Action figures, Movies, Games, TV shows, things I like, Things I hate, weird news old or recent... they're fair game for my rants.
DISCLAIMER: OPINIONS POSTED ARE EXAGGERATED FOR COMEDIC EFFECT!! Got it?
You don't buy a Life Sized Henry Cavill out of silicone with a metallic endoskeleton with close to "alAnatomically Correct" detailing and not use it for sex... James Robertson-Reavis.
Reavis also shared that he is experimenting with AI to train his Cavill silicone doll to behave “more realistically.” Dude, that's creepy as fuck!!
Dude is supergay and married... His husband is getting cucked by a 8K-12K sexdoll... Also, I'm restarting Witcher 3 on PS5.
That is the best way to describe the Witcher: Sirens of the Deep. Anya Chalupa reprise her role as Yennefer. Joey Batey returned as the bestest bard ever... but Geralt of Rivia wasn't Cavill. Oh no sir. They got some rando to play him.
Yes, Geralt is being played by Doug Cockle, the Game version of Geralt. Just by that, this movie is glorious. I think the Witcher works better in animation than live action.
The show is already canceled without Season 4 coming out. Sure, Netflix is giving them a 5th season, but nothing is more exciting to viewers than: "We're changing the lead mid series and by the way we're canceling the show in two seasons." Netflix essentially Fist of the North Star'd the show:
I have to be honest, Season 2 Killed the Witcher for me and I Tried to watch season 3 but gave up.
Guess Hannah Montana's ex husband will need to get coins tossed at his valley of plenty.
New Eternia did Wonders for Beastman. He's bigger, badder, and armored too! He no longer is Skeletor's lackey in this continuity. He's a shaman who is trying to restore his lost tribe and will stop at nothing to get them back.
I could go on on how Beastman is my favorite villain from MOTU and mention the toilet story, but I won't. I did that in an ancient Episode of CotFO podcast. So let's talk Beastman:
Beastman: I'm not your enemy He-Man... unless you get in my way... He-Man: That's not how it works... I grab you, fling you like a used banana peel, then I beat Skeletor...
Articulation
Beastman is built with Masterverse articulation: so, if you're used to Masterverse figures, you know what to expect. But if for some reason, you missed out on my Man-at-Arms, Teela, Tri-Klops, He-Man, Skeletor, and Savage He-Man reviews, then here's a quick rundown:
MOTU Figures with Marvel Legends articulation except the torso, which has a ball joint instead of Ab crunch. Double joints at the elbows and knees is what I'm talking about. The armor doesn't get in the way as one would suspect. His elbows and knees are rather stiff, so handle with care.
4.5
Skeletor: He's right, Beastman! You're my furry bitch! Tell him Tri-Klops! Tri-Klops: Sadly he's right... I'm his blind bitch, Trap Jaw is his amputee bitch, stinkor is his smelly bitch, Two-Bad is his two-timing bitch,jitsu is his Kung Fu bitch... Beastman: and Evil-Lyn? Tri-Klops: That's his fucking bitch... Skeletor: *singsong*With her, every lay is magical... Beastman: Let me guess, Merman is the Fishy bitch... Tri-Klops: Nah, fam! That's the Little Merbitch! Beastman: New Eternia seems like Old Eternia with additional steps.
Paint and sculpt
The sculpt is decent for a Masterverse figure. The Feet are the only odd choice. They look weird in a bad way. Paintwork is bad on these. There's a production error where most figures have blue teeth due to the paint mask hitting the wrong area of the face. Mattel chose a wash to make the furry texture pop, but his body parts are mismatched based on the amount of wash received. But on the other hand, even MOTUC fans could enjoy this one... He's big, bulky and makes MOTUC Beastman look puny.
MOTUC looks like a teenager next to this Beastman.
3.5
He-Man: Have at thee!! Beastman: How about, I go home, you pretend that you tossed me, then kick Skeletor's boney ass, so he can Myaaah! all the way back to Snake Mountain... I'm tired of being everyone's bitch! He-Man: Oh... Kay? But you're missing out on a free trip! Beastman: It's OK... I'd rather walk and rethink my life choices.
Accessories
Beastman has a bunch of accessories. He sports a bear pelt, which is a dick move towards Mark Taylor. Using his proto Beastman Battle Bear type character as a pelt worn by Beastman feels like a mamassive Fuck you to Mark.
That's 2 pieces of Armor. In addition, he has a traditional Beastman armor, 2 shoulder spikes, 2 additional spiked armor pieces for the forearms, and 2 shinguards. He also sports the traditional Beastman whip and a new Spiked club.
