I removed the princess and the zone out of Twilight...

You unlock this door with the key of high school and vampire movie clichés. Beyond it is another dimension - a dimension of CW-esque Teen angst, a dimension of Vampires that sparkle on contact with the sun instead of burning to a crisp, a dimension of mindless fans. You're moving into a land of both shadow and little substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into the Twilight Zone... I mean Twilight Saga.

Yes I'm talking about Twilight. The Vampire love story by Stephenie Meyer that some people call her the J.K. Rowling of our Generation...

Seriously? The Harry Potter series isn't that old!

Now I'll post some excerpts from reviews that appear on the back of the book. (and my opinion about it...

"A New York Times Editor's choice." Ok so someone at the NYT likes Vampire/Highschool Dramas.

"An Amazon Best Book of the decade... So far" Really, Best Book of the Decade? I don't think so...

I read the book and there was no apple handholding... I felt ripped off.

(That image of the pale hands holding the apple makes it to the movie...)
They say never to judge a book by its cover, but... I'll let you judge.

The only REAL Apple reference in the book is this:

But of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

Genesis 2:17

A vampire story that starts off with a biblical reference... We've got a winner here... Random biblical references make everything awesome, deeper, and more philosophical... just look at half of the anime that comes to America.

The story is about this Teenage girl, (Isa)Bella Swan, who thinks that she is not popular and that she is different from every other teenage girl. (Gee I've never heard of this before... How about pretty much every teen movie!?) She moves from Phoenix Arizona to a Little Town in Washington called Forks. There she is the new kid in a small town High School. There she meets a student who happens to be a...

"VAMPIRE"!!!

Girl falls in love with "vampire", "vampire" "struggles" with his nature and falls in love with her. Girl and "vampire" fight an "evil vampire" and go to prom... There is something about Werewolves, but that is for the sequel... That's pretty much Twilight in a nutshell.

Is it good? Is it bad? I'll just let the book speak for itself.

Excerpt from Page 89 (This is a whle after Bella was in an accident and Edward saved her life.)

After this scene (In the book it was better... but then again in the book things ARE always better...)

Without further ado the quote:

He chuckled. "What are your theories?"

I blushed. I had been vacillating during the last month between Bruce Wayne and Peter Parker. There was no way I was going to own up on that.

Yay! Stephenie Meyer knows who Spider-Man and Batman are!! Bible references, Superhero references! This is the most super awesomest vampire/highschool love story ever!!!

But it seems as if I'm dodging the question. Maybe I am... maybe I'm not.

Alright, I'll answer it but before I can start You must see this video from the Motion Comic based on Stephenie Meyer, akaTwilight's Author.

I despise Mary Sue types in books. Guess who reeks of Mary Sue... I'll give you a hint, It rimes with smell a one! The story is told from Bella's point of view, but thankfully the book is easy to read. It feels a bit soapy, but High School Dramas tend to be soapy... The Vampire aspect would help a little if the vampires were more, I don't know VAMPIRELIKE!!

My vampires do not go sucking blood off-page. They do not sparkle like crystals in the sunlight, and THEY GET LAID!! (as vampires are a symbol of demonic possession, with undertones of sexuality, death, blood...) It's not AS bad as I expected, but it's nowhere close as being "best book of the year" much less "Best Book of the Decade so far..."

It's easy to read, I'll give it that. But at times it feels like I'm reading fan fiction. (This book shouldn't feel that way since the author who has a B.A. in English Literature...) I understand how teenage girls may find this book appealing. (the whole I'm different thing and falling for this special mega handsome dreamy older guy thing... Teenage girls swallow this up...I don't know why, but I find that creepy.)

I don't know, but I'd be kinda worried (if I was the parent of a Teenage girl) if she dreams of an older guy visiting her room at night so she can be safe. Especially if said guy is basically a symbol of hypersexuality... Also who the hell relives Highschool for nearly a hundred years!?

But then again these Twilight Vampires seem to not get laid... (on first book. I'll need to read the sequels to find out if they indeed do...)

So far this picture has more sex than the actual book. I'll post a Twilight Review Part II when I get to see the movie. (I need to know how much they butchered from the book in order to comment on the movie... I just hope that there is no Twilight videogame.)

