Apr 11, 2020

It came from the Toy Chest: Squirrel Girl *language*

Not even Squirrel girl is safe from Wolverine's penis. Wolverine may have had sex with her when she was a minor. We also know he has fantasized about her.

Why do I bring this up? Simple: Squirrel Girl is literally a Mary Sue. She's beaten dr. Doom she's beaten Thanos,  she's literally called be unbeatable Squirrel Girl. The Marvel Legends figure is based on the tumblrized Squirrel Girl, but made more realistic looking... and not the chunky Tumblr approved deformed version. She won't look out of place with your Marvel Legends.
SG: Why isn't this running?
Logan: Did you remove the kickstand, Doreen?
SG: Of course, I did, James... Do you think I'm some sort of a moron?
Logan: I ain't sayinh nuthin, bub!
SG: Oh wait...

Personally I would have preferred the previous outfit of Squirrel Girl, the one with the furry vest... maybe a second head with her first appearance look... (it's the stuff of nightmares) but I don't think Hasbro is going to make multiple squirrel girls after this one clogs the pegs.  coronavirus ain't helping!!
SG: Hold on to your furry butts!! We're going
to Amblin Enterteinment Logo the Hell out of this!

Squirrel Girl possesses the standard female articulation and sadly her tail has zero articulation. Her tail is slightly heavy and her legs are slightly gummy which makes posing her a pain in the neck. She kept tumbling down tumbling down tumbling down... (yes it's an Evangelion reference)
3.5 because of her inability to stand. Also she's a pain in the ass to get in her moped.
SG: Ha-ha! I have finally beaten the moped!
Logan: Congratulations, Doreen but you haven't beaten Miyov!
SG:First, I understood that reference! Second, ew! And third you are aware I'm over 18 now...
Logan: Kid, when you're as old as I am, EVERYONE IS UNDERAGE!

Paint and sculpt 
Like I mentioned before that she's mostly on a teenage body with a couple of specific pieces made for her. The biggest sin on this figure is that she doesn't have actual gripping hands to hold on to her moped handles. Massive brain fart there Hasbro! There are no visible paint issues in my figure.
4.5 for not adding the obvious gripping hands meet at to ride the moped
Iron Drunk: Wait, is that Squirrel humping his leg?
SG: Yeah, I call that one Jimmy Logan... he's always horny.
Logan: Sweet... so she remembers me!
SG: also he has a tiny dick.
Iron Drunk: Holy shit! She DEFINITELY REMEMBERS YOU!
Also, what's with the pizza.
Logan: Stole it from Spider-Man...
Iron Drunk: Noice!

3 Squirrels
 I have to be honest here I don't know much about squirrel girl I just wanted her because she's basically a joke character like Dan Hibiki...  or the Mighty Spector.  and I recall mentioning I'm not sure if it was here at the house of France or a forum or a podcast that if they ever made a squirrel girl I would buy her because of her Joke character status. I tried to keep most of my promises no I will not finish the Twilight Saga reviews nor watching the tropes vs women videos... I no longer hate myself enough to go through with them.

So the moped like I said it's basically redeco of the Deadpool moped and the squirrel work three little squirrel figurines that are mostly useless.
4.0 she really needed an extra pair of hands to use the moped. Hack a second head with a little squirrel themed helmet would have being a cute accessory for her.
Logan: So, Doreen, are we gonna, you know?
SG:For the umpteenth time, No!
It was never canon! Sure, I kicked your ass and you creames your pants,
but we never actually had sex...
Logan: That's not how I remember it...
We fought hard, you had a momentary advantage, but my animal magnetism made your legs tremble and you said:
Oh! Logaano-sama! My girlhood trembles at the presence of such a masculine man. Defile this temple and ravage me with your adamantiumless bone.
SG: That definitely did NOT Happen.
Akuma: Rogaan-kun, do not shame yourserfu any ronger.
Logan: Eigo ga hanasemasu ka? Kuso!!
Akuma: Don't butcher my ranguage.

Doreen gets a 4.0 as her final score. They did a lot more than I expected for a joke character but she needed a little bit of "oomph!" to be cooler. I kind of hate to say this but I like the moped more than I like her...
Like I said, her first appearance was creepy looking.

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