Well... Humanity is doomed.

 We have lost its greatest defender.

Yup... we now live in a world without Chuck Norris.

I-I- I don't know how to feel. I watched Top Dog as I tried to assimilate the possibility that today would happen... Sidekicks wasn't available amd I had recently seen Delta Force and Missing in Action.

A rematch 53 years in the making... Bruce Lee vs Chuck Norris.

Chuck ain't dead... he's just going to fight Goku in the Otherworld Tournament.

Chuck Norris: Hospitalized

 Chuck Norris... Is currently in the hospital. Chuck Norris was hospitalized. Chuck Norris had a Medical Emergency. Chuck Norris is 86 years old. Chuck Norris, star of Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos had a medical emergency in Hawaii. Chuck Norris... 

All jokes aside, this is worrisome... Chuck Norris might leave us one day and it kinda scares me knowing that I may live in a world without Chuck Norris.

Emily, tell your big brothwr to stop watching King of the Hill!

 Hulu's revival of King of the Hill has just lost another voice actor to Haley Joel Osment's necrosight. 

Jonathan Joss, the second voice of John Redcorn has passed away. Unfortunately, his death wasn't natural. He was killed by his neighbor.

Wait a minute... both Dale Gribble AND John Redcorn are dead!? Nancy Gribble's got some splainin' to do. 

Honestly, the only reason I'm commenting about him is literally that Joseph John Gribble has lost his bio Das again, as well as he also lost his legal dad. It's just one of those weird coincidences that make you go huh?

As always my condolences to his froends and family.

I'm not going to pretend I was a fan. I literally just found out he was a random townsfolk in Red Dead Redemption and Additional Voices in Pocahontas... 2, bot even the good Pocahontas. But! He was Raymond Firewalker in Walker: Texas Ranger... the Natural one with...

Hey what the!? Oklahoma, you're OK in my book

 Normally I don't care about Oklahoma or its people who are not... 

... the completely heterosexual fantasies of one Jonathan Brandis. Aside Chuck Norris, what has Oklahoma given us? OK, they gave us Brad Pitt,  what else? The shopping cart and the electric guitar? OK, OK... I'll give them that but what else? The official state meal of Oklahoma consists of fried okra, cornbread, barbecue pork, squash, biscuits, sausage and gravy, grits, corn, strawberries (state fruit), chicken fried steak, pecan pie, and black-eyed peas... Yum! So, Oklahoma seems kinda bland and generic surrounded by more exciting states... we need to spice OKLAHOMA a bit more... How do we do that? A traffic accidents where dildos and lube fill up the road...

It's not every day where sex toys blow their load all over a highway. So, this freakish accident makes Oklahoma OK in my book, aside their most famous person...

Yes it's totally an excuse to mention Chuck Norris and how I want Super7 to make Chuck Norris Ultimates of Chuck Norris wether they are normal Chuck Norris or Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos starring Chuck Norris is not the point. The point is that I want a Chuck Norris action figure of Chuck Norris, but this rant is not about that. It's about an oddity that happened in the homestate of Chuck Norris.

The Bruce Lee Line gave me an inspiration for a Chuck Norris line starring Chuck Norris

 Chuck Norris is needed for the Bruce Lee line, since we have The Way of The Dragon Bruce Lee.

Chuck Norris line:

Basically a 3 wave line celebrating Chuck Norris!

The waves will be 3 figures of Chuck Norris.

Wave 1:

Karate Master Chuck Norris:

This is The Chuck Norris from the Way of The Dragon

Soldier Chuck Norris:

This is the Chuck Norris from Missing in Action

Thinking of the scene from the first one where he pops out of the water.

Animated Chuck Norris:

This one is the Karate Kommandos Chuck Norris. If he does well, then a full line should be explored

Wave 2:

Special Forces Chuck Norris:

This one is the Delta Force Chuck Norris. Thinking of the Rocket Launcher scene

Ranger Chuck Norris:

Walker Texas Ranger version of Chuck Norris 

Spirit Protector Chuck Norris:

This one would be the Chuck Norris from Forest Warrior. 

Wave 3:

Dream Ninja Chuck Norris:

From the Ninja dream sequence in Sidekicks,  the movie starring Jonathan Brandis as a kid who fantasizes about Chuck Norris.

UnRetired Agent Chuck Norris:

Invasion USA version of Chuck Norris.

