer/Trans kinda checked? Since the Doctor is no longer male, then he's a woman... a trans woman and not hetero... that's 2 out of 3 sister... Also, Bill was black, woman, and gay, so Yahtzee?

But seriously, when even St. 'Nita of Sarkenjosh is against FemWho, the BBC dun goofed!

Now to wash off the bad flavor off, here's the trailer for The Disaster Artist!


If this is the story on how we got THIS:

I so want to see the movie NOW MORE THAN EVER... We all know how I feel about The Room. I kinda wish Wiseau would let the Cast of The Disaster Artist to remake The Room.


Transformers is getting a new series... and it features an odd voice cast.
We got Optimus Prime as Optimus Prime... and yes, I mean Peter Cullen...
Judd Nelson is Hot Rod once again... That insufferable friend of 'Nita, Hwil Hweaton is Perceptor, Worf is Fortress Maximus, THE Power Ranger is in this as well... The weirdest part of the voice cast is:

Freaking Dachie... Also this will be in the craptacular go90 service... but seriously, DashieGames?

I'm not gonna touch the stupid comment by John Boyega about Game of Thrones... Seriously, what's next not enough black people in Japanese works? I could've sworn I've seen black people in Game of Thrones... Also how many black people are in Star Wars?
Mace Windu, Lando Calrissian, Willrow Hood (Ice Cream Machine guy), Finn and that's it... Maz Kanata, while played by a black woman, it's a yellow alien, the Twilek Dancer, while played by a black woman, is a green alien... We all know Darth Vader is whiter than Powder, but he was voiced by James Earl Jones. So out of 7 Black Actors, only 4 are ACTUAL BLACK CHARACTERS... Why isn't he bitching about Star Wars? Hmmm?

Odds and ends 10/16/16 Rockstar Games and Batman stuff...

No, Rockstar Games is NOT Making a Batman game. It's just that One Article is about Rockstar and the other is about Batman... Not going for Clickbait here...




Rockstar's Logo is usually Taxi Cab yellow. This time it's Red... Why is that?
The Folks at Mashable have a nice theory. But to be honest, seeing the Rockstar Logo in Red it makes us think of


and some people remember the Previous Unrelated Red Dead Game...

Holy Ass Crackers! This theme was in Django Unchained!! But yeah, the RED Rockstar Logo screams Red Dead ______. Will they reveal a new Red Dead Game?
I also kinda want them to go blue...

But I understand that RDR is far more Popular than Canis Canem Edit, so it makes sense that it gets a sequel...

But, if This is true and it's not a troll then to quote Reggie Fils-Aimé My body is ready!

If this is a troll by Rockstar, then nice move dickholes!








Winds of Winter is still very far from our reach, but George R.R. Martin is having a new Book being Released!

A Game of Thrones: The Illustrated Edition... In honor of 20 years of A Song of Ice and Fire...

No, *expletive deleted* you, George R. R. Slowpoke Rodriguez is Faster than you Martin! We hope you don't die... AT LEAST until you finish the books... I also kinda hope not to die for a long long time (finish the books and other goals.) but the point is: You're not getting any younger. You still have 1 point something books to finish. You are prone to procrastinate since you have a dumb self-made rule: Only write at Home, yet you spend a LOT, and I mean A LOT of time outside your place. It makes sense that people worry about you not finishing the books. Especially since you're running out of books and the story has gone nowhere in the last two. It's obvious that you're just milking it now instead of FINISHING THE BOOKS, THEN MILK THE HELL OUT OF THEM!!! 20 FREAKING YEARS, MAN!!

So, the Batman Rant: Joe Manganiello is teasing us with a pic of Anna Kendrick. He's suggesting that she's Robin... I don't know... I don't see her as Robin... I mean, why jump straight to Carrie Kelly since we have seen no Dick nor Tim... Also, she could work as Oracle... That way we can skip action scenes that might look bad by having the Pitch Perfect Girl doing some stunts that will look obviously fake because it's the Pitch Perfect Girl. I don't want to bring the age thing, since she's 31 and Carrie's supposed to be 13... Why does that sound vaguely familiar... Also, 31 is a nice age for a Forcefully Retired Batgirl to be an Ultra Hacker who has kept tabs on Batman and his foes. Then again, this could be a joke pulled by Mr. Vergara.