If anyone knows what the Hell are they doing, please tell me... I don't want to make fun of Bella and Edward, but with these pictures is not hard to do... Is it me or does Bella look a lot paler than Edward...

Now the last unanswered Question, Team Jacob or Team Edward?

I'm not a teenage girl. I don't need to take sides, but If I were I'd put my money on Team Bella.

Let's recap the things we learned from Twilight:

-There are Vegetarian Vampires... (No they do not drink Honey and Tree sap. They drink non-human blood... That is just so damn funny!!! They don't drink human blood so they're vegetarians!!!)

-The Cullens enjoy reliving HighSchool again and again... Seriously? Going through Hischool once is a pain in the arse! But going at it over and over again, that's masochism.

-It's ok to watch highschool girls every move, even while they sleep. They like it.

-Edward is an almost 100 old virgin... who stalks Bella nearly 24/7.

-Vampires Sparkle!!!

In a scale of 1-5, 1 being waste of paper that Captain Planet should beat the crap out of the Author and 5 being the Next Shakespeare or Cervantes, twilight ranks a:

2.5

Why a two point five? I said it was easy to read, but at times it felt like fan fiction. The main character is an uninteresting Mary Sue type. It seems that Stephenie Meyer has no idea about what is a vampire. Most of the story is in a Q&A format. Sneaking in the title of the book a couple of times in the story is annoying. Whenever the word Twilight was mentioned in the story I stopped reading to giggle like an idiot and say "Oh! Oh! Oh! and there she snuck the title!!" (Yes I know that Twilight is the time in which the sun is hidden beneath the horizon yet there is some light on the sky.)

It's time to talk about Montana...

No... not Hannah... I'm gonna talk about Tony Montana, the third Scarface. (the first is Al Capone and Scarface II is Tony Camonte, who was the inspiration for the Cooban Political Refugee Tony Montana) And here comes the part where I put on a video clip of Tony...
....
....
....
....
....
....
Where de clip, men? Oyeme, you gotta put on de clip right now! okay?

Words of Wisdom. From a man who got that scar from eating... pineapple!

Yeah! you heard me! It was from eating... pineapple! Not eating other stuff...

He's a cool Cooban Political Refugee, men! He's the bad guy! played by none other than Al Pacino. Who was also Michael Corleone...

I said Al Pacino was Also Michael Corleone... That was a hint to put on a Godfather clip... Seriously, you've got to stop drinking coquitos before blogging...
Now back to Tony. Why am I ranting about Tony Montana?
Gangsta Rappers...
They all worship the guy! I know Tony Montana is cool and all that, but those guys worship him for the wrong reasons!! They just see a poor guy who rose to power and went on a crazy shopping spree because he has money. Pretty much every "self Respecting Gangsta rapper" has Scarface merchandise, posters, and they got hundreds of copies of the movie to play it in every TV in their houses.

I'm not sure which Scarface movie they're watching, cause the Scarface movie that I've seen tells the story of Tony Montana: His rise to power and HIS FALL FROM GRACE.
I'm not sure if these Gangsta rappers have seen the entire movie. But Tony loses everything because he let it get to his head. ( like most of these guys do...) They say they come from the streets. Are they Homeless? DO they live in intersections so they can be from the streets? The's a street in front of my home. So, am I from the street? Whoa! Gangsta existentialism... either I'm starting to see a deeper layer on the seemingly shallow world of Gangsta rap or I'm drunk... Remember kids, do NOT drink or drive... I better start playing some TMNT Smash up... Right after this article!!

The appeal of Tony (and his story) is that Tony is a tragic character. He is the bad guy, yet there is some charm and charisma in there. He tried to help his family, but he destroyed it by poisoning his little Gina with his world. He had honor for a criminal. He was likable, that's what can make people like Tony's character.

But he DIES IN THE END!!! Why? Because he thought he was invincible. He was corrupted by his power (and coke) so he never saw it coming... The same guy who the gangsta rappera idolize was killed because he was blinded by excess (as in the same ones the rappers have... You've all seen them on MTV Cribs) I don't mind that they like Scarface. I just hate it because of THIER (misguided) love of Scarface, everyone thinks that I LIKE Scarface because I wanna be Gangsta...

I don't want to be associated with this, just because I love Scarface...

I just wish the "gangsta rappers" took stuff I didn't like to idolize... I just hope they don't take Solid Snake from me...