Dream Sheriff Chuck Norris:

The Chuck Norris from the Wild West dream Sequence in Sidekicks

I covered most of Chuck Norris until the mid 90s, when he was becoming a joke. I couldn't add soda Chuck Norris or Exercise gym Chuck Norris for obvious reasons.

Super7 is making a Bruce Lee figure, but what we need is Chuck Norris.

 Chuck Norris, actor, Martial Artist,internet meme. Chuck Norris is an excellent candidate for Super7's Ultimates line. Chuck Norris could be part of a toyline starring Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos... You should have expected Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos by the multiple times I said Chuck Norris as an introduction to this Chuck Norris rant about Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos. Here's the Chuck Norris intro

The original Kenner Chuck Norris line had 10 figures Chuck Norris had 3 versions. Chuck Norris has 3 partners, Tabe, Kimo, and Reed Smith... who is blond in the toy but raven haired in the Toon. That makes six figures. The other 4 are Generic evil Ninja and a red Repaint which came in wave 2. The evil Super Ninja and Ninja Serpent complete the line.

That 10 figures. Maybe adding Pepper, Too Much, and The Claw from the Cartoon, you can get 13 figures and round up a "decent 3 waves".

Each wave gets a Chuck Norris figure.

Wave 1:

Chuck Norris (Battle Gear)

Pepper

The Claw

Ninja Warrior

Wave 2:

Chuck Norris (Kung Fu training suit)

Super Ninja

Reed Smith

Tabe

Wave 3:

Chuck Norris (Secret Agent)

Kimo

Ninja Master

Ninja Serpent 

Wave 4:

Too Much

Chuck Norris ( Live Action PSA 80s exercise clothes)

Chuck Norris (Live Action PSA Red Martial Arts uniform)

This Shirtless Bad guy whose name I don't know. 

I was able to pull off a 4th wave thanks to Richard Simmons outfit Chuck Norris.

The accessories are onviously based on the toyline. The few characters who didn't have a vintage toy, should get stuff from the show. Extra hands (at rest, grip hands, fists, and karate chop) some characters could use an extra head. Few examples:

Reed should get both dark haired head and blond heads. Hood should be an interchangeable accessory. 

Too Much's extra head should be a hatless head.

Now Chuck Norris should get a second head. The first one is based on the Cartoon with a Beardless Chuck Norris. The Second Head should be of a Bearded Chuck Norris, since that's how everyone imagines Chuck Norris... just ask Jonathan Brandis... nevermind. While it's not "era accurate" it's a fun little extra.

The same should apply to the Live action Chuck Norris figures. Their skin tones should march for the sake of head swapping.

Wait, this is my 4,000th post? And I wasted it on freaking Chuck Norris...

Wait, I know that punching bag...

Wait... they Rebooted Walker Texas Ranger?

 Remember Walker Texas Ranger? The show about Chuck Norris being Chuck Norris but not called Chuck Norris. Hell, Chuck Norris even sings the intro theme to Walker Texas Ranger starring Chuck Norris.

The show is pretty much what you would expect from a show starring Chuck Norris. Martial arts performed by Chuck Norris, chases and action scenes with Chuck Norris...

Well, the reboot stars one of the Supernatural brothers... No Chuck Norris in sight...

Yeah... no. This is almost as bad as the Magnum reboot with Ya te chingaste wey. Or MacGyver reboot with Havok. It doesn't look bad, but it doesn't feel like Walker Texas Ranger starring Chuck Norris. I think that the show could've worked just as well WITHOUT the Walker name.

Which brings me to my main issue with many of these reboots. They try to reinvent the wheel so much that they lose sight of what made the original series so appealing. Personally, I'm avoiding the Chuckless Walker. No Chuck Norris no Walker.

Odds and ends Jan 14 2021: Screech and stuff...

 American Badass, Dustin Diamond is hospitalized for unknown reasons. The infamous cast member of Saved By The Bell is in the hospital, like I said for unknown reasons.

Hopefully, Cardigan Backyardigan is wrong. I mean, sure, Dustin is the kind of asshole who'd stab you with a pen for calling him Screech! But with that said, I do hope that whatever ails him is not dangerous.

Update: It's Stage 4 Cancer.

Despite weird internet rumors, Chuck Norris, leader of Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos starring Chuck Norris was NOT the Chuck Norris look-alike  present in the invasion of the Capitol on January 6th.