Insert a The Room Reference here:

OK, It could have worked without ponies, but... to quote the Great Mills Lane, I'll allow it!
So, The Room... Starring Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero... The Batman and Robin of a bad movie that is so bad it turns good then bad and then good in an ironic way... Well, they're together again.

I want to see this so badly!! Supposedly, this was inspired by a road trip between Wiseau and Sestero. This film is so secret that it's not even listed on IMDB...

Ohai James Franco! Ohai! Tommy Wiseau!

You're tearing me apart, James Franco! Tommy Wiseau is contractually obligated to film a cameo for The Disaster Artist and you say that it may not even make it? Duuude! You got TOMMY WISEAU ON FILM... EVERYTHING HE DOES IS INCREDIBLY AKWARD (and Fun)

I just wish we could have like 30 minutes of Franco mimicking Wiseau... But the Cameo will be OK for me... Seriously, right after Civil War and Batffleck v. The Killer that no one cares about, The Disaster Artist is the movie I WANNA SEE!!

Ohai! James Franco playing Tommy Wiseau!

Remember James Franco? He got the rights to do a movie version of The Disaster Artist, the book written by Greg Sestero... Better known in some circles as Hai Mark!

James, was supposed to play Tommy Wiseau... What I didn't expect was DAVE FRANCO playing ohai Mark! I mean, Greg Sestero...

Well, Kate Upton has joined this project as well.

And a bunch of people too!

If I recall Correctly This guy is in it as well:



And Peeta is in this as well...

I REALLY WANT TO SEE THIS NOW...
NO! I REALLY WANT TO SEE THIS AND DEMAND THIS CAST TO DO A REMAKE OF THE ROOM!!

Odds and ends Sept.7, 2015: Underwater Khal Drogo wants people to take him seriously.

Aquaman is a joke thanks to The Super Friends, but he's no joke in the comic... Jason Momoa wants you to take Aquaman seriously, because he's playing Khal Drogo underwater. Well, Aquaman is no joke, but now JASON MOMOA IS THE JOKE. He thinks that... you know what, I'll pull up the quote:

 We don’t want to just reinvent it, but [Snyder has] got a whole idea of what Aquaman should be and I’m really honoured to be playing it. I’m excited for the world to see it.

He believes in Zack Snyder... Also read key words Reinvent, Snyder, What AQUAMAN SHOULD BE... Zack Snyder couldn't even get Superman right and we're expected to believe that he can make Aquaman? By Making him an Underwater Khal Drogo? Ooh! That's edgy! I've heard rumors that Snyder's solution to WW and Aquaman will be...

Yup, Aliens, Kryptonians to be specific.
If this ends up to be true, then it would be a giant load of crap... I'm so angry that not even the Goldblum clip can cheer me up!!!

That rumor gives me fear... Sadly it would make sense if they go that way, seeing the ZSverse is trying to emulate the Nolanverse...(Not sure if Batffleck will be part of the Nolanverse continuity, or if MOS started a New Reboot of the DCCU)

Snyder not getting DC's greatest hero gives me little hope in the rest... Aside Batman, seeing that Affleck gets the character and will do his damned best to Apologize for Dare Devil... (Also we're stuck with him for 5 movies, better start liking Affleck, cause we'll get a ton of him.)

Seeing the pic of Momoa and how he's been typecast in "barbarian" roles, we can predict what we can expect from him... Yes, I once was interested in Momoa playing the role. Sadly, my attitude has shifted after reading Momoa's thoughts on the matter. I have no faith in him as Aquaman.

Aquaman NEEDS to show off his badassery on the mainstream. I'm just now more worried about the damage Snyder can do now... Please Batffleck, don't suck... We don't need to have another:


You know what? There is no way I can outdo this level of WTF... Only thing that could do it is Tommy Wiseau wanting to Direct Fantastic Four 2... Oh may Lawd he does! This is so messed up, Wiseau, completely known for directing a HORRIBLE MOVIE wants to make a sequel to another Horrible movie... You could make something pretty out of something horrible.

But this is Tommy Wiseau we're speaking of... Fox wouldn't give HIM a Chance... Honestly, he should go to Sony or Marvel and Demand to be Morbius.