That's a lot of Bull... Semen?

http://mdn.mainichi.jp/mdnnews/news/20091125p2a00m0na002000c.html

Holy Bull chowder, Batman! Someone stole 1,300 tubes of prized bull semen.
1.5 million Yen of Bull semen lost. (Probably 15,000 dollars in calf batter)

That's not the screwed up part of the news. No, the tubes haven't been used in Japanese porn... I hope. the screwed up part is the part where the guy who was in charge of this prized possession killed himself. Probably some vestige of Samurai honor and not allowing themselves to screw up, or the guy was neck deep in bull... you get the idea. It's kinda tough keeping this article PG when it involves boatloads of Bull chowder. Can't put any videos to make jokes about it since most of them wouldn't be in YouTube. Most pictures related to the article would cause my account here to get banned. What can I do? Let's play Cluedo: Bull Semen Theft Edition.
The suspects:

Chris Pontius: We know he's consumed Horse semen before. What's stopping him from tasting Frozen Bull.


A horny cow desperate to have a calf... Sounds crazy, but Japan is the land of crazy... Just look at their gameshows.


Your average porn movie director... His vision requiered huge amounts of this prized fluid. Maybe there was a shark involved, or a bull... I don't know! Now that porn movies are getting more "artsy" and trying to appeal to a public that wants more than people doing it. Probably it involves Asuka Langley and the Angel attack on the End of Evangelion OVA. (Cause Japan loves EVA) Maybe it's for the live action re-enactment of Shinji's visit to Asuka in the hospital after:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKkffhJdaEo


Or this guy... I knew that Oozinator refills were expensive, but I never thought they'd be THAT expensive.


It's sad that we have lost a caretaker of Japanese Bull Semen. But I beleive that it was Pontius with the Rope on the Kitchen... I need to play some Cluedo.

The TMNT's Last Hurrah before serving the Nick overlords...

I am talking about Turtles Forever. The TMNT Anniversary special DTV movie. (The CW will air it split in three parts during the next 3 Saturdays.)

It Freaking rocked!! It had The Turtles of my childhood, The Turtles of my Adulthood AND THE ORIGINAL COMIC BOOK TURTLES!!
Now that was awesome beyond awesome!!

I felt like a kid once more. The 80s Turtles were hilarious. Unfortunately most of the movie was spent in making fun of the 80s Turtles, making the 2k3 TMNT look like a bunch of douchebags... Other than that it was great! I do not want to spoil much, but the Comic Book Turtles were so awesome!! Especially Comic Book Leonardo...

The 2k3 Turtles clashing with the 80s Turtles... Turtles vs Turtles, Shredder vs Shredder... The Return of Rocksteady and Bebop AND a cartoon appearance of Tokka and Rhazar... There was ONLY one thing missing...

And that's a good thing... No one need to remember The next mutation... The only good thing that came out of that was the Turtles beating up the Power Rangers (the In Space variety)

This is the END for TMNT until their revival by Nickelodeon. Now a sequel for TMNT Smash Up based around Turtles Forever would be so awesome...

Even Miley loves the Turtles... She's pointing at either Mikey or Leonardo... Technically she's pointing at the sewer cover. Now that Nickelodeon owns TMNT I guess I'll never see the TMNT having a concert with Hannah Montana...

combined with :

but without the Jonas Brothers... The Turtles should replace the Jonas Brothers in everything...

If the revival of the Coming out of their Shells tour ever happens again; I'm pretty sure it'll be with her...

or Spongebob Squarepants... I'll take my chances with Spongebob...

at least Patrick will drive Rapahel mad...

Oh yeah! I almost Forgot! Today is Miley's Birthday. Hopefully she got to meet the Sewer cover... She hearts that sewer cover.
TURTLE POWER!!! It's Ninja Time!! Strike hard and fade away...

Toy Review: GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra Vehicle 2 pack.

They'll fight for freedom whenever there's trouble, GI Joe is there...

And now the GI Joe Rockslide and the Cobra Mole Pod are here. They can be found sold separately also, but This two pack was only $5 more expensive than the single Molepod or Rockslide. I'd like to start with the...
Cobra Commander: COOOOOBRAAAAAAA!!! ATTACK!!



