Gues who got left behind

 Today was the Rapture. Survived Y2K, Hercolubus, Mayan Calendar... MGS1-4 + Revengeance, Thundarr the Barbarian.

So far no one I know has been Velociraptured.

I saw Zack: Enfrentamiento Mortal

 I normally don't enjoy watching Puerto Rican cinema. Most movies are dramas or low brow comedies full of sponsors and blatant advertisement. Not to mention that most Puerto Rican actors are trained for Stage Acting and not movie acting. I know this since Theater Arts WAS my major many moons ago. Well, Zack: Enfrentamiento Mortal is the first "Puerto Rican" movie I've seen IN THEATERS IN YEARS!!

And the movie was... hard to describe. First let me describe the director, writer, and Star: Joseph Lando. The guy has a mysterious life... as in I couldn't find any info on the internet. Apparently he's a Martial Artist, Pilot, Spiritual Guide... kinda like a Latin American Tommy Wiseau

He even has a weird accent that is MOST DEFINITELY NOT COMMON IN PUERTO RICO... just like Tommy Wiseau... 

I dunno how it got funded just like Tommy Wiseau and The Room.

But simply calling Joseph Lando the Latin American Tommy Wiseau is a disservice to both Lando and Wiseau. Lando has a little bit of Steven Seagal in him with his Martial Arts prowess. I do have a tiny nitpick on the fight choreography. At times it felt like 80s Seagal, in others it felt late 2000s Seagal and in some scenes it felt 3 Ninjas. He also has a little Shyamalan in him because the third act drops a Shyamalamadingdong Tweest...

And he turns into a Latin American fusion of Hideo Kojima and Hideaki Anno... pretentious exposition during the third act... I don't want to spoil it but the third act is a Kojima meets End of Evangelion kind of thing.

Supposedly, Mr. Lando is trying to get at least a US limited release. Don't know if it'll reach Latin America and Europe as well... but if you somehow have the chance to see this movie, DO SO... it's 

But There will be Spoilers after the jump.

Zack: Enfrentamiento Mortal

 Back when one of the couple End of the World prophecies failed us...

I  mentioned a mysterious Puerto Rican film:

El Poder de Shakti starring Joseph Lando, the Hercolubus guy. I couldn't see the movie because I was grounded at the time and the movie vanished in thin air.  He came back with a series of specials detailing our destruction thanks to Hercolubus... we survived that. Now he's back with a new movie. Zack: Enfrentamiento Mortal... which translates to Zack: Deadly Face Off... a movie where Lando plays a guy named Zack, who is an amnesiac carrying a Gem with a mysterious power. He is being chased by a dude with a skull face called 13, due to the 13 tattooed on his forehead.

The only reason I'm talking about this is because I'm noticing some things about Lando and his 2 movies (not counting the Hercolubus specials) 

In El Poder de Shakti he battles human/animal hybrids. He has a sword with powers and a kinda homoerotic attire. Apparently he has a transformation sequence.

In Zack: Enfrentamiento Mortal He is the keeper of a gem with a mysterious power. The Skull Faced Villain wants this Power... 

I don't know about you but he seems to be borrowing a lot from a certain toy property...

Not going to mention any toylines but Mattel should be worried about the guy ripping off He-Man.

Survived Hercolubus, Y2K, Rapture, the Mayan Apocalypse... Now here comes Ragnarök on Feb.22

Damn you ODIN!! I still haven't gotten Glimmer you one eyed Jerk! Yes, the Viking Apocalypse is coming... With it the end of the world as we know it... Natural Disasters, then rebirth for the worthy or something.


So Fenrir eats Odin, Thor fights The Midgard Serpent... Jörmungandr,  Midgarðsormr... Midgar Zolom? Holy crap!! But back on topic... The Sun becomes black, the Earth sinks into the ocean... Y' know very Metal stuff...

Now what's the point of all this? Well, we survived 2012, Hercolubus, Y2K, Rapture... Now the Viking Apocalypse is coming... Will we survive it?


This news of the Apocalypse sucks. Especially when a Finnish Company figured out how to give us the Mach 5's B Button! We got the H with the Renault, now the Finnish give us the B... I'm afraid of who will give us the D... Button!! Get your head out of the gutter!