Odds and ends November 3 2014

The Kaplan Bros. have made another Musical Masterpiece, huh! O hai! The Room Musical! Anyway, no i'm not going to do the How's your sex life quote.
This was a nice way to return to reality after the shocking Doctor Who from Saturday...


Holy Time Lord! That Tweest was surprising, but then it became incredibly obvious and I felt so stupid for not realizing it. I even thought that there would be Daleks thanks to that Dr. Skaro-sa. (Since Skaro is the name of the Dalek Homeworld and all that...) I'm not going to reveal the Identity of the Big Bad, for the sake of those who have not seen the episode. All I can say is that I did not expect that at the time.

F You Joe Quesada and Marvel! This Teaser has many of the Spider-man fans who quit Marvel due to Joey Q's Douche Mandates in anticipation. Here's the thing: I don't trust this too much. It could be a non-canonical mini series, or Disney is trying to reverse a Joey Q Douche Mandate. Seriously, Disney allowing the Flagship character of a franchise they own making a deal with the Devil and walking away scot-free seems highly unlikely. In any case, I'll wait and see...

Remember all the hulaballoo about the Breaking Bad toys? Well ANOTHER group of "angry Moms" have started another crusade. This time against the MEGA BLOKS HALO and Call of Duty sets. They are SLIGHTLY more sensible than the Dumb Florida Moron, because they want to move these sets to the "Adult Collector aisle" and away from the LEGO Duplo building blocks for Toddlers.

I'm torn on the issue: I'm against COMPLETE REMOVAL of those sets (even though I LOATHE HALO and DESPISE Call of Doody), but I'm not against moving those sets from the Small kids section. The problem I have is that putting them on the Adult Collector Aisle may entice younger Children to go there. Then Again:




and we came out alright... some of us still haven't gotten out of the toy buying business because #AdultsCollect Wait! I'm using a Hashtag correctly!? What's next A Duckface Selfie!?

The Room: The Rant

Finally, I did it... I caved in and re-watched The Room. I had watched

it once in the last decade, about 9-10 years ago. I was in college and 

many of my pals from that era were film students. They were into the 

indy movie scene. Somehow, I ended up with a group and saw The Room in 

a classroom. I didn't see the whole thing because I had to leave 

halfway through the movie (I had an Italian Test that Friday.) Now, I 

got a copy of the movie from a different friend and I'm ready to 

rantview it...

Yes, I'm aware that other folks have reviewed this movie and are 

better at expressing the issues with it. So, here is The Room: the 

Rant.

This is a Horrible Movie. It's awful, but the silver lining is the 

Music. Seriously, take a listen to the Title Theme. It has some bits 

that Remind me of The Legend of Zelda.

So, here's the thing. This is a Tommy Wiseau Film... Remember him with 

his ridiculous and tacky Memorial Day commercial? Well, the Tommy 

Wiseau in this movie is not the Self-Deprecating Tommy Wiseau. This 

Tommy Wiseau is directing a serious movie that he wrote, produced, and 

starred in. There will be spoilers!!

Wiseau stars as Johnny, a abnker who sees his world fall apart as life 

deals him some really crappy hands. So he arrives to his home where 

his girlfriend Lisa awaits. Some really awkward interactions lead to 

Lisa wearing a red dress that Johnny brought her. In pops in Denny... 

Some kid that hangs out at Johnny's for no real reason and cannot take 

a very obvious hint for him to get lost. (because upcoming sex scene.)

Wait, I get it... Denny KNOWS that sex will happen and he is ACTIVELY 

trying to cock-block Johnny.

Upcoming Sex Scene Resumes... They Foreplayed all the way into the 

night... or Horrible editing. The sex in this scene is horrible. It's 

so bad that it should be used in schools in order to teach 

abstinence!! Also, nude Tommy Wiseau helps. He kinda looks like a Wax 

Museum replica of Tommy Wiseau on a moderately warm room. Warm enough 

for the wax to start to melt, but not hot enough for it to fully melt.

Johnny leaves to work and Lisa's mother shows up. She talks to Lisa 

and tries to keep Lisa engaged to Johnny because of Money. Lisa 

doesn't love Johnny and finds him boring. What I find boring is the 

bad exposition given by Lisa's mom. She now leaves. Seriously, she 

came in for exposition and left immediately.