5.0
Overall
Beastman gets a 4.33 as his final score. The weird feet and bad paintjob ruined his chances of being ranked higher. But despite all that, I Like him a lot. I will not use the Bear armor and keep him "traditional" but I'm keeping the leg armor, because it feels 200X-like. With the upcoming Revelation Hobo-Duncan, I could mix and match for my Definitive Masterverse MAA... It was Beastman, who made me appreciate Masterverse for what it could've been. It's never going to surpass MOTUC, but it COULD if Mattel played their cards right.
Oh no, I forgot to add the pics with the New Eternia Outfit... that sheds fur like crazy. Actually, I didn't... McFarlane borrowed this spot for me to review a figure that is kinda compatible with Masterverse:
I am talking about the Annoying bard from The Witcher. In Polish and the Netflix series he's known as Jaskier. In some translations of the books and the videogames he's known as Dandelion. With the incredibly slow pace that Witcher characters have been released, I don't think we'll ever see a videogame version of Dandelion, so I got Jaskier in his place. Also, everyone knows WHY I bought him...
Jaskier: Toss a coin to your Witcher, a friend of Humaniteeeee-eee! Skeletor: Beastman, kill the Spoony bard... Beastman: Right away bossman, but who is Hugh Manatee? Jaskier: That's Humanity... Skeletor: Shut up, buttercup!
Articulation:
He's got McFarlane levels of articulation. aside the diaphragm joint. His joints are a bit too tight, which is mostly good. He can do most bard-type poses.
4.5
Skeletor: On second thought, don'tkill him yet. He could be useful as bait! Beastman: He's a bit scrawny, but he could bring forth a Nekker or two... Skeletor: It's pronounced NECAs... you overgrown furcoat! Jaskier: Y-y-you nearly smashed m-my penis!
Paint and sculpt:
For a McFarlane figure, the likeness is incredibly good. The figure actually looks like the actor, which is astonishing since most McFarlane figures based on a living person look nothing like the person. Have you seen the Henry Cavill figures from Justice League and The Witcher? They look NOTHING LIKE HENRY CAVILL!! BUT Jaskier looks a lot like Joey Batey! The paintwork is very good as well, but McFarlane rarely disappoints here.
5.0
Geralt: Damn, you're ugly! Beastman: Hey, that hurts my feelings! Skeletor: Screw you guys, I'm going home! Jaskier: Geralt! Geralt: How do you like that silver! Beastman: why do I hear a woman saying lelelelele?
Accessories:
Here is where McFarlane always fails me. He claims that it's to keep costs low, but at least we got his lute. Was the Djinn jar too much, Todd?
2.5
Geralt: Shit, you stink! Jaskier: Well, sorry for pissing myself after a skull faced dude and his hairy ogre attacked me! Geralt: I wasn't talking about you, Dandelion! Jaskier: Ohhh! Ignore what I just said!
Overall
The Bard gets a 4.0 as his final score. As always, the lack of accessories is to blame. Yes, I get why Todd does it, but sometimes it feels like he's BSing us. I honestly don't know which figure I'm enjoying the most...
Geralt: Come on, get up... Is your lute OK? Jaskier: I-I think so... Geralt: Hmmm! Fuck!
If Mattel were to make more Masterverse figures, Jaskier could easily pass off as a generic Bard. For a moment I even thought that getting a second one, disassembling the hell out of him and repaint him could yield a New Eternia Adam with the Relvelation He-Man head. But that type of customization is way above my paygrade...
Jaskier: When a Humble bard Graced a ride along With Geralt of Rivia Along came this song... Geralt: I just want to kill some monsters and play Gwent...
We won't be able to toss coins at his valley of plenty. Yup, you read that right... Geralt of Rivia will no longer be played by Mr. Save Martha...
Instead we get a New Geralt of Rivia played by...
The Ex Husband of Miley Cyrus!?What the Hell!? Sure, he's Thor's little brother, and he was in The Hunger Games, but it's funnier reducing him to Hannah Montana's ex. This change will start in Season 4... I of course expect massive backlash towards this. But then again, no one batted an eye when it was revealed that the show writers HATE THE SOURCE MATERIAL... both books and games.
Why in the hell would you work on writing an adaptation of something you hate!?
Guess that the show Might get the axe sooner than expected.
This is on preparation or anticipation for the Second Season of The Witcher on Netflix. The update is free so you won't have to Toss a coin to your Witcher...
My guess is that it'll be just skins. Geralt, Yennefer, Ciri, maybe Triss, and Dandelion (Jaskier) would be the ones with the Netflix skins. I don't think a free DLC would replace Doug Cockle's voice with Henry Cavill's.