Had Chuck Norris been there, the rioters would have gotten their asses kicked by Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris was in his ranch in Texas doing Chuck Norris things. The reason I'm mentioning Chuck Norris so much is because Chuck Norris was not in Washington DC... and in case Bryan Flynn of Super7 happens to be reading  my blog, unlike Chuck Norris, who doesn't read it... is that I want to see Chuck Norris in the Ultimates line because Chuck Norris. 

 ALL jokes aside, the idea that Chuck Norris would get involved in this kind of activity it's kind of Ludicrous. Having Chuck Norris' agent confirming that Chuck Norris was not present at the riots it's crazy enough as it is for me to notice. And in order to not make fun of the Dead I'm avoiding Sidekicks references.

Ray Fisher got kicked out of The Flash and is now blaming WB's Walter Hamada for it.

What a surprise, said no one ever. He tried to get the court of public opinion to cancel Joss Whedon, Geoff Johns, Jon Berg, and now Walter Hamada. He kept attacking WB for not caving to his demands, despite WB caving to them. He kept going, and going and going until WB simply chose to cancel Fisher instead. 

Sadly, this was Fisher's unintended endgame. His witch hunt ended up with him at the stake. He could have been an actual victim of real abuse and mistreatment, but the way Fisher did things made it look lile he was hellbent on revenge for getting most of his scenes cut on the studio mandated rewrite. To this day, I have no idea what the Hell was Whedon's alleged abusive behavior. All I know is that Whedon was removed from some Warner bros. Projects and despite this being a "Victory for Fisher", he kept going. Now both parties from the initial problem have been removed and no one won.

Instead of being a champion for those oppressed by the Hollywood machine, Fisher became a Toxic unprofessional diva, who thinks that he can Karen his way into... uh, something! and no studio would touch him with a 39 and a half foot pole.

Completely unrelated news: I have acquired a Mighty Morphin Zack figure. 

Odds and Ends Friday the 13th of January 2017

OK, so Luis from Ant Man is now Erik Estrada, and the Astronaut from Zathura is now Larry Wilcox...

Yup, they are adapting CHiPs as a movie... A Comedy to boot... I know, I know, but here's the trailer...
I... I don't know what to say, I'm not like a Super Fan of CHiPs... I liked TJ Hooker a bit more...
I kinda fear, this will be a "generic cop movie comedy", but I want to see it.

Ka-chow! Cars 3 Looks exciting enough for me to give it a mention...


I mean the original Teaser traumatized children and college students...


And guess who's getting his own Bottled Water company?

Yup, Mr. total Gym has now a Bottled Water Company...
Sadly, you'd have to live in Texas to get CFORCE, aka, Chuck Norris' water.

You know, I like GTA, but I also like Mario... I'm not too sure how I feel about a GTA Mario...

Also, Mario is officially a midget, little person.
Hydrants are usually 30 inches, or 76.2 cm.
Having flashbacks to Pre-Sonic Boom Sanic games...

Things I learned from Sidekicks

Boredom has struck me hard and seeing how Yesterday was March 10, Universal Chuck Norris day, I decided to watch Sidekicks.