Lisa calls Johnny's friend, Mark... who is busy sitting on a car doing 

stuff. Mark is a bit stupid or dense. Mark shows up at Johnny's and 

Lisa throws herself at him, but he is TOTALLY CLUELESS. 

Mark FINALLY catches a drift of what's going on and tries to stop 

Lisa... He fails miserably and ends up having awkward and 

uncomfortable stair sex with Lisa. So much for not having sex with his 

Best Friend's Girlfriend.

"Why did you do this to me? Why?" Really? DUDE!! You could have walked 

away and not have sex with your best friend's girlfriend! You need at 

least two people to have sex! It's a good thing that Mark is vowing to 

not have... OH COME ON!!

OK, Infamous Scene coming up!

 I'll let the actual scene do the talking.

Lisa orders pizza half bacon and pineapple half pesto and artichoke, 

light on the cheese... Creeper Denny shows up!

That kid is a Sexual Harrassment PSA Creeper on two legs... and he 

leaves after sexually harrassing Lisa.

Johnny FINALLY arrives home with the flowers and he gets bummed after 

Lisa asks about his promotion.

Look Lady, If you ask him: "Did you get your promotion?" and he 

replies: "Naaaaah!" I'm pretty sure the answer is NO!!

Now, if you already ordered the Pizza, why ask him!? What would you 

have done if he had said: "Naaah! I'm in a mood for Tacos!"

So, non-drinker Johnny gets pressured into drinking and where the hell 

did the pizza come from!? I know she ordered it before Johnny came in, 

but she went to the kitchen to get the vodka and Presto! The Pizza 

arrived!? I am starting to doubt the verisimilitude of this story. 

Seriously, Lisa says: "If you want me, you'll drink it!!" What the 

Hell is Johnny a 14-year-old socially awkward geek trying to impress 

the head cheerleader!? You know they are drunk because Lisa is wearing 

Johnny's Tie as a bandanna and he says he's wasted. Lisa takes 

advantage of the drunken Johnny and Awkward Sex Scene strikes back... 

Wait, Wiseau went Filmation and Reused the past Sex Scene.

  

Lisa invites her Mother for a surprise party for Johnny. So, she 

quickly decides to go Bad News Barrett on her daughter, because she 

definitely has breast cancer... Lisa decides to one-up her mother by 

lying about him getting drunk and hitting her. Her mother's reaction? 

"Johnny doesn't drink!" Seems that Lisa's mom is a sort of Gold Digger 

worried about his money and stuff. I mean, she's not worried about her 

"Future son-in-law" hitting her daughter. She's more worried about her 

financial safety.

OK, What the Hell!? No one locks the Door to Johnny's house. So does 

everyone in San Fransisco come in here as they please? Two folks went 

into his house to have sex. Guess what happens next:

a)Long awkward scene of awkward sex on Johnny's couch

b)They leave discretely and no one finds out what happened there.

c)Lisa and her mom show up catching them kinda in the middle of 

awkward sex

d)Denny shows up hoping to have sex with Lisa

The Correct answer is C... Lisa's mom goes Meta and asks what are 

these characters doing in here!? *I'm asking the same thing myself.

I WAS KIDDING ABOUT DENNY SHOWING UP!! So, Denny meets the woman he 

hopes to have as a Mother-in-law. Lisa's mom also asks exactly what 

I'm thinking. So Denny wanted some "Sugar" (could be sex with Lisa, 

could be cocaine, or it could be actual sugar) OK, it's actual sugar. 

He needs Flour and half a stick of butter... He leaves without the 

items (and terrified of Lisa's Mom) We find out that Creepy Denny is 

the Dick Grayson to Johnny's Bruce Wayne. Awkward Candy Sexer forgot 

his boxers and got caught BADLY!! Seriously, the people in this movie 

just come and go randomly...

Some dude is threatening Denny on the roof. Chris R the Drug Dealer! 

The dude has a gun and is threatening Denny, but Johnny and Mark come 

to the rescue. Lisa and her mom show up on the roof and begin to 

chastise Denny. Johnny and Mark magically appear, I'm confused!

So, Mark is on his bedroom and Lisa is on the phone...