Ellen Page is gay. ...
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I wish she had waited until the 22nd to announce it, that way I could tie this bit of news to Ragnarök!!
Yes, mentioning Ellen Page's coming out is an obvious clickbait, but I should have used it in the title if I truly wanted the hits. Then why am I mentioning it aside from the obvious click baiting? Simple. Ellen Page's sexuality changes NOTHING in this world... Unless she was supposed to be the mother of the Human Resistance Leader against the machines on the upcoming war... All jokes aside. Did your world shatter when you read that bit of news? If so, I'm sorry.Whether it's morally right, or wrong, I'm not the one to judge.

Chris Griffin disapproves of Battfleck... I get what he's saying, but out of all the recent casting decisions regarding this movie. Battfleck and Jeremy Irons as Alfred are the better choices.
Oh yeah, Gal Gadot posted a pic of her working out on Facebook.

The pic on the far left is a pic of her uploaded earlier today (2/19/2014) The pic on the right is the one regarding her workout. Which she captioned with the following quote:

There's nothing like a good workout in the morning.. Love it! You?

No, I don't love it. I know, I'm going on yet another Gal GaDon't rant, but she started it! That pic of her that was linked by pretty much everywhere and they keep regurgitating her lame ass defense on why she works as WW. The importance of the 2/19 pic is because you can see her super muscly arms are gone! She still looks Model skinny when she's not flexing to show her musculature. Why am I so critical of her?  Simple: I don't want Wonder Woman to fail especially since WB seems hellbent in making WW fail. Choosing an Actress without the imposing nature of Wonder Woman is a bad thing. Choosing a TERRIBLE Actress without the imposing nature of Wonder Woman is what these folks did. If WW Fails it's another weapon for WB to say that every non bats or superman DC Superhero movie flops... Look at Hex, or Green Lantern. Gadot doesn't realize the importance of what this role that was given to her means. This is why she will ruin Wonder Woman (aside her abysmal acting. Her unimposing physique will not help her gain any points.) A good thing about Ragnarök is that the world may end without the abomination known as Batman vs Superman but not quite Justice League may never happen.

Heh heh! The Mayans were wrong...

Another day, another bullet dodged... We survived the last big "End of the World" scare.

I survived The Thundarr Apocalypse, Judgement Day, Hercolubus, The KY Scare... I mean the Y2J  Y2K scare. I was left behind on 2 allegedly fake Raptures... Now I can add Mayan Apocalypse to this list... I suppose that this would be the time to celebrate... Saturday and then the Sunday that comes afterwards!

Speaking of Hercolubus... Look what I found!

That's a piece of the Hercolubus II: El Exodo by Joseph Lando... The guy from El Poder de Shakti...

This guy...

but even better here's THIS!

The Aliens are hacking Youtube and vandalizing the video! In any case we Survived! We can laugh at these failed prophesies... also the weird ass harness that Joseph Lando is wearing.

The End of the World!

Alright, The world was supposed to end yesterday... But today came afterwards... What is going on!?
Well looks like another dud. Just like Hercolubus, Y2J and the others...

Something like this was supposed to happen. Apparently we're like the 2 monsters that were left behind.

So, what's the deal with the End of the World Prophecies and stuff? After all of these dates full of doom and gloom that happen and we've lived through them like nothing ever happened; we should've learned our lesson.

We've gone through All Judgment Days... Cue the Sarah Connor Nightmare

August 29, 1997 We lived.

July 25, 2004 We lived

April 21, 2011 We lived

No Dystopian future in which the machines have us underground and Christian "Barking Dog" Bale is our only hope...

We also lived through Hercolubus, who is allegedly going to come in 2012... or another star and the 2012 nuts are tying the Red Titan Hercolubus to it...
I wonder if the Final Fantasy WEAPONS are going to show up like it was said in that 90s Hercolubus TV Special that vanished into thin air. Just like El Poder de Shakti

This is the only evidence that the movie DID exist... What's with the Chest Harness?

Well That Joseph Lando dude made said TV Special about Hercolubus. He was also the star of El poder de Shakti . He's also the guy depicted on the weird Statue...

Crap! looks like I've once again lost track of what I was saying... End of the world...

Didn't happen... Looks like I got about one more year... While I wait for the end of the world here's a list of 50 things to do before the end of the world. Many of these were obtained while goofing off with some friends about the end of the world.

Serious stuff that I'd do before the end:

-Apologize to those who I've wronged.

-Forgive those who feel they have wronged me.

-Cook and eat my favorite foods.

- Carve my name in a wall

-Pray.