St-Stop it! Cobra Commander!! You're not even in this toy review!!

-Yesss! I know! I jussssssst want to make ssssure that thissss review issss good enough for me!

Alright, I'll make review "fair"...

-No! You nincompoop! I ssssaid that thisssss review mussssst be good enough for me!!

So you basically want me to say that the Joe part of the two pack sucks more than the Wonder Twins AND Aquaman on the Super Friends... right?

-I wouldn't go THAT far in the sssssssssuckitude meter, but... Have you ever consssssidered joining Cobra?

Uh...

-YO JOE!!!

-Oh crap It's the Joesssss!!! COBRA!!! RETREAT!!! RETREAT!!!

Commander wait! You still haven't made the Once a man rant!!

- #$%@ you Nefty!! COBRA!!! RETREAT!! RETREAT!!!

Thanks GI Joe!!

Snow Job: Don't mention it... Remember If you ever have any Snake troubles give us a call.

Now I know...

- And knowing is half the Battle...

Wait! Don't go Snow Job!! I have a few questions to ask you...

- Sure, go ahead...

For starters, What the heck are you doing in the middle of the Caribbean!?

-I blame Channing Tatum... Ever since he became Duke; he's been sending Joes randomly to missions. Last week he sent Shipwreck to a mission in the middle of the Desert. He also had Roadblock infiltrating the KKK... Now I'm on a reconnaissance mission in the middle of the Caribbean... Channing Tatum sucks as Duke...

Ok what do you think about your rise of Cobra Toy?

-Well, It's cool that I didn't change THAT much from my Real American Hero (25th A.) toy. There's more green in my RoC toy that I'm not too fond of, but the Arctic Camo pattern on my clothing is pretty sweet!! I did lose my skis, backpack and Rifle... Funny thing about my File Card. It mentions a rifle that no longer is in my possession. What's up with that!? I have been ripped off! Somebody at Hasbro will be pulling off a well, my codenamesake after this. I still have my six-shooter. Not the best weapon to defend myself against angry polar bears or Cobra, but it's better than my bare hands. Also my hood and goggles are removable. Unlike the 25th Anniversary vehicle two packs I do not get the stand with my name on it... I wanted my official Snowjob RoCtag...

Oh well! I wasn't expecting a buttload of Accessories since your toy has his own vehicle...

I do miss the skis but, what can I do?

-My toy has some trouble grabbing his gun, but then again a lot of joe and cobra toys have problems grabbing their guns. At least on the Cobra side it is accurate to real life... that's why they fail hitting the broad side of a barn with a nuke.

But, Joes aren't the best sharpshooters either...
Let's move on to the Rockslide shall we?

-Well, The Rockslide is all new, not a retooling of past toys like the Panther (Armadillo) tank.

The Skis turn and the rear tank tread pivots...

Holy crap! It DOES PIVOT!!

-It says so in the back of the box...

But I hate the little wheel on the tread to simulate movement...

-It's a TOY, not the real thing. Geez! you collectors complain a lot...

At least I'm not the guy whose codename is a term for a cover up/ or a sexual act... but there should've been wheels hidden under the skis, for playability purposes...

-Touché! back to the review... The skis are loaded with 2 missiles and they have better range than Cobra's... Go ahead, try it...

Yes, it's true... I bet that somebody at the Terrordrome will be angry... but not as angry as I am right now...

-Why?

Stickers... I REALLY HATE the stickers... especially when the toy has half of them on already...

-That's bad because???

Ok... Let me take a deep breath. It's not that I HATE THE STICKERS... I do not like them, but it angers me when the toy has half of the stickers placed on the toy. Why? Because that means that the employees had time to go and place half of the stickers on the toy. Wy didn't hey place ALL of them. Or none at all. If I'm gonna be stuck on sticker duty; don't make me feel like I'm picking up on the employees slack... THEY get paid for sticking stickers, not me... Also the paper where the stickers are stuck to sometimes is TOO stuck on the sticker and in this case they are reaaly small stickers so it's a hassle to get them off the paper properly... now YOU know... and placing stickers is the other half the battle...

-You went a bit too far there... You can make fun of our clothes, our aiming skills, but no one disses the NYKAKIHTB...

JUST STICK TO THE REVIEW AND LET ME FINISH UP ON APPLYING THE FREAKING STICKERS!!! or decals if we wanna get technical...