I swear, the characters are just as confused as I am!

Another infamous scene comes up!

What a story Mark! Poor Johnny, he doesn't realize that Lisa is 

sleeping with Mark! Denny shows up again, but this time is to talk 

with Johnny. Denny is in love with Lisa, but Johnny takes it lightly. 

He actually gives Denny a nice piece of advice!

Now Denny loves some girl named Elizabeth... didn't he declare his 

love for Lisa a few seconds ago!? "Let's go eat huh!"

Lisa is going again with the "Drunk Johnny" Routine. This time the 

person she told is her friend. I think it's the one who was having sex 

with Boxers dude. She is shocked that Johnny hits Lisa, but is more 

shocked that Lisa won't marry Johnny. Lisa's friend makes some 

foreshadowing statements... OoOoOoh! 

Infamous Scene Warning... YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, LISA!! Pblgh WHAT 

THE HELL!?

Johnny and Boxer Guy discuss the whole Boxer Guy scene on a background 

straight out of Final Fight or Streets of Rage. Johnny is pretty laid 

back about two people entering his place and having sex on his couch!

Denny shows up with a football. They play catch before Mark shows up. 

Mark knocks Boxer Guy and takes him home.

Lisa's mom and Lisa have their usual discussion. Johnny's money. I gotta say

Lisa's mom has some huge brass balls. A friend of hers needs money for 

a down payment for a house and Johnny is not too keen on the idea. Lisa 

goes with the "I don't Love Him" routine and her mother leaves. Johnny 

will Record EVERYTHING!!! 

Some other dude (Peter) shows up and Johnny tells him about his 

suspicions regarding Lisa's unfaithfulness. "Oh Hai Mark!" They 

vaguely discuss women and Johnny is worried if Lisa's going to marry 

him or not. Wait, didn't you say that she was unfaithful a minute ago?

Johnny tells Mark, Peter and (us) the story of how he met Lisa. Speak 

of the She-Devil, Lisa appears... with Denny. Lisa flirts with Mark 

and Denny stares awkwardly.

Peter and Mark hang out on the roof until Mark tries to Kill 

Peter.Wait, I thought weed mellowed you out! Oh my gosh! The lines are 

so horrible! "Why do you want to know my secret!? You're right, it's 

Lisa!" WHAT!? Gah! Kgh! URRRRRRGGGHHHH!!!

They get their Tuxedos and they go and play catch... Which makes no 

sense in the real world... It doesn't even make sense in the movie, 

but they do it anyway. I think the actor playing Peter quit in that 

scene and Wiseau kept it.

Another infamous scene coming up!

They promise to jog together and Johnny leaves...

Mark and Lisa have awkward sex one more tme. I guess Tommy Wiseau gets 

off with awkward sex on Johnny's bed. Next day it's Jogging/Playing 

catch with Johnny on the Park.

Mark returns to see Lisa and she tries to have sex with Mark but Mark 

(thankfully) gets cock-blocked by Michelle (Boxer Guy's girlfriend) 

who seems to have subtly proposed for a threesome and Mark leaves.

Lisa's bitch level is over 9000!!!

Johnny and Mark are jogging again... The point of this scene was???

Johnny leaves to work and bumps with Lisa's mom. We get another "I 

don't love Johnny" speech from Lisa and a "You should Marry Johnny" 

speech from her mom. This is making Kojima's messages look subtle. 

Lisa's mom drops another bomb. This one is even bigger than the Cancer 

Bomb that went nowhere. She married Lisa's father for the money, not 

for love.

Johnny gets a Surprise Birthday Party. Peter is not there because the 

actor quit. We get a rather long shot of San Fransisco as nate as a 

transition shot for no reason at all. Boxer guy and Michelle begin 

foreplay but Lisa cock-blocks them. She then sneds everyone except 

Mark outside. She begins to make out with Mark but some dude comes in.

Random dude does Foreshadowing...

While everyone is outside, Johnny drops the bomb that they are 

expecting (which is a lie from Lisa). Random dude and Boxer Guy's 

girlfriend try to make her tell the truth, because they're worried 

about Johnny. So, Lisa shoves everyone back in.

Lisa slaps Mark then it's Blanka vs Ken!