-The Director of this movie is Chuck Norris' brother... NEPOTISM!!
-A successful erotic fantasy about your Teacher has no sex but tons of Chuck Norris fighting Ninjas.
-Chuck Norris and the late Jonathan Brandis do not need to hit people with their kicks to knock them down.
-Winnie Cooper is still hot! Yeah, I had to google Danica McKellar to see what she's been up to... after playing Miss Martian on the unfairly cancelled Young Justice... All I have to say is DAYUM!
-Beau Bridges is the Go-To actor when needing a father that somewhat cares about his son's problems. (I am disappointed that he didn't solve Barry's issues by bonding through Nintendo.
-No one has a chance against Chuck.
-Joe Piscopo is making Martin Kove's Kreese look like a pushover...
-This movie is starting to look like the Karate Kid, but with more Chuck Norris... since the Original Karate Kid lacked Chuck Norris, this movie fixes that mistake.
-Do not mention Chuck Norris to Joe Piscopo.
-This kid has the attention span of a goldfish. He's watching a Chuck Norris movie but instead daydreams about Chuck Norris? I get daydreaming about Chuck during History class, but during a CHUCK NORRIS MOVIE!?I'm surprised Chuck hasn't kicked you in the soul!
-Many people complain about Chuck shooting the gunpowder trail and how it would have helped the detonation go faster. Technically speaking he was aiming towards the area NEXT to the gunpowder trail. The reason was to lift dirt and break the trail. Now you know... 
-Gunpowder explosions don't kill or maim. They just take off your outer layers of clothes leaving you in your UNDAPANTS!
-Reading National Geographic Magazines can summon Helicopters with... you guessed it, Chuck Norris!
-The movie has a few racist scenes (Like the Piscopo speaking Engrish when lighting the powder) but using "chink" in 1992? We're not in the late 40s!
-Racist man has a weird reaction to his jacket catching fire. Then again, that's what happens when you act like a dick next to the Wizard Akiro... played by the late Mako... Hmmm. Both Mr. Miyagi and Mako are dead... Holy Crap! Ralph Macchio is next!
-Jonathan Brandis was so pasty in that movie that when the flour hits him, it gives him color! Seriously, the kid looks unnaturally pale. I think he might Sparkle in the sunlight.
-Seriously, how many health code violations are happening there with Jonathan Brandis getting floured in the face while he sits atop a food preparation area?
-I really feel bad for the TMNT for having to train under Mako for 15 years. In less than 5 minutes he has demoralized the hell out of Jonathan Brandis.
-Bikers can enter closed restaurants whenever they please.

-This Biker looks a little bit like Chuck Norris... IMDB says it's one of Chuck's sons... NEPOTISM!!
-Holy crap! Walking with Jonathan Brandis can be a dangerous experience! He even narrates his actions. I hope this narration is not a set up for a Wonder Years reference. There's Winnie!
-Bullies are lame in this movie.
-Milk knows how to appear before Chuck Norris asks for it.
-Jonathan Brandis can be as intimidating as a Chihuahua.
-Did I just hear a Ladybugs reference, when the coach calls JB a lady?
-Immaginary Chuck Norris comes to help you out in Rope Climbing when in need. With my luck, I'd probably get Gabriel Iglesias instead.
-Winnie's dad is really dangerous... No wonder no one dates her in here.
-Beau Bridges is a Keyboard Warrior.
-Not even Chuck Norris can save you from the dreaded FRIEND ZONE!!
-The Friendzoned Tantrum will break your inhaler!
-Getting Friendzoned causes Erotic Chucktasies... with Nazis. Because every Family film needs to have racist scenes and Nazis!
-The Friendzone can get you hospitalized... (at least he didn't die of Friendzoning... and my snarky comment seems a lot more cruel since JBrandis offed himself.)
-Modern Medicine has no chance against Ancient Chinese Secret... and no, it's not Calgon.
-Montages solve everything.
-Jonathan Brandis will drink anything if you tell him it's magic... like sewage (I know it sounds cruel seeing that he is dead, but It's something I learned from watching this movie...)
-PE Teacher promised to kill himself If Brandis died while making pushups... I had a snarky joke coming, but due to Jonathan Brandis' death, the joke would be a bit tasteless.
-Metal nunchucks are perfect tool for a beginner. I smell a nunchuck ballsac collision! Ah! there we go! What!? The face too!? Oh movie, you are wild!
-Train tracks are perfect to practicing nunchuck usage...
-I can be as awkward as Beau Bridges doing a Kata when I'm on the dance floor.
-Like I said, Montages solve everything. Now Brandis is a Master!
-Mako was very wise, or he saw the part where Brandis was walking and suddenly started to crawl in the dirt due to a Chucktasy. Learn to control your dreams is a wise advice! Oh! TV is his source of wisdom... Kinda like Gex, minus the gecko part!
-Another Montage? I thought we could only get 2 montages per film.
-Japanese Schoolgirl uniforms make great cheerleader outfits?
-Now that Brandis is carrying a bag of balls he has the uh, balls to face the bully!
-Standing up to an opponent and not being a doormat is what you need to win the Coach's respect.
-Kick a bully's ass and the girl who Friend Zones you (before you nearly died from a FZ Tantrum) wants to go to the Zoo with you. Now not sure if this is out of genuine interest or pity.
-FINALLY! A Chucktasy! It's been like ten minutes since we had one of those!
-What the hell is in that Asthma pump and Mr. Li's sewage "Magic potion"? Exploding piñatas in an erotic fantasy while being Chuck Norris' sidekick? Good thing this was made before the Brony phenomenon... MLP/Chuck Norris fantasies...
-Wow! I guess that Shotgun was using Chuckshot in order to make that big of an explosion!
-Look down, back up! the teacher is now Winnie!
-Chuck Norris gets cockblocked by Jonathan Brandis... and now I can't make a Chuck Norris Facts comment due to Brandis' death.
-Karate Tournament... Where have I seen this before?
-Turtles dancing... This wisdom tidbit from Mako seems almost prophetic since he ended up playing Splinter before dying.
-Four Montages!? + Chucktasies? This movie should have been called: FILLER.
-Teams need to be with 4 People. If you're missing a member, Chuck Norris gladly will fill in... Especially if it'll help Piscopo's ass!
-That dude was like a Chun Li with a penis. Lightning leg!
-Jonathan Brandis came. A Real life Chucktasy without being a Chucktasy.
-Chuck Norris owned the Registrar dude.
-You don't need a gi for Brick Breaking.
-Brandis suffers from a Chuckless Chucktasy to cover up the fact that the nunchuck scene was not done by him.
-Fifth Montage? Or does the Women's Kata count? If so we're on SIX! Six Montages! Ah ah ah ah ah!
-Piscopo's Final Form was sent flying with 3 flips thanks to a Flying Sidekick by Chuck Norris!
It's physically impossible, but Screw Physics, we have Chuck Norris!
-Piscopo chooses breaking.
-Adding Fire to the mix... Isn't that Cheating?
-Dreams can come true, if you want them bad enough. This will come to bite me in the ass!
-Chuck Norris is Batman
-Kid on wheelchair doesn't want to walk enough... if we're to believe Chuck Norris. And there it is!