-Sheesh! Where was I? My toy fits perfectly on the Rockslide ATAV and that's pretty much it...

So now I have to rate your toy and the Rockslide in a scale of 1 to 5. One being sucky toy that made me waste money on it and 5 being most awesomest toy in the history of toys?

On it's own Snow Job gets an overall: 3

Articulation: Same as the 25th A Joe figs (and Rise of Cobra) 3.5 (-1.5 for the "skirt" portion of the parka restricting movement and the loose right hand and feels a bit too fragile)

Paint/sculpt: No visible paint slops, nice arctic camo pattern (better than the RoC Joe camo) 4.5 (-.5) It's true that this is a repaint but the figure is well done and it's still recognizable as the character.

Accessories: Obviously I expected less accessories than a single carded fig, BUT when you mention a weapon in the file card; the figure should have THAT weapon... 3

-What the HELL!? It's a @#$% two pack for God'ssss ssssssakessss! Where'sssss the other half!?

I'm going to get there as soon as I finish rating the Joe half, or would you have prefered a joint review with Joes and Cobras at the same time... So let me finish, Cobra Commander...

-You do have a point!! You'll live for now...

Ok. The Rockslide ATAV gets on it's own an overall: 3

Mobility: The skis might move but they do not have any effect on the tread's wheel. It basically is scraping the floor with the skis. 4 (-1 because of the wheel problem)

Paint: This one does sport the JOE ROC Camo that I dislike, but the paint job is clean, minimalist and it's easy on the eyes. (No neon colors...) 4 (-1 because instead of tampographing the stuff on the stickers we get the stickers.)

Playability: The skis move, the tank tread pivots and gives new looks to the vehicle and the long range firing missiles give this baby a 4 (-1 because of the mobility problems)

Now for the Cobra half of the review. We have the Terra Viper and the Mole Pod... Um... I said Here's the Terra Viper and Mole Pod.

-Terra Viper: Hail Cobra!

That's it? Hail Cobra? Got anything else to say?

-Hail Cobra Commander!!

You know what, I'll stick to the review and you just stand there and shut up...

-My vipersssss are well trained... they live and die for me... The ULTIMATE ARMY ISSS AT MY COMMAND!!!

-Is that so, Cobra Commander?

-SSSS-SSSSSer- SSSSSerpentor! What are you doing here?

-Remove that mockery of my battle cry... THIS I COMMAND!

Ok The Terra Viper figure is a kitbashed figure. The head and torso is from Croc Master. The "rocky" torso of Croc Master gives an "earthy" feel to the Viper. The arms and legs are from Serpentor. The box art shows a prototype of the Terra Viper that looks more Serpentor's body with Croc Master's head.

Poor fool, jumping with joy for being the unholy love child of Croc Master and Serpentor. He has an Oxygen tank and... that's pretty much it.

-At Cobra we went with a minimalissssst approach on the Terra Vipersssss, ssssince the mosssst fun isss with the Mole Pod.

Oh yes the Mole Pod. A tank with a drill on the front... I miss the first season of the old TMNT toon...

The front wheels make the drill move.

CRAP! More Stickers!! @#$% I wish they just Tampograph these guys and get it over with... The Transformers get their crap Tampographed; why can't the Joes?

-Soundwave: Transformers Superior, G.I. Joe Inferior...

Yeah, whatever you say Mr float around in space and do nothing... This is a GI Joe toy review, not a Transformers toy review so beat it!

The Mole Pod can fire a missile... The tip of it's drill...

Why would a Drill get rid of it's tip? I have no Idea... It seems that Destro's chrome dome is addling his brain. M.A.R.S. Industries best idea? I don't think so. To make matters worse the missile is underpowered compared to the Rockslide ATAV. Also why is the tip red? Is that the crusty dried blood of the people killed by it?

-For @#$% Sssakesss! I told you to make me look good!

Commander, I can't make a snow job out of Destro's shoddy work. Blame him, not me.

The viper its nice and comfy inside the Evil Drill of Doom now for the scores...