I mean Johnny vs Mark... Now one scene later it's ROUND TWO, FIGHT!!

"I Fed up with dis worl!"

Lisa and her mother have one more chat and Claudette leaves.

Lisa and Johnny argue through the door. Wiseau delivers one hell of a 

line! This line cracked me up!

She quickly calls Mark and they agree to meet up at Mark's. Finally 

Johnny comes out and brings up THE TAPE!! to hear the exact 

conversation we just heard. Lisa decides to leave Johnny. This leads 

to a Wiseau Tantrum with Flashbacks to make the transformation into 

the Incoherent Hulk more powerful. He finds the red dress from the 

beginning of the movie and humps it before tearing it up. Wait... 

Isn't that Chris R's gun!? Why does he have that!? Didn't they go with 

it and Chris R to the Police station!? That gun would be "Evidence" of 

a crime or something.

Johnny commits suicide. Mark and Lisa find the corpse. She asks him: 

"is he dead?" No, you dumbass, that pool of blood and brain matter is 

just corn syrup and Jell-O!! Mark leaves Lisa and blames her 

(rightfully) for Johnny's death.

Denny comes in and is shocked by Johnny's death. The End!

So, my thoughts on the movie... I mentioned that it's bad. I blame the writing. The notion that there are characters that come and go for no real reason, aside exposition, reeks of the script originally being written for a play. Notice how when there's more than two or three characters in a scene, there is always an excuse for the additional characters to leave. Like say, Boxer Guy and his girlfriend when Claudette and Lisa show up, or Johnny, Mark and Chris R when Claudette and Lisa show up.

then there's the overuse of Johnny's living room as a setting. I'm guessing this play was written with a very minimalist background in mind. Perhaps 2-3 props to refer to a change of location. The idea that it was written for stage could explain the weird concept of "football" that Wiseau has in the movie.

The movie is trying to give us a slice of life story, but this brings up too many unresolved plotlines or branches in the story. At the same time SOME of the characters/plotlines seem a bit too contrived to be a naturalistic story. (Most of the Denny plot elements come to mind.)

A LOT of the dialogue seems horrible and unnatural. (Made a lot worse by Tommy Wiseau's Weird accent and acting.) Just take another look at the Oh hai Doggy! clip up there!

It's badly written and even looking at it as a play, it has awkward pacing and it would require a MASSIVE REWRITE for it to work as a play or as a movie. It feels like a bunch of exercises from acting and directing classes put together in order to tell a story.
 The idea of a naive man's world falling apart from the betrayal of those who are closest to him IS one hell of a story... When told correctly, wehich this movie does not. Wiseau now claims that this movie is a "Dark Comedy", it is nawwt! He's trying to save face with the "Dark Comedy" when in reality he should accept that he made a horrible movie and try to improve himself. 

Do I Recommend this HORRIBLE movie?

YES! You need to see it at least once so you can know Unintentionally awful. There are parodies that are made awful on purpose (Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, etc.) Then there's The Room. If you have seen it, you don't need to torture yourself. If I were to rate it on a scale of 1-10 where 1 is bad and 10 is good, I'd say a 2.5 (mostly because of the music. If it wasn't for the music this would get a 0.5) 

Odds and ends: 5-8-14 With The Flash Ohai! Creepy Hannah Montana Actor!

That is an amazing bit of news! The Flash is Finally coming to the CW. Arrow is one Episode from the Season Finale... Now the Wait for not one but TWO shows on the CW has been intensified... I haven't been this excited with the CW, since it was called the WB and new seasons of Buffy were announced... Yeah, I wasn't a fan of Dullsville... I mean Supes' Creek, err... Smallville!

Sweet Niblets!

Moises Arias from Hannah Montana has turned a lot of people against him by posing shirtless with the Fresh Prince's daughter. Of course, Jada Pinkett-Smith did the mature thing and called the people who critiqued the photo "covert pedophiles". Then again, Jada defends Bieber's inexcusable behavior.
While the pic is rather tame, it CAN BE interpreted as creepy... Like that Old Pic of Miley Cyrus and her father, Billy Ray. The pic is rather tame with both of them fully dressed, but the pose is what is a bit off-putting.