Dammit movie!! It's hard to make fun of you when you have two dead cast members and one of them was suicide! So, don't bother watching Sidekicks unless you want to tread incredibly familiar territory with a Chuckarriffic Karate Kid knock-off!

The end of the World is coming... AGAIN!

This time is for Realsies!!

  Chuck Norris -- SO OLD You Won't Recognize Him


BEARDLESS CHUCK NORRIS!! Last time Chuck didn't sport his beard he got his ass kicked...

At least I'm getting to use the Chuck Norris Tag!!

see? Chuck Norris NEEDS The Beard...  or at least the Stache...

Sesame Street!? Cool!

Sesame Street is one of the longest IF not THE longest Children's television program. Big Bird, Bert and Ernie, Oscar the Grouch, Grover... Huh? They don't ring a bell? F#$%^ing Elmo... Oh! Now you know what I'm talking about...
I'm not gonna rant about how much I hate Elmo (even if it IS Master Splinter the one who voices and controls that evil Satanic action hogger jabroni that talks in third person...)

Normally people stop watching Sesame Street because they're "Too old" for it... I was in that crowd until I saw This:

Yes, they're making a parody of:


Not only that but they also made a parody of True Blood...


Speaking of Sesame Street: Katy Perry sang a clean version of Hot n' cold, but it was never aired because she was showing too much cleavage.

Yeah, like the little kids are going to notice Katy Perry's boobs... Those are the same kids that are fans of Isaiah Mustafa and True Blood. I mean Katy Perry is less offensive than say, Jack Black...

Jack Black: More Kid Friendly than Katy Perry. True Blood: More Kid Friendly than Katy Perry. What is going on here!? I swear if Sesame Street brings Chuck Norris or Steven Seagal I would die by sheer awesomeness and WTFness...




Ok... WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS!? They're the best of the best and I lvoe them!

Holy Crap! Chuck Norris is 70!!

And he can still kick all of our butts in a fight. Luckily for us Chuck's a pacifist... Unless it's Internet Chuck... Now that guy would roundhouse kick us all the way to Pluto... and make it a planet once more because he is Chuck Norris.



Happy Birthday Chuck! Please don't roundhouse me all the way to Pluto... There's no TV in Pluto... I need to see part II of the Hannah Montana Season Finale: Miley says Goodbye.

Other People that Their Birthday is Today March 10th:
Sharon Stone: She was in King Solomon's mines, Alan Quartermaine and the Lost City of Gold, The Specialist, Catwoman... I feel sorry for her... for being in Catwoman... HAppy 52 Sharon!
Olivia Wilde: She plays Thirteen (Dr. Hadley) on House M.D. BTW she is The Baroness in the Ballad of GI Joe... 26... Isn't she a bit too young to be a Doctor?
Emily Osment: Before you ask, YES she is RELATED to Haley Joel Osment. She's 18 now. She's almost free from Disney's grasp. I'm pretty sure once Hannah Montana is doen for she'll be free from Disney. Hopefully she won't fade into obscurity like her Keyblading Brother did.