Terra Viper gets an overall of: 2

Articulation: Same as the 25th A Joe figs (and Rise of Cobra) 4

Paint/Sculpt: No visible paint slops, though it feels under painted. (The details on the belt and knees could've used some paint) 2 (-3 because the base figures used for this one are very noticeable especially the Serpentor parts. I would've prefered something more movie viper like for the body. and the lack of paint on some details)

Accessories: Obviously I expected less accessories than a single carded fig, BUT when you mention a weapon in the file card; the figure should have THAT weapon... 2 (-3 for lack of weapons andhis only accessory is an oxygen tank? Not even a knife to attack the joes?)

The mole Pod gets on it's own an overall: 3.5

Mobility: There is nothing to steer the mole pod to the sides. (Not that it would need to. It's a Drilling tank...) 3

Paint: It's gt some metallic "scrapes" to look as if it's been worn down a bit while digging through the Earth. They look cool, but the scrapes are only on the cockpit. 4

Playability: The drill rotates as the Pod moves forward, and it fires a missile. 4.(-1 because of the disappointing missile)

Is it worth it? Yes. Two for a bit more than the price of one!? That's a sweet deal.

Now you know and knowing is half the battle...

♪ G.I. Joe!!!♫

Odd Toy commercials.

I'm stoked because on the 16th He-Man will be back on sale at matty collector's website. I browsed the internet in order to find old MOTU toy ads. I saw the Ram man ad.

Ram Man the only toy that has ALAWYS sucked in MOTU. Here he is in all its vintage glory.
Seeing this ad made me wonder about odd/weird toy ads. Since I already showed board game ads in my previous message I shall refrain from reusing ads from that topic.


There's nothing odd in this ad. But this product is prone for players copping a feel, dry humping (in order to maintian balance) and could lead into other non-family-friendly activities. Then there's the darkside of twister... Farters, the ones that scrunch the mat, the pushers...


C'mon! Now not only the TMNT are kidnapping children, but they're showing them through tight holes... (Those poor kids must arrive with a buch of broken bones at their destination... Their reward TMNT toys that look better than the actual procuct!!


pretty straightforward, but this ad suffers from the mid 80s - late 90s toy commercial syndrome. They show the product plain and symple but use a beautiful professional made background in scale with the figures...Such a shame I couldn't find the "Secret Weapon Force" commercial. Now that one has 70% more weird.


Ok... Now THIS is why I play Yu-Gi-Oh! (and training in case I need to save the world by playing a children's card game...) Did you see the ad? The cards can revive me EVEN if I'm broken into millions of pieces... Not only that, I can become a cool winged monster with wolverine claws if I cross two cards over my head... IF I add this...

Pure Yu-Gi-Oh! Winning combination... The odd thing about this one is how kids follow around an animated character... (who happens to be the biggest douchebag of the show) to an abandoned warehouse where they play children's card games... Where are their parents?
I'm ashamed to say that I own one of those duel disks... (THe Yu-Gi-Oh! GX Duel Disk is better (does not damage your cards...) Curse you Seto Kaiba and your beautiful 3 blue eyes white dragons!!!


I said that I'd try to avoid boardgames, but this game had me worried about the welfare of those children. They had to sneak around in their own home to get food. They are completely terrified of their father. They fear that he wakes up or else...
Why haven't they gotten a neighbor, a teacher a minister or rabbi to help them with their "Evil Father". We know he underfeeds them and he might do worse things. He also looks like Proctor from Police Academy...


BAD TOUCH!!! BAD TOUCH!! Now call your parents, teacher, counselor minister or rabbi if someone touches you with these. I'd be worried about whoever designed this toy... I'd be checking out whoever designed the Nimbus 2000 toy broom that vibrates... Vibrating things on kids crotches? How did that went beyond the drawing board amazes me... Thanks to this horrendous toy (The Elmo Hands) now the song Touch by Stan Bush is playing in my head... ♪You got the touch! You got the poweeeeer!♫




B-A-R-B-I-E feeds her dog its feces... wow! I know that dogs sometimes eat their poop, but I never expected having the owner feed the dog poop.


Well there is little to say about this. Sgt. Slaughter in GI Joe. That's just so weird. Hopefully for the sequel to Rise of Cobra we won't have Triple H or John Cena as a Joe... though Cena would've been a better Duke than Channing Tatum.


If Elmo hands are bad, then I don't know what to make about this... I feel dirty just by watching this commercial...


May Prime be with you.