The Pic of Willow Smith and Moises Arias IS a bit more off-putting than Miley's old pic due to the fact that they're both on a bed. Mr. Arias is sitting Shirtless, while Ms. Smith is kinda lying at his feet. the fact that she is 13 and he is 20 has raised some concerns... His "dat Ass face" doesn't help things. Had the background been a backyard, a beach, a lake, or any "public space" the creepy vibe would be a lot less. Not helping Willow's cause is her hanging out with the Jenner Girls (This is as close to the term Kar****ian will be on this blog...)

13 year old girl keeping up with an older crowd... This seems like a recipe for a disaster.

Speaking of Disasters... I've mentioned how James Franco has gotten the rights to adapt The Disaster Artist into a movie. Well, James Franco is going to do something incredible... He will play Tommy Wiseau in The Disaster Artist!! Holy crap! I need to get that Book... and I can't wait to see Mr. Franco doing some Wiseauisms

Max Steel and The Room, what a combo, Mark!

Let's step away from the Mitch Controversy for a minute and let's focus on some Movie News!!
Max Steel, no longer with the Actor who has an extreme allergic reaction to shirts is still happening!!
The leads are two semi-obscure actors. Ben Winchell as Max and Ana Villafañe as Sidney, the Love interest for Max in the movie (and in the 2013 reboot)


I'm not THAT Fond of the 2013 series. I fear that this movie might be what Mattel will use to test the waters, since Max Steel is an easier to make movie than say, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.
Thing is that the movie may need to do some explaining with the ongoing mystery on the TV Series. We also need the main Villain (betting on Dredd, not the judge, but Miles Dredd, Max Steel Villain) and the rest of the cast. Are they going to deal with Big Jim? Will they use Steel's VA to voice Steel?

Anyway how's your sex life?
I needed a Tommy Wiseau quote to make the transition to the next bit of news and Hai doggy is overused. (So is this one, but whatever.) James Franco, got the rights to adapt a certain book to Film  and that book is The Disaster Artist: My Life inside The Room, The Greatest Movie Ever Made by Greg Sestero...

known to most people as Mark from The Room

The Wiseau Mystery may have been solved!

Oh Hai! It's been a while since I've mentioned the one man who could pull off Morbius quite Easily for Amazing Spider-Douche 3!

Yes, I'm talking about Tommy Wiseau! A Redditor went all Cyber Sherlock and figured out from Where in the Universe Tommy Wiseau came from...

No, he is not an Alien from a dying race sent to Earth to become a modern day Jesus Figure... nor ALF!! He is an Earthling.

The Mystery of Wiseau is his origins. The man plays this card so close to his chest that it could embed it ON his chest. He claims growing up in Louisiana and traveling back and forth Between Europe and the US.

Here's the Reddit post where the theory is explained. The thing bothers me is NOT that the theory makes sense. It's WHY is he hiding who he is? The second oldest question in the Universe has been answered. Is the answer right? Is the answer wrong? There's only one way we can corroborate and get to the truth... and he ain't talking.

It kinda makes sense, I mean listen to this guy (with your eyes closed) and like it says in one of the comments on the reddit post. He sounds a lot like Tommy... He is not Tommy OK?

As much as he is criticized for his Piece of Cinematic History, he should be in more stuff... I mean, we've had plenty of Rob Schneider...

The Tommy Wi-Show...

Thanks to the guys at Studio8.net, Topless Robot, and my very own Assistant (a very smelly sock) I ended up with a Tommy Wi-Show season 1 on DVD (also a House that drips blood on Alex Shirt, seen on the Castaspella Review, 2 Theatre styled Posters of said short, and a very controversial choose your Adventure book) but I'm going to Review the Tommy Wi-Show... Well it was either this, or ramble on how much current era Stan Lee sucks compared to what he was back then... something something current era Stan Lee is an attention whore whose attention grabbing schemes make him seem desperate. Perhaps a rant for another day, but I need some comments demanding it, otherwise I won't do it... So, back to the Tommy Wi-Show...

So, what is the Tommy Wi-Show? It's a Videogame show starring Tommy Wiseau as T.W. and Brock LaBorde as Ahliennn (or as close as how Wiseau says the word Alien)... T.W. gets kidnapped by the Alien and is forced to play videogames.