All this talk about birthdays make me a bit cheery, but I have some sort of sad news to report.
Haley Joel Osment can see Corey Haim... If you catch my drift.
Accidental Drug Overdose. (NOTE This Corey is the one that was NOT in The Goonies, or voiced Donatello in the first TMNT Movie...)

80s and 90s shows adapted into movies should we? Part II

Here's part II of movie adaptations of 80s and 90s TV shows that should or shouldn't be made into a movie.
NOTE: These lists are my opinion if you disagree that's cool. I am not an authority on Remakes, but one thing is certain I just hope that the adaptations don't get ruined beyond recognition like DragonBall Evolution, or Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li.

Now unto part II: The DO's
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers:
Before you start screaming NO! NOT POWER RANGERS! Think about it. I'm talking about a reinventing THE ORIGINAL Power Rangers in movie form. (Yes I know that I'm usually against re-inventing and fixing what's not broken, but... The mish mash of Kyoryu Sentai Zyuranger stock footage and the American segments really has to go. Besaides better budget/writing can make the Power Rangers look more awesome than before.
(Before you ask, YES I want the Black Ranger to be black and the Yellow Ranger to be Asian... Zordon chose them that way.)

Charmed:
Though I'm not much of a fan of this show... (I'm more of a Buffy fan) Lost my interest around season 2. Tried to watch it when the Writers pulled out a 4th Sister out of their bums. I mean COME ON!! This will be some girl power movie that the guys will probably see for the T&A.(Hopefully Megan Fox will not be in this...)

This is not Knight Rider:
Ahh yes... This one NEEDS to be in the big screen. It was the most watched TV show of all time (or so they say). Slow-mo running on the beach, red swimsuits, the only bad thing is that it'll probably be David Hasselhoff-less... unless someone finds a way to squeeze in the Hoff in there. (other than executive Producer/advisor/ or whatever) If they ever maek this one... I'd better be prepared cause it smells like they might toss in Jessica Simpson, Megan Fox and other "hot" ladies (mostly untalented) as the lifeguards...

Mr. Belvedere:
Other than to piss off Peter Griffin, I'd like to see this show adapted into a movie... It's another Fish out of water comedy with an English Butler adapting to life with An American Family. If the movie is made; I hope it's more of a family movie with comedic undertones than a self deprecating parody.

He was a cop, and good at his job. But he committed the ultimate sin, and testified against other cops gone bad. Cops that tried to kill him, but got the woman he loved instead. Framed for murder, now he prowls the badlands. An outlaw hunting outlaws, a bounty hunter, a Renegade. That's all I have to say... Another Stephen J. Cannel show in which people are framed for a crime they didn't commit. Now these outlaws are fighting other outlaws.

Don'ts:
The Nanny:
NO ONE Can replace Fran Drescher. Seen various adaptations and it's not the same. I mean a movie adaptation could work, but something in my gut tells me that it will most likely suck.

Blossom:
WHOA! don't get me wrong, Blossom WAS a good show, but I don't feel it would work in the big screen. Unless it's a VERY SPECIAL Blossom movie... (Other than the fantasy sequences in which Blossom recieved advice from Celebrities like ALF...)

Family Matters:
This one is a don't for one reason only: Steven Q. Urkel. If the plot does NOT revolve around Steve Urkel then I'd be more than happy to see a Family Matters movie. (and if they don't forget the existance of Judy Winslow...) I don't want to see 90 minuets of Urkel on the big screen.

Full House:
Warning this show is so sweet and cheesy that it makes the care bears seem like douchebags. Now this is something that we should forget it ever existed... Yes it gave us THE OLSEN TWINS, John Stamos and Dave Coulier's mullets, and Bob Saget... who is a lot funnier on America's Funniest Home Videos. (or his raunchy comedy act... Seeing Danny Tanner spewing all that filth = Priceless.)
Dear John Stamos: in the words of your former castmate Dave Coulier "Cut! it! out!"

