-The Director of this movie is Chuck Norris' brother... NEPOTISM!!
-A successful erotic fantasy about your Teacher has no sex but tons of Chuck Norris fighting Ninjas.
-Chuck Norris and the late Jonathan Brandis do not need to hit people with their kicks to knock them down.
-Winnie Cooper is still hot! Yeah, I had to google Danica McKellar to see what she's been up to... after playing Miss Martian on the unfairly cancelled Young Justice... All I have to say is DAYUM!
-Beau Bridges is the Go-To actor when needing a father that somewhat cares about his son's problems. (I am disappointed that he didn't solve Barry's issues by bonding through Nintendo.
-No one has a chance against Chuck.
-Joe Piscopo is making Martin Kove's Kreese look like a pushover...
-This movie is starting to look like the Karate Kid, but with more Chuck Norris... since the Original Karate Kid lacked Chuck Norris, this movie fixes that mistake.
-Do not mention Chuck Norris to Joe Piscopo.
-This kid has the attention span of a goldfish. He's watching a Chuck Norris movie but instead daydreams about Chuck Norris? I get daydreaming about Chuck during History class, but during a CHUCK NORRIS MOVIE!?I'm surprised Chuck hasn't kicked you in the soul!
-Many people complain about Chuck shooting the gunpowder trail and how it would have helped the detonation go faster. Technically speaking he was aiming towards the area NEXT to the gunpowder trail. The reason was to lift dirt and break the trail. Now you know...
-Gunpowder explosions don't kill or maim. They just take off your outer layers of clothes leaving you in your UNDAPANTS!
-Reading National Geographic Magazines can summon Helicopters with... you guessed it, Chuck Norris!
-The movie has a few racist scenes (Like the Piscopo speaking Engrish when lighting the powder) but using "chink" in 1992? We're not in the late 40s!
-Racist man has a weird reaction to his jacket catching fire. Then again, that's what happens when you act like a dick next to the Wizard Akiro... played by the late Mako... Hmmm. Both Mr. Miyagi and Mako are dead... Holy Crap! Ralph Macchio is next!
-Jonathan Brandis was so pasty in that movie that when the flour hits him, it gives him color! Seriously, the kid looks unnaturally pale. I think he might Sparkle in the sunlight.
-Seriously, how many health code violations are happening there with Jonathan Brandis getting floured in the face while he sits atop a food preparation area?
-I really feel bad for the TMNT for having to train under Mako for 15 years. In less than 5 minutes he has demoralized the hell out of Jonathan Brandis.
-Bikers can enter closed restaurants whenever they please.
-Holy crap! Walking with Jonathan Brandis can be a dangerous experience! He even narrates his actions. I hope this narration is not a set up for a Wonder Years reference. There's Winnie!
-Bullies are lame in this movie.
-Milk knows how to appear before Chuck Norris asks for it.
-Jonathan Brandis can be as intimidating as a Chihuahua.
-Did I just hear a Ladybugs reference, when the coach calls JB a lady?
-Immaginary Chuck Norris comes to help you out in Rope Climbing when in need. With my luck, I'd probably get Gabriel Iglesias instead.
-Winnie's dad is really dangerous... No wonder no one dates her in here.
-Beau Bridges is a Keyboard Warrior.
-Not even Chuck Norris can save you from the dreaded FRIEND ZONE!!
-The Friendzoned Tantrum will break your inhaler!
-Getting Friendzoned causes Erotic Chucktasies... with Nazis. Because every Family film needs to have racist scenes and Nazis!
-The Friendzone can get you hospitalized... (at least he didn't die of Friendzoning... and my snarky comment seems a lot more cruel since JBrandis offed himself.)
-Modern Medicine has no chance against Ancient Chinese Secret... and no, it's not Calgon.
-Montages solve everything.
-Jonathan Brandis will drink anything if you tell him it's magic... like sewage (I know it sounds cruel seeing that he is dead, but It's something I learned from watching this movie...)
-PE Teacher promised to kill himself If Brandis died while making pushups... I had a snarky joke coming, but due to Jonathan Brandis' death, the joke would be a bit tasteless.
-Metal nunchucks are perfect tool for a beginner. I smell a nunchuck ballsac collision! Ah! there we go! What!? The face too!? Oh movie, you are wild!
-Train tracks are perfect to practicing nunchuck usage...
-I can be as awkward as Beau Bridges doing a Kata when I'm on the dance floor.
-Like I said, Montages solve everything. Now Brandis is a Master!
-Mako was very wise, or he saw the part where Brandis was walking and suddenly started to crawl in the dirt due to a Chucktasy. Learn to control your dreams is a wise advice! Oh! TV is his source of wisdom... Kinda like Gex, minus the gecko part!
-Another Montage? I thought we could only get 2 montages per film.
-Japanese Schoolgirl uniforms make great cheerleader outfits?
-Now that Brandis is carrying a bag of balls he has the uh, balls to face the bully!
-Standing up to an opponent and not being a doormat is what you need to win the Coach's respect.
-Kick a bully's ass and the girl who Friend Zones you (before you nearly died from a FZ Tantrum) wants to go to the Zoo with you. Now not sure if this is out of genuine interest or pity.
-FINALLY! A Chucktasy! It's been like ten minutes since we had one of those!
-What the hell is in that Asthma pump and Mr. Li's sewage "Magic potion"? Exploding piñatas in an erotic fantasy while being Chuck Norris' sidekick? Good thing this was made before the Brony phenomenon... MLP/Chuck Norris fantasies...
-Wow! I guess that Shotgun was using Chuckshot in order to make that big of an explosion!
-Look down, back up! the teacher is now Winnie!
-Chuck Norris gets cockblocked by Jonathan Brandis... and now I can't make a Chuck Norris Facts comment due to Brandis' death.
-Karate Tournament... Where have I seen this before?
-Turtles dancing... This wisdom tidbit from Mako seems almost prophetic since he ended up playing Splinter before dying.
-Four Montages!? + Chucktasies? This movie should have been called: FILLER.
-Teams need to be with 4 People. If you're missing a member, Chuck Norris gladly will fill in... Especially if it'll help Piscopo's ass!
-That dude was like a Chun Li with a penis. Lightning leg!
-Jonathan Brandis came. A Real life Chucktasy without being a Chucktasy.
-Chuck Norris owned the Registrar dude.
-You don't need a gi for Brick Breaking.
-Brandis suffers from a Chuckless Chucktasy to cover up the fact that the nunchuck scene was not done by him.
-Fifth Montage? Or does the Women's Kata count? If so we're on SIX! Six Montages! Ah ah ah ah ah!
-Piscopo's Final Form was sent flying with 3 flips thanks to a Flying Sidekick by Chuck Norris!
It's physically impossible, but Screw Physics, we have Chuck Norris!
-Piscopo chooses breaking.
-Adding Fire to the mix... Isn't that Cheating?
-Dreams can come true, if you want them bad enough. This will come to bite me in the ass!
-Chuck Norris is Batman
-Kid on wheelchair doesn't want to walk enough... if we're to believe Chuck Norris. And there it is!
Dammit movie!! It's hard to make fun of you when you have two dead cast members and one of them was suicide! So, don't bother watching Sidekicks unless you want to tread incredibly familiar territory with a Chuckarriffic Karate Kid knock-off!
No comments:
Post a Comment