Here's Episode 1: MOOOOOOOOOORTAL KOMBAAAAAAAAAAAT!!


Here's the thing that I realized after watching 7 out of 10 episodes of the Tommy Wi-show... I wasn't laughing with Tommy, I was laughing at him... but the problem is that he KNOWS We're laughing at him and he's playing us like a violin... He KNOWS he is known for awful performances...


This is Tommy Wiseau trying to deliver a serious performance... Look at the Tommy Wi-Show video and you can see that it's Tommy Wiseau playing a caricature of Tommy Wiseau's acting from The Room!

He KNOWS how he is disliked and how his Masterpiece is a Master Piece of crap!! (The Music is the best thing about the movie) Now he's just playing the role of a bufoon just to get the attention and possibly money... This gives Tommy Wiseau some layers...

Seriously, watch this Memorial Day video from him... He IS Mocking himself there, he KNOWS it and he KNOWS we'll enjoy it because it has hints of that Wiseau-esque acting.
He knows he's considered one of the worst actors/directors ever, so he plays the crowd by doing awful acting!

Now that he KNOWS it makes him slightly LESS Funny. It was funnier back when he believed he was doing a great job and was serious about The Room being a drama. Now I'm not sure if Wiseau really sucks ass at games or if he's playing badly for the crowd.

I hope this is the last time I have to deal with Tommy Wiseau... Well that is at least until I can get a copy of The Room Then I can make a review of THAT Movie...

O Hai! Review

Oh hai Nefty's house of rants readers! This is a review of The House that Drips Blood on Alex, a short film by the actor, director and producer of great comedy film The Room, the one and only Tommy Wiseau!

I warn you, there will be mild spoilers. If you fed up with this worl... or do not want to put your stupid comments in your pocket, read ahead. I recommend you to watch the entire movie... It's about 14 minutes! Then read the review.

Okie Dokie! The movie starts with two girls (One of them does voices in Annoying Orange) that are about to see a horror movie when this Nightmarish creature shows up and offers to tell them a horrifying story: The Room!! No, just kidding. So here begins the story of The House that Drips Blood on Alex!

Wait... Let me IMDB the heck out of this:
OK, it was written by Brock LaBorde and Jared Richard. Wiseau had nothing to do with the writing, Directing or Producing...

So, we have Alex (played by Cinema's newest National Treasure. Tommy Wiseau) getting a house... from a guy who seems like he's the Star of the Morning. Mr. Wiseau delivers a Powerful Performance here. You have to see it to believe it!

So Alex moves in to his house and praises it's beauty. Again, this script was perfect for someone with the acting chops of Tommy Wiseau. His first visitor is Thomas (played by Rory Windhorst) their chemistry in this scene is incredible! It's like mere mortals gazing upon the realm of the gods... If I wanted to describe this in a poetic way.

So, they end up going to the Landlord's office and we get nuggets of acting Ambrosia from Tommy Wiseau! (Especially the dream sequence)

I shall not spoil anything beyond this point because, it'd would make watching this short pointless. Seriously, you HAVE TO SEE IT!!


Holy Crap! It blew my freaking mind!! This was actually BETTER than I expected... Then again, my bar was set pretty low, due to Cinema's Newest National Treasure being in it.)
This is a Bonus Feature on the Tommy Wi-Show Season 1...

Wiseau for Morbius!!

Yes, you heard me... As much as I hate the Spider-Douche movies, and hate what they could do to Morbius, I've found the man PERFECT to Play Michael Morbius, AKA Morbius: The Living Vampire!

He's the one and only Tommy Wiseau!



I'm serious, you can stop laughing now. Tommy Wiseau is PERFECT for the role of Morbius!

Weird Somewheuropean accent... Check!
Not that pleasing to the eyes compared to Andrew Garfield... Check!

This is what I got when googling bloody Wiseau

Looks like Morbius, even when not showered in blood... Check!

His acting might be a little bit... peculiar, but as Morbius it could work as some sort of Criticism to the vampire movies genre...



and you KNOW you want  to hear Tommy Wiseau saying that line!! Also, I just realized that this is my #666th Rant... It's a coincidence that I ended up ranting about Tommy Wiseau on this one... BTW I WILL be reviewing a Wiseau Movie... Soon!