Walker Texas Ranger:
No Chuck, No movie... Even With Chuck I still say no movie. This is an ego stroking show for Chuck Norris. I don't need to see more Chuck Norris ego stroking on the Big Screen... (Sidekicks, Delta Force series, Missing in Action?)

There you have it. I did not include Cartoons on this list because I wanted to keep it with Live action (being simpler to adapt.) but I'll just leave you with one cartoon that if Adapted to a movie I'm guessing it'll suck more than a vaccuum: PowerPuff Girls in Live Action.

Chuck Norris is not Steven Seagal.

Chuck Norris... The awesomest man on Earth. You've probably heard of the Chuck Norris facts like:
-If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, he has more money than you.
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
or my personal favorite:
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris, He's fought a Bear, WWE Wrestlers... He's done everything.

I also have not forgotten his Karate Kommandos

They really should do a Live Action movie of this show... Stephen Sommers on the director's chair... I can see it now...
C'mon! Chuck Norris is so awesome that even Jonathan Brandis had him as an immaginary friend...

Seriously, Chuck Norris is Awesome...

He fought BRUCE LEE!! And as you can see in the video this was back when Chuck was Green and didn't have his full Chuck Face... He is lacking his beard.
Chuck Norris - Beard = Superman wearing Green Kryptonite clothing.
I did make a joke about Chuck Norris and bloated ego on my Steven Seagal rant.
I do apologize, since Chuck isn't as arrogant as Steven Seagal, but Sidekicks DID feel like a gigantic ego stroking Machine for Chuck. It's not like Chuck Norris is promoting Excercise machines...

Ok, so Chuck DID promote an Excercise machine... He's a Martial Arts Master. Just roll the Mountain Dew clip!

Chuck Norris is Awesome... Why? Is it Karate Kommandos? Is it the 456 Delta Force Movies and the 536 Missing in Action movies? Or is it Walker, Texas Ranger?
Maybe it's his rugged looks or something... I have no Idea, maybe it's the Facts...
Whatever the reason, it's good that Chuck Norris hasn't been forgotten and does not need to make a reality show about his daily job.

He might not be Above the Law but he IS Out for Justice

See what I did there? I made reference to two Steven Seagal movies... So you've already guessed that I'm gonna randt about Steven Seagal: Lawman. I love Steven Seagal movies. He's so badass even if the movies are pretty much predictable. Some might say that they're my guilty pleasure. So, I decided to watch SS:LM and what I found was NOT:


Instead I got THIS:

It kinda looks like a set from one of those Post-Executive Decision Seagal Movies. The low budget Deirect to DVD movies that Seagal has becomed accustomed to appear in these last few years. Well it isn't. THAT IS STEVEN SEAGAL IN HIS POLICEMAN UNIFORM FIGHTING CRIME!!


Here's the preview of the show... It kinda looks like COPS with Steven Seagal in it.


Cops is an awesome show, Out for Justice is an awesome movie. Steven Seagal: Lawman should be like the Reese's Peanut Butter cups (a perfect marriage of Peanut Butter and Chocolate...) of Police shows. Unfortunately, the show is 5/6 stroking Steven Seagal's massively bloated ego. Every chance Seagal gets, he rants about his Martial Arts prowess and how that has helped him to be a super cop these last 20 years. At the shooting range he boasts about his MA mad skillz that make him a super marksman, while trying to help a fellow officer of the law to improve his aim... The funniest part is how the other cops are always shocked that people want STEVEN SEAGAL'S autograph. They are able to forget that Steven Seagal is a Martial Arts practicioner/Movie star...
Oh please! It's STEVEN SEAGAL!! They are always showing some Seagal Movie on USA, TNT, TBS,or Spike almost every weekend. If Seagal has been a cop for 20 years, wouldn't his comrades notice his absences for WEEKS while making movies? Seagal keeps churning Direct to DVD movies AND going out on the street stopping crime. HIS FELLOW OFFICERS FORGET THAT HE'S A MOVIE STAR? Unless they spend all of their free time watching chick flicks or Hannah Montana... (I had to sneak her in somehow... Besides making a Hannah Reference is better than talking about Mr. Sparkly...) Do these cops not notice the Camera crew going AFTER Steven Seagal?

I haven't seen that much ego stroking since...



Chuck Norris...

Can we say big ego...
Maybe it was just a first episode thing. I'll see a couple more and if this Seagal Ego self pleasuring thing keeps going on, I'll stop watching...