Board Games and me...

As a child of the eighties I was part of the last generations who actually gave a damn about Board Games. Nowadays kids are more interested in Videogames and almost ignore their low tech cousins. I had the trouble of being an only child (and when I got a younger brother there was an 8 year difference...) during the crucial years of my chidhood that involve boardgames.

Now a list of Board games that I love:

In The Dark: This game is not well known but many people know it's more popular cousin...

Connect Four... Well In the Dark made it harder because you couldn't see any of the pieces. Now you had to use your memory and plan your moves more carefully. one screw up and your oponent wins the round...


Monopoly: The Game in which you get to control everything IF Lady Luck and the Multi colored bills allow it. The video is from the "Electronic" variety or Lazy People's Monopoly...
Now this was a Game I was able to play a lot since Adults actually CARED enough to play this game...


Stratego: This game is so hard to find right now. I remember playing it a lot as a child. A strategy game... I'm pretty sure that If I pick it up today, I'll suck like a vaccum cleaner. This is the lo-tech cousin to Final Fantasy Tactics and any other Strategy RPG video game.


Perfection: A game that could be played by a loner... Guy in the ad was a bit creepy though...




Hungry Hungry Hippos: Don't mess with Hippos and their balls... It's like Pac Man but noisier... you had to be careful about cheaters trying to grab your balls. Since it's from Hasbro, i wouldn't suprised if there's a Michael Bay movie about the ball munching hippos coming soon... Probably they'll have Megan Fox in a transparent fat suit while munching as many balls as she can... (transparent so she can showcase her Megan Foxness...) This is one game to be played only during daytime... The plastic on Plastic action makes Adults angry.


The video is in Dutch, but the game is Cluedo (Clue in America)
Green, Kitchen, Rope! Scarlet, Billiard, Revolver! Plum, Hall, Knife! Great times my Dear Watson...


Bedbugs. I even found one of the critters and I haven't owned that game since 1991...
A list of Board Games that I Hate:


Operation: Writer's Cramp how much I loathe thee... I cried everytime I got that card... I think the only time I could pull that pencil out without the BZZZZZZ!! was when I pulled out the batteries... (never play it at night or else you might get in trouble...)
The game is fun but my hatred of the pencil and the loud buzzing the game made me hate this game for a long long time. Also there's the countless versions. There's Hulk, Spider-Man, Homer Simpson, Spongebob, Shrek... If anyone finds a Hannah Montana or iCarly Operation please tell me so I can do this:




Battleship. It sucks when you're an only child and you have the Lo-Tech version. Or playing against a cheater who MOVES THE SHIPS AROUND!!! Great game but it can create enemies pretty fast... YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP! *POW!* I sunk yo face motha$%^&!
The electronic version made it a bit easier for single player games.


Not a Real ad but it shows WHY I HATE SCRABBLE (other than owning one and having no one to play against...)


The Game of Life: In this game if you lose basically it says that you should kill yourself. Unwanted pregnancies, skunk farms... millionaires... If Life was more like that... I was told by the game to kill myself too many times... luckily I disobey board games...

Ready Set Spaghetti... This is just too wrong for words... just watch this clip with the rules.

Monopoly: Why is this game on both lists!? If you've played Monopoly for a while you might know why... Families are broken by this game... Either the extremely slow counter who delays the game even further. The deal-making alliances to screw players over or the sneaky jackass who steals from the bank when no one is looking... Add a couple of inebriating drinks from the adults an dyou know where this leads... (The game is never finished and everyone is too pissed off to play... there is a Disney Channel Edition... Feel free to use my previous video from operation..

and the Games I always wanted but couldn't get:


Crossfire:♪Crossfire! You get caught up in the... CROSSFIRE! Whoo!!
Crossfire! You get caught up in the... Whoo!
Crossfire! Crossfire! CROSSSFIIIIYAAAAAA!!!♫
I guess that having small ball bearing flying across a living room is a parent's worst nightmare... (especially on non-carpeted floors... and if there were pets in the house...)

Another game I never had... I still wanna see the trap live. Love them Rube Goldberg devices. I'm pretty sure at I would rather set it up and forget about playing it...


Another fanmade Ad about a Game I wanted to play but never had. Tornado Rex (or Taz's bootleg knockoff cousin)