-Say my farewells to my loved ones

-Take a bubble bath

-Dress up as if it was a formal event.

-Stand outside and take a last look at the world.

-Wait

Not so serious stuff that I'd do before the end:

-Complain about movies, games, toys that won't make it cause of the end

-Blame Logistics

-Use a Zune

-Write a memoir of my life in 50 words or less

-Watch all Saw movies and Child's Play movies

-Admit that I like lame stuff

-Slice Highlander: The Source with a Katana

-Fill one space with nothing just to see if you're reading.

-Say goodbye to all my action figures as if they were real people

-Grab a sword and wait till the end with it in my hands.

Really stupid stuff that I wouldn't do under normal circumstances:

-Touch a Snake

-Make a 3 course meal into a drink and drink it!

-Do a Bear Grylls (The sun is going down...)

-Play E.T. on Atari

-Laugh like Kefka

-Apologize to Milla Jovovich about my dislike of Resident Mary Sue then kick her in the nuts.

-Binge drinking

-End of days streaking!

-Admit that Kristen Stewart is the best actress of this Generation

-Sky Diving!

-Nut punch everyone I know.

-Engage activities similar to those of Jason Biggs on a certain movie trilogy.

-Vie for the affections of Miley Cyrus.

-Entertain people at my own expense.

-Repair a car with a stranger.

-Go to a fancy restaurant and just ask for water.

-Organize all the movies at a store alphabetically.

-Nap on a bed of nails.

-Nutella pool diving!

-Attack pigeons with a frying pan.

-Give my bills to the rich.

-Ignite a fire with my comic books and a magnifying glass.

-Verbally abuse myself in front of a mirror.

-Engage in Combat with myself.

-Yachting in dry land.

-Operate a forklift as if it was a racecar.

-Um... Think of more stuff to do before the end

-Unite all of my shoes by their laces to toss them over electric lines.

-Poke someone to the point of being annoying.

-Ask you to read the first letter of the previous entries from Nut Punch everyone I Know all the way to the entry before this one.

Yeah... I did that... But basically that's what the end of the world prophesies are...

SCIENCE!! Dinos WERE Killed by a Meteor.

Yes it's official now... Similar to the way that Pluto is no longer a planet.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100304/sc_nm/us_dinosaurs_asteroid
There we have it... They have made one of the most popular Dino Killing Theories official...


The Dinos were all hanging out, chilling like Dinosaurs until someone went Safer Sephiroth on them and summoned a Meteor and made the dinos kiss their Jurassic butts goodbye. Now Millions of years later we have a bunch of old people with white coats and weird hairdos pondering if the Dinosaurs really died by Meteor. Which they did and now Dinosaurs are officially dead thanks to a calamity that fell from the skies.

Now we must be aware that it has happened before and it could happen again... but now we are ready... All we have to do is send a bunch of oil rig workers to space and they'll drill a hole in the meteor and save us... We are smarter than Dinosaurs... We have the Internet, we put a man on the moon, we have THE SNUGGIE!! We're far more prepared than the Dinos... Unless the Dinos were far more technologically advanced than us... Nah!

Time is running out... Hercolubus is coming...

I remember something about this Hercolubus... It was 1999 if I'm not mistaken. Big Planet sized Meteor crashing unto Earth, Summoning Beasts hidden beneath the Planet would surface. The planet would go through some changes and that which is not worthy would die and whatever's worhty would live... I swear that I've heard this somewhere before...

Can't put my finger on it... Where have I seen Beasts that come out from the planet a Metoer approaching Earth and cathastrophes happen because of the coming of said Meteor... Towns sinking/quakes destroying cities...













Where's the Final Fantasy VII clip where Mideel is destroyed by the Lifestream/Giant Earthquake in which Cloud and Tifa end up within the Lifestream?
Yes this Hercolubus crap reminds me a lot of Final Fantasy 7. I was waiting this big Meteor to come and Release the Weapons from within the Earth... I wanted to fight the Weapons and save the Planet from Hercolubus, but IT NEVER HAPPENED!!!

Will a Meteor come and destroy us all? Who knows... All I know is that according to a bunch of people in lab coats and funky hairdos Dinosaurs were killed by a Meteor and Pluto is not a Planet...

I miss Pluto being a planet... MVEMJSNUP is not the same without its P.
MVEMJSNUP is Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, Uranus (heh heh!) and Pluto. I learned that from Screech.